Imagine your reaction as an SO?

[LilSissyStevie]

I'd say, using my best Mae West imitation, "Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you glad to see me?"

[StephanieM]

I think this is a good thread. Trying to imagine how our wives or SO feel about this, and imagining how we would react if the tables were turned.
You pretty much have to put a gun to my wife's head to get her to wear a dress, and I'm fine with it. The rule at our house is wear what makes you feel good and comfortable.
We have dressed as opposites for Halloween before and it was fun.

[Tamsin Secret]

Thanks all for your input. It really was a question that when thought about is no more obsurd than the situation I find myself in.

Is the question flippent? Yes
Is the question deep? Yes
Is it feesable to want to understand what our SO's feelings maybe? Yes

Honestly I will never try to ask questions that provoke or warrant defensive answers more completely (and maybe nievely) open my own personal mind to the greater good for comment good or bad.

I'm really benefiting from joing this group and learning an awful lot about people and their experiences.

I am inquisitive, always will be, I also think that a big part of my personality is shaped towards seeing things from the other side of the fence in all sorts of situations and this has always served me well.

The question is genuine in its simplicity. Please don't think otherwise as it was meant mearly, as I say above, as a way to open up my random thinking for others to peer into for a second.

In life we rarely get the opportunity to put our personal thoughts out for opinion but for me this forum is allowing that in a way I have never thought possible on this private feature of my life.

:-*

Miss S

[Meghan4now]

Miss S,

You should not have to feel like you need to defend your question, it is a reasonable one. Even if it has been asked before.

Char's input is correct, and it is funny how often and widely we see that, "Well women crossdresser all the time"

No, not really. True crossdressing involves wearing the "opposite" genders clothing with the intent of crossdressing. So just wearing flannel and jeans doesn't cut it. I have a gay niece, and she has adopted a much more butch appearace, including (gasp!) Shirts that button on the Wrong side! I'll ask her if she thinks she's a crossdresser, but I think I already know the answer.

Anyway, with the whole binding packing imagery in mind I will say:
It depends on her intent and her actions. If she is just doing it part time, and even to get in touch with her inner man, but still loves me and wants to be with me, well ok. If she wants to become a man, or doesn't want to share the bed with me, then we may have a problem.

I would prefer she stay smooth and feminine, but if she let her leg and armpit hair grow, well then I would insist she learn french.

[JenniferR771]

Good point about my father, Sherry.
Just try to imagine how your mother would have felt about your father if he were wearing a dress.
Imagine when you first met your wife--would you have been attracted to her if she only wore pants? Never wore makeup? If she had short hair? Shaved head? Hairy legs? Chest reduction surgery? I am not sure I could have coped with it--if this happened the year after we were married. If two people are living together--it helps if they find each other attractive. At least one of them should know how to cook.
Did you ever live with your brother? Fun, right?

[ClosetED]

My wife bought a fake beard and mustache and tried the reverse psychology - she wanted to be the man and have me kiss her with the facial hair on. Despite the fact I was not trying to have sex with her dressed, just girlfriend status. But I see her point. I told her I would just see the person and not the outward appearance. She cannot separate them.
As to seeing my father in a dress - if I saw how truly happy he was in that dress and makeup, then I would be happy for him. He put up with a lot from my mother and worked hard for us.
But good topic to bring up.
Hugs, Ellen

[Shayna]

Knowing what I like to dress in, I would be fine, even if she wanted to do the fake facial hair, etc. If she wanted to live as a male full-time, I do't think I could live with that –*and I would also be shocked, knowing who she is.

All that said, I'm sure if I didn't dress I would have a problem understanding it, which is why I'm not upset my wife has difficult with it. Of course, if I didn't dress, I wouldn't be me.

[Emma1]

If a had a girlfriend and she wanted to dress up like a guy full-time, including a fake beard, I would probably be less attracted to her. However, if she just wanted to do it part0time, I wouldn't mind.

[Becky Blue]

Of course we here are inherently biased. Whether we are in the closet, DADT or happily sharing, our reactions are based on the knowledge of what we are. Naturally I would support anything my wife wanted to do, would I like it? That is the $1million question. Would i encourage her? Go out with her? Yes, but that because of who i am.

[Lacey CD]

I tend to look at things from my personal frame of reference. I've come to a place in my life where I don't have a need to pass and have no desire to present as a woman. I love being a feminine man. So from that point of view, if my wife wanted to express her masculine side through clothing, I wouldn't have any issue whatsoever. I think for me it would all depend on "how far" she wanted to go. I would probably draw the line at facial hair.

[Karen G]

Well, there will be mixed feelings of course but I will be very glad to be in that situation since we will be able to share that very important part our selves and in a selfish way of seeing things I would be able to wear dresses almost all the time!

[phili]

Thinking seriously about how we would feel when our partner tips over our gender preference cart is really useful. After all, the thing we are all trying to solve is how to bridge that gap with our SO, and to admit that we wouldn't want to, or feel comfortable, if our partner seems to be becoming some strange gender to us, then the next question is what would we want our SO to do about our discomfort!

In my case, I can't see myself saying she can't do this or that- because my pitch to my wife is that I need to do this or that to try to find myself and feel like one person instead of a split/pretend person. I can share her hope that short skirts may not turn out to be a permanent feature of my presentation, but I can't promise how long it will take to undo a lifetime of wishing I was wearing them more often. I can attest to the difficulty of sorting out the threads of my urge, so I would have to allow her the same space. In my view, being married is our commitment to helping each other with whatever we need help with.

[looking_good]

Love this question. In my case, dressing is about me, and how I feel, so answering this type of question puts the focus on empathy for those that are affected and away from myself.

I hope that I would have the wisdom to learn from my wife's example. She asks the right questions, set boundaries, and is both kind and clear. I hope she has gotten a better husband in return.

[Alice_2014_B]

I have actually thought about this exact thing, being that my wife already knows.

Honestly, it would all depend on the situation I guess, for different people.
My wife knows it's for entertainment purposes for me (for the most part).

Regardless, it's a very good thing to think upon, keeps from being selfish.

[geek]

Being as I don't have a significant other, for me this is purely a hypothetical situation/question. I don't know how I would react to that kind of revelation, though I know how I would like to think I would react. Hopefully I would react with non-judgemental acceptance, if not understanding.

[darla_g]

i don't think i would have any problem with it and maybe in a way it could be kind of fun

[Sandin Meknickers]

Mine would be the same as hers. "If you look ridiculous I will tell you the same as I'd tell anyone else."

[Tracii G]

Thats the question I pose to many CDers on this site that complain their SO's are being unreasonable.
Usually I respond that way to CDers that their SO's let them wear panties for the first time and they think that is the green light to go 24/7 and go full on sex change surgery.
I would bet a lot of CDers here would be the "not in my backyard" type.

[ellbee]

Jean TG
Just felt like chiming in here. Most women who wear jeans, lumberjack shirts, down vests, etc, are NOT crossdressers. They don't try to pass as men. They don't get offended if people call them the "other gender". This is no longer the 1900's or the 1950's. Women dress in pants for various reasons, fashion, comfort, the main reason in the North is for warmth! So, you can think what you want, of course, and you can justify your actions by comments like that. Most women are not on a website carrying on about how wonderful it is to be a "man" just because they wear jeans (and a lumberjack shirt).

Yeah, and I dress in women's yoga pants & women's hoodies due to fashion & comfort. Honest! No freaky fetish funny biz, either. And since I'm *not* adorned in a wig, make-up, body padding, etc., and I'm *not* trying to pass as a woman when I wear this stuff in public, *I'm* not a crossdresser, either!

Am I following your "logic" correctly, here?


And just to take it one step further: On some levels, you're basically implying that some of your fellow GG's are not presenting as women, themselves, all the time -- You know, since they aren't living up to your beauty standards of hair length, of applied facial pigments, of particular body measurements, of particular garments, etc.

Wow. Congrats on that one.
You've come a long way, baby...



P.S. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but if you bought it on the "other side of the aisle" & you wear it? Guess what...


Definition of cross–dressing

: the wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex

cross–dress intransitive verb
cross–dresser noun

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crossdress


But go ahead & deny all you want. Seems to be a common thing with GG's. I wonder why they're so ashamed to even acknowledge & admit it? Funny, that. Perhaps they could use a website/forum that helps them come to terms with it all?



P.P.S. I still lurve you, all the same!

[Sandin Meknickers]

All about context isn't it. Who gave girls the right to opulent fabrics and frilly finishes? For centuries, dandy cocks pranced around the courts in clothes a presumed "man" of our time wouldn't wear without fear of ridicule. Imagine being Ron Weasley opening your dress robes...

Imagine a duck or a peacock. Males present more colourful than their drab female counterparts. And this whole calling male clothing drab is a lazy language mistake. Unless you're referring to the drab personality you put on with male clothes which is purely subjective.

[ellbee]

Anyway, getting back to the OP...


For me, I think it would come down to a level of moderation. Just how "into it" is she/he? How often? And why??


I'd personally probably have to draw the line at hormones and/or steroid use, as well as any surgery. Because at that point, things are probably getting a bit serious.

At the same time, if she wanted/needed to dress 24/7/365, that would be another thing that I couldn't deal with.

We could still be good friends & all that, but as a "life partner" of sorts? Nope, not my cup of tea. And yeah, I'd probably be a bit shocked, pained, etc., especially if this suddenly came out of the blue swiftly & strongly, without any sort of prior "warnings" or observations throughout our time together.


And for the record, I feel the same exact way when it comes to a GG SO in this situation -- i.e., I wouldn't expect her to automatically embrace her husband/BF in the above scenarios, either. I do keep things pretty equal across the board.



Anyway, if it was just more "casual" stuff? I don't mind one bit. She wants to dress up either partially or entirely in guy-clothes & go out in public like that sometimes, *without* presenting as a dude? Hey, go for it. I'm cool. I've had GF's & GG-friends wear my shirts, sweatshirts, jeans, hats, etc., before. Found it a bit endearing, and even pretty cute. They rocked the look pretty well.


And if she *does* want to present as a dude as best as reasonably possible? Hey, again, go for it. Psychologically & sociologically speaking, it is kind of mind-twister, especially the closer one gets to appearing to others as the opposite sex (or at the very least, have them seriously questioning). Been there, done that, LOL. So I can see where they're coming from. (In fact, I think *everybody* should have to go through this "training" -- because once they do, I can guarantee you that this world would be a much better, kinder, nicer & more understanding & respectful place between the sexes!)

Of course, I would be a bit concerned about her safety, if done in public, depending on how she/he looked & where she went. I suppose there are potential scenarios where somebody thinks she's something else, and well, she might not be able to physically defend herself so well.

In fact, I've even *encouraged* some GG's in my life to get all "duded-up" just for Halloween... You know, either as a guy, or as a guy dressing up for Halloween. The whole 9 yards. Sadly, none have ever accepted the challenge, that I'm aware of, anyway. But perhaps I planted the seed? I do have to wonder if any ever subsequently locked themselves in the bathroom at home, tied back their hair & put it under a baseball hat, and went to town applying make-up to create dude eyebrows & 5-o'clock shadow. You know, just to see...



Anyway, I think there are some gray areas, of course. Take physical appearances that have more of an intermediate-term effect, for one, which crosses over from one gender presentation to the other... Getting & maintaining a buzz-cut (for vanity purposes only) after wearing shoulder-length hair for years? Letting her leg hair & underarm hair fully grow out for months? Hitting the gym 2 hours every day to work on her upper-body strength & bulk? It may seem hypocritical, but sometimes for some things, a guy doing something similar to become "more girly" doesn't look as bad & is relatively more socially acceptable than a chick becoming "more manly."

Example: A guy with hairless legs, wearing shorts -- versus a girl with long thick dark leg hair, wearing shorts. Which do you think would garner more attention & disapproval in certain countries, like in the US?

In junior high/high school, I seem to remember not one, but two girls who had a natural, long & *dark* peach-fuzz moustache for years. I felt so bad for them, especially since I knew what others would say behind their back. Plus, it just did not look good. Eww. And yet, nobody really cared if a guy was clean-shaven -- if he could even grow much facial hair, at all, that is. Not saying whether that's right or not... Just noting real observations of the real world.



Anyway, the bottom line for me is, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I don't expect anyone to automatically go along with anything & everything 100%. If some do, that's great; more power to them. At the same time, I expect that same level of freedom from others... I will tolerate/accept/embrace/whatever things that would apply to me & my situation, and that they would tolerate/accept/embrace/whatever in theirs, if the shoe was on the other foot.

And in that sense, it is more or less about fairness & equality, mixed in with some open-mindedness.