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    Ask a GG - Part Two

    Note to the CDers: this is a question/answer thread only. You may ask any question you wish within the forum rules, but please do not comment on individual answers so as to not cloud up the thread with potential "discussions". When you ask a question, include the circumstances, if there are any, which gave rise to your question. If you must respond to a particular GG about what she has said, please do so via PM. If any of the questions/answers strike you as being "discussion worthy", please start a separate thread for this in the appropriate section with a link to the specific question or answer as a reference point, if necessary.

    You may post a thank you to those who have responded, indeed it would be polite to do so, however, any further information you add will be deleted as you should have included it in the original question.

    Enjoy!

  2. #2
    New Member EnvyxD's Avatar
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    Hey I'm a younger crossdresser and I want to have a girl best friend for when I'm en femme I guess what I'm asking is do GGs really accept and take under wing and want a CD as a friend?

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Depends on the girl. Most here would, I'm sure. Just need to find the right friends.

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    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?

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    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    We met on here became friends ... When I was driving up to see family up this way and we decided to meet. We would talk on cam most everyday till the fateful day. I always liked to go dancing with my friends and we would talk about going dancing together ( she never had) so we met and went to a club ( that use to be here) and danced the night away. From the moment we met it was love in first sight.We lived in different country's so when ever I came up it was usually weekends and the entire time it was Sherlyn. Never met the guy side till about 6 months when I had a week vacation. That was all long ago now .

    Just to explain more.... I joined here to help a friend come out to their wive that they hid this from all their married life. Everyone was super nice and made a group of friends that I really connected to.
    So I as a dare wrote a post " A GG looking for her CD" Big mistake as I had many married cders write me and say they would leave their wife for someone accepting ect . So I decided NOT date anyone from here as I wanted to be with someone that loved me for me only and not because I as accepting. When I was not looking for love I found it with someone I connected as a friend already.
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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    He hosted an orphan's Thanksgiving at his house for friends and others who had no other plans for the holiday. His roommate at the time is a friend and former co-worker, and she invited me. He put out a note on the Facebook event page that anyone who wanted to arrive early was welcome to. So I showed up an hour or so before anyone else. I had heard stories about him from my friend for about a year, but just about how awesome a friend he is. She never mentioned he was a CD, so I didn't expect to find a guy in women's clothes. He doesn't really do en femme so much, but he was wearing women's skinny jeans and a women's tee with a lacy cami under. White socks and black Mary Janes, which was the real standout part of his outfit.

    It was immediately apparent that he was a CD, and as someone unfamiliar with it, I wrongly assumed he must be gay, but then he started flirting with me as the night went on. We were basically a thing by the end of the night. We met up the next day and I've seen him every day since. I basically live with him now, only staying at my own house when I have my kids, and we're making plans to move in together in a couple of months.

    I don't really know how to explain it, as I've never experienced anything like it before. We just immediately fell in love, and it's been amazing.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Is it easier for you to accept cross dressing if it is a sexual kink versus a gender identity issue?
    It is easy for me to accept the CDing because I know that it is at times important for my SO to dress. My SO does not dress for sexual kink, nor does he have a female gender identity. But, if I were to choose between the two, I’d choose neither. Sexual kinks by themselves are OK, but oftentimes it goes deeper than that for a CDer who has a sexual motive. It is often a sexual preference, which has the potential to eclipse a GG’s role in her sex life with her SO. She wants her SO to be aroused by her more than by the thought of being female. As to gender identity, if my SO identified as a female I think I might constantly be wondering when she would transition, which would be problematic because I am not nor have I ever been attracted to females.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?
    I think that very few of us here have met our SOs in girl mode, or at least this seems to have been the case for the majority of the GGs who’ve joined this forum over the years. As for me, I knew my SO for 3 years before we began dating, but I did find out about the CDing as soon as we began dating. I met her a few weeks later. I had asked him if I could participate and my SO invited me over. We spent an afternoon talking and cuddling on the sofa. It was at that time that I knew my SO was the same person, no matter how dressed.
    Reine

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    [EDIT - it appears as if the person I responded to deleted their question and as I didn't quote them the following response has lost context - but I'll leave it here in case it answers another person's questions.]

    I tended to see it as black and white in the beginning: either the birth-male who presents as a female is a woman in the wrong body (TS), or does it for fetish (CD, TV, etc). Since it wasn't overtly sexual for my SO, I was convinced for many years that my SO was a TS in denial and that eventually my SO would transition. When, after some years, I realized that my SO is neither a woman nor someone who does this for fetish (in the way that "fetish" is commonly understood), I devised an understanding that gender is flexible (bi-gender, dual-gender, agender, pan-gender, TG, in-between, etc). But, since both men and women experience a wide variety of personalities/aptitudes/preferences that cross over into all the stereotypical gender boxes, including how stereotypically "feminine" or "not feminine" a woman may choose to present (right now I’m wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt lol), now I see it as a facet of personality, whether innate or developed over time, that is not necessarily gender-related.

    Unless a person is most definitely transsexual (experiences a dire need to alter their hormones and their body such that it matches their inner gender ID), I see it as a preferred activity that enhances a person's mood, which in the final analysis is indeed a part of who someone is. Seeing it as a preferred activity (vs gender) does not make it any less valid or less a part of who someone is. Who we all are is comprised of the sum total of all facets of our personalities, our preferences, our aptitudes and talents, our shortcomings, all of our past experiences that have shaped who we have become, in short, everything. And all of these things, other than our physical attributes, span both genders.

    So basically, now I define gender as the state of either being male of female, with "male" and "female" as terms that describe a person's sex rather than their preferences. I used to define gender according to dictionary definitions, as "behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex" but in our culture now, there simply are no longer "typical traits" associated with any one sex - not when you consider the varied roles that modern men and women play in their lives, other than their physical differences. So in other words, I see myself as a woman because I have a female body and not because of the things that I prefer or do not prefer doing. I don’t tend to enjoy "girly-girl" stuff at my age and I do enjoy doing things that cross the stereotypical divide (analytical stuff, repairing things, etc), but this does not make me any less a woman nor does it mean that I am somehow closer to being a man than a younger, girlier-girl counterpart.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-21-2017 at 05:24 PM.
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    Member kimberly c's Avatar
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    A question, I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive. I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.


    Kim

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    Kim-
    I had trouble for a long time getting my husband to be more"manly" in bed. This was before I knew about his cd'ing. After I found out, it made me realize what I had missed all those years. Letting a man be more feminine in bed leads to some highly intoxicating and sensual love making in my experience. But yes, I also like to be dominant on occasion and let him be girly about it. It gives manu.options for roleplay and reaching new hieghts of intimacy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen's Secret View Post
    Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?
    I'm a thicker gg, I'm 4'10" and weigh 150. It's hard for anything to fit right. I'm always adjusting and fixing things. Sometimes makes me resent the social "requirement" to look a certain way, and wear certain items.

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    Hi wonderful GG's!! I have been seeing a therapist for a couple months and she's been wonderful. My wife wasn't happy at first but grudgingly accepts I go and she knows it's helped me become happier. The therapist has seen pics of my from my very first outing for a makeover and shopping while dressed at a mall. My wife knew about the outing before hand and was not happy about it at all. Her biggest fears are someone we know will see me and that I will like going out so much that this will become a full time thing (dressing). I believe her fears about me going full time have lessened, it's not feasible or something I want given my life circumstances.

    Ok, so my questions are....

    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?

    I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.

    I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement that basically goes like this...I know you want to dress as a woman full time...I don't and I love being a man AND a man who CD's....you're lying to yourself...I'm not and I love/want to be with you and our children (2 teenagers).....you get it. How can I get her to understand I am a part time CD who truly wants to be her husband/man while sometimes CD ing? I feel the best way is to live life the way I have for our 25+ years together (she knew before we married).

    Sorry for being so long winded and thanks for any input and advice you can offer me!
    Last edited by Salina; 05-31-2017 at 06:25 PM.

  13. #13
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    You asked
    [My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    As a wife I would want to know everything... That's me..... Maybe ask - tell your therapist this and see what she thinks you should say.
    Also how bout have your wife go to a session with you.maybe ask your therapist about doing that at some point.
    Me being devils advocate .... Not saying anything would worry me to death.
    But not every relationship is the same.... I had past relationships where it felt like two ships passing in the night. They did their own thing and I did mine. Never again.... We went in to our relationship saying no secrets so my answer is coming from how I would react.
    About going dressed ... I would not care but we life our life open and that would not bother me.
    I really think you should like I said maybe have a joint session and her fears would prob go away then as her mind is prob thinking all kinds of things.
    Best Wishes

    P.S. Trying to think how another GG might react about you going to see the Therapist dressed without her knowing might be a big mistake with her already worrying about your sessions. I hope you can include her so she doesn't feel left out .
    Anyways glad you are seeing someone .
    Last edited by Lorileah; 06-01-2017 at 11:00 PM. Reason: fixed quote
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    Thanks for responding Di! I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those. I didn't mention I've come off a 6 year hiatus from dressing which was kind of like getting blindsided for her. I have shared some of what we talk about but not everything. On top of all this she's going through menopause which makes things more difficult for her. As far as telling her I'd like to go to a session dressed, my gut says I should, my mind says I shouldn't because I know she will be against it. Thanks again for your feedback and I truly admire yours and Sherlyn's wonderful relationship!

  15. #15
    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    She's entitled to whatever you feel comfortable sharing and nothing more. You have offered to have her participate. If she wants to know what's being discussed, she needs to show up. And it would benefit you both if she would, because your conversations on the topic are circular because she's not listening to you and accepting your words. A therapist would call her on it in a way that she likely won't let you. And that's probably why she doesn't want to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.
    If you think she'll be upset, and she won't otherwise find out, what is the benefit of telling her?

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    (she knew before we married).
    Have you reminded her of this?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.
    Everyone is different in this regard. I can go either way. It all depends on the roles.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

  16. #16
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    I would want to know everything. My situation is different as I went to all sessions with Nigella. My take is if you have nothing to hide then why not tell her? of course it would be a lot better if she did attend with you. I would tell her that you can go dressed to the next session, better coming from you than her finding out at a later date you went dressed and didn't say anything, at least then she can't turn round and say "you didn't tell me"
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    Thank you Sandra and Gabriella for your responses. I have shared some of what we discuss and have invited her to come numerous times and she always declines. One thing my therapist suggested I tell my wife, after discussion on our relationship was to tell her " I am exactly where I want to be with you and our children". My wife's biggest fear is I'm going to leave her, our kids, my life to start over living full time dressed as a woman. Saying this made a big impact ( I meant it 100%) and she has lightened up a bit. Thanks again for your feedback!!

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    As your wife, I'd say she is. No one else is. I would not want to be married to someone who kept important details from me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.
    If your wife wants details, I'm guessing this means she also wants to know when you go out dressed. You will both need to learn how to deal with you doing things that upset her. Keeping your actions from her is not a way to resolve this, it just sweeps things under the carpet until they explode again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement ....
    Sometimes it does take lots of conversations before spouses can come to a meeting of the minds. At one point, my ex and I saw a marriage counselor for a year! We went because we could not have a meeting of the minds or any understanding of the issues that were causing problems in our relationship. We talked about them with a counselor for a year in all sorts of different ways. An entire year, 52 discussions!

    Maybe your wife can come with you to see the counselor if only for the two of you to learn how to navigate the crossdressing peacefully in your relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those.
    You'll need to impress upon her the importance of getting a third party involved in your conversations if you do not feel that your conversations are being resolved.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha uk View Post
    I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG
    Do you want to dress in front of your wife? Then you need to ask her if she'd be OK with that.

    Do you feel that dressing in private without telling her is somehow going behind her back? Then you need to tell her how you feel and ask for her input.

    Do you want to know why she is not curious? Ask her.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.
    I don't look at it the same way you do. I'm a woman in bed, obviously, but I don't need to wear lingerie in order to feel sexy. I have worn lingerie on occasion to please my partners, but I didn't wear it to enhance my own arousal.

    As to submission, I see myself as equals with my SO and this is reflected in the bedroom. Sex with my SO is an expression of our love for one another more than establishing who should be the Dom and who should be the Sub. We've used a variety of positions, so I cannot say that either one of us is consitently the top or bottom. I dare say that sexually active people (both men and women) also use a variety of positions, wome of which are so contorted as to make it impossible to determine which is the top or bottom!

    I would not enjoy having a partner who needed to be submissive all the time (or who needed any other thing other than me all the time). Then it would feel as if he got more out of taking on a specific sexual role than he got out of just having sex with me. In other words, the sexual role would be the main event and not me.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.
    I'd like to point out that being a woman in bed has nothing to do with being submissive. In our day-to-day lives, we are not "submissive". We take charge of our careers, finances, etc - many of us are single and we take on all the tasks and responsibilities that men take on.

    Sexual submission is a sexual role that both men and women can enjoy as a sexual fantasy. If you need to be submissive in order to enjoy sex or be able to perform, then I suggest that it is more of a fetish for you (like the people who live the BDSM lifestyles and who do not enjoy sex without a particular kink). There is nothing wrong with that, lots of people enjoy kinks and they are indeed fun, but submission in itself is not an expression of gender - not when modern women are no longer submissive beings who need to depend on men in order to survive, and who can't stand up for themselves, can't be in charge at work, etc.

    So in a nutshell, it is important for sexual partners to be sexually compatible. If either a man or a woman needs to be a Sub all the time in order to maximize their enjoyment, they would be best matched with someone who needs to be a Dom all the time to maximize their own enjoyment. This way, they'd both enjoy sex 100% of the time. But, if both people absolutely needed to be the Sub (or the Dom), they'd need to take turns and they'd always be missing out 50% of the time.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-22-2017 at 01:45 PM.
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  19. #19
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    A little background before my question. Before we were married during an intimate moment my wife blurted out and cried about instances of inappropriate "touching" by her step father. She stated it was as a teenager, although I have grown to have my doubts. After we were married we incorporated my love for nylon into our romantic evenings, not all the time, just some of the times. It only involved hosiery, garter belts and nylon nightgowns. When she became pregnant with our first child she again blurted out some material fact. This was no her first pregnancy. She only told me because it was a medical issue. First pregnancy are treated differently than the second or third, etc. I also found out from her she had her first marriage annulled. It sounded as if this was something done on the spur of the moment in an easy to get marriage state. I have no idea if this related to the pregnancy.

    When my desire to wear more than fetish bedroom play developed, she did the freaking out when we had the "talk." What was really painful was her statement that she wished she had never told me her "secrets," so she could just walk away from our marriage. I never asked, nor did I ever care to peruse any of her secrets. She told me if I ever brought any of it up again (I did not bring it up to begin with) she would divorce me. Nor would I ever had used it as leverage to gain any sort of acceptance..period. Her secrets will go to the grave with us.

    Question; No need to give more information than yes or no, but, are there are skeletons in your closet that your husbands do not know about? And, do they make his crossdressing more palatable than it would have been otherwise? My wife's secrets have had more of an impact on her and our marriage than cross dressing has ever had on me or our marriage.

  20. #20
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Nope, absolutely no skeletons in either my closet or his. I could not be married to someone who kept secrets. Frankly, I don't understand couples that do.
    Reine

  21. #21
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    Okay new question. Referring to the "Not a Man Down There" thread.

    How many GG's actually look at a man's "buldge"?

    And if you do. What do you think about a man otherwise presenting as male, but wearing woman's jeans and tucking?
    Last edited by Robertacd; 07-24-2017 at 09:52 PM.

  22. #22
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    They are just clothes, nothing to get excited about. Winter clothes, in particular, are function over fashion in the cold weather.

  23. #23
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    In reference to the Favorite Complement thread.

    How often do GG' s actually complement another GG that is total stranger on their outfit?

    How many times have you ever been complemented on your look by another GG that was a total stranger?

    Not counting store sales staff that are trying to make a sale.

    I tend to think that while we all love to be complemented. But if a GG would go out of her way to point out how good of job you did. It is really a sign that you are not passig.

  24. #24
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    I can honestly say I've never complimented a total stranger be it GG or otherwise on their outfit, and I've never been complimented either.
    Sandra
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  25. #25
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I've lived on this planet for many decades. Many. lol

    Throughout my life I can only think of a few times when I've asked another woman where she got something while expressing admiration (her purse, her coat, a top, etc), but that's only because I had already been looking for something similar. So all in all... maybe half a dozen times out of the tens of thousands of interactions I've had with women throughout my life.

    I've been to a few black tie affairs, where people dress in a manner that we don't see in our daily lives. On those occasions, female friends can and do compliment one another (not strangers), but that just translates to "Oh my, don't you look good all dressed up and glam". lol. It's more about recognizing that they made an effort they don't normally make and they look way different than they normally do. Call it more a compliment on the effort they've made. Again, of all the thousands of evenings I've gone out with female friends or couples, this situation has only arisen less than half a dozen times.

    Once a young woman was standing in front of me while we were waiting in line to order a latte. She had an exceptionally great head of hair. Long, thick, curly (not frizzy), in a honey blonde color that is rare and not fake. Truly beautiful, unlike anything I had ever seen. I told her she had great hair. But, compliments like this are reserved for the truly striking - things that stand out far above anything else (including all the gorgeous models we see every day in the media and in magazines), and not just a top I think is nice or a regular head of nice-ish hair.

    If a GG points out how good you look and you're just dressed up for day-to-day stuff, chances are she is acknowledging your effort, which is still a nice thing to do.
    Last edited by ReineD; 02-12-2018 at 02:44 AM.
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