WHY questions???????????

[greeneyes]

I told my SO, I had a post brewing on this subject. I have been trying to construct it in my mind for a while now. I would post this just in the FAB forum, but to be honest, I never see hardly anyone in there. I think it is interesting that I read a lot of posts from CD’ers looking for the answer to the “why” question.
Why do I want to Crossdress?
Why do I want to feel like a woman?
Why am I like this? What made me this way?
Why can’t I stop?
I have my own “why” question…why do I seem to have a different reaction than most women to their SO’s cross dressing? I mean like deep down, really, REALLY different. I found out about my husbands CD-ing, a month before we got married. Not ONCE did I consider not going through with the wedding. I honestly don’t care if he cross dresses. I don’t care if he dresses with me, or without me, I don’t care if he buys things with me, or without me, I don’t care if he dresses in bed, (or on a train or in a boat, sorry that started to sound kind of Dr. Seuse-ish!!LOL)
So…I am sure you are wondering then why ask why? If it isn’t broke don’t fix it. Well, for one thing, I would really like to help other people accept this about their spouse, and I feel like I need to dissect my own feelings to try to share with them why they should not mind this activity. Why is this such a big deal? I want to scream “OPEN YOUR MINDS!!!”
I have had a really difficult life. I know a lot of people say that, but when I tell others’ of the things I have gone through, they usually are in disbelief that that much horrible crap could happen to one person!!!
A few of the horrible things ( and trust me, this is a consolidated list) is:

*My CD husband….stayed with me after my son had a horrible accident and was seriously injured with life threatening injuries, just months after we started dating (again since High school) He was in the hospital almost five months. Most men would have RAN FOR THE HILLS!!!!
*I was sexually molested as a child by a sibling.
*My mother was a raging alcoholic and was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to me.
*My first husband cheated on me with a family member WHILE WE WERE TRYING TO CONCEIVE and got HER pregnant! ….yea nuff said about that!
*My second husband went mentally insane during our marriage, I left, and was in hiding when he attacked me in front of our children with a knife.
I know these things give me a different perspective on what is acceptable in a marriage..but geez!! Do these other SO’s have no secrets? No Issues? No Insecurities? Do they not have things that need to be considered? Are they not victims of some kind of abuse that needs consideration….do they not have any kind of kink? Or personality traits that could cause pause? Do they not have their own form of self expression?
When you have a marriage…it is two people coming together…AS THEY ARE-accepting each other and promising to stand next to one another! ISN’T THAT THE FREAKING POINT??????
OKAY, I get it, this(CD’ing) is a little out of the box, BUT is it one of the FORBIDDEN FOUR A’S?
ABANDONMENT?
ABUSE?
ADULTERY?
ADDICTION?
I want to offer perspective.
Is this just a way for SO’s to have power?
If it is not the 4 A’s shouldn’t it be open negotiation?


I know people are going to TEAR ME UP for this, but here is my WHY question……WHY do I think this is really no big deal?? Is it? In the big scheme of things?