I've been thinking about the built in tragedy that marriage can be made pretty sound and successful despite not including crossdressing. So we do it, figuring that crossdressing is just a small part of us, so we'll get along fine, and we are grateful to find a marriage partner in the first place. I'm guessing we harbor the idea that the one we marry will eventually come around to understanding and accepting us crossdressing. That, quite apparently, does not generally happen.
I'll propose here the thought experiment- don't get married, if you are a crossdresser, unless you won't have to be in the closet. What this means is that we need to be our full selves when we court our marriage partners, and need to know what crossdressing means to us, why we do it, be doing it, and ensure we do not have any hidden pieces of ourselves, as these can be so easily underestimated with regard to their long term impact.
It seems that around 10% of women can understand and tolerate crossdressing without rancor, and that is good odds, and is probably a very good starting screen for partners. Women generally will not prefer crossdressers, just like marrying out of race or culture is usually not a preference. We need a partner who can accept crossdressing, given strong mutual agreement on a lot of other issues, and for whom it doesn't trigger fear. They would need to accept it fully at home, with support for the social complexities that being out entails. This is all an indicator of a really strong personality, independent thinking, willingness to endure social stress, etc. This is a select group, and within that 10% [or 5%-whatever] we can then find women who feel roughly the same as we do about money, child-rearing, politics, etc..
Now that I have said this, I think it is patently obvious that having gender freedom at the core of shared understanding will very likely result in better compatibility and shared goals on all other subjects. I think today I would say to any unmarried crossdressers- put it out there fully,and say it is something of a mystery, and you need your partner to be able to navigate it with you. People want us to know who we are, so the mystery part is a weak point, but if we are fully out, and are talking about it, the mystery goes away for the most part.
Thoughts?