So another post from the journal of the recently transitioned.... I am posting this to attempt to pay it forward for those considering how they may want to transition. I have a group of about a dozen friends ( you know you you are ) that are all post transition and they have been immensely helpful. Also I have an excellent therapist and I will take some of the credit for finally finding the courage.
My advice may not be right for everyone but I strongly recommend it or at least considering it. I have read previously on this forum about individuals planning their transition and making their day of full time transition / and - or / name change court etc the same day as their first day out in public. I guess for someone wired very differently than me that could work but I strongly believe it is an approach that should be given deep thought.
I could not possibly have made my first day out in public the same day as my full time transition. To me the thought is terrifying and it was really driven home yesterday on day 4 of my full time transition. I could not have handled yesterday if I had not been part time for 8 months. Well at least for a while maybe not exactly 8 months.
The reason I so strongly advocate part time before full time is that it takes time and experience before learning how to be comfortable ( or at least not terrified ) in public and learn how to interact with people while dealing with your nerves.
I am trying to challenge myself and do exactly the same activities as though I had not transitioned. So yesterday I went to my fitness center where I lived to workout. I was not all prettied up with make up jewelry and feminine clothes - but having my hair done and eyebrows tinted and nails polished it was obvious I am trans. That was scary to see the neighbors but I did it. Then I went to donate my male clothing and shopped. Then I stopped at work and dealt with a transphobe who was one of the first to not be cool with my transition - most people have. Then I went to a movie at a crowded theater on a Saturday night.
Ok my courage was spent for the day a pretty good day for my 4th day in transition I pushed myself and did OK. But here is the point....... then late night I get a phone call from the catering company where I work as the marketing manager. They desperately needed me to come in and take a couple of deliveries including one to a large hotel. I had no intentions of doing this for at least several more weeks until I was more comfortable but then you know what?...... Life happened.... my plans were no longer in place. The unexpected came up. I could have said no but it was slightly my fault they were in that position so I agreed to go in. I was not mentally prepared to do this yet. Take deliveries to strangers at a variety of places and interact significantly with strangers. It went fine but.....
I could have never handled it so soon after a day of pushing and challenging myself if I had not gone part time before going full time. That is the point of part time.... it gets you ready to handle the unexpected things that come up in life and will continue to do so even post transition. If you are thinking of going full time one day like flipping a light switch I ask that you at least give it more thought. Maybe overnight full time is right for you but if it is you are a much stronger woman than I am. And I think I am pretty courageous. Hope this helps someone and that I am paying it forward for all of those that have helped me.
Kim
