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Thread: Ask a GG - Part Two

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    Ask a GG - Part Two

    Note to the CDers: this is a question/answer thread only. You may ask any question you wish within the forum rules, but please do not comment on individual answers so as to not cloud up the thread with potential "discussions". When you ask a question, include the circumstances, if there are any, which gave rise to your question. If you must respond to a particular GG about what she has said, please do so via PM. If any of the questions/answers strike you as being "discussion worthy", please start a separate thread for this in the appropriate section with a link to the specific question or answer as a reference point, if necessary.

    You may post a thank you to those who have responded, indeed it would be polite to do so, however, any further information you add will be deleted as you should have included it in the original question.

    Enjoy!

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    New Member EnvyxD's Avatar
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    Hey I'm a younger crossdresser and I want to have a girl best friend for when I'm en femme I guess what I'm asking is do GGs really accept and take under wing and want a CD as a friend?

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Depends on the girl. Most here would, I'm sure. Just need to find the right friends.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post

    Is it easier for you to accept cross dressing if it is a sexual kink versus a gender identity issue?
    Our starting out is different than most - We met here and I met Sherlyn first we dated a few years then married . For me I wanted to us both be real and it's just part of our life together. Our meeting was her first time going out and just living life and we had a lot of firsts together and growing together.
    So for me I much rather it be our life and not just a kink. To each their own but it's not just a kink for Sherlyn and if it would be more to someone it would not be right to say it was. Just be real when telling your partner.


    Your first question/ as a Fab mod there are very few Ggs that stay here if they break up . So you might not many answers.
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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    For the first question, was the "raw" feeling related specifically to you being transgender? I think "raw" is probably an accurate description for how many feel after a breakup with someone they love. Only once have I been in a relationship where I was in love and it ended. That was a hell that took a long time to get through. It was around two years post-break up before I started to feel better about it all.

    For the second question, I like that it's part of who he is and not a private kink. But my friends, some of them, can't wrap their brain around it. Gender bending seems to bend their mind. Maybe that's why I love that he's so out with it. I've been an advocate ally for the LGBT community since I learned about it in my youth, and I support most efforts to break the concept of the gender binary. I think he's beautiful, inside and out, and him being who he is in public... in my eyes that's bigger than him. He's contributing to normalizing a different understanding of gender. He's maybe (hopefully!) inspiring or encouraging others to be themselves in public. He's taking risks because it makes him happy to be out and accepted as who he is, and I think that's utterly beautiful and inspiring. I LOVE that about him.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?

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    We met on here became friends ... When I was driving up to see family up this way and we decided to meet. We would talk on cam most everyday till the fateful day. I always liked to go dancing with my friends and we would talk about going dancing together ( she never had) so we met and went to a club ( that use to be here) and danced the night away. From the moment we met it was love in first sight.We lived in different country's so when ever I came up it was usually weekends and the entire time it was Sherlyn. Never met the guy side till about 6 months when I had a week vacation. That was all long ago now .

    Just to explain more.... I joined here to help a friend come out to their wive that they hid this from all their married life. Everyone was super nice and made a group of friends that I really connected to.
    So I as a dare wrote a post " A GG looking for her CD" Big mistake as I had many married cders write me and say they would leave their wife for someone accepting ect . So I decided NOT date anyone from here as I wanted to be with someone that loved me for me only and not because I as accepting. When I was not looking for love I found it with someone I connected as a friend already.
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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    He hosted an orphan's Thanksgiving at his house for friends and others who had no other plans for the holiday. His roommate at the time is a friend and former co-worker, and she invited me. He put out a note on the Facebook event page that anyone who wanted to arrive early was welcome to. So I showed up an hour or so before anyone else. I had heard stories about him from my friend for about a year, but just about how awesome a friend he is. She never mentioned he was a CD, so I didn't expect to find a guy in women's clothes. He doesn't really do en femme so much, but he was wearing women's skinny jeans and a women's tee with a lacy cami under. White socks and black Mary Janes, which was the real standout part of his outfit.

    It was immediately apparent that he was a CD, and as someone unfamiliar with it, I wrongly assumed he must be gay, but then he started flirting with me as the night went on. We were basically a thing by the end of the night. We met up the next day and I've seen him every day since. I basically live with him now, only staying at my own house when I have my kids, and we're making plans to move in together in a couple of months.

    I don't really know how to explain it, as I've never experienced anything like it before. We just immediately fell in love, and it's been amazing.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Is it easier for you to accept cross dressing if it is a sexual kink versus a gender identity issue?
    It is easy for me to accept the CDing because I know that it is at times important for my SO to dress. My SO does not dress for sexual kink, nor does he have a female gender identity. But, if I were to choose between the two, I’d choose neither. Sexual kinks by themselves are OK, but oftentimes it goes deeper than that for a CDer who has a sexual motive. It is often a sexual preference, which has the potential to eclipse a GG’s role in her sex life with her SO. She wants her SO to be aroused by her more than by the thought of being female. As to gender identity, if my SO identified as a female I think I might constantly be wondering when she would transition, which would be problematic because I am not nor have I ever been attracted to females.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?
    I think that very few of us here have met our SOs in girl mode, or at least this seems to have been the case for the majority of the GGs who’ve joined this forum over the years. As for me, I knew my SO for 3 years before we began dating, but I did find out about the CDing as soon as we began dating. I met her a few weeks later. I had asked him if I could participate and my SO invited me over. We spent an afternoon talking and cuddling on the sofa. It was at that time that I knew my SO was the same person, no matter how dressed.
    Reine

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    [EDIT - it appears as if the person I responded to deleted their question and as I didn't quote them the following response has lost context - but I'll leave it here in case it answers another person's questions.]

    I tended to see it as black and white in the beginning: either the birth-male who presents as a female is a woman in the wrong body (TS), or does it for fetish (CD, TV, etc). Since it wasn't overtly sexual for my SO, I was convinced for many years that my SO was a TS in denial and that eventually my SO would transition. When, after some years, I realized that my SO is neither a woman nor someone who does this for fetish (in the way that "fetish" is commonly understood), I devised an understanding that gender is flexible (bi-gender, dual-gender, agender, pan-gender, TG, in-between, etc). But, since both men and women experience a wide variety of personalities/aptitudes/preferences that cross over into all the stereotypical gender boxes, including how stereotypically "feminine" or "not feminine" a woman may choose to present (right now I’m wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt lol), now I see it as a facet of personality, whether innate or developed over time, that is not necessarily gender-related.

    Unless a person is most definitely transsexual (experiences a dire need to alter their hormones and their body such that it matches their inner gender ID), I see it as a preferred activity that enhances a person's mood, which in the final analysis is indeed a part of who someone is. Seeing it as a preferred activity (vs gender) does not make it any less valid or less a part of who someone is. Who we all are is comprised of the sum total of all facets of our personalities, our preferences, our aptitudes and talents, our shortcomings, all of our past experiences that have shaped who we have become, in short, everything. And all of these things, other than our physical attributes, span both genders.

    So basically, now I define gender as the state of either being male of female, with "male" and "female" as terms that describe a person's sex rather than their preferences. I used to define gender according to dictionary definitions, as "behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex" but in our culture now, there simply are no longer "typical traits" associated with any one sex - not when you consider the varied roles that modern men and women play in their lives, other than their physical differences. So in other words, I see myself as a woman because I have a female body and not because of the things that I prefer or do not prefer doing. I don’t tend to enjoy "girly-girl" stuff at my age and I do enjoy doing things that cross the stereotypical divide (analytical stuff, repairing things, etc), but this does not make me any less a woman nor does it mean that I am somehow closer to being a man than a younger, girlier-girl counterpart.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-21-2017 at 05:24 PM.
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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    My bf's CDing started with socks, then underdressing, decades ago. His collection is massive, and he takes such care with it all. Dressers and chests organized by brand, color, cut, etc. He did an overhaul of his pantie drawers the other day, as they had become disorganized (which was probably my fault). He said he was being much less meticulous about it than usual. Which, as someone who just tossers her undies in a drawer, was sort of an amazing thing to hear while watching him ponder where to put each carefully folded and stacked (by color) pile (by brand). And he otherwise takes great care with all of his clothing.

    That's the only thing for which I've observed such behavior with him. He acknowledges it as "his crazy". I certainly don't mind it.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    [EDIT - it appears as if the person I responded to deleted their question and as I didn't quote them the following response has lost context - but I'll leave it here in case it answers another person's questions.]

    I don't know that I'd call it OCD, but then I'm not quite sure what the difference is between OCD and an intense preference for something. I never thought they were one and the same.

    To me, OCD is someone who washes their hands constantly, or who repeats actions beyond what is rational, for example always checking to see if the door is locked. Or having a very tight ritual when brushing their teeth that would cause them anxiety if they missed a step (not standing a certain way in front of the bathroom sink, for example), or obsessively counting things.

    So no, I have not seen any of these tendencies in my SO. The only thing I've observed is an intense enjoyment of the CDing, the clothes, acquiring the clothes, etc, that comes in waves. The intensity for my SO was most pronounced between year 0 and year 5 of our relationship (while my SO went from being a closeted, occasional CDer to someone who expanded socially and began to go out, with the expanded wardrobe and perfected look this required). And then eventually things returned to an even keel.

    When I was a teenager, I guess you could say that I was obsessed with skiing. I organized the ski trips for my high school and I skiied twice per week. I lived for skiing then, I just loved the skill and speed involved, and I used to be sorely disappointed if I missed a trip. It was like a drug to me, almost like smoking and going through withdrawal when there are no cigarettes. But, I never considered that I was OCD. I was fine in the summer when it was impossible to ski. And when I got older, moved, and began working, my life's reality was such that I could not ski twice per week any more and I was fine with that. My priorities had changed. My SO's priorities changed as well, once he experienced all the freedom he needed to experience in order to take it as far as he wanted to. And so now it tends to come in waves ... there's increased activity when the seasons change (winter to spring, and summer to fall), but the rest of the year there is reduced activity.

    ... so, just an intense desire, IMO, and not OCD.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-21-2017 at 05:25 PM.
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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Definitely a difference between obsessive compulsive behaviors and the disorder. It only becomes a disorder when it negatively impacts one's life. For my bf, I don't think it's a disorder. I mean, there's definitely a financial burden associated with the compulsion to constantly expand this collections of women's underclothes, and he's definitely got to have it all in a specific order, but it doesn't negatively impact his life enough to be considered disordered.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    I too have seen no real tendency toward obsessive compulsive behavior.
    I can say that, upon occasion my so does get a bit obsessed about certain things and stays that way until the goal is reached. It all depends on the importance of the goal and it is not exclusively CD related.
    For my part I do understand why your ex called it lazer-like focus, because when he does get obsessed, it can sometimes feel like that is all he is thinking and or talking about, even if it’s not. However, to be fair I get that way sometimes too, and honestly probably more often than he does.
    In terms of CDing right now there is a very intense focus on perfecting her look with a view to going out publically for the first time. Reine is right intense desire not OCD.

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    As for myself, I accept myself for who I am, so how could I do less for someone else. Crossdressing? I do not tolerate it I embrace it, She is him and He is her. The crossdressing doesn’t change who he is as a human being it is as much a part of who he is as an arm or leg. Cut out the crossdressing and he is no longer the whole person.
    As for what some women find repugnant, immoral and intolerable each person is different. Their life experiences are different. I am a moral person that has strong sense of fair play and equality. I do not like name calling or harassment of any kind. While my mother taught me the womanly arts she also taught me love and acceptance, my father taught me manly skills, both of them taught me strength and to think for myself. Being a gg I have had my fair share of harassment and incidents.

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    I don't just tolerate it, I embrace it. I like that he crossdresses. I love that he's unique and living an authentic life. So many men I've dated, I don't feel like I ever really knew who they were. Deep down, I mean. With my bf, this is him. I see his fears and desires, his joys and sorrows. Part of it is that he's such an emotional person, part of it is that he's comfortable being open and honest with me. But ultimately, we spend our whole lives, most of us, trying to conform to what society demands. I like that he's taking a stand against that. He does it for him, but it benefits us all.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Paige Dehart View Post
    I do not tolerate it I embrace it
    I didn't see your post until after I wrote mine. (We must have clicked reply around the same time.) But yea, this! My bf's last girlfriend tolerated it, so long as he didn't do it in public with her. I guess that's better than nothing, but I want him to be able to live his life entirely as he wants. And feel accepted. To be happy. He does everything he can to make me happy. This is a very easy thing for me to do for him.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    You're an accepting SO. How is this possible? How would you explain your ability to tolerate what many women find as repugnant, immoral and ultimately intolerable?
    I think I have always have had an open mind and I encouraged Sher to be free. I would not want anything less for myself as well. Free to Be and loved for me.
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    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
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    Member greeneyes's Avatar
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    I think that everyone should be who they are, and I have had men treat me very poorly. My SO treats me good. CD'ing is just another form of the person I fell in love with. We did a bit of role playing prior to me knowing about Joni, and I kinda see this as just role playing. I like how happy she is dressed. The energy is positive and alluring. I have not found anything negative about it. I know some people in our lives would not approve, or get it, so she is not out, but as far as for us, it works.

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Thanks so much for your replies! I'm a bit dense...so, is it how each of you is wired? Your outlook on equity, fairness, and self expression? How much does your SO's ability/willingness to express not only his own needs, but respond to and support your needs fit into acceptance?
    It's probably a combination of factors. My personality type is ENFJ. I'm very accommodating and derive much of my pleasure from pleasing others. Him being so emotive and thoughtful, it feeds into mine. He expresses his happiness and pleasure so well, and that makes me happy. That he is so giving and thoughtful, it makes me more giving and thoughtful. A positive feedback cycle of love and support, really.

    I've also been an ally to the LGBTQ+ community since I learned about it in my youth. I'm amazed and inspired by the progress that's been made in recent years, and so proud of people like him who have faced their fears and lived their lives openly, even if that meant some loss and pain for themselves. I'm proud of him, and proud to stand beside him.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    In order to answer this question, it needs to be clarified. An MtF is a she, not a he. And their desire to transition isn't, in my understanding, one of simply admiring women.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Would depend on a number of factors. How long they've been together, when she found out and how, how familiar she is with CDing in general and with his specifically, whether he's communicative or not, the specifics of his CDing and desires, etc.

    I don't think there's one-size-fits-all advice. I would have a lot of questions before I had any suggestions!
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Ok, another question: What would you suggest to a woman who is unaccepting of her partner's cross dressing?
    If just starting out together I would say it is a part of them and if you can not accept then the relationship should end. ( I am speaking from being a partner of someone that it is a part of who they always have been) unless you can work out accepting but not being involved - a dadt.
    For those that have been together many yrs and did not know that's tricky... For most the GGs I have met that found out later the trust has to be earned back ... Then realizing this is a part of them and figure out how to make it work between you both.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Have you met other GGs with CDing partners in RL?
    Many
    from here on the forum and couples at the T group I attend.
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    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

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    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    I have not me any others who are currently dating a CD, but one of my friends has previously dated a CD. He ultimately transitioned completely to live as a woman, which was one reason they broke up. He also had some other issues that became too much for her to handle. But she's fully supportive of my boyfriend.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

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    Member Karen's Secret's Avatar
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    Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    So, in meeting men, how high on the list of things you like/dislike and seek/avoid would cross dressing be on the list of things you want to know?
    If I were single and dated someone new who told me about the crossdressing, my feelings about it would be rather neutral. It is not up to me to tell someone they can or cannot crossdress. If the crossdressing was important and I liked this new romantic prospect, then I'd be more than happy to be supportive.

    BUT ... he would need to know how to keep his life in balance and this means that he would need an ability to appreciate all aspects of himself, girl and boy selves. I would not want to date someone who resented being in boy mode. By this I mean that if we were hanging out or going out in boy mode (for whatever reason), I would not like it if these experiences seemed colorless or boring to my partner. It's not fun to be with someone who cannot enjoy the moment. I also wouldn't want our relationship to be all about the crossdressing. On the other hand, if this new dating partner should not be a CDer but instead was a transwoman who was deeply unhappy presenting as a male, then we would likely be friends but not romantic partners. I am not nor have I ever been attracted to women.

    Quote Originally Posted by Karen's Secret View Post
    Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?
    You adjust during the day because your items don't fit properly.

    Pantyhose riding down? Get a larger pair of pantyhose, that are adequately long in the legs. If they are long enough, they won't ride down the way you describe. This will also take care of the rolling waist issue. Bra and cami straps falling off your shoulder? Sounds as if they are too loose. Tighten the bra straps and buy camis that have adjustable straps. Other potential issues ... if your skirt keeps riding up, it is too short and too tight. Get a longer, looser skirt or wear a slip. Shoes pinch too much? Get a larger or wider pair of shoes. Is there a gap (viewed from the back) between your top and pants/skirt when sitting down (i.e. does your lower back show)? Get a longer top that hits mid-hip or lower. Do you keep pulling down at your one piece bathing suit because it rides up too much? It is not long enough in the torso and you need a tall-girl's suit, or a two piece tankini with a long enough top.

    I can't think of any more potential wardrobe malfunctions.
    Last edited by ReineD; 04-23-2017 at 01:08 AM.
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