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Thread: Only I can ruin a good thing

  1. #1
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Only I can ruin a good thing

    Nobody wants to see a good thing ruined, but how far is to far until a person gets tierd of it, or you just push to far. I was blessed with a wife who loves every aspect of my dressing, having a husband, father to her kids and a (girl) friend. She loves being the only one I trust and knows about my big secret life, and loves the thrill of when I underdress and she knows what I'm wearing under.
    She tells me that talking to her friends and co-workers non of them have a open relationship that we do, she believes the dressing is our bond, she loves shopping together, trying on things and modelling for each other and sharing clothes and other items.
    My dressing through the years fluctuates up and down, but lately it's been at a all time high, in the winter months I wear tights to work and when I get home I put on pantyhose and usally wear tights to bed. My wife made a comment to give my legs a break and let them breathe for a while.
    Of course human nature we always want more and always want to move forward, as of lately when opportunity doesn't come at home for a while and my wife tells me to take a drive and release some stress and just do whatever makes me happy. When I go for my drives I never leave the car, I just drive around, I don't like to tease or draw the wrong attention but my legs are my only fem quality so I do like to show them and maybe do hike the skirt up alittle. My problem is that I'm getting addicted, the feeling of the wig, the taste of the lip-stick, and the feeling of the earrings dangeling on my neck, it just feels so great to be dressed and present myself as a women. It feels great that the odd van or truck driver checks me out, but my car has tinted windows so I don't think they see much.
    It's a lot of work to get dressed for a drive and most of the time I have to do it in the car, no matter how tierd iam I will force myself for the drive. My wife believes that I think I'm invisible, and tells me that if I ever get outted that I will be devastated and get depressed and may even consider doing something stupid to myself.
    Last night my wife asked me to pick something up for her, I asked her since I'm out on the way back if I could spend alittle time out driving dressed, it wasn't a problem and I did and it was great again, but when I came home my wife was watching TV alone on a Saturday night. I apologized but in my defence I didn't know the kids went out, she said it wasn't a problem and she didn't mind, but I felt bad her being alone.
    It's all I think about, it's all I want to do, I want to just drive dressed all day long, I'm finding it harder to control this feeling and it depresses me and frustrates me knowing I can't. I know I know what you are all seeing, it starts off with the drive, and the other night I had to fight back the urge to get out of the car and put gas. I guess it's a matter of time before I get the courage to gas the car, then the drive thru, and maybe step out of the car for short periods. I'm seeing the cycle that I read about here a lot, it starts slow and evolves quickly, my worry is how much of this is my wife willing obsorbe and how patient is she going to be with me out more. A major part of her exceptiing it is because she knows I want to keep it low and don't want to come out with it. I have it good now, but I have a feeling these stronger urges that I'm finding harder and harder to control is going to ruin what I have now.
    I really wish I didn't take that first drive and always wonder why I could never just be happy with what I have and why is it always so complicated.
    Everytime I walk out that door I'm taking a chance and how long before my wife will complain about her being alone. I was in a good place a while ago, I was able to control it and I really understood where I was with the dressing, but know I'm getting these uncontrollable urges.
    Sorry I had to let out, I should be telling this to my wife but I fear I might put pressure on her, and hopefully these urges wills subside and maybe more controllable. Thanks for listening and if you have any advice feel free to share, I could really use a nother persons opinion.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member natalie edwards's Avatar
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    Not to trivialize addictions but most are just a routine that we enjoy immensely. Why not try to find a new routine that allows for your dressing but includes you and your wife having an enjoyable time together. I'm not saying sexually, although that's up to the both of you, but something to do together. Maybe go see a show, or visit some museums, or whatever. When you find something as or more enjoyable than the driving around dressed, that urge will fade. That is as long as you can dress for the new "addiction"!

  3. #3
    The Anima Corrupt Wen4cd's Avatar
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    I think you are hitting a very common thread with this. We are always in our most meaningful moments when we push just outside of our comfort zones. That becomes addictive, even if just as a thrill. But then we absorb that into our envelope and the next thrill is the next baby-step. Getting out of the car, your first time speaking to a stranger, etc... It's often not actually the dressing that is addicting so much as it's living on the edge of your envelope. Sometimes, the thrill of being seen, the risk of being outed, is the driving force.

    Is there a final fantasy self-image goal at then end of this path? Do you eventually see yourself in all your finery, sitting comfortably on display in an outdoor cafe somewhere sipping tea on a warm spring morning, or some other ideal image?

    Maybe it would help for your wife to occasionally ride shotgun? At the least it would make her feel wanted and included. And you obviously are considerate of her. I would do this myself with my wife if I wasn't actually a 6'4" 260 pound goon who would be humiliating to be seen out with.
    Last edited by Wen4cd; 02-26-2017 at 12:44 PM.

    "This Pride of Apparel will appear the more foolish, if we consider, that those airy mortals, who have no other way of making themselves considerable but by gorgeous apparel, draw after them crowds of imitators, who hate each other while they endeavour after a similitude of manners. They destroy by example, and envy one another’s destruction."
    -Silence Dogood 1722

  4. #4
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Maria, Yeah, but it may pass. Golly,I was in the shower this morning and said to myself what is it that you want to be a girl. Wow, but reality hits sometime ad we feel it. Perhaps that is what happening to you. But I would try to spend time with her and give her your love and quality time. She is good to you and that other girlfriend is also. But alas we must be men sometimes. LOL but I am here in a with girly shirt and flowered skirts as I write this. Open communication with your wife is very important and pick a good time for that and a time when you two are alone and make it romantic.
    Part Time Girl

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Maria,
    I can only suggest you find a social group to meet others, it will give meaning to your dressing and bring the need just to drive round into perspective. My wife is more comfortable with the situation even though I'm being seen by others , her fears were mostly unfounded. Don't forget I'm in a DADT situation , she doesn't give me the help you get.

  6. #6
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    Hi Maria.

    Recently I started a thread to bring up this topic (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-externalizing). We can start to internalize the affects of our little hobby and start excluding those around us, specifically our SOs. I think this is detrimental to the relationship and I've made it a goal to push outward rather than retreat inward. By pushing outward you interact with the world including your SO, by pulling inward you isolate yourself and your SO.

    It's always a question of balance and when that Pink Fog rolls in thick and soupy it can be a real challenge.

    My suggestion is try to involve your wife and don't isolate yourself. You are aware of the situation and have a sense for the harm you might end up doing. Most of us crave and pray for an understanding SO. You need to make sure you cherish the one you have. Dressing up and sharing with an SO is so much more fun than being alone. Try to focus on this. I think it will be much more positive for both of you in the end.

    Best wishes......
    Last edited by sweetdreams; 02-26-2017 at 01:32 PM.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Maria,

    It seems to me that this is the time to have a talk with your SO. Describe your feeling just as you've done above. Tell her your fears, that the last thing you want is to spend time dressed at her expense and leave her feeling alone.

    You talk about seeing this as possibly escalating, little walks, drive throughs, fueling the car. It could be the case that more is less. Doing these things does bring it's own sense of satisfaction, of achievement. So it's possible doing these thing helps in meeting your desires. It's also possible it increases them. Teresa's suggestion re groups is a good one. If your SO is willing it's potentially a way for you both to participate in a social event that fulfills your needs and further adds to the bonds you describe.

    It's also the case that a little self control is required. Perhaps expand what you do, walks etc. but restrict the number of days. Life is always about balance.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    I was getting to want more and more. I could dress 5 day a week at home my wife asked if I could be her husband on the weekends. i did for some time then started dressing on the week ends she never said a thing about it. One day was think of when she asked for the weekends as her husband and just stoped dressing the weekends she is more to me then anythink. I still wear panties on the weekend with all other things drab.
    Angie.

    PS
    You must think what is the most important thing in your life is.
    For me it is my wife.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Maria, thanks for sharing! IMHO you need to tell your wife your concerns much as you have told us. Then you need to hear her concerns and you both need to discuss it and work out the solution(s)! It sounds like she is very understanding go and talk to her! Hugs and best wishes Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

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