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Thread: Ask a GG - Part Two

  1. #26
    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    OK, here's a question: CDing males seem fairly rare...its difficult to guesstimate how many or what percentage of males fall in this group, and despite that...it seems like the 6 degrees of separation thing...we all know one (or are one). So, in meeting men, how high on the list of things you like/dislike and seek/avoid would cross dressing be on the list of things you want to know?
    I expect I will marry my bf, but imagining we parted ways, I would definitely date another CDer, so it's something I would want to know for sure. But my feelings almost identically mirror Reine's. I would want there to be a balance, and if he was transitioning or had thoughts to, that would not be of romantic interest to me, as I too am attracted to men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Karen's Secret View Post
    Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?
    This happens to women, too. Having grown up and lived most of my life fairly poor, hand-me-downs along with thrift store and clearance purchases have often meant my clothes don't fit as well as I'd like. You can Superman pantyhose and tights by putting a pair of panties over them to help keep them in place. Using or adding clips to bras to make them racerback helps with slipping straps. Chapstick helps prevent blisters from ill-fitting shoes. Sometimes you just have to get creative!
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen's Secret View Post
    Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?
    I'm a thicker gg, I'm 4'10" and weigh 150. It's hard for anything to fit right. I'm always adjusting and fixing things. Sometimes makes me resent the social "requirement" to look a certain way, and wear certain items.

  3. #28
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    Hi wonderful GG's!! I have been seeing a therapist for a couple months and she's been wonderful. My wife wasn't happy at first but grudgingly accepts I go and she knows it's helped me become happier. The therapist has seen pics of my from my very first outing for a makeover and shopping while dressed at a mall. My wife knew about the outing before hand and was not happy about it at all. Her biggest fears are someone we know will see me and that I will like going out so much that this will become a full time thing (dressing). I believe her fears about me going full time have lessened, it's not feasible or something I want given my life circumstances.

    Ok, so my questions are....

    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?

    I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.

    I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement that basically goes like this...I know you want to dress as a woman full time...I don't and I love being a man AND a man who CD's....you're lying to yourself...I'm not and I love/want to be with you and our children (2 teenagers).....you get it. How can I get her to understand I am a part time CD who truly wants to be her husband/man while sometimes CD ing? I feel the best way is to live life the way I have for our 25+ years together (she knew before we married).

    Sorry for being so long winded and thanks for any input and advice you can offer me!
    Last edited by Salina; 05-31-2017 at 06:25 PM.

  4. #29
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    You asked
    [My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    As a wife I would want to know everything... That's me..... Maybe ask - tell your therapist this and see what she thinks you should say.
    Also how bout have your wife go to a session with you.maybe ask your therapist about doing that at some point.
    Me being devils advocate .... Not saying anything would worry me to death.
    But not every relationship is the same.... I had past relationships where it felt like two ships passing in the night. They did their own thing and I did mine. Never again.... We went in to our relationship saying no secrets so my answer is coming from how I would react.
    About going dressed ... I would not care but we life our life open and that would not bother me.
    I really think you should like I said maybe have a joint session and her fears would prob go away then as her mind is prob thinking all kinds of things.
    Best Wishes

    P.S. Trying to think how another GG might react about you going to see the Therapist dressed without her knowing might be a big mistake with her already worrying about your sessions. I hope you can include her so she doesn't feel left out .
    Anyways glad you are seeing someone .
    Last edited by Lorileah; 06-01-2017 at 11:00 PM. Reason: fixed quote
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  5. #30
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    Thanks for responding Di! I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those. I didn't mention I've come off a 6 year hiatus from dressing which was kind of like getting blindsided for her. I have shared some of what we talk about but not everything. On top of all this she's going through menopause which makes things more difficult for her. As far as telling her I'd like to go to a session dressed, my gut says I should, my mind says I shouldn't because I know she will be against it. Thanks again for your feedback and I truly admire yours and Sherlyn's wonderful relationship!

  6. #31
    Member kimberly c's Avatar
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    A question, I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive. I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.


    Kim

  7. #32
    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    She's entitled to whatever you feel comfortable sharing and nothing more. You have offered to have her participate. If she wants to know what's being discussed, she needs to show up. And it would benefit you both if she would, because your conversations on the topic are circular because she's not listening to you and accepting your words. A therapist would call her on it in a way that she likely won't let you. And that's probably why she doesn't want to go.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.
    If you think she'll be upset, and she won't otherwise find out, what is the benefit of telling her?

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    (she knew before we married).
    Have you reminded her of this?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.
    Everyone is different in this regard. I can go either way. It all depends on the roles.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

  8. #33
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    I would want to know everything. My situation is different as I went to all sessions with Nigella. My take is if you have nothing to hide then why not tell her? of course it would be a lot better if she did attend with you. I would tell her that you can go dressed to the next session, better coming from you than her finding out at a later date you went dressed and didn't say anything, at least then she can't turn round and say "you didn't tell me"
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  9. #34
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    Thank you Sandra and Gabriella for your responses. I have shared some of what we discuss and have invited her to come numerous times and she always declines. One thing my therapist suggested I tell my wife, after discussion on our relationship was to tell her " I am exactly where I want to be with you and our children". My wife's biggest fear is I'm going to leave her, our kids, my life to start over living full time dressed as a woman. Saying this made a big impact ( I meant it 100%) and she has lightened up a bit. Thanks again for your feedback!!

  10. #35
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    Kim-
    I had trouble for a long time getting my husband to be more"manly" in bed. This was before I knew about his cd'ing. After I found out, it made me realize what I had missed all those years. Letting a man be more feminine in bed leads to some highly intoxicating and sensual love making in my experience. But yes, I also like to be dominant on occasion and let him be girly about it. It gives manu.options for roleplay and reaching new hieghts of intimacy.

  11. #36
    Junior Member Samantha uk's Avatar
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    Can I get you GG's opinion. Let me give you a bit of back story first. My SO and I are finally finding a place for my CD'ing, its been a long road with lots of tears but we seem to have made it work. It was a big shock for her when I told her 4 years ago. Normally my SO is a very liberal, supportive, loving partner and we are a very close couple with definite masculine and feminine identities in our relationship, because of this she had an extreme reaction to me coming out, she said if it was anyone else she would be absolutely fine with it. The irony of all that is that she was even more distressed at her own reaction and not being able to be the supportive partner she had always has been.

    Anyway that brings us to today and our current arrangement is based on being honest about how we feel and me only doing it when shes not around. She says she is now absolutely fine about it and we do talk often but she has never expressed any interest in seeing me dressed which makes me wonder if she still finds the idea of it too difficult.

    I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG

  12. #37
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha uk View Post

    Anyway that brings us to today and our current arrangement is based on being honest about how we feel and me only doing it when shes not around. She says she is now absolutely fine about it and we do talk often but she has never expressed any interest in seeing me dressed which makes me wonder if she still finds the idea of it too difficult.

    I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG
    Hi I think you are doing the exact right thing let her decide when and if she sees you dressed. Although in my case I met Sherlyn dressed and it's our life together - my pov is coming from hearing other GGs here and our local group that found out later in a relationship do not push it because when they are ready they will tell you. The way I understand it it's not that they are not curious but more that they have an image of you as their partner and do not want to lose that. If and when they sort that out in their mind and ready they will invite your girl side to meet her. Keep being patient and keep being open and honest that's everything in a relationship.
    Last edited by Di; 06-19-2017 at 06:47 AM.
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  13. #38
    Junior Member Samantha uk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Di View Post
    they have an image of you as their partner and do not want to lose that.
    Ha thats exactly the stuff we talked about when I first told her. I like being her husband and if seeing me dressed changes who I am to her then I'd rather she didn't. I'll just have to see what happens
    thanks
    Di

  14. #39
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
    As your wife, I'd say she is. No one else is. I would not want to be married to someone who kept important details from me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.
    If your wife wants details, I'm guessing this means she also wants to know when you go out dressed. You will both need to learn how to deal with you doing things that upset her. Keeping your actions from her is not a way to resolve this, it just sweeps things under the carpet until they explode again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement ....
    Sometimes it does take lots of conversations before spouses can come to a meeting of the minds. At one point, my ex and I saw a marriage counselor for a year! We went because we could not have a meeting of the minds or any understanding of the issues that were causing problems in our relationship. We talked about them with a counselor for a year in all sorts of different ways. An entire year, 52 discussions!

    Maybe your wife can come with you to see the counselor if only for the two of you to learn how to navigate the crossdressing peacefully in your relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those.
    You'll need to impress upon her the importance of getting a third party involved in your conversations if you do not feel that your conversations are being resolved.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha uk View Post
    I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG
    Do you want to dress in front of your wife? Then you need to ask her if she'd be OK with that.

    Do you feel that dressing in private without telling her is somehow going behind her back? Then you need to tell her how you feel and ask for her input.

    Do you want to know why she is not curious? Ask her.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.
    I don't look at it the same way you do. I'm a woman in bed, obviously, but I don't need to wear lingerie in order to feel sexy. I have worn lingerie on occasion to please my partners, but I didn't wear it to enhance my own arousal.

    As to submission, I see myself as equals with my SO and this is reflected in the bedroom. Sex with my SO is an expression of our love for one another more than establishing who should be the Dom and who should be the Sub. We've used a variety of positions, so I cannot say that either one of us is consitently the top or bottom. I dare say that sexually active people (both men and women) also use a variety of positions, wome of which are so contorted as to make it impossible to determine which is the top or bottom!

    I would not enjoy having a partner who needed to be submissive all the time (or who needed any other thing other than me all the time). Then it would feel as if he got more out of taking on a specific sexual role than he got out of just having sex with me. In other words, the sexual role would be the main event and not me.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimberly c View Post
    I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.
    I'd like to point out that being a woman in bed has nothing to do with being submissive. In our day-to-day lives, we are not "submissive". We take charge of our careers, finances, etc - many of us are single and we take on all the tasks and responsibilities that men take on.

    Sexual submission is a sexual role that both men and women can enjoy as a sexual fantasy. If you need to be submissive in order to enjoy sex or be able to perform, then I suggest that it is more of a fetish for you (like the people who live the BDSM lifestyles and who do not enjoy sex without a particular kink). There is nothing wrong with that, lots of people enjoy kinks and they are indeed fun, but submission in itself is not an expression of gender - not when modern women are no longer submissive beings who need to depend on men in order to survive, and who can't stand up for themselves, can't be in charge at work, etc.

    So in a nutshell, it is important for sexual partners to be sexually compatible. If either a man or a woman needs to be a Sub all the time in order to maximize their enjoyment, they would be best matched with someone who needs to be a Dom all the time to maximize their own enjoyment. This way, they'd both enjoy sex 100% of the time. But, if both people absolutely needed to be the Sub (or the Dom), they'd need to take turns and they'd always be missing out 50% of the time.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-22-2017 at 01:45 PM.
    Reine

  15. #40
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    A little background before my question. Before we were married during an intimate moment my wife blurted out and cried about instances of inappropriate "touching" by her step father. She stated it was as a teenager, although I have grown to have my doubts. After we were married we incorporated my love for nylon into our romantic evenings, not all the time, just some of the times. It only involved hosiery, garter belts and nylon nightgowns. When she became pregnant with our first child she again blurted out some material fact. This was no her first pregnancy. She only told me because it was a medical issue. First pregnancy are treated differently than the second or third, etc. I also found out from her she had her first marriage annulled. It sounded as if this was something done on the spur of the moment in an easy to get marriage state. I have no idea if this related to the pregnancy.

    When my desire to wear more than fetish bedroom play developed, she did the freaking out when we had the "talk." What was really painful was her statement that she wished she had never told me her "secrets," so she could just walk away from our marriage. I never asked, nor did I ever care to peruse any of her secrets. She told me if I ever brought any of it up again (I did not bring it up to begin with) she would divorce me. Nor would I ever had used it as leverage to gain any sort of acceptance..period. Her secrets will go to the grave with us.

    Question; No need to give more information than yes or no, but, are there are skeletons in your closet that your husbands do not know about? And, do they make his crossdressing more palatable than it would have been otherwise? My wife's secrets have had more of an impact on her and our marriage than cross dressing has ever had on me or our marriage.

  16. #41
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Nope, absolutely no skeletons in either my closet or his. I could not be married to someone who kept secrets. Frankly, I don't understand couples that do.
    Reine

  17. #42
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    I have no secrets. My BF and I are both extremely open people. I would be surprised if he had secrets he was keeping from me. Considering what he's told me, they'd have to be whoppers to top what I already know. That said, I like that he crossdresses, so secrets don't play a part in that.
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

  18. #43
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Nope no skeletons here
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  19. #44
    Seńora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    Okay new question. Referring to the "Not a Man Down There" thread.

    How many GG's actually look at a man's "buldge"?

    And if you do. What do you think about a man otherwise presenting as male, but wearing woman's jeans and tucking?
    Last edited by Robertacd; 07-24-2017 at 09:52 PM.

  20. #45
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    No skeletons either.

    RE: "the bulge". I don't look for it. If it's there, I don't notice.

    @kimdl93 (going back a few months) I know a few CDers from my husband's support group. Obviously, everyone is different so this answer may not pertain to you, but it is annoying when CDers seem to want be noticed to the exclusion of anyone else around them (just as it would be with anyone in the general public who acts self centered). When some are dressed with their SO's, it seems that they cease being a "couple" and it becomes all about the CDer. They want to talk about themselves, what they are wearing, how many shoes & dresses that they have, how many pictures are taken, etc. So, if you are going out into the dating world, you may want to keep a check on the "give and take" of a relationship. It can't be all about one or the other person. Again, this is an observation of a tiny number of CDers; I am sure there are many CDers, who are considerate of their partner's feelings.

  21. #46
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    Robertacd - I don’t look for bulges either. I should think that most pants have enough fabric in the area to not be skin tight? Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable if there was no room to breathe down there? Although I do remember, way back when, seeing pics of the Rolling Stones or other rock stars in their tight pants with visible bulges - you couldn't help but notice then and I think these guys wanted to show off their wares to the fan base. lol

    As to what I think about tucking … I’m under the impression there are two basic reasons for doing this. One, the person is transsexual and would prefer to not have their penis. In this case, I think she should tuck if she cannot have SRS.

    Or two, the person has no desire to get rid of it but tucks because he enjoys wearing clothes that are tight down there (as opposed to wearing looser skirts which would not require any tucking). Not being a CDer, I can only surmise that wearing tight pants or dresses and tucking (while not wanting to get rid of it) is an activity that heightens feelings or has a "feel-good" factor to it. I would feel troubled if my SO tucked for those reasons. I would also feel troubled if my SO dressed in tight women’s clothing, which would indicate to me a desire to be admired by men. I’ve always gotten the impression that GGs who purposely wear tight clothing (like this, as opposed to this), do this to get guys excited.
    Reine

  22. #47
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    No skeletons


    I do not look for bulges and if perhaps if I notice one ( someone wearing something really tight and it shows) I think ewwwwww .

    As far as tucking I think you should do whatever makes you feel like you.
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  23. #48
    Member Robbiegirl's Avatar
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    Question about telling my sisters

    I am the middle child between two sisters all of us just a year older. Growing up I was very short so even my younger sister was taller than me till I was 14. So the point is I could fit into all their fun clothes ! They of course know this since several times around 5-7 I was put into thier dresses by my mom and aunt as a punishment, which they love and still talk about. Well we are all close and they are fun and silly so they will have tons of questions. My question is how honest should i Be and how upset do you think they will be that their brother tried on lots of their cute clothes ?
    Some of my favorites were there cute little tennis dresses with the ruffle butt panties they wore underneath, there babydoll nighties, and Easter and Party dresses . Didn't get into their panties much but did try on a bikini my sister had dared me to put on and i declined.

    For me wearing their things was fun but how will they feel ?

  24. #49
    Junior Member Stumble's Avatar
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    If I were your sister my first reaction would be, "why bring this up now?" If it happened int the context of a long talk about your interest in dressing feminine, then reminiscences would be natural. Otherwise.. recall there are weird dudes who sniff their sisters' undies. I would want you to be sure all the siblings were feeling warm and happy with one another. I'm not sure the point of bringing in old memories where you may not have had their permission to be handling their cloths. Do you see my point?

    It's not that what you enjoyed was wrong in the abstract, only that siblings often have many unresolved "issues" about boundaries, whether it had to do with gender matters or not.

  25. #50
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    Robbiegirl, I agree with Stumble's response. I've read a few of your latest posts and it strikes me that the CDing for you is a female clothing fetish. Sharing this with your family members might be TMI. Also, you frequently mention the notion that women dress men up in women's clothing for their own amusement. I think this is your fantasy more than the reality.
    Reine

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