The Wife Says She's Knows What I'm Up To!

[Judy-Somthing]

Last January told my wife that I wanted to wear a dress, she freaked, it went bad for about three months,
I went back into the closet and continued to dress in secret.

Then three weeks ago she found my sz. 13 pumps and freaked out again, I thought things will never be the same.
Well now she's been her old self hugging, kissing, whoopee and out to dinner.

I have a week off and thought I could get some Judy time in.

Today before she left for work she told me that I better get some off my chores done and not fool around.
She said she knows what I due when she's not around and has (hidden cameras)

I don't think she actually has cameras but they make them so dam small nowadays. ARRRRRRRRR

[Judith96a]

So, get dolled up and get those chores done!

[Leslie Langford]

I look forward to seeing the videos from all those alleged hidden cameras appearing on the Internet one day!

Seriously, though - while this is likely an empty threat on your wife's part, you never know...One thing which is clear is that she apparently has some major control issues, and what she is telling you here borders on blackmail.

Is this really the kind of relationship that works for you, and one that you willing to continue to participate in?

[DIANEF]

I think I'd be looking for a divorce lawyer if I found out my wife had hidden cameras to spy on me,

[MissTee]

You could disrupt the camera feed by disconnecting the internet router (if they're wifi cams). Then again, living in Orwellian fear of big brother (or sister) changes the relationship landscape quite significantly. That said, if you get your chores/honey-do's done, it might not matter how you dress.

[ClosetED]

Or, if they are Wifi, then log onto router as admin and check which devices are connected. You could block them.
But it is not a great situation.
Hugs, Ellen

[emma30]

Hi Judy
If that is you in your profile pics then the cameras are there for tips ! You look gorgeous ! X

[Julie MA]

Be up front. Tell her what chores you plan to accomplish, and that you plan to have some personal time as well. If she doesn't ask what that means, and I am sure she already knows, that is tantamount to DADT approval. If she dors ask, tell her. As for the cameras, be clear that that's not acceptable. In other words, be honest about what you are doing, and insist that she be honest and trusting with you.

[Tracii G]

I would find the cams and toss them out on the front porch with all her clothes.

[Judy-Somthing]

When she found my heels she asked if I put on dresses and makeup and I told her I did and that I dressed a bunch of times while she was at work.
She didn't ask if it will continue, she probably afraid to hear the answer.

I don't think I want here to see me dressed.
I feel she might make negative comments on how I look in order to make me feel bad about dressing up.

[Meghan4now]

Well dear,

I think this is a great development. Quite frankly the time has come for the two of you to talk about the elephant in the room. I like Julie's thought here. One thing I would add is that you tell her that if she does not want to see you dressed, then she shouldn't be looking. And then dress as you want. If it is a deal breaker for her, then so be it. At this point she has already disparaged you, you need to be strong and not let her belittle you. "You not a man!""you look rediculous" "Your Sick". They may all be said. You need to stand strong and basically say "So, do you really think so?, The door is over there, and while I don't want you to go, I will not stop you either."

[docrobbysherry]

DADT is NOT sneaking, hiding, and lying. It means she knows and doesn't wish to see, hear about it, or participate.

Judy, when u stop feeling guilty and worrying about getting caught u won't believe how much more enjoyable your dressing will become!
Tell her u do dress, will continue to, and does she wish to discuss it? If not, ask her not to come home from work early without calling first. Don't be afraid to talk and act like adults!

[mikayla1964]

Well dear i agree partially with everyone on the camera deal. Personally i think it was a fraudulent that. As for all the rest only you know your wife. We could say about of things but we don't either of you truly only on here. But from my point of view i wouldn't make no harsh statements. Just ask to see some footage. The rest is up to you to decide on how to handle it. But whatever you choose i wish you all the luck in the world.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Judy,
So get some of those frickin' chores done!

The hidden camera thing? You'd know best if
she's bluffing or not.

To me, what she said is a good thing, although she "skirted"
around actually mentioning exactly what your doing, she's still
there with you.
When she comes home tell her which chores you've finished, and ask
her if she would mind turning the cameras off tomorrow.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kiersten]

I say get all dressed up and get your chores done. Enjoy yourself.

[raxdress]

I like your wife. Sounds like she has a great sense of humor. As for the cameras, most tiny spy cameras are wi-fi based, so just turn off your router after she leaves and you decide to get dressed. You can also shut down any computers as well as most tiny spy cams (the cheapo less than $100 spy cams) don't record to SD cards. But if her feed is disrupted, she will know you are onto her so yeah... maybe shutting the wi-fi isn't a good idea lol.

[Meghan4now]

See, I told you that Elf on a Shelf was a bad idea!

[greeneyes]

Judy, that is DISTURBING. I am a SO, and I find that very disturbing. That she could be watching you when she is not home??? If it is true, or not I think that is a form of emotional/ psychological abuse! I would sit down and talk to her about how that made you feel. It is okay for her to have expectations about what your responsibilities are around the house, but not to say she is watching you!! I do not think that is fair.

[Allsteamedup]

What is not fair is that your wife goes to work and you do not wish to contribute to the home by doing your fair amount of chores. Do you guarantee her any down time?

[greeneyes]

What is not fair is that your wife goes to work and you do not wish to contribute to the home by doing your fair amount of chores. Do you guarantee her any down time?

I think I said it was fair for her to have expectations about what responsibilities she's is required to do! BUT
No one should feel watched in their own home. that is ridiculous!

[Laurana]

Well....you've been lying to her for years. If the cameras are true she has the right since she obviously can't trust you to tell her the truth.

[ReineD]

It's disturbing that some members in this thread gave advice about disabling the camera rather than meeting this relationship issue head on with the wife!

While I agree that both partners have an obligation to contribute to all the household chores, this is easily verifiable by the fact that the chores are done or not done at the end of the day. There is no need for a camera!

But chores aside, if your wife needs a camera to determine whether you dress or not, then this indicates that she does not trust you. And a marriage without trust is not a marriage. It is a business partnership.

You are an adult and not a child. If it is important for you to dress when your wife is not there, you need to say so. You mustn't lie to her. If you have lied in the past, for example indicated or somehow led her to understand that you wouldn't dress at all ... while intending to dress when her back was turned, then she is operating under the false assumption that you will not dress. And she wants to hold you to your word. But, if you tell her that you understand that she doesn't want to be involved and you are happy only dressing when she is gone, then she will not expect you to not dress when she is not there.

You need to be honest, Judy. There's no other way around it.

If you decide that your wife cannot tolerate you being dressed even when she is not there and if you also decide that a relationship with her is more important to you than the dressing, then you need to honor your word if you tell her that you will no longer dress. Or, go back to my other suggestion, tell her that you cannot make that promise to her because dressing is too important to you, and allow her time to come to terms with this even if she is angry about it and even if the time it takes is uncomfortable for you.

In the worst case scenario, if your wife threatens divorce unless you stop dressing entirely, you can repeat that you do NOT want a divorce, that you do NOT want to involve her with the crossdressing, that you do love her and want to continue to be her husband, and that if she wants a divorce then it will be up to her to take those steps against your wishes, but that you also do not want to go behind her back and lie and make promises that you do not intend on keeping, then so be it. Let her take the steps to divorce you because there is nothing you can do about that.

Either way, there is no need for any camera unless it is for both of you to monitor the home while you are gone, or while someone else is doing work inside the home while you and your wife are not there.


So ... having said all that, the fact remains that we've only just heard your side and not your wife's. Are there other things at play here. For example it sexual for you and does your wife feel as if an aspect of her relationship with you is suffering because of the CDing. Or, have you lied about other things too.

It's very difficult to make judgments about all the complexities in a relationship when a member just posts one or two facts.

[Dana44]

Actually Judy, yeah if you think she is spying on you. Then the trust relations are broken. if she try's to abuse you. I would talk to her bout that and see what she says. It sounds to me like you can't be you and if you are in a DADT situation, then on your own time you can do what you want, but if she spy on you then I would say the relationship is over. It sounds to me like an abusive relationship to me.

[MelanieAnne]

Is she related to Putin?

[RADER]

Get dressed, do the chores, and smile for the camera. Say Hi Sweetheart, do you like what I am wearing???
Rader