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Thread: "Poof!" You have become a real woman now. So, what comes next!?

  1. #26
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    What an amazing story, Paula! You still have 'balls' for what you are doing for our community! Keep up the great work, sister! Bless you! Big hugs!

    QUOTE=PaulaQ;4067935]Well, it wasn't a *poof* - it has taken three and a half years. So perhaps I could offer some perspectives from my own life?

  2. #27
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    First off, who you calling "poof" Sheri?.
    Second sounds like Miss Blackwood is looking for a spanking! So naughty.
    Third, since all reality has left the world, and I'm now magically a girl, I go on tour as Pink!

    Seriously, love you much Paula, but you know that already! As for Meghan, life would have similar qualities, figuring out the day to day. But maybe I wouldn't need to spend time on a crossdressing forum, and focus my attentions elsewhere. So much depends on my close personal relationships. Way too many variables to really know.

  3. #28
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    Oh, I got more than spankings back in my scene days. The domina I subbed to had a love of bull whips.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    "Poof" and I am a woman. I would spend my time trying to change back.

  5. #30
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    *poof* I'm a woman? I would freak. Not because of the change of body parts, but because of the way my life would be turned upside down. I have struggled to get where I am today, and the few achievements I have made are things the average person takes for granted.

    I imagine I would have to start all over yet again, which would be utterly demoralising. I would likely be depressed (I lost everything), suicidal (life is too hard, so why bother) and struggling with anxiety (what if the world does not accept the 'new me'?). I would almost certainly lose my job and would not be surprised to lose most of my friends (I would hope at least one or two stuck by me). I have been sitting here thinking about it and I cannot even imagine how I would begin to restart my life in that situation. It seems an utterly insurmountable barrier!

  6. #31
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    I think a lot of us think about this in a fantasy way and not so much realistically what it would pertain to .It just might not be the way we think it would be
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  7. #32
    Member Katie Louise's Avatar
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    Boom. Continue living the rest od my life, but do it as a happy, functional individual.

  8. #33
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    Hi Sherry, I am totally happy having the best of both worlds......
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    Take all the time I've been spending on therapy and medical appointments and put it into my job. Take the money I've been saving for facial feminization surgery and 1) make a down payment on a vacation condo in Palm Springs; 2) spend the rest on a vintage Saab convertible. Get a trailer and go glamping.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  10. #35
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Live my life the best I could! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  11. #36
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Georgina View Post
    "Poof" and I am a woman. I would spend my time trying to change back.
    I'll make sure it won't happen to u, I promise, Georgina!

    Quote Originally Posted by OCCarly View Post
    Take all the time I've been spending on therapy and medical appointments and put it into my job. Take the money I've been saving for facial feminization surgery and 1) make a down payment on a vacation condo in Palm Springs; 2) spend the rest on a vintage Saab convertible. Get a trailer and go glamping.
    I was hoping for something more glamorous than I Saab and trailer, Carly--

    Quote Originally Posted by sibbycd View Post
    Boom. Continue living the rest od my life, but do it as a happy, functional individual.
    So, living happily ever after is your dream, Sibby? U must of seen a lot of the same '50's movies I grew up watching---

    Quote Originally Posted by Meghan4now View Post
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Third, since all reality has left the world, and I'm now magically a girl, I go on tour as Pink!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Thank u, Megan. I lot better answer than "changing your name and drivers license photo"! I mean, why not marry Brad Pitt, become a TV newswoman, or nude model and porn star? It's just a dream for most of us anyway!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wen4cd View Post
    I hear that for a woman, sex can be 'fulfilling.' I would have liked to experience that fulfillment. To be the vessel, to have an emptiness inside filled.
    OK, I know y'all want this - let's talk sex.

    So first things first - although there are a lot of lonely trans people, I have been very fortunate, as have others I know, and I have WAY more sex, and way more varied sex than I ever used to. You might think this is a matter of passing well - but it doesn't seem to be. One thing that does help is to be willing to date within the trans community. More about that in a bit.

    My sex life used to be pretty much monogamous vanilla sex with my wife. I loved her, but our sex life was boring - I hated it. For one thing - she liked penetrative sex, and I hated doing that. I mean - if I never had to use that thing, I'd have been FINE. But no - straight girl - wanted Mr. Happy. Ugh!

    Now, I'm happily married and non-monogamous. I've been non-monogamous for most of my transition. I've been with both trans men, and trans women, which is great, because I'm bisexual. Pansexual would be a good description for me too - I haven't ever found a gender I didn't feel attraction towards. (I will sexually fantasize about most people I meet briefly, although this isn't always pleasant!) I get things from my husband my girlfriend can't give me. I get things from her that he can't give me. They know each other, and are friends. It works out well so far.

    My boyfriend is a big ol' stud. He is hyper masculine, and he knows how to make a woman happy. He is an incredible lover, and has the highest sex drive of anyone I have ever met. (Higher than mine, and mine is quite large!) Let's just say big boy gets it done.

    My girlfriend is my submissive. We have a Dominance / submission relationship. I am a sadist - she is a masochist. Discovering this about myself was surprising. I always knew I was kinky - I had fantasies about BDSM before I had any feelings about sex. Indeed, I could maybe more easily forgo sex than BDSM. (Well maybe! I like sex!) I'd always thought I was a submissive - because I certainly always had submissive fantasies. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was a Top, a Dominant, a Sadist. I had never had fantasies about those things - but during transition, all that changed. It's been kind of a struggle admitting these things about myself. But it turns out, I am good with paddles, floggers, electricity and humiliation, and all sorts of things that I always thought that only bad people liked to do.

    So about erections - look - I can have an erection anytime I want. I just use a prosthetic. (Yeah, another surprise, now that I have a vagina, I enjoy dishing out penetrative sex sometimes.)

    Having sex with a vagina is different. It took two surgeries before I was able to have an orgasm. And even now, you know those women who seem to have trouble achieving an orgasm? Well, let's just say it takes some dedication. There is a LOT more psychological component to it - my head has to be there for me to orgasm. It takes a LOT of foreplay. I think this is true of a lot of women. It took me a while to learn how it all worked and to put it together. The first few months were really frustrating. (Part of the problem at first was that I really did need a small revision.)

    I enjoy being on the receiving end of penetrative and non-penetrative sex acts. I don't have a strong preference either way.

    It's neat to have the fantasy that having a vagina means super wonderful instantly fulfilling sex. And I think this is true for some of us - but honestly that wasn't my experience. I have a very fulfilling sex life, and I have great orgasms, but it isn't as easy as it was before. (However, I also no longer suffer from gender dysphoria related to sex - having a penis really bothered me!)

    So about dating other trans people. The first time I heard this was a likely fate, it really depressed me. I mean, after all, weren't cis-people the gold standard? The notion that I'd most likely never be with a cisgender woman or man bothered me. Until I started dating other trans people, and realized that it is absolutely wonderful. Indeed, at this point, it would be a pretty unusual cisgender person who would interest me. Nothing against cisgender people - I know some who are great who I would date if I weren't otherwise involved. But I don't have time to educate someone I'm sleeping with about gender, and most cisgender people, in my experience, need that education because few of them have ever had to think much about it. No offense to cisgender people - I know some who "get it" - but I have little interest in helping them fumble around and figure it out, only to have them ask "but are you post-op?" anyway!

    Having watched cispeople stare at me, and tell me, in effect, that I'm not a human being, well, let's just say trust comes not so easily. Moreover, even many of the allies who supposedly "get it" really don't get it. I mean how can they - they have lots of privilege oftentimes, and it's hard for them to believe or even imagine some of the things we go through. Even the ones who get it, in my experience, often have trouble not viewing us as inferior to themselves. (Hint: we're not inferior to anyone.)

    No offense to any of the GG's on this site, I'm sure none of them are like that. But I've encountered this enough that I really have little interest in dating someone who isn't trans.

  13. #38
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    Just be glad Franz Kafka didn't start this topic.

  14. #39
    Member Shayna's Avatar
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    Well, I don't really desire to be a woman, and I can imagine my life would be turned upside down and I would lose my wife and a good part of my family.

  15. #40
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Once again, Thanks for the education, Paula. U answered a lot of questions I've been too embarrassed to ask even my post op trans friends one on one!

    And, Shayna? Not to worry. No, "Poof", for u!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Sorry Sherry no POOF for me, and I am a real woman.

    Like Paula, and thanks for your openness, some of my story is similar.

    I didn't lose family, and they have always been my greatest supporters.

    Didn't have any old friends to lose.

    Didn't lose my career, and they had my interests and support. I traveled for them to other places, so they must have had confidence in my passing. I am more of an Alpha female, or Butch type Lesbian in action not dress, so I always ended up in charge. And the men never tried to talk over me.

    Like some I had another MtF partner for over 38 years.
    I have tried sex with cis men, and none ever questioned my appearance, but it was never satisfying for me.
    I also had a couple of years of sex with a Butch Lesbian, that knew me before surgery. She was very special, and knew how to treat a woman.
    I never had M to F sex before my surgery. So the one thing that does get me weirded out, is with some CDs, they want to be the girl and I won't use a prosthetic.

    I had to wear pants for work, so fell into a rather drab existence. Since coming back out, a 2nd transition if you will, I love being feminine again and only wear dresses now. Love shopping, always have a great pedicure and love to try different things with my acrylic nails, just wish I had more money in retirement.

    Just not sure what the next 30 years, hopefully, will hold for me. But I refuse to slow down and want to enjoy it for as long as I can.

  17. #42
    Pirate Queen wannabe Maria Blackwood's Avatar
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    Anyone not wanting a poof send them my way.

    ...

    Why, yes, that did sound better in my head.

  18. #43
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    If this transformation would be equal to a genetic woman, I would hopefully have a good female singing voice. I would become a female blues or jazz vocalist.

    Of course this is just fantasy for me. I'm not gonna try to make transforming a reality! I don't think the majority here want to live full time as a woman. Am I mistaken?
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  19. #44
    AKA Jenni Aly Jenni Yumiko's Avatar
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    i would like to be completely passable as a woman but I still want to be a guy. I like being a guy, doing guy things, being able to act like a "dumb guy" and get away with it.

  20. #45
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I would enjoy my retirement and traveling the country.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  21. #46
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Great thread, Sherry.

    So, Paula? I've followed what you went through to get where you are now. I felt your pain as you described the dismantling of your old traditionally acceptable life.

    And now I hear that you've transcended into what I can only call the fulfillment of the fantasy life desire.

    And evidently, it was all worth it.

    I wonder how many of the rest of you are rethinking things on a major basis like I am?

    Paula, I would wish you the best of everything but, I think you have that.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  22. #47
    The Anima Corrupt Wen4cd's Avatar
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    Well Paula thanks fort that insight into your sex life! Quite interesting.
    And so we go, on with our lives...
    We know the Truth, but prefer Lies.
    Lies are simple, simple is Bliss.
    Why go against tradition, when we can admit defeat,
    Live in Decline, be the victim of our own design?

  23. #48
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Thank u for the input about your experience, Georgette. Educational reality is always more interesting than "what ifs", in MY book! U don't need a "Poof" because you're there already!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    If this transformation would be equal to a genetic woman, I would hopefully have a good female singing voice. I would become a female blues or jazz vocalist.

    Of course this is just fantasy for me. I'm not gonna try to make transforming a reality! I don't think the majority here want to live full time as a woman. Am I mistaken?
    No, most of us don't plan to transition, Ressie. And, it was for us that I started the thread. Since all of us have imagined becoming female at one time or another, I wondered if some of us imagined becoming amazing women as well? Your famous jazz/blues singer is a perfect example!

    Quote Originally Posted by Maria Blackwood View Post
    Anyone not wanting a poof send them my way.
    Why, yes, that did sound better in my head.
    And, what would u do with your "poof", Maria? After spending a year having selfsex and with everyone u meet, I mean?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  24. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaWestin View Post
    So, Paula? I've followed what you went through to get where you are now. I felt your pain as you described the dismantling of your old traditionally acceptable life.

    And now I hear that you've transcended into what I can only call the fulfillment of the fantasy life desire.
    So about the fantasy life. This isn't a fantasy - it's my life. For me, the decision to do this was pretty straightforward - the alternative was death, make no mistake about that.

    My life is something I'd never have imagined it to be. My job is the same - I'm fortunate there, sort of. It isn't my passion anymore. My passion is helping others in the trans community primarily, and helping sexual minorities as a secondary activity. I'm fortunate - I have a great job, and it's given me resources to transition, both financial resources and insurance that's covered some of my transition. (But not all of it. That's improving though - I have lobbied really hard at work for better trans benefits. I did training for our HR department on how to support transition on the job this past summer.)

    I spend most of my spare time running a support group for trans people and their loved ones. Our goal is to keep marriages together, when possible, and when it isn't possible, to help the breakup be amicable. I do this because of my experience with my ex-wife when I came out to her. I think a group like the one I'm involved in could have helped her. I do a fair amount of political activism. I don't sleep a lot - I am often up late talking to depressed or suicidal transgender people. I don't know how many people I've talked down off the ledge. I've dealt with sexual assaults. I've bailed people out of jail. I've gotten trans people out of psych hospitals who were being abused because they were trans.

    I've organized responses to anti-trans legislation, stopping the first anti-trans ordinance in Texas since the stinging loss of HERO in Houston. This was in one of the most hard-core conservative suburbs (Rockwall) of Dallas, and be assured, had we not stopped them as decisively as we did, many cities in Texas would've adopted anti-trans ordinances.

    I've stared down angry religious people who wanted to end trans school kids access to gender appropriate restrooms in school. HUNDREDS of angry religious people.

    I help trans people find doctors. I help trans people change their legal documentation. Many I've helped are now activists themselves and are, in their ways, helping others.

    I say these things not to boast or brag - but this is the side of my life that isn't such a fantasy, at least not a pleasant or fun fantasy. If horror is fantasy, then sure, there's a lot of that type of fantasy in my life. A significant part of the population does not view me as a human being in the same way they are human. That this no longer has much of an impact on me emotionally should say a lot about what my life is like.

    I pass well - but I'm known locally. I'm openly trans - I've been on TV and in the paper. I'm not famous, but some people recognize me. I experience some amount of fear because of this. I am generally armed now - unlike in my past life when I never worried about anything.

    After 50 years of the living death of pretending to be something I wasn't - a man - I choose to grab my life with both hands and live it as fully as I can.

    What does it feel like to be me? I have a huge picture by Gustav Dore on my living room wall of Satan being cast out of Heaven. I identify with this picture so much - for I, and others like me, are cast out of "polite society." But I look at so many people around me, people living in fear, people conforming. Sure, it's easier for them - they can make themselves fit in easier than I could, for ultimately, for me conformance was death. Nevertheless, and despite the things that are hard, I look at them, their fear, their timid compliance, and I feel pity for them.

    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaWestin View Post
    I wonder how many of the rest of you are rethinking things on a major basis like I am?
    I hope that my story tells women here that they can be who they really are. I'm not trying to paint a rosy picture that this is easy. It will be the most challenging thing you've every done. You will have to stand in the face of a world that denies your existence and scream at them "I AM."

    But what I want you to take away from my story is that this is isn't some fantasy - this is life and that YOU can have a real and authentic life. It will probably be totally different than mine - as it should be, because it's YOURS.


    Edit: so about voice - I have spent a lot of time working on my voice with Kathe Perez. Her online materials are great. I did a lot of work on this. Definitely not *poof*!
    Last edited by PaulaQ; 02-25-2017 at 02:59 PM.

  25. #50
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    Paula,
    It's so good to see you on the other side of your turmoil, any hatred now is being used positively . It's good to hear you have a good partner you can now enjoy life with. Please don't forget about you, sometimes you can give too much of yourself in helping others, I'm sure you'll find a balance but it's been a long time coming. It's so good of you to come back and find some new friends and look up old ones , I wish I could implement all the advice you gave me, I know we did have a difference of opinion on some matters but you knew when to stand back and let me find things out for myself. I still can't thank you enough .

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