when you see yourself, describe how you feel?

[Becky Blue]

I am interested in hearing how others feel when they see pictures of themselves. Over the past 11 years I have managed to collect about 2,000 pictures of myself. Some of my many pictures are taken at the 9 makeovers I have had, others were taken on outings and quite a few selfies.

I regularly spend time looking at the pictures and I always come away with very mixed emotions. Seeing the real me is always a very emotional experience, I feel a great sense of joy as many pictures bring back amazing memories, but also a profound sense of sadness that being able to look like that is not something I can do everyday. But mostly I feel extremely happy that the moment the camera has captured was a Becky moment and that is actually me.

[DIANEF]

I understand exactly what you are saying. Seeing pictures of Diane reminds me of just how much I need my 'me' time and how much I miss it when it can't happen. Right now I'm in the middle of a 3 week gap, and it's really hard going to get through. Having some pictures to look at at least keeps me in touch with my femme self but it's a poor substitute for the real thing.

[Laurana]

Sometimes I smile.

Other times I look at my belly and frown. I need to lose about 10 pounds to be content and 20 to be happy.

[TrishaTX]

i see myself smiling and happy...that wasn't always the case...

[Rachael Leigh]

When I see a picture of myself it just looks right to me yes at times I'm critical of the maleness that shows thru but that's ok because then I see the beauty in the makeup and all the other ways I do my best to look nice it's a feeling of yes I'm ok
with that person I see.

[Shely]

I also have quite a collection of selfies. It seems to be my hobby as of late. I go to the thrift store on 10/$10 day and rush home to try them all on. then i dress up and set up the tripod and take pictures. I have them sorted by label name in folders and crop them and touch them up, and sometimes just scroll through them wondering. I sometimes feel like it has taken me over but i love the look, and feel of dressing up. i probably have about that many too. I just started a Flickr account and posted a few pictures there so i could see them where ever i went, and maybe share them too. I guess I just love the look of me as a woman in dresses, skirts, leggins, etc. Enjoy it, I do.

[S. Lisa Smith]

My pictures make me happy. I always smile when I look at them...I enjoy this side of me!!

[briana_betancourt]

Becky,

You are SO accurate on the "emotional" part. I'm the exact same way. I don't get to dress that often anymore, and whenever life gets stressful and the day-to-day stressors of boy life have me down... seeing Briana smiling and remembering how happy I was the last time I was en femme take nearly all the stress away.

Like all of us, I miss my Briana time so much because I never know when it's going to happen again. Looking back on pictures keeps the happiest times alive.

[GretchenM]

I am like Leigh. Seeing myself en femme is a feel good moment, but the maleness is also evident. Then I have to remind myself, "that person (me) is not female and in fact is male. But that person has a dual gender identity or such a broad gender identity that it looks and feels like it is dual. Sex is for reproduction (and recreation), but gender identity is 95% of the foundation of life. That person is different, but there is nothing wrong with that person. They are just configured differently and sometimes to validate it that person sometimes needs to look like a female."

I think pictures are better than looks in the mirror. Photographs tend to objectify the view while mirrors present an image that is more subjective. Sometimes we look in the mirror and say, "Holy cow!" We then see a photograph of the same person dressed the same way and we think, "Well, that is pretty good but I am not so sure that person is actually female."

[Evie82]

I always have a few pics of the real me on my phone, iPod or whatever. I've made the first slow steps towards transitioning, but I'm still in the closet for various reasons, and I find the pictures really do help lift my mood and calm me when being forced into maintaining the guy front or just life in general wears me down.

[CarlaWestin]

I have thousands and thousands of pictures and at least a hundred videos. I keep a folder of Carla's favorites. Every now and then you get that one picture that just works.

[Tama]

I am a long time (30+ years professional) photographer so, sometimes we "pros" have no concept how to shoot ourselves..I am no exception. Most of my "selfie" pics are waaay over the top femme stuff so, they are all for my amusement, or learning curve on what NOT to dress as.

[Judy-Somthing]

It definitely brings good feelings looking at the photos.

I'm so glad I kept the Polaroid photos from 36 years ago.
About 20 years ago I got rid of about 30 Polaroid photos of me in lingerie.
In case someone found them I didn't want to be seen that way.

I still have the 1st photo of me dressed as a Ballerina when I was about 8 that my sister took.
That was the day I got hooked!

[Barbara Black]

I look at my pictures and sigh, first because I don't pass by any exaggeration of imagination, and would love to, and secondly because it still makes me wish I could freely wear my girl clothes without hesitation any time of the day or week. Thirdly, because I didn't start dressing until later in life, and have already missed most of the years I could have dressed. So you younger girls, dress whenever you can, to your level of contentment.

[Nicki_D]

I love looking at the pictures of me that I keep. They're me at my most feminine and passable. Out of context from the real world. It helps me maintain the fantasy side of dressing that I could be a real girl.
I know all too well that these few pictures are the result of a LOT of selection from many terrible and unflattering pics, sprinkled with a touch of photo editing, but having a small number of 'perfect' girly pictures gives me a warm glow and a happy thrill.

[JeanTG]

When I look at the very few pictures I have of myself, I realize just what a steep learning curve I have ahead of myself to even come close to passing as a woman. Sometimes it discourages me, sometimes it encourages me to try better next time (mostly... improving makeup skills).

[Tama]

I completely agree with you Jean. In every way.
Some of the photos have me grinning as if I did something wrong, and others make me wanna go tearing for the DELETE button! Either way, I've learned something about it.

[Jaylyn]

Dang you girls must look better than I do when looking at some of my pictures. Sometimes I look at them and remember feeling contented but mostly I look at them and think I might need to go throw-up. I have about a thousand and very few do I look like a real gal in. That why my avatar is of my legs n heels. My shoulders are very wide I guess from my old football n weight lifting days. Not very feminine unless I was on the girls Russian Olympic shot put squad. My profile pic just shows my best quality a touch of my face but I had to photoshop a different lighting to get that done. I still like putting on makeup as I think it really does change my appearance but not like some of you natural beautiful gals on here. Getting older is not helping my situation either.....

[Erica1148]

You're not alone in your feelings Jaylyn! I work at a job where have to stay in good shape, and my 5'9" 195 lb muscular frame and square jaw is as far from feminine as it comes! I also like to go all out on makeup, because I enjoy the entire process, and then while I'm not looking in the mirror, I can look however I want to in my own mind!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Becky, After many years of dressing I have gotten pretty good about mastering the art of make-up and the style
of my fashion and dressing and I am very satisfied with the results......

[Maria Blackwood]

No pictures. No mirrors. All evidence easily reducible to absolute deniability.

When I get back in shape I might post pictures, though.

[Tracii G]

I have have tons of pics and I consider them a moment in time.
Maria thats a cop out to say when I get back in shape I might post pics.
You need to stop holding yourself back and blaming your physique. If you stand by the statement absolute deniability then you will never post a pic.
Heck I have been really fat and everything in between and that never caused me not to CD or take pics.

[phili]

Maybe Marla is on to something! It makes sense to just experience it from the inside- no demands for others to participate, no appearance standards to compare ourselves to, no special grooming, and no struggle- just wear the clothes and enjoy!

To Becky's point, I like the pics so I can see what does look good on me, and that helps me feel confident putting together my outing outfits. I don't change my face or body appearance, but I still have sadness to say good bye to the clothes and carry the picture with me. I'm now seriously thinking I a going to ditch the mirror except when I actually am going out, to simplify my relationship with crossdressing a lot! Thanks Marla and Becky!

[Diane Taylor]

I'm not very into pictures. Maybe it's because they always seem to come out bad. I have only a few pictures of "Diane" and never show them much. I much prefer seeing myself in a mirror or just not seeing myself at all but just enjoying the time I have dressed.

[Wen4cd]

Out of thousands of photos, my favorites are always the one or two odd pictures where the camera somehow takes a picture that is clearly NOT me. Some odd angle or other that is a total lie.

This phenomenon only happens in about .1% of photos, but they become the 'keepers.' If I look at myself and don't see any of the pet flaws I usually find glaring at me, I am happy to accept the lie.