Hi all
Just to pre-warn you that this could turn into a bit of a rant for which I apologise in advance.
Ok, so I know I'm trans and I'm on the waiting list for counseling at the moment, so it's a start I guess but a painful wait. I've also not come out yet, even if people do see my fashion sense as a bit eclectic. The thing is recently I've been having more and more bad days - being forced to present and act male is really getting to me, especially at work, and it's making me miserable, grumpy and makes me feel like I could either lose my temper or cry at the slightest thing. I think it may be affecting my sleep too.
Usually having something to eat helps, but I don't want to get into the habit of loading my desk up with chocolate. When I got home I had a hug with my partner and at least changed into my female underwear (I've had to run a few errands) which has helped a lot. However my head is still a whirlwind of confusion and anxiety and I just wish it wasn't.
I wondered if this sort of thing is familiar to anyone else and if so how you cope(d) with it. At the moment I'm considering underdressing every day, which isn't risk free but could help. Otherwise all I can do is take a bathroom break so I can look at a pic of the real me I keep saved in my phone, which helps but isn't exactly something I can do every hour. As far as the sleep goes I do have some mess but I don't want to be taking them all the time either. Sometimes I really feel like just saying "sod it" and coming out, but I know I'm not really ready for that yet.
I'm not really sure how to finish up here (I'm a bit of a mess at the moment) but if you've made it this far thank you. Hope to hear from you.
Evie