Why do I feel so scared?

[Barb Valentine]

I think I need a little support
I’m going for a bra fitting on Saturday for the first time
This is something I really want to do but I’m starting to get scared
Can’t sleep can’t eat it’s all I think about
I know the store is CD friendly because I’ve email them and asked
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way and I don’t want to chicken out

[Shelby]

I wish I could day something that would make you feel better. I would love to go in for a bra fitting, got a gift card in the mail from VS and would love to redeem it. All I can tell you, is take a deep breath, try to relax and DON'T chicken out. No magic words here, but I'm sure the other girls will be along to offer more words of encouragement.

Shelby

[susiej]

Barb,

What's the worst thing that could possibly happen to you during the bra fitting?

Are you worried about exposure? Visualize your {boss, GF, mother-in-law} coming into the store. You'd have a funny, odd, surreal moment, but life would go on. You'd be "outed", but then you wouldn't have to worry about being "outed" any more :-).

Are you worried about being self-conscious? Afraid the store employees will giggle about you after you leave? So-bleeping-what? You don't need to impress them; you're a customer, and they are there to please you.

Honey, you're about to have a very delicious, feminine experience. Don't clutter it up with fear. Live it. Love it. However important it feels to you, it's not going to make the six-o'clock news in your home town.

Unless of course, the bank across the street is robbed, and the villian bursts into the lingerie shop and takes you all hostage. In which case, you can bop the guy on the head, become a hero, and advance the cause of transvestites everywhere.

Looks like nothing but up-side to me :-)!

Hugs,
-- Susie

[Elizabeth]

Barb,

Our society hands out a lot of harsh treatment for crossdressers. Anytime we let our secret out, we risk everyone knowing. In fact I advise people all the time, if you go out, be prepared for everyone to find out. You never who knows who, and sometimes even distance is no gaurantee that our secret does not get out. Secrets do get out, and consequences can be harsh.

I am not surprised at all, that you are feeling aprehensive about this. It is also a very exciting thing to do, to go for a bra fitting. You may have the "kid before Christmas" syndrome to some degree.

That is not to mention the actual risk of embarassment during the process itself. I am sure there is probably some aprehension there also. Hang in there. I am sure you will be fine and besides, you can always just not go, if you so choose.

Good Luck

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Alayna]

You've probably just got a case of cold feet. you're heading out into the unknown. My guess is that nobody has seen you in femme clothing before? Either way you're life is about to change, even if insignificantly, and change can be scary.

The only advice I can offer is to take comfort in that they have seen it all before. You're not the first nor the last male they will do a fitting for, and chances are they know how to deal with nervous clients.

I had a therapist once tell me a great story that still helps me when I'm about to chicken out of things. I won't bore you with the story, but the gist of it is to think about how you'll feel afterwards if you do go to the fitting, and how you'll feel afterwards if you don't.

Good luck, I hope you go through with it, but don't beat yourself up if you can't. There will be plenty of other opportunities along the way

[Jasmine Ellis]

Dear, go and enjoy your fitting hun. You'll be ok sweetheart, and you will have a lot of fun doing it.

[Nikki Dee]

You've gone this far love...just do it...and enjoy...afterwards you will feel so good I'm sure.!
Love Nikki. x

[DonnaT]

Well, it's a first for you and it's natural to be nervous. Many of us have been nervous from such a simple thing as buying some fem item. Why are we nervous? Fear!

So, take a deep breath. Keep repeating to yourself :

"I'm not afraid, I don't care what others think. I need to do this, I want to do this."

[Eileen]

Barb,

This is a wonderful experience for you! Go for it! I have not done it yet, but plan to and will let you know how it goes! Please tell us about your exerience!

Eileen

[celeste26]

Like I say to my kids "It's not whether you have fear, we all have fear. It's what you do inspite of that fear that counts"

[Jodi]

Barb, My bra fitting at VS about 6 years ago was a spur of the moment thing. I was looking at bras, and the manager was assisting. I told her that I was buying for me. She asked if I had ever been measured and fitted. I replied no. She said come on let's go. She put me in a fitting room and did her thing. It was professional and a no-brainer. They will do it in private as they do with all women. Go. Enjoy it, and learn what size you really are.

Jodi

[_Janelle_]

"It's not whether you have fear, we all have fear. It's what you do inspite of that fear that counts"

That's a really neat quote - you should put that in your sig.

[julie w]

do the people in the bra store know you or where you work or you family
if no ,go for it you will feel great when you walk out with your new bra

[Jennaie]

I do not understand bra fittings. It really seems simple to me. you just measure yoursellf and decide what cup you want and buy a bra. I would never pay anyone for a bra fitting. Whats the big deal with this? I don't mean to sound like a smart butt here, I just don't see why you should have to go through so much trouble to fit a bra.

[Christy]

I can't speak for your reasons for being afraid about the fitting, but what I can say is this that any " Change " in a life style, your personal acceptance, your friends or business peers, anytime we deal with " Change " we risk alot of things, territory, performance, acceptance , that alone in any kind of change managment will cause FEAR, so your not alone we all go through this
fear and stress/pressure everyday and your desire f to make this gender appearance change brings on more stress. What I would say is this, when you are really WANT the bra fitting you will go for it, its a big step forward in your mental outlook and who you will be, it deals with " trust " and in todays norms people who trust others can and do get hurt. But like what was said in one of the other threads, do these people know you ?? have your name ? ID ? if not pay in cash and enjoy, but only you can judge the risk you are willing to take, you are not breaking a law or hurting anyone so my simple advise is have fun with this and make a friend or two on the way.

Christy

[Barb Valentine]

Well the big day (for me) is here .didn’t sleep much at all to nervous .got up started to get ready, my wife come home (she works midnights) but she just hops in to bed, but no not today she decide to check she email (only checks it once a week), So that put her between my breast forms and the door. I grabbed some empty bags toss them in .She said where are you going, I said to do the grocery shopping (bring your own bag it’s cheaper)

Got in to my car and drove to the store, got there 20 minutes be for it opened .sat in the car smoking up a storm waiting, I could feel my heart racing then I saw the open sign light up, I took my breast forms put them under my coat took a deep breath and got out of
the car.

Walked in to the store and greeted not by one but three salespeople, so I asked for Nicole
(She’s the one I email) One said I’m Nicole can I help you, I said hi I’m Barb so you know why I’m
here. She said did you want to try some on I said yes if that’s not a problem. she said follow me.

We went in to a small change room closed the door she asked what I wanted I told what I like
She pulled out her tape and took my bust size and said I’ll be right back, she came back with
a nice white floral bra in 44C and said if you need help just call. I put the bra on and was looking in the mirror when she knocked on the door and said how we doing she came in and said that looks good so try it with your forms .I put them in and it looked really good. Then she brought in
six more bras for me to try on .I thought this is great .I pick two bras I like the white one and a nice coral color one just then somebody came in the store so she said just wait here for a minute,
they left shortly I came out paid for my new bras then order a girdle I saw online (it will be in next week.

[annekathleen]

I've gone in and pretended that I was buying them for my wife.
I started buying them off E-Bay and kinda got carried away.
I have tons of them from 34 A to 44 DD.
All sorts of styles, colors, designs and manufacturers.
Now that I've found the correct size , I've expanded my collection of that particular size and cup, and have my favorites depending upon what size silicone breast I'm stuffing into them.

[Billijo49504]

Hi Barb, I'm glad you had a good experience with your fitting. The first time out is really a make or break thing. If it goes good, then you have a tendancy to keep on. But if things go bad, the first time, people seem to crawl into their shell. Now you have a store to keep shopping at. Then you can expand you shopping to other stores. Good Luck...BJ

[Melissa A.]

Barb, what happened to you is what it's all about.

I don't mean going to a bra fitting, or your first walk or drive. Or telling your wife. Or buying your first skirt or pair of shoes with your head held high. Or going to a friendly club. Not specifically.

We've all got a certain number of years left, yet undetermined. Use your own pace, do what's comfortable. But work towards this: Don't live them in fear, or being ashamed of you. That's what it's all about.

Congratulations, Barb. Way to go.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Daintre]

Like you Barb, I had a bra fitting, I went so far as to have a bra made for me, it took 3 visits to get all of the dimensions right. Was I scared YES, I was also so embarrassed when all the measurements were made. Guess what my new bra fits me so well, I had a sports bra made as well as an underwire bra.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Barb

I'm delighted everything went so smoothly.
I think your decision to go in as it opened helped.
I hope your sent an email thanking them for their great service.

If the store is part of a chain or in a big city I think you should name them as other girls may want to shop there. It would be a nice reward for the store.

[paulaN]

I am so glad things went well. See you had nothing to worry about. All that worry was for nothing. Keep on gurlin.

[Barb Valentine]

Hi All

just got this email from the bra store that I just have to share

Hi Barb,
I am very sorry that someone told you get out of the store. When I interview my employees, one of the questions I ask them is how their comfort level with men buying for themselves would be. We don't want anyone facing shock value as some gals are quite naive. There is no reason for anyone to make you feel uncomfortable.

I'm glad I was able to put your mind at ease yesterday.

It's a little shop in Burlinton ON
www.shapings.com

[johnna]

Hi Barb,

Congratulations on your experience, it sounds like it went wonderfully!! It seems like you have someone you cares about your business in Nicole. I think that is great and I'm sure you will have many more positive experiences with her!

Happy shopping!

[Girly Sara]

Barb,

I'm so pleased your bra fitting went very well and i'm glad that our support has given you the confidence to take things forward. Excellent!

Keep up the good work!

Sara xxx