Getting fitted for a wig

[AlyssaJ]

I'm pretty excited, I made an appointment today to get fitted for a wig early next week. Right now, my own hair simply isn't long or abundant enough for me to do any feminine styling with it. To help my confidence while out and about, I'm getting my first wig to hopefully add some more feminine dimension to my appearance. I'm super excited!! I found a shop nearby that has been in business for 49 years. I reached out to them via email to see if they were experienced working with transgender people. I got a very polite email back from the shop's owner explaining that yes indeed she's been doing this for decades and has worked with many transgender people.

So today I called to set my appointment and spoke to the shop owner again. She remembered my email and kind of had a laugh about my shyness and her experience. She explained how she has worked with many transgender people and really enjoys it. She then asked me very directly if I was a male changing to female. Maybe not the ideal way to put it but I confirmed. She then asked if I would mind coming in dressed as a female for the consultation/fitting, I told her I thought that was probably the best way to do this so yes, I'll be there in full makeup and dress. I've got my appointment all setup for early next week and I'm super excited. Honestly, can't wait to see what affect a feminine hairstyle has on my overall look. I don't expect it to work any miracles, but I'm hoping to see a better reflection than I'm used to.

I'm still torn on my long term plan. On one hand I'd really like to wear the wig and let my hair grow out to a shoulder length in the meantime. However, I'm concerned with work and how I can still put on a professional male businessman look until I'm ready to go full-time at work if I have longer hair. On the other hand, I think the more prudent path to take is going to be to keep my natural hair in a short feminine/androgynous style until I go full-time at work. At that point then I can start to let it grow out, continuing to wear the wig until it gets to a length I'm happy with. I'll figure that all out however after I see what I end up with as far as a wig.

[rebecca_ns]

Good for you Lisa. Sounds like you are moving right along. Feeling a bit envious right now.

[kimdl93]

Congratulations on the wig fitting appointment. Ah yes, I remember my first time....... excuse me, this is about you. I am sure you'll be surprised and pleased by what a well chosen and professionally shaped wig can do for ones appearance. I won't say miraculous, but something very rewarding.

Only you can decide how all this meshes with coming out at work. You know the environment, the formal policy and the informal tone of the business you're in. Now is a good time to dig deep into the organization to find out anything you don't know...such as, how other transitions went, and also to develop your plans B!C, D and E in the event that things turn out poorly.

Good luck and enjoy the new look!

[AlyssaJ]

LOL Kim, it ain't just about me I'm always up for some good stories.

Yeah work is going to be interesting. Small company of 50 people, I'm reasonably sure they've never dealt with anyone transitioning before. State anti-discrimination laws do specifically include gender identity which is good. Better still is that the majority of the people tend to shade more liberal in the political spectrum so hopefully that will help me out. One step at a time. But I am already working on the planning

[Mirya]

State anti-discrimination laws do specifically include gender identity which is good.

Are you sure about that? Don't you live in Wisconsin? According to the HRC website, Wisconsin state laws prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation only. There don't appear to be any protections in place for gender identity - either in employment, housing, or public accommodations: http://www.hrc.org/local-issues/wisconsin

Illinois, Iowa, and Minnesota are the only Midwest states that prohibit employment discrimination based on both sexual orientation and gender identity: http://www.hrc.org/state_maps

Sorry to derail your happy wig thread, but this is important stuff that you need to know.

[TGnerd]

Same here. I'm waiting for my wig too. Very excited and scared at the same time.

[AlyssaJ]

Are you sure about that? Don't you live in Wisconsin? According to the HRC website, Wisconsin state laws prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation only. There don't appear to be any protections in place for gender identity - either in employment, housing, or public accommodations: http://www.hrc.org/local-issues/wisconsin

Illinois, Iowa, and Minnesota are the only Midwest states that prohibit employment discrimination based on both sexual orientation and gender identity: http://www.hrc.org/state_maps

Sorry to derail your happy wig thread, but this is important stuff that you need to know.

Yes but my company is based in Maryland and I'm a remote employee. So in my case, that wonderful Fairness for All Marylanders Act passed in 2014 would apply to me as well. Thanks for the heads up, I do appreciate you helping look out for me.

[LeaP]

Sorry to tell you this, but unless you have a contract to the effect that Maryland's employment laws apply to you, the employment laws of the state where you work take precedence. Federalism 101.

[Starling]

Maryland, Wisconsin...Broadly speaking, whatever the law of a particular state might be, it looks to me as if what really matters is the character of the employer. A bigoted boss will find one underhanded way or another to get rid of you despite a law, and an accepting boss doesn't need a law to do the right thing. Good luck whichever you've got, Lisa.

Lallie

[AlyssaJ]

Actually LeaP, after talking to a lawyer that's not accurate. Because I'm a remote employee and their only office location is in Maryland, the laws of their state apply. Additionally, they have a corporate EOE policy that states they do not discriminate against any protected class, which at the Federal level TG is included in Sex.

That said, Starling's point is the actual reality. First, I would hope and I do expect that the law won't matter. Based on what I know of my employer and their views I can't imagine it would come to that. If it ever did, honestly I wouldn't want to keep working for them anyway so the law wouldn't matter. Thankfully I work in a very high demand industry so I'm relatively confident that if they don't take it well I can part ways with them quickly and maintain commensurate employment.

[LeaP]

Your lawyer, your life.

"The federal level" translates to a few agency rulings and district court decisions. You probably have the EEOC in mind, as they have interpreted (and issued rules accordingly) that Title VII of the civil rights act covers gender identity and expression under sex discrimination protections. A handful of Title VII federal district court cases have ruled along the same lines - but not all of them. This is going to have to go to the Supreme Court, just as the Gavin Grimm case has with the Title IX suit (Education Amendments Act). Same basic issue and interpretation approach - but different legislation and different agencies. The general trend in the courts supports us, but there is no guarantee which way the Supreme Court will swing or when such a case would be granted cert.

In the meantime, the handling of all of this is HIGHLY subject to politics. None of this is truly settled at the Federal level. Yet. Right now, anyone can file a gender identity or expression claim with the EEOC and it will be investigated. But that can be unwound any number of ways. The EEOC administers Title VII in employment, for example, by executive order. That could be changed in a heartbeat to any number of other agencies or departments. It would be an earthquake, but we happen to have a president who likes earthquakes.

A win for Gavin Grimm will be a huge signal from the court in support of the legal trend, even if they try to limit the scope. Conversely, a loss will almost certainly make things worse for a while ... including inviting challenges to the EEOC's guidance. Unfortunately, a decision on the Grimm case may be weakened by the fact of a 8 member ruling (unless, perhaps, unanimous).

There's a lot that has to come together yet. Don't count too heavily on anything at the federal level.

[AlyssaJ]

Thanks Lea for the extended explanation, a lot of good info there. Just for grins, I went to Just Answers today and checked with a lawyer there. His answer was similar to yours so I'm starting to not trust the original lawyer I talked to. In the end, I'm not really counting on any laws anyway. Ultimately, if they have a problem with me and want me out, I don't want to work for them anymore anyway. There's too many good companies out there that I know have very trans friendly policies who are looking to hire people with my skillset. As I'm planning my coming out at work, I'll be looking at a plan B and plan C in case things go badly.

So back to the original topic however, this have gotten more interesting with my wig fitting. We went to dinner (me, my wife and our sons) with my parents tonight. I told my mother about my appointment for Tuesday and on the way out of the restaurant she pulled me aside and asked if she could come along. I had to pause for a second and I asked her if she was sure. I told her I'm going to be going in fully authentic presentation and I wanted to make sure she was ready for that. She said she is, so she'll officially be the first person in my family to see the real me. She told me it may cause her some tears but she wants to support me and that if this is what I am going to do, she wants to help make sure I look "fabulous". I'm even more excited now than I was before about this trip. Tuesday can't come soon enough

[LeaP]

SCOTUS punted on the Grimm case.

[AlyssaJ]

Ugh I saw that, not only rejected the case but vacated the lower court's ruling.

[Pat]

It's disheartening, but it was the right thing to do. Hopefully nobody will withdraw, the lower court will rule the same way again and it will start the trip back to the Supremes.

Wig-related content: That's so cool about your Mom -- today's the day, right? You must be so excited (and nervous, and happy, and angsty, and....) Let us know how it went.

[Bria]

Sounds like you have a terrific mom! Have fun at the wig store, I know I have!

Hugs, Bria

[AlyssaJ]

OMG it was AMAZING!!! Nice little shop run by an older couple. The woman that owns the shop, Sharon, was super nice right from the start. A few questions about what I was looking for and she went right to work. The first two she brought out were instant hits, I loved both of them. In fact since the prices were right, I ended up buying both. Two new synthetic hair wigs. I tried on others as well, real and synthetic, but just liked the first ones the best. She showed me all the tricks for getting them on, how to care for them and even did a little sewing to put a hair clip in the back of each wig's cap to help hold them more secure. She also did a quick little trim job on the hair on my neck line to make sure it wouldn't show under the wigs.

My mom shed a tear or two. I also cried when I saw my reflection. Far better than I had anticipated. I've posted pics in the Picture Gallery forum if you're interested. With these wigs, I finally feel comfortable enough to share an image of the real me online.