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Thread: Ask a GG - Part Two

  1. #151
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Kelly,
    One that comes to mind immediately is that most grown women don’t do their nails and hair together. My friends and I do not discuss fashion, either. That stuff stopped in middle school. If I think of more, I will get back to you. I’m sure the other ladies have something to add.

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    Hi LTP:
    My situation was a little different because my husband didn’t start dressing until we had been married a long time. And yes, it did effect my perception of him. It took a while (couple years) to get over that.

    If you want a very good detailed account of a GG whose boyfriend dressed the way you are describing, go back and read posts from Confused_Cathreen.

    Only you know what is best for your situation but if you really think you have feelings for someone, best to tell her before the relationship gets serious. Everyone reacts differently. Best of luck.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-08-2018 at 05:31 PM.

  2. #152
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Hi everyone.
    So, new to the forum and the discussion. However, despite only coming out to my wife a year ago I DID discuss fashion with her. We even had a complete stranger asking my wife if she could 'borrow' me after I opined to my wife that a certain top would look great with an a-line skirt. And this was about 8-10 years ago.
    Even as a male (and even before I acknowledged my feminine side) I engaged in my wife's clothing choices. Never controlling (THOSE guys are... Well polite company. I shalt debase myself.), but offering my unfettered opinion. I do KINDA understand the guys sitting outside the stores or the dressing rooms cos, no offense, many women have a fairly strong opinion about what they like and many men seem to feel like they don't know what the right answer is.
    But I've always (been with my wife 20 years now) found that honesty is best. Maybe it's simply that my wife is AMAZING (she is) but whatever, my discussing fashion with her deepened her trust is me LONG before I figured I was a CD.
    (I'll maybe broach the subject of her speaking for herself on here but we are still comparatively early days yet.)
    Abbie

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    I did have a question too though.
    (I suspect this may have be broached before but I'm playing catch-up. Please forgive me.)
    How many of you GGs actually socialise with your SOs female persona?
    I follow a fairly well-known UK CD (Juliette Noir) who addressed this recently. Juliette's wife knows about and erm tolerates Juliette but she and her wife don't chat over coffee.
    From my own perspective, well, I'm not yet at a stage of presenting as female as convincingly as Juliette, or as many of the 'ladies' here. But our personal circumstances are such that my wife and I DO have casual discussions (even catalogue shopping etc) while I'm dressed. I still currently have my beard (ew. Maybe in the spring) and she's commented once or twice about sitting next to her hubby with boobs. But we do manage it.
    That's me and the wife.
    What about you GGs? How many of you casually (or even more formally) socialise with your hubby/bf's femme side?
    Thx in advance,
    Abbie

  3. #153
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Hi Kelly you know on top of my head I can not think of anything but trust me lol I will as many times I have rolled my eyes at some of the comments on how Ggs act or think.

    Abbie drake yes Sherlyn and I had a complete life going everywhere as two women. Started out at clubs and dances and then progressed to just everyday life ice skating, restaurants, concerts boring stuff like grocery shopping you know just life.
    She kept work life as guy mode the rest was just us Sher and Di.
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  4. #154
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Abbie
    When my husband dresses, it’s ONLY to go out. His choice. He doesn’t like to spend the time dressing to sit home. We usually go to eat, maybe a small amount of shopping, and to someplace with a band to dance or listen to. We do the same thing when he is dressed as a man. To us, going out is about balance, not always CDed.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-15-2018 at 01:56 PM.

  5. #155
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    @char Clearly you make that work with the appropriate balance of male mode time. But you say 'his choice'. Are you open to or might you even prefer some time at home with him dressed, balanced as ever with male mode time?

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    Just to add, in my life 'balance' would be getting rid of even some hair and a single trip out. One day... For now it's all male mode except for the odd frock day at home. And some joint makeup play.

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    Heavens. I don't want to monopolise this thread but I had a lot in my head instead of sleep last night.
    The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?

  6. #156
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?

    My answer is no/ I feel it is a part of who someone is / I would not want to be fake in any way. So having a non cding try it would be the not being true to who they are and what’s the point.
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  7. #157
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    LTP: it changes your perception of your partner, forever, if it's not how he presented himself from the beginning. I have been quite open in this forum that I am attracted to masculine men and make no apologies for that. So when my image of my partner is a masculine one that corresponds to my preferences, then a feminine one is off-putting. The only way it might be reset back to what i find 100% attractive is if I am never exposed to it again. Which brings me to abbie's question: no interest in socialising with my partner if he presents as a woman. And is your second question about whether I would ever suggest it to a future non-cd partner? Never in a million years.

  8. #158
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Abbie,
    In answer to your question about recommending CDing to a non CDing male. I would think not. Just like I would not recommend fishing, golfing, (just using these as examples) or any other activity. I would just assume they are adults and their interests varied. If they wanted to CD, they probably already are doing so.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 12-16-2018 at 02:10 PM. Reason: sending pm

  9. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by LovingThePanties View Post
    If you were in a relationship w/ a guy who occasionally liked to dress (lingerie, dresses, & makeup to the 9s type dressing), would you still be able to view him as a masculine man when he wasn't en femme or would the knowledge that he liked to CD alter your perception of him, even if he was otherwise a very masculine guy?
    I’d have no trouble seeing him as a man when dressed as a man, even if he wasn’t a macho guy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter View Post
    Name the top things that you believe the CD/TG community don't seem to understand about how women relate to one another.
    1. We tend to bond with each other. I’ve gotten the impression over the years that many CDers believe women don’t like each other very much.

    2. We don’t tend to be jealous of another woman’s looks or body, unless we perceive that this woman is after our guy. But then we’d be jealous of her even if she was older, not as pretty, or heavier than us. We’d be jealous of the attention she was potentially getting from our guy much more than her looks. Most of us come to terms with how we look rather early in life and we make the best out of what we’ve got rather than waste energy wanting to look like someone else.

    3. We really don’t notice much what other women are wearing. When I compliment someone’s dress, purse, earrings, etc, it’s rather a bonding exercise, unless she is wearing precisely what I had been looking for, which is a coincidence that doesn’t occur all that often.

    4. As Char mentions, we don’t groom each other nor do we spend time talking about "girly" things. I talk about the same things with my female friends as I do with my male friends: events about our daily lives, current events, politics, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    How many of you GGs actually socialise with your SOs female persona?
    We go out often when my SO is dressed. But I don’t see it as my SO’s female persona. My SO doesn’t change persona, no matter how dressed.

    As to your comments about women asking a man’s opinion on a new outfit, I was married for 30 years to a non-CDer. I loved it when we went shopping together because I wanted to know whether he preferred this or that outfit on me. He didn’t mind giving me his opinion, even though he knew nothing about fashion. I always bought the one he preferred.

    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?
    No. Either he doesn’t want to dress or he does, in which case he needs no suggestion from me. lol
    Reine

  10. #160
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    How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know? I didn't tell my (late) second wife for almost 6 years, and it formed a wall between us for 20+ years. Almost two years after she died I told my next love before I proposed. She was OK at first, but not so much later and we broke up. Went into hermit mode until a friend introduced me to a co-worker a few years later. I told her after a couple of months, as things got serious, and things have worked well. We are married and very happy. I don't CD full time, and she is my fashion consultant.

    I expect a range of answers (and I'm not sure if someone has posted this already), but I'd like to get an idea of the average time: How soon would a GG want to know?

  11. #161
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    We met on here so I knew right away.

    But for most I would say when you think things are getting serious.
    Then they can decide.
    For me I now think why get married unless you can love each other unconditionally.
    If you can not be yourself / what’s the point? ( and that go both ways)
    Glad you are happy.
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  12. #162
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Lucy Darlene:
    I agree with Di here. Telling before things get serious would be ideal.

    The other thing is, how deep or how often is someone into dressing? Is it casual, once a week, every 2 weeks, once a month, or is it every day, taking dressing to bed, 24/7, need to transition? Is dressing on her mind constantly or only occasionally. All of that may make difference. But in the long run, a CDer would not want to waste her time or the GG's time if it was kept a secret after a few months.

    It sounds like you had a good timeline with your current wife, as long as you both a comfortable and happy, that's what matters.

  13. #163
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucyDarlene2018 View Post
    How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know?
    As soon as it is mutually understood that we are in an exclusive relationship, which implies there are feelings on both sides.
    Reine

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    Quote Originally Posted by LucyDarlene2018 View Post
    How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know?
    I wish I’d known before not telling me involved lying. And unnecessary lies, because I am not upset about the cross dressing. For most people that means they should tell their SO before they are serious enough to think about living together if not earlier.
    I don’t think my SO was cross-dressing so much early in the relationship. Still, I now know he was lying to me when I was being open and vulnerable about my sexual history and desires, before we were serious. Which makes me feel pretty crappy actually. And thats before the elaborate guilt-fuelled obvious lies about what he was doing - when I would have been perfectly happy to be told he needed some private time. Instead I began to imagine really terrible things.
    TLDR - tell the truth early, before you have to fix more about your relationship than your CD revelation.

  15. #165
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Hi ladies!
    Could I ask, beside your own personal feelings, are any of you upset, insulted, annoyed etc at our dressing on behalf of women more broadly? Like maybe with male privilege etc we should be content with being men without having to muscle in on your side of life. Do us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
    Thanks as ever for your time and consideration.

  16. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    Hi ladies!
    Could I ask, beside your own personal feelings, are any of you upset, insulted, annoyed etc at our dressing on behalf of women more broadly? Like maybe with male privilege etc we should be content with being men without having to muscle in on your side of life. Do us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
    Thanks as ever for your time and consideration.
    Hi. I don’t think there is anything offensive or misogynistic about wearing clothes more commonly worn by women. In fact, I actually appreciate it when men challenge those boundaries and don’t act as though anything “feminine” is somehow degrading or inferior. I would love a world where people wore whatever they want.
    Having said that, when I started reading cross-dressing sites to be more supportive and understanding to my husband, I did get quite angry and upset about a lot of the way women are discussed. Mostly this is probably not because of CDing particularly, but because its groups of men discussing women. There’s a range of opinions, but obviously there’s some ignorance and even a bit of open hostility from some men, that I don’t see in more mixed-gender forums. Sometimes though, I think some CDs confuse their fantasy of being a woman with reality and compare it unfavourably to us.
    And also, even without that, the whole thing can feel a little weird to a GG. It’s like being Scottish and finding your American boyfriend likes to wear kilts - unisual, but completely OK, and then he tells you he gets turned on by pretending to be Scottish and doing the accent and everything. It’s harmless, but as a real Scottish person, it does feel strange. Especially because he’s got no interest in Scots history, or politics, or books by Scottish authors, nope, just the kilt and the accent - and that can feel reductive, like he’s reducing being Scottish to some decorative bits that a lot of Scottish people enjoy but isn’t a central part of their lives. And then you go on line and find some Scotts-dressers who complain that gScotts people don’t wear enough tartan these days, or they have it so easy because they just spend their lives frolicking around the heather - as if they don’t have the same job problems as Americans, or claim they do a better accent than gScotts people or say that Scotts people should stop complaining about the British government because at least they get to wear kilts and on and on.
    Does that help?
    Last edited by MoGG; 02-01-2019 at 06:54 AM. Reason: Clarifications and fixed spelling.

  17. #167
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    @abbiedrake
    I am not insulted/annoyed about men dressing as women. I appreciate it if a CDer presents in a classy way. What I don't care for (in men or women), is when someone portrays themselves in a super sexualized way in public, acts like a street walker, post pictures of themselves in their sexy wear, and then cries foul when someone disrespects their presentation or treats them like the fantasy object they present themselves as. (That doesn't mean they can't dress as their fantasy in private).

    I don't think male privilege makes any difference. What is annoying is when men proclaim that they are "more feminine or girly" and claim to understand how the female mind really works. Many times, this is a male fantasy.

    I love MoGG's analogy! Very well said.
    Last edited by char GG; 02-01-2019 at 09:58 AM. Reason: spelling

  18. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    Hi ladies!
    Could I ask, beside your own personal feelings, are any of you upset, insulted, annoyed etc at our dressing on behalf of women more broadly? LDo us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
    Thanks as ever for your time and consideration.
    abbiedrake, no the dressing is fine totally and never an issue.I did not care if Sher lived 24/7 as Sher. She was the same either way and it was just who she was.
    I remember
    One thing that has bothered me about a cder Sher and I met/we were at an cd event and we met someone new and they kept batting their eyelashes and doing this teehee I do declare kinda thing / but when I thought about it / I guessed that was what they thought a woman should act like and maybe that was their first time out.
    I did not even know them but that would get on my last nerve on an everyday basis.
    But I guess they were living their fantasy but kinda disturbing to me as a proud independent woman.
    Lol I feel mean even writing about that cause it harmed no one but I still remember it bugging me even now.
    Last edited by Di; 02-02-2019 at 09:06 AM.
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  19. #169
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Thanks ladies. But special shoutout to Mo. Lmao!

  20. #170
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    Ladies there is a current Thread about catalogs in the 1960s and 70s. Just wondering if you ladies had as much interest in them as the guys have expressed ?

    Also wondering if growing up if it ever occurred to you how lucky you were to get to wear fun and cute dresses and nighties and if it ever crossed your mind that boys didn't get to wear such fun things ?

    By chance did it ever cross your mind that it would be fun to dress boys up in girls clothes ?

    Thanks so much, you ladies are the best and so helpful

  21. #171
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    My frilly clothes always involved scratchy stiff slips which I hated. I would have to dress up to go to my grandpa’s farm for family gatherings, when all of my cousins got to play in the barn and climb trees. I resented that. I would have rather played outside but couldn’t get my dress dirty. I finally got brave enough to overrule my mom’s decision that I dress up and brought play clothes to change into. I never had soft slips until I bought them myself as adult.

    Yes, I did like the catalogs, but usually the toys and sparkly jewelry. Not the slips or underwear (see scratchy slip comment).

    I did dress my poor little brother up when we played dress up. He was 6 years younger and got to be the bride! Lol! I don’t think he liked it!
    Last edited by char GG; 02-03-2019 at 09:45 AM.

  22. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robbiegirl View Post
    Ladies there is a current Thread about catalogs in the 1960s and 70s. Just wondering if you ladies had as much interest in them as the guys have expressed ?

    Also wondering if growing up if it ever occurred to you how lucky you were to get to wear fun and cute dresses and nighties and if it ever crossed your mind that boys didn't get to wear such fun things ?

    By chance did it ever cross your mind that it would be fun to dress boys up in girls clothes ?

    Thanks so much, you ladies are the best and so helpful
    Those catalogs are a bit before my time, so I can’t speak to that. I grew up in overalls, jeans and sneakers - for which I was and am very grateful. Like most girls primary school age I felt sorry for friends who were made to wear the frilly restrictive dresses their grandparents bought them. I also thought all those pinks and pastel colours for girls were really yucky- they aren’t to my personal taste even now.

    I never heard any boys complain about not getting to wear those girls clothes, so it never occurred to me to feel sorry for them, but I did feel sorry over similar things. My earlier childhood was in a farming community with very religious and traditional views and my best friend was beaten and not allowed to play with me any more, because his father didn’t want him to be friends with girls. Manly men avoid women apparently. Mind you, at a community event they had a race for the fastest to shimmy up a flagpole, and when a girl was fastest it wasn’t counted and the old people were angry with her for trying. As a child I knew all this was mean and unjust and I never looked back when we left.

    My first teenage boyfriend wore whatever he wanted, including some “womens” clothes, the more luxurious and flamboyant the better, and it was the reason I admired him at first sight. I don’t think that boyfriend was a cross-dresser, he just liked colours and lush textures, and would probably have preferred to dress like an 18th century nobleman if he could have found that in the charity shops. I did feel sorry for everyone, male or female, who wasn’t able to wear what they liked, and I knew I was lucky my family didn’t care even if they often laughed at me and my outlandish friends.

    I once put make-up on my brother because he was curious. Mostly he liked to pretend he was male characters and I helped with that too. Sometimes I’d dress older boys up “as girls” when the boys were curious, because boys made such a fuss about how weird and mysterious girls’ stuff is, and we didn’t think it was such a big deal. We were a lot more likely to roll our eyes and tell them to put on their big boy pants and wear eyeliner or nail polish if they wanted. I had the luxury of a more tolerant age and place by then.

  23. #173
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robbiegirl View Post
    Ladies there is a current Thread about catalogs in the 1960s and 70s. Just wondering if you ladies had as much interest in them as the guys have expressed ?

    Also wondering if growing up if it ever occurred to you how lucky you were to get to wear fun and cute dresses and nighties and if it ever crossed your mind that boys didn't get to wear such fun things ?

    By chance did it ever cross your mind that it would be fun to dress boys up in girls clothes ?

    Thanks so much, you ladies are the best and so helpful
    We did look at catalogs but toys mostly.
    I took dance classes so dressed up some but mostly play clothes at home ( pants and shorts ) playing hide and seek and baseball. Dresses for school and church never thought about it it was just my clothes. ( pants dresses whatever )
    My cousins and I played house and we’d take turns doing each other’s mom and dad roles no one cared what clothes they had on.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robbiegirl View Post
    Ladies there is a current Thread about catalogs in the 1960s and 70s. Just wondering if you ladies had as much interest in them as the guys have expressed ?

    Also wondering if growing up if it ever occurred to you how lucky you were to get to wear fun and cute dresses and nighties and if it ever crossed your mind that boys didn't get to wear such fun things ?

    By chance did it ever cross your mind that it would be fun to dress boys up in girls clothes ?

    Thanks so much, you ladies are the best and so helpful
    I am too young to remember the catalogues you are talking about and come from a culture where catalogues in general didn't exist much. People were buying things in shops, and that's it.
    Lucky to wear dresses? That made me laugh. I still remember the tantrum I threw one day when my mum wanted me to wear a dress to a birthday party and I point blank refused, to the point where I stated I wouldn't go to the party if that was what I was expected to wear. Fun for me was a pair of jeans and chunky boots. What did cross my mind is how lucky boys were who didn't have to have such arguments with their mother! So now you have the opposing point of view,Robbie, you were damn lucky as a child! I have no idea why you would find being made to wear frills "lucky" but there you have it.
    As for fun making a boy or bf for that matter wear girl's clothes, I never hated any man that much to want to put him through something like that 🙂

  25. #175
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    Like maybe with male privilege etc we should be content with being men without having to muscle in on your side of life. Do us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
    Thanks for asking, but I've never understood the idea of CDers muscle-ing in on women. Doesn't this imply that women should somehow feel threatened for what - the increased competition? My gender is not sacred. There are 3.5 billion other women on this planet and surely we can all accommodate a few CDers. Besides, there is a huge difference between GGs and CDers. As to potential competition, there is none because men who are interested in CDers are generally not interested in GGs, and vice versa.

    There is one aspect of the CDing that gives me pause - the fake or hugely exaggerated feminine mannerisms (giggles, sashaying, extending pinkie fingers, using stereotypical expressions in falsetto voices), the overly sexualized style of dress (gives me the impression the dressing is a sexual fetish), or the little-girl frilly type dresses on middle-aged men. I don't feel personally put-out or threatened by any of these, but I do feel embarrassed for the CDers who act and dress that way.

    Last, I agree with Mo. It wasn't until I became familiar with the CDer community that I realized the degree to which many CDers resent women.
    Reine

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