Need some help. I am going to First Event next week. Spoke with wife who is generally supportive of my trying to learn more about myself. She's also concerned about how far it may go and the effects on our life. So, I need some help as to what to tell our children without it being a big lie. I suggested we call it a " retreat" which is accurate enough until they get older.
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
A self-actualization exercise.
I did get the flyer for the First Event when I was at Tiffany Club, but not comfortable enough yet to attend.
My wife is not supportive.
Hugs, Ellen
I didn't get the invite hmm (lip pushed out pouting)..lol actually that is a question only you can truly answer you and your wife are the only ones that knows your children. But i think you are on the right path. That you and your wife need a adult getaway.
Thanks for the suggestions. However, my wife is now concerned it is too close to home. I won't be going. Problem solved, for now
Julie,
Do you think your wife is actually concerned about it being too close, or is she just concerned about you going to an event like this and using the closeness as a way out?
Have you been to an event like this before?
- Suzie
When I went to my first ever T event, the SCC in Atlanta, I told everyone I was going to meet some interesting GUYS that I met on a chat site online. The questions I got were easily answered honestly as all know I'm not gay. If you're not? Maybe u can say "people" u met online?
I prefer the truth. To the degree that I can't remember lies very well-----
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
My wife always seemed to need my help with something on days that I planned to go out. I reminded my wife that our DADT "boundaries" agreement allowed me to go out twice a month. She was really just trying to make me feel guilty. I got plenty of guilt trips as a child, and built up an immunity to guilt.Originally Posted by Suzie Petersen
And not to stir the pot, but the Keystone Conference is taking place in Harrisburg (PA) in March. Registration opens any day now, and I plan to attend unless work commitments conflict. My work does pay for Steffi's clothes.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Well, if you are still interested in attending a conference and one that is not too close to home, give the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg PA a try. March 22-26 http://www.keystone-conference.org/2017/index.cfm
All, thanks for the help. And, Steffi, I do think she is concerned about the proximity. We are both concerned it would get back to our small, gossipy town, or my work, and affect our family, especially the kids. I'll consider Keystone, or just tack an extra day onto my next biz trip. Julie
You know you're totally welcome to attend First Event en drab? It's a place to get information -- it sounds like information would be good for both of you. As for the kids, why do you have to tell them anything? Daddy's going to a conference.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
The telling kids ended up being secondary to our worry about negative outcomes. As for drab, I wasn't really looking for info as much as an opportunity to immerse amongst like minded people. I explained to my wife it was similar to going to motorcycle week. 😀
I went to F.E last year for my 1st time, not going this year as Jamie Austin died do he was my go go for makeovers. Pity too....it's super close to where I live.
Ashlee...why not go to First Event anyway? Nikki
Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
For the first time, outdoors during the day:
http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg
You would be completely honest to call it a men's retreat...
When I started going out, I told my wife that I was going out drinking with "the guys". Not the whole truth, but nothing but the truth.
I would change in the car, using a dashboard vanity.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Dressing is important but I always promised myself my family would come first. I run things by my wife and we agree on everything about my crossdressing. She tells me what she thinks and I say yes mammmm. Really I think my CD in is always second to my family life and duties as a husband and father. It's also best not to ever lie to family, but only you should know when to tell and probably know in advance how they will take it.
Just some observations from my experience going to my first event.
I went to SCC in Atlanta. The kids were young and they were just told daddy is going on a trip and that was it. I'm away from home for months at a time with work so they didn't think anything of it. I told my friends the same thing and didn't elaborate and nothing was ever said about it. You don't have to provide all the little details to your children. You're the parent.
I found out afterwards that my wife was hoping the "full immersion" at SCC would "get it all out of my system!" Is your wife wondering the same thing? You might want to ask her that question because it would be very surprising for you to come home never wanting to dress again.
I live almost 300 miles from Atlanta and drove there enfemme. We both felt it was far enough that I wouldn't be discovered by a friend or acquaintance. I am careful where and when I have gone out locally because of the same fears of discovery. Picking an event farther away solves that issue. How you travel and dress is up to you. I had no problems driving as a woman to Atlanta.
In the end I recommend you go for it. You'll be glad you did.
Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.
Sorry you had to cancel on First Event, Julie. Let me give you some reasons to try for Keystone in March. First off, it should be just one days drive from your area, so you will have the safety of your car to fall back on. You can show up dressed in anything you like, en femme, en homme, it doesn't mater. There will be places on the sign up sheet to show you are a first timer and if you would like a Big Sister to help you out your hotel room door.
If you do go, be sure to attend one of the "Tea with Jenny" sessions in the mornings. Jenny will introduce you to other first timers, some of them making their public debut. It will put you at ease for the remainder of the conference.
Then relax and have fun as you meet over 600 people who know what you're going through. The classes are very helpful and the evening trips are always great. Go to the site: www.keystone-conference.org and then click on the schedule button to see all the stuff going on. I'll be there along with a lot of the other ladies here on the site. Hope to meet you too!
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Ladies, thank you. Update. Went to CD store nearby. Told wife. Mentioned shop owner said how great FE was and that couples often attend. Wife asked if this was my way if saying I still wanted to go. Of course I said, you know I want to go. Then she launched into mean face and said, what if I wanted to go away with a padded penis, a fake beard, and men's clothes? I said we would discuss it, without me getting mean and irritated, which she denied. I said if you could see your face and hear yourself you would see what I mean. I said we already discussed, and agreed why I wasn't going, so why the attack? Again denial. She goes off to work. Door may still be open. But I think Keystone may be more realistic. Thanks for the help and suggestions. Julie
Wouldn't be any fun and as I said it's super close and if you knew what I did for a living you might understand why I wouldn't want to be seen there. Maybe next year, I'm sure it'll be there a few years. When jamies replacement gets up to speed perhaps.
For those that are interested, The Keystone Conference registration should open on Jan 22. http://www.keystone-conference.org/2017/index.cfm
Jen
"Retreat" works. You might even try "workshop" which is another nice vague word.
Last edited by mona lisa; 01-21-2017 at 06:02 AM.
Julie,
Considering the response from your wife I would suggest you not have her attend an initial event with you.
It can be pretty overwhelming for her and the reaction could be bad.
I'm speaking from what I saw at SCC with first time couples.
Good Luck attending Keystone!
When I went to Keystone the first time, I discussed it with my wife. it was the first time I went out crossdressed and my wife knew about it.
But she thought (or maybe hoped) that going there would get it out of my system.
I've now been there 6 years in a row and very much enjoy seeing friends that I made is past years who I only see once a year. Oh, plus friends who I see every couple of months.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
After a few nearly wordless days, I got the go ahead for Keystone. Looking forward to it.
And I think I discovered the root of her main CD concern, beyond the world finding out. It's the forms and padding. She hasn't said it, but I think she sees it as perverted.
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