Feeling Human

[Emma Beth]

It's been a few weeks since I was last on here and things are going much better.

The longer I'm on Hormones; the more I feel human, in my case.

It's funny, I look back and realize just how bad I felt about myself for most of my life. I think mostly at the back of my mind or something.

But, now I can't believe how much better I feel about who I am without feeling like the Elephant Man or something.

I seem to have pleasant surprises a lot more frequently, that often make me smile or laugh to myself.

Like the other day. I have gotten used to the customers correcting themselves from Ma'am to Sir when I interact with them. I keep it kind of Zen while I'm at work and don't try to correct anyone simply because of the nature of my job.

Anyway, the other day I had a lady make me smile and completely brighten my week. This Lady corrected herself from Sir to Ma'am. It totally caught me off guard when I heard her.

I also have a good friend that I go and visit regularly. She finds it amazing when I come over. She told me that the first thing she does is have a look at my face to see any changes and marvels at them every time I come over.

I like this feeling so much, I have decided that I will not let anyone take that away from me ever. I realize that whenever things get dark and someone tries to dehumanize me, they will never have that kind of power over me.

This Butterfly that is emerging from her chrysalis isn't just a beautiful butterfly. She is also a kind of bird of prey. Proud and strong.

A person through and through.

[hope springs]

Good for you girl. Its always good to hear from gals whose transition is going well

[kimdl93]

I love that you can take the corrected gendering so positively. I do think those who correct themselves are trying to be courteous. And I love the way you can feel the change and share them positively with friends!

[Emma Beth]

Thank you Hope. Even though things are mostly positive, there are some parts of my Transition that are not so great. Transitioning at work has hit a few more snags slowing me from going 24/7. But, Like I said in another post, this Butterfly is more like a Bird of Prey. I will keep at it until it happens.

Kim, it helps if you have a healthy sense of humor and you can see the humor in the things people say and do. I do a lot of customer service work in a Grocery store, and I've been doing it for almost 15 years. It's not easy to see that humorous side of the general public. But, once you do, you can't help seeing it and keep laughing at it.

[AlyssaJ]

Sounds like things are ultimately headed in the right direction for you. I'm so very happy for you and also looking forward to when I can start to feel the sense of just being human. That feeling of people correcting themselves to properly gender you has got to be nice. I know the first couple times I got called her, ma'am, etc. got me feeling all giddy inside and then the next time I was called him while in female presentation, it was almost painful (even though it was an honest mistake).

Good for you, I love your attitude and confidence. I think that's one of the keys to surviving our experience. I hope things continue to progress well for you and that whatever is holding up your transition at work resolves itself soon.

[Emma Beth]

Lisa, I hope so too. But, all will happen in due time when the time is truly right.

What surprises me is that being misgendered at this time does not bother me near as much as I thought it might; even when people "correct" themselves; and I'm finding it a little entertaining.