Could it be the breasts?

[Lana Mae]

As I have related before, I am out to my daughter but she does not want to see daddy in a dress. She has become unemployed and is at home all the time. Lana Mae time has gone from several times a week to almost zero. To compensate I started underdressing more. But have noted that she has not objected when I have gone to bed and get back up because I forgot my medicine(new meds). I have been in my night shirt which is waltz length or at the knees more or less. It is the same length as a dress or skirt would be but I do not wear my forms to bed. Is that what makes the difference? Is it the forms that cause the conflict as daddy never had breasts before!? Give me your opinion! Hugs Lana Mae

[kimdl93]

It's probably the combination of attire, makeup and enhancements. I know it's frustrating to abstain, but I would advise giving your daughter the consideration of respecting her wishes. Push it and she may become even more firmly opposed

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's (presumably) a temporary situation- if your daughter needs you to be her dad, at what is a vulnerable and frustrating time in her life, then be her dad. Your long term relationship with her is far more important than a few months of drab, surely?

Don't you feel rather lucky to have a daughter who actually wants to know you?

[Teresa]

Lana,
Why not sit down and talk to her to see what she objects to with your dressing. I must admit I don't know exactly what my wife objects to, she says she only wants to see the man she married , so your daughter just wants dad as she's always known him.

[Alice_2014_B]

I agree with others here, best not push the envelope unless she becomes comfortable around your fem-attire (Lana).

My wife knows of my dressing up, yet I do not flaunt it around her.
I'll tell her, "Hey, I dressed up today."
And I rarely show her pictures.
She has seen me fully dressed up in person a whole four times (two of which we went out on the town together and once before I went to do stand-up comedy and got back home) out of the number of times I've been completely dressed up.

High heels, thankfully, are no issue with her, especially if I'm in just boxers and heels (wink wink).

[Rhonda Darling]

Lana Mae:

First, my condolences for the loss of your wife. I've passed the ten year anniversary of losing my wife of 33 years (plus 7 years from when we met in high school until we finally got married). It gets easier, but you'll always love and miss her.

How old is your daughter? Having an adult child who should be out on their own move back in is distressing enough, having them move in and then set restrictions on you is something to carefully consider. I remarried, and love my wife's adult children, but when herdaughter got divorced and moved home, and wide didn't want to share Rhonda's secret with her daughter, I almost lost it. I'm old enough, and been through enough, that I want my freedom and space. Fortunately she found someone else and moved out -- bot only to be replaced by her younger brother, back after college. That was too much, so we told him and he's cool with it, and has seen Rhonda many times now and has a "live and let live" attitude. My point is, having to curtail my time as Rhonda, in my own house, especially now that I have a wife who knows and fully embraces Rhonda, is unacceptable. You own your home, are king/queen of the castle, and should have your freedom.

My advice would be. to have a talk with her and set your own rules. If she can't find a place of her own to live, then she should live under your rules while under your roof. Shownher some Lana Mae photos. Take her through some carefully chosen conversations on this site. Show her other T-women's photo/blog sites so she gets comfortable with us not being freaks, and being able to convincingly pass when out and about.

The shackles we place on ourselves, self limiting our freedom, is not healthy. Sneaking and being in hiding in your own house is not where you should be at this point in your life. YMMV.

Best regards,
Rhonda

[Cheryl_Layton]

Whenever I hear of someone passing away, it makes me realise that you never know when your time might be up and it’s vital to get on and do the things we enjoy.

I fully empathise with your situation as I also have children at home that restrict my activities. My kids know I dress and are ok with it – to a point. My workround to this is to let them know when I am going out to an event or meeting others when dressed so they can avoid seeing me. Yes, I would like to dress more in the house but I know I have to respect other people and not upset the applecart unnecessarily.

However, my kids are not of an age where they could leave home, hence my compromise. But when they do, I will be of the opinion that if they do return they must accept my level of dressing, whatever that might be at the time.

I agree with Rhonda in that your daughter needs to acknowledge your dressing as it is a part of you that needs expression at times. To this end I think it’s vital that you talk the problem out to arrive at a workable solution that you are both happy about.

Btw, I don’t think it’s the breasts as according to my eldest, it’s just that he’s known me as his dad for all his life and it’s hard to see me as a woman.

Cheryl x

[Steph65]

I have to say this is an eggshell. On one side of the fence I agree with what is said consider your relationship with your daughter. On the other side I would say listen this is MY house and I have my freedom. It is best to explain to her whats what. if she doesn't like it well she will have to be told not everything has to be her way. Also this might get her to move faster in getting a job and moving out. My wife knows and she helps me at times. Her daughter saw my shoes one time and asked who shoes are they. My wife said she found them and was going to sell them and make some extra money and her daughter said they are Steph's shoes. She said they are cool and left it at that. Hard situation to deal with but you do not want to livein hidin or even put extra stress on yourself.

[Jenny22]

Lana Mae, I agree with Rhonda. Its your home, and your daughter must respect your wishes and values. But the the 'how' to bring her around to your side is the big question. I would urge our forum sisters to offer advice, as there may be gems for your adoption. She needs to love her dad no matter how he is dressed.

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm in the My House, My Rules camp, she's an adult, she can handle it, if not there are many motels out there.

[Michelle D]

I agree with all the other gurls, your house; your rules. But i also understand you don't want to totally freak your daughter out. Communication is vital to any relationship, so have an honest talk with her and let her know you need Lana Mae time, it doesn't change the fact, you are and always will be her Daddy. Hope things work out for you. Hugs Michelle

[TrishaTX]

For my wife, it is the wig and makeup , she just isn't ready to see it yet...

[Dana44]

For me, My SO do't let me wear a wig or forms. I must go like a natural girl. I have long hair and B sized boobs. So it is good enough and no problems from her.

[sweetdreams]

It's tough with kids. I'm not sure there are any easy answers.

We had four. I've always protected them from my CDing. Even now we still have two at home (both in school - trying to get their start in life). These are two boys around 30 years old. They know nothing about my crossdressing. It certainly does put a limit on what I can do. To some extent I've protected them for 30 years and I am reluctant to bring it out now. I'd much rather they get a career started and move out. Best possible scenario.

The wife is also very protective of our children and really anyone else when it comes to my crossdressing. She really wants to keep this between the two of us. I'm probably going to challenge this a bit in the future. Sweetdreams wants to get out the door, at least to a local support group. We are going to play with makeup to see if I can be pretty - probably not so much but maybe I won't make babies cry. We'll see. Wig will be next.

As with most things to do with crossdressing, we all have to make decisions as to what to do (even with children), and of course we live with the consequences.

Good luck Lana with whatever you decide.

[MelanieAnne]

Spare your daughter the sight of daddy dressed en fem. It's not always about us and our needs.

[docrobbysherry]

My adult daughter lives with me and here's how she explained her objections to seeing me dressed:

"How would u like to see your dad in a dress, wig, make up, looking like a woman?"

So, maybe if u use that as a guide, u can figure out what your daughter can handle and what she can't?

[Beverley Sims]

It is hard, out children don't want to see dad in a dress.

We have brought them up this way and being a woman has to be played down.

Yes the breasts can have a lot to do with it.

Flat chested and without a wig you probably don't make much of a woman.

That is how it goes.

[Laurana]

Men throughout the ages have worn night shirts/gowns. The still do.

I'm betting her issue is just seeing you dressed like a women. Tits....no Tits, You put on a dress/wig/makeup and BAM! You're no longer the man she knew but a man in a dress.

Just my opinion.

[CONSUELO]

This is a difficult one but it is your home, your daughter is really a guest at the moment and you should set the rules.

Sure it is difficult to realize that ones father loves to dress as a woman but you are still the same person who worked and sacrificed to bring her up and help educate her and prepare her for the wide world.

[Bree K]

A bit of my experience:

My wife is totally cool with my being a TSUBASA woman. She has known since our 3rd date or so 21years ago. She has been supportive of me all along, helps me pick out clothes, and is even thrilled about my recent decision to start transitioning. That being said, only one thing really makes her feel squeamish. That is my breast forms.

She loves my "breasts" clothed or in a bra. But something about the forms themselves are just wrong to her. She can't look at them glued to my chest, and looking at them sitting on the table Orin their box gives her the willies. Go figure.

The thing is that the family might be comfortable with part or most of what we do, but not the rest. I try to do what it takes to keep them comfortable.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lana Mae, I totally agree with Teresa, You both need to have a good one on one......