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Thread: Cop called me a "skirt"

  1. #1
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Cop called me a "skirt"

    Stopped in a country store to get hot chocolate for my son. Lady server asked if I wanted whipped cream. Knowing my son, I said no. A male cop getting coffee, said "oh get it, you skirt". As I was in drab, it immediately hurt the man in me, even though he was "just joking". Then I realized that it hurt my femme side as well, and was an affront to all women and things feminine. As one who always thinks if what I should have said later I should have said, what's wrong with skirts? Or you don't like women, etc. I still feel yucky about it. Julie
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    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    As they say in Disney's "Frozen".

    Let it go Let it go. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  3. #3
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    Julie,
    I think the cop must be clairvoyant if you were in drab, I think I would have gone along with the comment, lets face it some cops are CDers too .

  4. #4
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    On the other hand, you dropped him into a stereotype by saying he was a cop. Did his cop-ness have anything to do with his interaction with you? Doesn't seem like it would have changed significantly if you just said, "A guy getting coffee said..." I'm guessing his intent was not to insult all women everywhere but just to use the occasion to interact with another human being (most cops I know are extrovert,) and the easiest way to interact with a stranger is through humor. Admittedly the humor was flawed but the impulse seems good. Sometimes pondering too much is counter-productive.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
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  5. #5
    Alison Alisonforme's Avatar
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    You don't know what kind of day he was having or where he was coming from. I wouldn't take it as a judgement or cause for offense. If you were in the northeast what he said may have amounted to "Good morning!"

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    not sure I understand the relationship between no whipped cream and skirts?????

  7. #7
    Member Karyn Marie's Avatar
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    Ok, as a retired cop (thirty years on the job as a deputy sheriff) I am compelled to comment. All of the comments are fine, but I must take exception to the cop, and his comment. I would never had made such a comment to a complete stranger like that. When Jennie commented most cops are extroverts, she is correct, as I am too, but that comment, in my opinion should not have been made. Cops have a bad enough rap with the current atmosphere in our country. We need to be polite and courteous, and this cop was not. Humor is okay, but this was not humor that should have been shared. I am ashamed of him, and consider his comment to be degrading toward women, much like the term broad, ECT.

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    I have to totally agree with Karyn Marie. The comment is not appropriate. I was a representative of the government for over thirty years. It was drilled into my head time and time again through refresher training that what I said and what I did would ultimately affect the perception the person had of my employer.

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    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    In physic world its called; I am not OK so I am going to make you, not ok. Basically projecting..... and no inner voice control.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  10. #10
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    Were you wearing a skirt?
    You said you were in drab so please explain.
    Don't be such a whiny butt people comment and sometimes its not nice and you may not like it thats life get over it.

  11. #11
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Pat/Jennie,
    I also qualified the lady was a "server". Just adding detail as to each person in the situation. No stereotype intended. And I can't see how could be interpreted as one.
    Tracii, I hope you have a good day, some day. And thank you for the insightful commentary on what life is and how how I should live it.
    Julie

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    Traci offers invaluable insight in a very empathetic manner.

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    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Seems like an inappropriate thing to say

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    Acceptance of non-binaries is in the same state of limbo as things like racial tolerance. Some people feel they now have an opportunity to push back against "political correctness" they think has gone too far and needs to be rolled back. Among them can even be found police officers who toe the official line of tolerance and respect but disagree beneath the surface.

    In my view, we are still winning the battle for acceptance, but it's not over and can still be lost.

  15. #15
    SJW and Proud of It! Christina D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Don't be such a whiny butt people comment and sometimes its not nice and you may not like it thats life get over it.
    Aaaand that's the exact attitude that allows injustice to go unchecked. Saying victims of abuse or harassment, be it physical or (as I would say Julie was) verbal should "get over it" is no better than telling a person who was robbed "Sometimes people take money from you. You may not like it, but that's life. Get over it" or the culture of victim blaming that surrounds rape. Anyone who harasses others should be held accountable, be shown the error of their ways, and be held as an example to others who think that kind of behavior is acceptable, especially a person who holds a position of authority like a police officer (or a teacher like myself, just so no one thinks I'm targeting cops).

    You have every right to be upset, Julie, and your feelings are valid. When I saw the title of this thread the other day, I didn't want to read it because I knew it would be upsetting, but then I realized that ignoring the problem made me no better than someone who says you should "Get over it." I know it's too late now, but if I were you, I would have gotten his badge number and reported him. Gross.
    Last edited by Christina D; 02-04-2017 at 07:05 PM.
    "I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?/What I've succumbed to is making me numb/Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies/What I've become is so burdensome/Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me/Twiddle-dum there's no comparison" - "Just a Girl" by No Doubt

    "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

  16. #16
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
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    seems like a super weird comment to make. tbh if that happened to me i would be first confused if anything...hmmmm but you know remember if you really want to do something about you should cops are public servants and should be held accountable when they step out of line.

  17. #17
    Member Karyn Marie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Were you wearing a skirt?
    You said you were in drab so please explain.
    Don't be such a whiny butt people comment and sometimes its not nice and you may not like it thats life get over it.
    No Traci, it might be life, but it is not appropriate. This officer should not have said such a degrading comment about any woman. Julie has every right to be upset, as I know I would have been.

  18. #18
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    OK Maybe its just me but I never got an answer to my question were you wearing a skirt in guy mode? Simple question I thought but I seem to have been insensitive for even asking.
    What does whipped cream have to do with any of this?
    Maybe its a northeast slang term I have no idea. So go ahead and pile on me for asking that question.
    So by me saying what I said I'm being mean? No not at all just being honest.
    People are way too sensitive these days and all this social "I'm triggered" stuff is just silly.
    I guess I'm not like you and you feel you are better than I am so I will let it be.
    Billy I tried to be nice to you but you wouldn't have it.

  19. #19
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Sounded to me he was saying get a cup of coffee and not hot chocolate with whipped cream. I bet there was no intent on his part against women or cd's. In Texas if you don't man up its a popular saying oh come on you skirt. Same as we used to say come on you sissy. We meant no harm or meanness to the opposite sex, same as calling someone a chicken because they would dive off the high diving board.
    Don't take it against you personally. Now if you were dressed might be upsetting, but wouldn't bother me in drab.
    Makes me think of what I was always told "sticks n stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me".

  20. #20
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    Good lord, was he 90 years old? Haven't heard a woman called a skirt since the last film noir movie I watched.

    I would have said, "I know! Dames! Whaddaya gonna do, amirite? Ya think they're a hoochie-coocher, but they're just on the lowdown. Whether they're a chick chippy cookie pusher or a cuddle cutie, they always show up riding a storm of flimflam, l tells ya."

    Then I'd doff my fedora and head back to my shabby private detective office in the wrong part of town. I finish my hot chocolate and in walks danger, red head, as usual. One look at that face, and I knew before the night was out I'd be hip deep in German hatchetmen, Mafia trouble boys, and the fading scent of her perfume, with just the memory of her lips on mine.

    Yeah... yeah... *cough* so, anyway, weaponized satire is my usual go to.

    I'm off to see if Netflix has The Big Sleep.
    Last edited by Maria Blackwood; 02-04-2017 at 08:06 PM.

  21. #21
    SJW and Proud of It! Christina D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaylyn View Post
    I bet there was no intent on his part against women or cd's. In Texas if you don't man up its a popular saying oh come on you skirt. Same as we used to say come on you sissy. We meant no harm or meanness to the opposite sex...

    Makes me think of what I was always told "sticks n stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me".
    Just because no harm is intended doesn't mean it isn't harmful. If we lived in the same apartment building and my apartment caught fire because you left your stove on, you'd be responsible, right? I'm sure you wouldn't leave your stove on on purpose to intentionally burn the apartment building down, but you'd still be the guilty party.

    Words most definitely can and do hurt, and the pain they create often harms more than just the directed victim.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    OK Maybe its just me but I never got an answer to my question were you wearing a skirt in guy mode? Simple question I thought but I seem to have been insensitive for even asking.
    No one is upset about your question. It's your "advice" about "getting over it" that's so upsetting.

    I've heard the outdated and sexist term "skirt" as a term for women, as in, "Hey, look at the skirt that just walked in."

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    People are way too sensitive these days and all this social "I'm triggered" stuff is just silly.
    I don't understand why people think being sensitive and caring about other people's feelings are somehow bad or ruining our society. Could it be that maybe, just maybe, people were way too INsensitive in the past and that we should now hold ourselves to a higher standard?

    EDIT: Maria, that was amazing! Hahaha!
    Last edited by Christina D; 02-04-2017 at 08:07 PM.
    "I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?/What I've succumbed to is making me numb/Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies/What I've become is so burdensome/Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me/Twiddle-dum there's no comparison" - "Just a Girl" by No Doubt

    "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

  22. #22
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    For the record:
    - I wasnt wearing a skirt. His comment would have been even more odd and strange if I had been
    - Perhaps he was inferring I should get a more manly drink, like coffee. But this is still uncalled for, and demeaning to anyone who wears skirts, especially since there was a GG (yes, I am assuming) in the mix
    - Tracii, I never thought your question about whether I was wearing a skirt was mean. Given what I posted, that possibility never entered my mind
    - Yes, I am too sensitive sometimes, and should toughen up. I just wish the world would meet me half way and be kinder. Not going to happen
    - Tracii, I do not think I am better than you, or anyone else. Why would you assume that? I do think your are often mean in your responses. Some of us come here to vent about things we have no where else to do so, because of the way we would be treated elsewhere. I am naive for assuming this forum is any different than the rest of the world.

    Wow, we do tend to overanalyze these simple life interactions,
    Julie
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

  23. #23
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Julie,
    What Maria said is true, it's a very old slang term used by men when referring
    to a woman, usually while talking to another man "Hey Joe, get a load of that skirt!"
    But I think in this case with you being in DRAB, as Jaylyn said, he was telling you to man up, and not be such a sissy.

    Was it an appropriate comment? No, but... as you said he was joking.
    So I wouldn't take as anything other than a bit of friendly jeering between two guys.

    You didn't say, or do anything in response to his comment at the time, what else can you
    do now other than get over it.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

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    As someone in a so called "position of assumed authority" I would say that the officer was totally out of line with his skirt comment. To hear something like that reminds me of old black and white bad cop movies, very disrespectful to male, female, tg or ts.

  25. #25
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    I may be blunt in my comments sometimes I get that but would you rather I coddle you and tell you Oh its OK don't let that mean man get to you?
    How was his comment an affront to all things feminine or women?
    Julie you got offended because you crossdress and feel guilty that you do. Thats why your manhood got bruised.
    I'm sure the cop didn't mean it in a derogatory way you are just too sensitive about things like that.
    Sensitivity is good don't get me wrong but over a comment like that no.
    ChristinaD saying here comes a skirt is not in any way sexist.Its just a saying, "hey guys here comes a pretty woman".Its just a slang term not meant to hurt or demean women.
    I could go off here but I won't but the world doesn't revolve around your "feelings".

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