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Thread: Cop called me a "skirt"

  1. #26
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    Come on you sissy. Did I just hear someone in this forum use that term as a harmless thing men say??????? You would think here everyone would be sensitive to how that term was the weapon of choice for most bullies. No one soda that to me growing up because I acted like the most butch male they had seen. Because I was so scared of humiliation that would come with that term. I don't think it was the worst thing that happened to be admonished for being a skirt but it shouldn't be said.
    Suzanne
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  2. #27
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I can understand your confusion and it was an odd thing for him to say but if I were you, I wouldn't overthink it. People say odd things all of the time. Women deal with the good and bad -- just as men do. Everyone is equal when dealing with the variety of people in this big wide world. I would have just laughed it off. The best way to disarm an odd comment is with humor.

    As Beverly Sims suggest - Let it go.

  3. #28
    SJW and Proud of It! Christina D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I may be blunt in my comments sometimes I get that but would you rather I coddle you and tell you Oh its OK don't let that mean man get to you?
    Yes, because that's what empathetic human beings do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    How was his comment an affront to all things feminine or women?

    . . .

    ChristinaD saying here comes a skirt is not in any way sexist.Its just a saying, "hey guys here comes a pretty woman".Its just a slang term not meant to hurt or demean women.
    It's sexist, misogynistic, derogatory, and harmful to all women because:

    1. To call a woman "a skirt" strips her of her entire identity by reducing her entire being to what she's wearing. It's saying that the woman wearing the skirt (or the metaphorical skirt, as it were) is more important than the woman herself. It makes the woman a thing, not a person, the literal definition of objectification.

    2. As others have said, his comment was meant to associate femininity with weakness on the basis of Julie's order. A "real man," to this disgusting individual, wouldn't order a hot chocolate. Because, you know, what you drink is what defines your gender. *eyeroll*

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Julie you got offended because you crossdress and feel guilty that you do. Thats why your manhood got bruised.
    I'm sure the cop didn't mean it in a derogatory way you are just too sensitive about things like that.
    Julie, don't let anyone tell you:

    1. Why you're offended and/or why you shouldn't be offended. However you feel is valid and no one knows you better than you.

    2. That you should feel guilty or ashamed about having feelings or having those feelings hurt. Again, however you feel is valid.
    Last edited by Christina D; 02-04-2017 at 10:16 PM.
    "I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?/What I've succumbed to is making me numb/Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies/What I've become is so burdensome/Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me/Twiddle-dum there's no comparison" - "Just a Girl" by No Doubt

    "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

  4. #29
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    I think this last post sealed it for me there is no reason in trying to make any sense at this point.

  5. #30
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
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    when i first started going out i was overly sensitive and very self conscience. anyone even glancing in my direction,
    clocking me or not, made me want to run and hide. once i was able to accept myself, become happy with myself,
    and show confidence, i didn't let looks, stares or comments bother me. so with anything new, there is
    a certain amount of "growing pains". i learned quickly that if i wanted to go out i had to have thicker skin. there are lots
    of idiots in the world and you can't let them bother you!

    i can understand the cops comment bothering you and that's fine as we all have feelings. he definitely was out of line.
    if he was joking i would of just let it go or made a smart ass comment back at him. if i felt he was challenging my masculinity,
    i might of said to him, "this skirt can kick your ass"

    i'm much too old for all of this political correctness. anyone calling me a skirt now would just flatter me.
    paula

  6. #31
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    Wouldn't care if he called me a skirt and its funny I had never heard that term and I was a truck driver for 40 years.
    I hate when guys talk bad or derogatorily about women its just not right.
    I have been called he/she/it,tranny, faggot,queerhomofag (i loved that one because he said it as all one word)LOL.
    Its just names thats all and if you have thin skin too bad for you.

  7. #32
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
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    i must be old. i remember the term "skirt". it was popular the same time as dame and broad.

    popular term with gangsters
    paula

  8. #33
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    great post, Maria

  9. #34
    New Girl to the PNW raeleen's Avatar
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    Christina, I'm behind you and I agree with every word you've rattled off. The comment was totally sexist. Totally inappropriate. It reinforces a patriarchial sense of entitlement and the idea that men are able to perpetuate their masculinity and superiority to women through these kinds of attitudes. And writing it off as no big deal gives him a pass to continue doing it. Telling the person that they should toughen up is victim blaming, akin to telling a woman she shouldn't wear such a short skirt because she'll get herself harassed. Our society continues to give the ok for men to treat women as second class citizens and to cite femininity in men as an undesirable trait. If we can't see that, or if we let it go, we just allow those same attitudes to persist. And as individuals who exist along the gender spectrum and outside that societal norms, we are continually in struggle with these norms. We represent a fear that society has that men can be femme and still be strong and worthy of respect.

    If we can't be self-critical and examine our own biases and internalized sexism, then we're no better than the macho sexist guy putting down women. It's not a matter of having a thin skin. It's not a matter of needing to let it go. It's that when you give a pass on the small things, they grow into bigger things, and soon enough, they become attitudes and entitlement that can physically harm someone.

    I'm sorry you experienced this, Julie.

  10. #35
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    OK I'll try this one more time.
    Its not OK to objectify women, its not OK to sexually assault women, its not OK to treat women as second class citizens.
    WTH is victim blaming anyway if you do something stupid or go somewhere its not wise to go to for any person and if anything bad happens its your fault.
    Case in point protesting/blocking the middle of a 4 lane hwy at midnight and you get run over. Whos fault is that? Yours for being stupid.
    Next you will make up something else to complain about like the mall has blue carpet in the Apple store.
    There goes that patriarchal entitlement buzzword I always hear well most of you guys are men and do the same thing you rail against and don't tell me you don't.
    Its like you all just regurgitate the same thing out of the same play book.
    I blame the public school system.
    Its tough being a gay TG person on this site sometimes.

  11. #36
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    It does matter that it was a cop who said it. Any 'ordinary' guy saying it, you can respond either with a barbed piece of repartee, or simply telling him he's out of order. But I'd hesitate to do that with a cop - he could take it as 'failing the attitude test' and arrest or even taser you. In Britain, the slightest display of non-deference to a cop can get you into serious trouble. I'd have said nothing, but make a note of his number on the uniform, and later lodge a formal complaint. Probably wouldn't achieve anything, but I'd at least feel that I had done something about it.

  12. #37
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    The reply you missed Julia was

    "Hmmm.... yes, because oodles of fat is what every man needs in his diet". NOT obviously.

  13. #38
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    Julie,
    Maybe we should look at this from a totally different angle !

    What does a chocolate filled cup with swirly cream on the top look like ? Possibly a frilly skirt ! Maybe the cop had other things on his mind when he suggested the name !

    I had to sit back and smile , when I thought of what a visitor might make of this thread, we are all CDers here, surely the nicest thing someone can call us is a bit of skirt ! That's what most of us like wearing so why be offended when a comment like that is made !

  14. #39
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    As I see it, (agreeing with most comments) at this point, you can file a complaint or just get over it! It is over and done. It is time to move on. Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  15. #40
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Well its like when you play golf and don't hit the ball hard enough they call you "Alice".

  16. #41
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    I too feel that it's just a comment that should be ignored. The cops an idiot, but, there's much bigger things to worry about in life. Oh and coffee is no more manly than hot chocolate, face it, most coffees sold (throughout Europe at least) are either Latte, Cappucino or Mocha's, all of these often served with whipped cream and/or chocolate sprinkles.

    There are a great many other so called acceptable comments that are far more offensive.

  17. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Wouldn't care if he called me a skirt and its funny I had never heard that term and I was a truck driver for 40 years.
    If you never heard the term, how could you conclude, "Its just a saying, "hey guys here comes a pretty woman".Its just a slang term not meant to hurt or demean women."

  18. #43
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    I never heard of the term "skirt" but it does sound like an old time word gangsters would use, sort of like moll maybe.

    But every person and every situation is different for different people. I can only use your words to get a feel of the situation. I don't know how many people were there, would they back me up if I responded or take the cops side if things got out of hand. You had your son with you, you have to take that into account. Sometimes it's best to say nothing and move on but this doesn't mean you didn't feel offended or hurt, it just means you get to live another day without harm done.

    I am not the best one to give advise on walking away without saying anything. Many times I retaliated when someone, even a cop would say something to me that I felt was wrong to say. Some of those times left me with a bruise or cut or worse. So it all depends, is it worth it to respond back. In most of my cases, yes, I feel good about responding back. Some of them I wish I just walked away. One has to look at the whole picture and see if a response back is worth it.

    My response back to the cop would have been I don't have a skirt could I borrow yours.
    In solitude where we are least alone. Byron

  19. #44
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    I never even heard of coffee being somehow manlier. At work it's always the broads forming the coffee clatches while the palookas just sip whiskey from their hip flasks, the sauced up mooks.

  20. #45
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    Billy I came to the conclusion about it being a saying by reading the posts here that said it was.
    I just had never heard the saying so please don't try to start something.

  21. #46
    SJW and Proud of It! Christina D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    WTH is victim blaming anyway if you do something stupid or go somewhere its not wise to go to for any person and if anything bad happens its your fault.
    "When you do something stupid" is the crux of victim blaming where the innaporiate or illegal actions of the guilty party are ignored. When the "something stupid" is, let's say, a young woman wearing a very tightly fitted miniskirt to a bar and then getting sexually assaulted by a man while walking to her car, who is the guilty party in that situation? The man, obviously. Saying "She shouldn't have worn those revealing clothes" not only harms her, but allows her attacker to go unpunished.

    What's worse about this common example is that when women DO dress "conservatively," they're mocked for that too. "Wow, what a prude. Would it hurt you to show a little skin?" So if a woman wears a miniskirt, she's a s*ut who deserves to be raped. If she wears a pantsuit, she's a prude bi**h who thinks she's too good for a man.

    Women can't win in our society, which brings us too...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    There goes that patriarchal entitlement buzzword I always hear well most of you guys are men and do the same thing you rail against and don't tell me you don't.
    Are you insinuating that I and others are hypocrites with no evidence? Because I can tell you that I most certainly do NOT talk or think this way and if I do find myself inadvertently doing so, I make it right. For example, when I'm teaching, I'll sometimes inadvertently address my students collectively by saying, "Hi guys, welcome to class" before stopping, realizing that I had just used gender specific language, and saying, "Hello everyone, welcome to class." It's a terrible habit that I'm trying to correct within myself.
    "I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?/What I've succumbed to is making me numb/Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies/What I've become is so burdensome/Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me/Twiddle-dum there's no comparison" - "Just a Girl" by No Doubt

    "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

  22. #47
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I've only heard the expression "skirt" referring to a man once. Someone was telling me about a hitchhiker he picked up and said he was a skirt. I didn't ask for more details.

    Tracii, I'm glad that you're here to say things that don't go with the rest of those responding. I do that too sometimes and get backlash for it. Everyone being in agreement about topics or situations is boring. That doesn't mean I want to see flaming, baiting or trolling. We should all get use to brutal honesty but also remember it's just someone's opinion.

    I think the cop was probably trying to be funny, kind of at the expense of Julie. But it was probably a bad transaction as Eric Berne would put it. A quick and witty comeback would have been the thing to do, but sometimes we can't do that when emotions stir up. JMO.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  23. #48
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    Christina look a woman can wear anything she wants anywhere she wants BUT is it appropriate is the question.
    If someone says bad things about how she is dressed thats wrong, if they rape her or harm her thats wrong too.
    Sexual assault is wrong and illegal there are laws covering that.
    You are acting more reactionary and not understand my point.
    I see you admitted using your patriarchal entitlement so no need to discuss that subject any longer.
    You are involved in the public school system and have been slowly programmed to think they way you do but I won't hold that against you because you don't know anything different.

  24. #49
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christina D View Post
    nsinuating that I and others are hypocrites with no evidence? Because I can tell you that I most certainly do NOT talk or think this way and if I do find myself inadvertently doing so, I make it right. For example, when I'm teaching, I'll sometimes inadvertently address my students collectively by saying, "Hi guys, welcome to class" before stopping, realizing that I had just used gender specific language, and saying, "Hello everyone, welcome to class." It's a terrible habit that I'm trying to correct within myself.
    again, this political correctness stuff drives me crazy. i only have female employee's and i do the very same thing by calling them
    collectively as "guys". i see nothing wrong with this and i guess my girls don't either. some have been with me for over 20 years.
    i believe they understand that it is said without malice and more of a term of endearment.

    if i say to my SO. "love you baby" is that not a term of endearment or am i insulting them by referring that they are a child?

    the world is a very cruel place. why do we worry about the little things when there are much more important issues to deal with.
    i grew up with parents and grandparents who lived through the depression. life was much harder back then and people weren't worried about "feelings". these are just words! if the context and tone are not meant in an offensive way i don't understand why
    it is wrong. if the intent is to hurt and harm then i can agree that it is wrong.

    if i was a thin skinned GG i might be offended by your signature where you repeat "i'm just a girl"...
    paula

  25. #50
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    Paula times are different and people just get all wound up over the tiniest thing.
    Its like you are in a cafe and you look at someone then they get all mad you looked at them.I have had this happen and its just crazy.
    Kind of like in High School wanting to punch someone for looking at your girlfriend.
    Most of this stuff going on is childish and coming from people that never had to get along with others and stayed at home instead of playing outside and learning how to cope with other people.
    Its really sad too because these people have turned into adults and can't deal with things then go off their nut when someone doesn't agree with them.

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