A confusing thought

[Jenny22]

I'm a life-long CDer and have been hetero all my life, but as I hit my 70s, my mind began to suggest to me that I might be Bi, or Bi curious. I've never acted on it, though the possibility does seem plausible. But, why this new curiosity and one that never crossed my mind when younger? Its confusing, to say the least. Is it due to my advanced years? Or, due to my now inability to perform as a man? Or, something else entirely? I just don't know. I've wondered if I am the only, elderly CDer who has such thoughts, but also know that its unlikely to be so alone in such thinking.

Please share your possible reasons, not as therapists per se (though welcomed, if you are), if you ever feel or have felt as I do. Thanks!

[ClosetED]

I have not had this happen, but seen it discussed and have thought about the situation. Your are not specific about your thoughts, but many hetero CDers imagine what it would be like to be admired by men, or to be treated like a woman by a man in public, but that is not the same as desiring to have sex with a man. Do you now look at men and get sexually excited? Or just wish they would interact with you as with any woman?
Society has come a long way in 70 years, so you may also have always been interested, but now societal taboos are lessened and now you are willing to break out of the lesser restrictions.
Just some thoughts...
Hugs, Ellen

[ronda]

I don't think your alone I think we all or most have had curious thoughts about that but don't act on it and some do as we get older hormones change and the fact that we are CDers we are wired different we might think about it just my 2 cents

[Ozark]

I'm with you all on this. I'm 67 and my libido has gotten enormous! Much more so than it has ever been! When I went to my doctor for my wellness visit, I screwed up my courage, put my embarrassment aside and asked the doctor to lower my sex drive. "Lower your sex drive?" He asked, "You're 67 years old and you want me to lower your sex drive?" Yes, I said, it's all in my head.

[Jenny22]

"Do you now look at men and get sexually excited? Or just wish they would interact with you as with any woman?"

Neither, Ellen. Never have. Its just my mind wondering on it, for some reason.

[Pat]

But, why this new curiosity and one that never crossed my mind when younger?

Could be brain chemicals, environmental pollutants, global warming -- or it could be that as we face the fact that there's less runway in front of us than behind us we start wondering if we'll leave this life with joy or regrets.

[biannne]

Jenny, you are definitely not alone in this situation. When I started crossdressing I was hetro. But has my CDing progress, my desire changed only to other CDs and women, but not men. Which is kind of ironic that CD are really men.
But as got older and have started take hormones, I have become attracted to men as well. But what is unique is that my attraction to women as waned.
I think it is the way I brain is hard wired and way of copping with excess of estrogen in our body.

[RADER]

I can under stand your line of thought. Myself; I just like girls, I love to dress as a girl.
But I can not see myself doing anything sexual with Man. Sorry.
Rader

[Becky Blue]

Jenny, you are not the first person I have heard that this has happened to. Is it connected to your CDing? Although many would say yes, I am not not convinced, perhaps it is just hormones.

[suzanne]

For what it's worth, some researchers think that homosexuality, like transgenderism, is not a binary, on/off dimorphism. It is thought to be a sliding scale from zero to ten (or eleven), where very few people actually fit into the extremes at either end.

In that paradigm, everyone is at least a little bit gay. Maybe a gay person would score 10 or 9 or 8 out of 10. Bisexuals may be 4, 5 or 6, and bi-curious possibly around 1, 2 or 3. Society rejects sliding scale continuums, so to conform, most 1,2,3 people are forced to simply declare "I'm heterosexual" and give it no more thought. Until later in life, where we begin to say "to heck with all the stupid constructs. I'm a be me"

[Jaylyn]

I'm approaching the 70 mark and can relate just a little. I have seen CD that look so good that I think of them as women. I have visited with a few on IM IM about CD and a few conversations have turned sexual in nature. Enough that we both have become aroused. I don't think I'm in any way gay but I do know that as we age the testosterone is lessened and my wife has suggested my estrogen levels have to be increasing. She has noticed that I've he'd a tear or two in sad movies and I've never in my life done that before. She also says I'm much more tender hearted towards others feelings now than I was when we met. I think it's a testosterone vs estrogen thing. Maybe what biannne said our brains are wired to deal with the changes in estrogen levels.

[CONSUELO]

Its the darned PIXIES. They are out there messing with us.

[phili]

I'm 66 and bisexual, but committed and monogamous, so I had literally to choose what kind of mate I wanted. A lot of kids experiment with same sex sexuality, and then put it away for various reasons, and cleanly forget about it. Or never experiment and never think about it- till say, they are 70 when the freedom to think and feel is more generous. If you are curious you can look into it, and you'll find it is quite normal- two people trying to satisfy various shades of gender identity and sexual feeling. Going from penetrator to penetrated is a very interesting experience, and one that will leave you knowing a lot more about human experience. No harmful side effects, if you take care with respect to STDs, which are common. A really good argument for getting to know your lover well first.

[penny lace]

I am a great believer in the non binary world, I am primarily attracted to women and been married 30 odd years but I have found on several occasions attracted to men. On all of these occasions their has been an emotional empathy as well as physical. It has never worried me as I love my wife way to much to act on any fleeting desire for a woman or man.

[ClosetED]

So Jenny22 - you say your mind began to suggest you might be Bi or Bi-curious. yet not sexually attracted to men nor want a man to interact with you as a woman. So what is your definition of what Bi or Bi-curious is about? Are you just wondering what sex with a man might be like, but not sexually interested in it happening? Have you read any gay porn?
Just trying to understand your thoughts to help sort them out.
Hugs, Ellen

[Tracii G]

Yeah its global warming Jenny LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
It was just a thought in your mind I would let it pass as one of those curious random thought we all get.
If you have no interest in men and are straight then how all of a sudden does your sexual preference change?
If you cannot perform as a man as you say then what makes you think that it means you want sex with a man?
It takes the same sex drive and use of your penis to be with a man as it does with a woman.

[Alice B]

I agree with the others that you are not alone. At almost 75 I am not attracterd to men at all, but have had thoughts of what it would be like to have intimate contact while dressed as a woman. I think it is just an expansion of our sexual fantasys as our normal capabilitys tend to fade.

[Jenny22]

You've stated it pretty spot on, Closet ED



=ClosetED;4064320]So Jenny22 - you say your mind began to suggest you might be Bi or Bi-curious. yet not sexually attracted to men nor want a man to interact with you as a woman. So what is your definition of what Bi or Bi-curious is about? Are you just wondering what sex with a man might be like, but not sexually interested in it happening? Have you read any gay porn?
Just trying to understand your thoughts to help sort them out.
Hugs, Ellen[/QUOTE]

[Lana Mae]

I think that everyone(if they will admit it) has had thoughts on being bi or gay! They are just random thoughts that may turn to fantasy if pursued! The next step is actually going there. Which IMHO is probably rare! Head games, mental masturbation! How would it feel to have sex as a female? How far would you go? The things that float around in our heads!! Hugs Lana Mae

[missynicole]

i have noticed the same thing. I am 66. I have decided to act on it and will be meeting with someone I have known for a while. He buys me panties and clothes. I guess hopefully shortly he will be my boyfriend and lover. I admit to being somewhat excited and scared all at the same time. Luv to all....

[Diane Taylor]

Jenny,
I'm in my 70's and have never been bi or even bi curious. If you want to experiment with your possibility of being bi...go for it ! There's nothing wrong with it.

[PaulaQ]

I think that everyone(if they will admit it) has had thoughts on being bi or gay! They are just random thoughts that may turn to fantasy if pursued! The next step is actually going there. Which IMHO is probably rare! Head games, mental masturbation! How would it feel to have sex as a female? How far would you go?

I'm going to disagree with the lovely Lana Mae here, because I used to think the same thing as her. People who are really heterosexual and who are really homosexual really don't seem to have fantasies about same sex or opposite sex relations. The people who do have them are probably bisexual. Bisexuality covers a lot of turf, from people who may have only slight attraction to the same gender, to people who have only slight attraction to other genders, to people who have about equal attraction to their own gender and other genders, to the ever confusing people who's attraction to genders varies over time.

Before transition, I used to think that it was PERFECTLY NORMAL to fantasize about having sex with my male friends. Hey everyone does that right? (Nope!) There is an enormous amount of energy spent culturally in the erasure of bisexuality, even to the point of describing sex between two self-described heterosexual men (the 'bro-job') as same sex activity between heterosexuals, instead of calling it bisexuality.

There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. However, for men, there is a LOT of stigma associated with being bi. There is for women too - but bisexuality in women is more accepted ESPECIALLY if it is secondary to a heterosexual relationship. In other words, the world doesn't mind if I'm bi as long as I'm some couple's play toy. (Although talking to straight girls about being bi has made some of them distance themselves from me as friends.)

Anyway, it's totally OK to be bi. You don't have to have sex with folks of your own and other genders to be bi. You just have to have some amount of capacity for this. BTW, you are as best we can tell, about 3% of the population, and the largest component of LGB.

Fun fact - there are more bi women than lesbians, about twice as many! Want to know which group gets included in heath studies? Hint: Not bi women.

Bi people, but especially bi dudes, tend to take crap from both the straight and the gay communities. Some of my favorites:
"You are just afraid to come out as gay!"
"It's a transitional phase!"
"Bi now, gay later!" <--- personal favorite, a pun on "buy now, pay later", hardee har har. So funny I wanted to slit my wrists!

anyway, if you've never felt safe discussing these feelings - that's why. Because it wasn't safe. Probably anywhere.

[Tracii G]

I just wish there were more gay men that thought being gay and trans was wasn't freakish.

[PaulaQ]

I just wish there were more gay men that thought being gay and trans was wasn't freakish.

You are barking up the wrong tree - you need to look for straight guys. I noticed that as I transitioned, my breasts seemed to emit an invisible, gay man repelling force-field. Of course, it would be nice if straight guys weren't also so transphobic, because telling someone go hookup with a straight dude is easier said than done too.

You'd think the gay dudes would at least be accepting of gay trans men - that's a thing btw. Some are, but lots aren't.

I'm sorry you are encountering that difficulty - lots of us have it I'm afraid.

[Tracii G]

Most of the gay men I know and are friends with have problems with CD's MtF transexuals and transgender people.
They don't get it just like regular straight people.
One good friend told me "honey you need to get on one side or the other and figure things out because you can't be both."
Trust me I have lost gay friends over me being trans and that hurt for the longest time.
I could rant for hours Paula but I will spare this forum all the details LOLOL.
I know there is a Mr right out there somewhere.