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Thread: Competition?

  1. #26
    BEING YOUnique is AWESOME Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    As for the "trying to look like a 12 year old" comments.... really? I highly doubt that any 12 year old girl would be wearing garters and stockings!
    Carla is simply putting together articles of clothing that she enjoys wearing and is not trying to look like a 12 year old girl.

    For the competition part....... perhaps she does feel like your crossdressing is more in your thoughts than she is.
    Last edited by Princess Chantal; 02-02-2017 at 08:36 AM.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
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    Well not enough of us have piled in the boat to sink it yet!

    My thought? Many wives see the CD side as "the other woman", the one that is taking away her man. The irony is that women that feel this way often push their husbands away by their anger and resentment (to a degree). Which becomes a spiral.

    On the aesthetic side, that is not a style that I prefer. I don't care for a juvenile mode of dress, and knockers that large (or larger) hang funny and seem out of proportion. My tastes prefer proportion and symmetry. Guess I've been trained that way. But that's my personal preference. If you dig that look, then have at it!
    Put on a Happy Face.

  3. #28
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    You've been on this forum a long time Carla, and yet you made this statement as your parting shot in your original post. "I don't get it. And, I've heard all of the psychobabble explanations." So I hear you saying that you're not interested in anything any of us have to say. Then why did you start this thread? You're obviously disrespectful of your wife just having a picture like that on your desk, and you're disrespectful of this forum telling us you've already heard all of our "psychobabble explanations"! You don't " get it "? Just go ask your wife and listen to her for a change.

  4. #29
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meghan4now View Post
    Many wives see the CD side as "the other woman", the one that is taking away her man.
    This is exactly how my wife felt for a long time. I've adjusted it down a lot and she is calmer about it now, but that said, I never have reminder photos around the house or home screen.

  5. #30
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    I almost never agree with Zooey, but I do this time. I temper this, with it only being a guess from any of us as to why your wife made the comment she did. The lack f a follow-up discussion could or couldn't be a reassuring thing. I know with my SO, sometimes there is a follow-up when the issue is over for her and sometimes that follow-up may come up at a totally different time. I find women to be so complex and my guess is they find males to be so too.

  6. #31
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    My wife will occasionally tease me or make a snarky remark about my proclivity but that only tells me that she is ninety percent OK with it but with 10% anxiety about it. If that weren't true, I'd hear about it all the time as she is not the type to hold her tongue on any subject. That's one of the things I love about her since I never have to play a guessing game about what she is thinking or feeling.

    I wouldn't pay too much attention to comments by those deluded CDs that project their own self hate onto more openly fetishistic CDs. Perhaps they think that dressing up like their old Aunt Gertrude and sublimating their "deviant" sexual desires into a persona or identity will make them more acceptable to the muggles. Hint: it won't.

  7. #32
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    english language is so imprecise , consider the following:

    That's my competition - Flat
    That's my competition - Bored
    That's my competition - Come Hither ....
    That's my competition ? - Questioning
    That's my competition ? - Intrigued
    That's my competition ? - Oh Pulllleeeeze
    That's my competition ! - Mocking
    That's my competition ! - Shocked
    That's my competition ! - Frightened
    That's my competition ! - Excited

    LOL, without talking to her i'd choose the last one.
    Kelly DeWinter
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  8. #33
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    You want an analysis of what she meant by her words. We have your interpretation of her tone.
    She said "Oh, nice" and "That's my competition"
    Certainly asking her is best and would be a good bonding event to show you care for her emotional well being.
    "Oh, nice" could have many meanings based on her tone.
    "That's my competition" is also impacted by tone, but choosing "my" and 'competition' also says a lot to me. "She could have said "That's my husband" and you would understand it differently. If she said "That's your competition", that has very different meaning. And "That's Carla's best?" Would be also very different.
    The 'my" says you are part of her life and what you do does have an impact on her. The 'competition' shows she considers some aspect of this as a battle - for attention, time, money, love, sexual energy, whatever.
    This is not psychobabble - it is English semantics. What she means by it, you have to ask her. But I think having a discussion, maybe both sitting in a bubble bath or cuddled up, that you care what she thinks and don't want to hurt her, may help. I can see Zooey and Kate T's points of views, but I try not to make judgements. And if you want it more artistic, I can help Photoshop it to eliminate all but a small range of colors.
    Hugs, Ellen

  9. #34
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    You asked, I tried to explain how a woman sees that photo.

    Try asking your wife then Carla what the cold hard truth is about what she thinks of that photo. And if I am way off the mark then my apologies. If not then, well, you decide whether you want to listen to Zooey and myself or not.

  10. #35
    Doing my best! Susan Smith's Avatar
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    Hi Carla, some of the responses above do seem to make assumptions and could be seen as hostile. I wonder if you wife actually meant that her 'competition' is an idealised, glamorous fantasy that no real woman could compete with because it's actually very different to the hugely complex reality of a real women (my comparison is only between a Crossdresser and a genetic women, I am not intending any disrespectful reference to transgender women with that comment) . Several people have suggested that you should ask her what she meant and I agree. My wife and I spent a lot of time talking about 'it' during two separate holidays and I think my wife no longer feels threatened by my occasional crossdressing. You might find the same. Susan

  11. #36
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Ok, I thought this thread could use another GG opinion, and since my SO is a frequent lurker on this site I asked her to read the OP post only and give me her opinion. Her response was "That's strange and disturbing, why would a grown person want to dress up as a little girl and have their picture taken". Now I've had photos in many outfits myself, French Maid,Miss Santa, etc. so I asked what's the difference between my photos and Carla's , Her response"You don't dress as a under age girl".

    Kate has a lot of valid points too.

    One point I will bring up is that a lot of women have varying degrees of what they find appealing in photography In our state we have a ton of photography studios that do Boudoir photography, what man doesn't want a a personal photograph of their spouse ? Raise your hand if you do , Amy I right ?
    Kelly DeWinter
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  12. #37
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    A lot of harsh comments.

    It's been said before, but I think it's your attention that she wants. How much time do you spend thinking about Carla vs your wife.

    But, what if the picture was of "Carl" on the golf course. Wouldn't your wife think that the time you spend golfing, watching golf, reading about golf, shopping for golf equipment, etc. is wasted time that should be spent with her. Probably, but is she correct? I don't think so.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  13. #38
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I felt like your wife. I'll try to explain why.

    I felt the competition came on two fronts. The first was only present occasionally and this was with my SO's more sexual outfits. I'll stay out of the debate about preferring the sissy look vs a lingerie pin-up girl, since sexual tastes vary widely. But, your outfit is decidedly sexual with the size of the breasts, the length of the dress, thigh-highs, crotch shot, etc. With my SO it was short, tight sweater dresses hugging a curvy, hour glass figure (breast forms, waist cincher, hip pads), with a body pose and facial expression reminiscent of an orgasmic woman. In any case, I felt as if my SO was aroused on occasion by situations that excluded me, since pictures like that do imply sexual arousal, whether the arousal is immediately before, during, or sometime after. I would have felt a sense of competition over anything or anyone that aroused my SO and that excluded me, whether it was another woman, a man, another CDer, porn, certain forms of crossdressing, or having a paid session with a dominatrix.

    Second, I perceived that nothing gave my SO as much pleasure as dressing up, even when it wasn't in sexual outfits. My SO used to go to this head zone when she was dressed, and when she was in that head space, it was as if my presence was not necessary. And sometimes, my SO did prefer to dress and spend time with others when I wasn't there, whether it was having lunch with another GG or having a drink at the gay bar. This was impossible for me to understand and it lasted a number of years early in our relationship. It created an imbalance in our relationship because there was nothing that I prioritized over my SO. I felt as if I competed with the CDing (the activity) for a place in my SO's priorities or preferences.

    I know you spend time with your wife. My SO and I spent time together too. It wasn't a lack of attention, but the head space that my SO went to, that sort of left me behind. I reached a comparable head space (happiness?) when I was with my SO. Does the imbalance make sense?

    To the people who say that wives are jealous of the look, a resounding no. To those who compare it with Sunday football, no again.

    There were some great answers in this thread. Carla, it’s a good thing you’re a good sport.
    Last edited by ReineD; 02-03-2017 at 04:07 AM.
    Reine

  14. #39
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Reine,
    Thanks so much for an informative, useful and decidedly non-confrontational response. It confirms one of the explanations that I had postulated without simply trouncing on the other one. Again, thank you for your insightful contribution.

    Hugs,


    Kelly
    Last edited by Aunt Kelly; 02-03-2017 at 01:58 PM.

  15. #40
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter View Post
    [/COLOR]That's my competition ? - Oh Pulllleeeeze
    That's pretty much the right flavor of her comment. She needed something from my office and I was there doing the tax returns. Her comment was made as I showed her the handsome return we were getting and while smiling she made the comment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynn Marie View Post
    You've been on this forum a long time Carla, and yet you made this statement as your parting shot in your original post. "I don't get it. And, I've heard all of the psychobabble explanations." So I hear you saying that you're not interested in anything any of us have to say. Then why did you start this thread? You're obviously disrespectful of your wife just having a picture like that on your desk, and you're disrespectful of this forum telling us you've already heard all of our "psychobabble explanations"! You don't " get it "? Just go ask your wife and listen to her for a change.
    Although this is a straight out, uninformed attack on my character, I'll respectfully refrain from comment.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    To the people who say that wives are jealous of the look, a resounding no. To those who compare it with Sunday football, no again.
    There were some great answers in this thread. Carla, it’s a good thing you’re a good sport.
    Thank you, Reine. You really do get it.
    And thank you to all of you so far for your responses.

    I don't have time to pen a long response but, I do want to note that my wife is my heartbeat.
    We have a wonderful close loving relationship and I think about her all the time.
    We appreciate and accommodate each other with similarities and differences.

    Here's a real artsy contrast photo.

    clown.jpg
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  16. #41
    @--}----- Sissy_Michelle's Avatar
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    Carla,

    I really like the picture. I think you look really nice. As for competition... First, I would start putting more pictures of your wife than of yourself. Second, involve her more in your dressing activities so she doesn't feel as if she is competiting for time with you. Third, if she believes that she is competing with you, which you is she speaking about the man she married or the woman that she feels that she has to compete with?

    Please don't take my thoughts as harsh or mean. Just offering an opinion, to something that was brought up with what my wife's friend said to me....

    @--}-----
    Michelle

  17. #42
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaWestin View Post

    Your thoughts?
    Be careful what you ask for, right?

    So she sent you a message via snarky comment. It could have been explored further but wasn't. No big deal, apparently.
    Your desktop, your computer, your choice of makeup, clothing, pose, and setting, your fantasy. Keep the pic.

  18. #43
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    Maybe your wife see's this as your fantasy instead of what she can do for you ?
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

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