So a guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of stilletos....

[sweetdreams]

So I have a life changing situation coming up. I have a new job that will be away from my permanent residence. It will mean I will have a separate residence away from the wife and kids where I will be on my own for 11 out of 14 days. This means pretty much any constraints on my crossdressing I have now will be gone. My head is swooning with possibilities. There are a couple of possibilities I want to get some feedback on. I'm not sure how much my current pink fog is affecting my thinking. You know how this can be sometimes.

1. Possibility one is I will be renting an apartment. This means I will be doing my laundry in a common area as well as picking up my mail. I'm thinking I might do much of this while wearing some kind of women's shoes. I have a pair of pink/black 3" wedges that are really attractive and would be ideal for this. I'm thinking if I wear these it shouldn't be a really big deal if someone sees me heading down a hallway or bumping into me in the laundry room. This would be a way of owning who I am and basically saying here I am world, what do you think.
2. Possibility two. Up here in Canada we celebrate the Day of Pink ("The Day of Pink is the International Day against Bullying, Discrimination, Homophobia, Transphobia, and Transmisogyny across the world.") In this new town I will be staying in the local LGBT group is sponsoring a whole week of Pink including a number of LGBT oriented activities and culminating in a dinner, keynote speaker, and something of a dance afterward. I'm looking that that dinner and I'm thinking Sweetdreams needs to go. I haven't gone out in public yet. Don't have a wig, but I do think I could put together a nice outfit and maybe have a makeover done to look as good as possible. I'm thinking my presentation would be pretty much a guy in a dress with makeup, kind of like what Eddie Izzard did here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVy428N3s5A. I could tone it down a bit toward more of an androgynous look (i.e. no dress, maybe a nice pink blouse - in celebration of pink day, slacks, heels, and makeup). An even lower presentation would be to just wear a nice pair of stilletos. I'm thinking if I can't get away this it in this venue, where would I be able to. I'm going to this town next week and will be meeting with the LGBT group to find out what support they have for a gender fluid person, and to talk about this Week of Pink they are sponsoring. I will feel them out a bit on what is reasonable and what isn't.

So at a high level I'm thinking I want to take more ownership of who I am and what I do. If more of us don't start pushing the envelope a little, we will remain stuck in our homes and closets. Some of us have to start getting out there and these are two possibilities I'm thinking of for me. What's the worst that can happen?

What are your thoughts? Am I thinking foolish things here or are these reasonable acts of a sane rational crossdresser?

[Steph65]

you are right in every sense. It doesn't matter who or what you wear. People only realize in the moment. They do not really care after 20 min. or even 15 min. It is situations like this that we Crossdressers and others have to go out more and show that yes we are here and we will not be going any time soon. Like the Gay Lesbien Movement and being more accepted this Crossdressing and others have to be more out so it is more accepting.

Wear what you like and have the attitude who care what others think it is how you want to feel. I say do both #1 and #2

[kimdl93]

Some would argue that the terms are mutually exclusive. I don't see anything wrong with the idea of wearing women's shoes in your everyday activities. After all, how often does anyone look at a man's shoes?

Larger context question? How long will this situation last? Being physically separated for long periods of time can add stresses to a marriage. Be mindful of that!

[sweetdreams]

Valid point Kim. This could be a fairly long term arrangement - maybe 6 years.

I did talk with the wife and raised the idea that this is a game changer for my crossdressing. One of my concerns is that her and I will get out of step with it. I will have the opportunity to pretty much do what I want and she won't be a part of it. This can lead to a situation where she could see significant changes (additions) rather than smaller incremental changes. We are talking about how to deal with this. One of her biggest concerns is the possibility of me wanting to dress 24/7 and she would lose her man. I reassured her that I don't think this will happen.

I will point out that we do have a close relationship and has nothing to do with any issues. One of my first comments to her was "I'm going to miss not seeing you every day." which made her want to cry.

[Jenny22]

Since you are talking about possibly 6 years at your new location, move your family with you! Simple solution.

[Tracii G]

Sounds to me that you are thinking more about yourself than your families well being.
I'm going to be honest and probably get slammed for it but you are having a huge pink fog moment.
If you and your wife think there is a chance for there to be some changes to you in that time frame that is a very valid fear on her part.
Don't be surprised if she finds love somewhere else because you are never home.
I was a truck driver and away from home a lot and it was a constant issue with my wife and eventually she found someone else.
So weigh your options in a sane state of mind and not in a pink fog state of mind.
I like Jenny's suggestion move your family with you.

[Gabriella111]

I think this is a great opportunity for you to explore this part of your life more and to step out and share it with the world.

Is there a reason relocating the entire family isn't happening?

[2BArianwen]

Hi Sweetdreams

I'm not offering any advice on what you should do, but I can share some from my experience. In the past, I have been in the situation where I worked away from home and got to see my family every two weeks and these are the lessons I learned:

1. It is true, that you'll get more freedom in terms of your dressing - I also used to wear different styles of shoe to go out in (except to work), but I would often get so bound up in guilt that I would purge. Every time I bought shoes, I thought 'this could go towards a plane fair for an additional trip home.
2. The commute (mine was a thousand miles) gets very tiring, very quickly
3. I was always so exhausted from the lifestyle that even when I was home, I wasn't nice to be with.
4. The stress of being away from my wife and children and missing out on all of the family activities brought me a tremendous amount of stress, so I didn't perform well at work
5. For me, ultimately, the price both I and my family paid trying to make the scenario work was too much, certainly not worth the added freedom to dress, so I quit the job, returned home and never regretted it. The W was mad though (understandably) as it put us in a lot of financial stress.
6. I have missed too much of my children growing up, and the short time they are at home (and it is very short!!) goes so quickly. If I could do-over, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Like I said, I'm not trying to point you in any particular direction, I'm just trying to give you the benefits of my mistakes. Let's imagine that in your new pace, that there are still the same constraints, so that you actually didn't get any more freedom to dress, would you look at the job opportunity any differently?

Sincerely hope you make choices that are right for you and right for your family.

Rian

[sweetdreams]

OK let me lay out the parameters of why we are doing it this way.

We have two kids at home. Actually they are adults (like 30ish) who are in the process of upgrading their education. We currently provide a roof over their heads to help them out. This will take a few years to complete. Then there are some other options for us in terms of the wife joining me.

We have a daughter and son in law who have been living like this for about 4 years and everything is fine with them. He commutes every second weekend. They make it work.

We have worked out some of the details of how we will see each other. Every second weekend either I go to her or she will come to me. Flights aren't that expensive and it's something that has to be done.

We will adapt as necessary. We've been married for over 40 years. It's a solid relationship. We will do what is necessary to stay together. I do appreciate your caring though.

The six years gets me to my retirement point. After that we can do whatever we want. We currently have a house we really like so we don't want to sell it. After the six years we might just stay in it.

[barbara gordon]

Hi Sweetdreams ..
yes it is a good opportunity to explore a feminine lifestyle . If you present this early to your new neighbors , you won't have to surprise them after you get to know them in a strictly male mode . If you introduce yourself as sweet dreams thats how they will accept you .

I often travel a lot for work , and there usually is a dragbag in my luggage . I was so nervous early on as to how strangers would perceive me , but really the first perception is the one that they will expect going forward .

for the other considerations of distance from family , how often will you commute to get back home ? weekly , or as i think i read it every two weeks? Please stay in good contact with home :0) And don't forget that they will miss you when you are not around .
some marriages will be strengthened by a temporary distance , but it helps to have a defined start and finish time .

if you are there to work, make sure you keep that purpose in mind . It might be tempting to stay up all night in non working hours getting pretty , just remember to get some rest so you can keep up your skills in what ever you are being hired for .


I agree that its a good time to explore this and its a good time to push the envelope , Pink fog is awesome! However discretion should always be observed to manage the pink fog .

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

hi sweetdreams .

re reading your original post ..

yes yes yes . take ownership of who you are and what you want to do !

Owning your own direction and owning your own identity is a liberating step. I took ownership of my self a few years ago and it made a huge difference to my happiness.

[Jaylyn]

If I were going to be away off and on for that many years, I'm sure I'd move my family with me. I was raised family comes first, yes even in cross dressing. I'm sure something can be worked out if there is true love it will be. I also agree that you would have a chance to take ownership of who you really are. Maybe start out there at the job and then move the family in gradually.

[Bria]

Sweetdreams, you don't say whether your wife works. Your kids are old enough to take care of themselves in your home. Your wife could move with you and leave the kids at home if she doesn't work or could find employment at your new location. The kids are old enough to take care of the house for you while you and your wife are away.

This may be a great simplification, but you and your wife might think about it. On the other hand I have a friend that I see at girls nite out that is employed in a contract position in the area and has been here for about six years and goes home less often than you plan to and it works for them!

I hope that you find an arrangement that works for you and your wife, regardless of the opportunities to dress.

Hugs, Bria

[Karmen]

If you don't care what other people think, since they will be strangers or want others to know that you dress and this is some kind of first step, just do it and have fun. But don't think for a moment that noone will notice or care if they see a men wearing women's shoes with stilletos.
I went out once in guy mode, but wearing ankle boots with heels, similar to these on the photo and recieved quite a few strange looks from people on the street. And I thought no one will even notice them, since they were covered by my jeans at the top and noone was able to see more than half of the heel when I was not walking.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sweet D,

There are a number of big issues and they have been raised above.

I would like to focus on one thing and that's the possibility of your attending the dinner. This is possibly the best opportunity anyone could get to go out for the first time dressed. I can't think of a more welcoming, friendly and supportive environment and for me it would be a huge mistake to miss it. After all, you're talking about pushing your dressing over a six year period so an opportunity like this seems an idea way to find support in the area you'll soon be spending a great deal of time in.

Buy a wig, even if it's a low cost one off eBay so you can present fully and Carpe diem, seize the day.

You'll have ample time to sort out the logistics and set yourself rules and boundaries to keep your dressing under control and your marriage safe in the weeks to come.

[andreanna]

We have a day of pink in Alberta? News to me.

[Diane Taylor]

I've felt for many years now that we as a group need to be SEEN as much as possible by the general public. I realize not everyone is on board with this and to each their own. If the public sees us as we are rather than as stereotypes it can only help us.

[jennifer0918]

I say sweet D go for it after 40 years of marriage you guys are pretty solid and sometimes time away from the SO is healthy, as long is there trust.When your on your explore your femme side to the fullest, I mean wig,heels,makeup, padded panty,and breast forms.

[sweetdreams]

We have a day of pink in Alberta? News to me.

Nope, not Alberta. First two lines of my original post were:

"So I have a life changing situation coming up. I have a new job that will be away from my permanent residence."

The location of my new residence will be outside of Alberta.......

[barbara gordon]

I Agree diane Taylor ! Glad you said this.

[audreyinalbany]

People have already said a lot of what I was thinking when I first read your post. First it's a great opportunity to just let your crossdressing self be herself; just present as her as often as you like and your neighbors will think nothing of it after a while. Second, if this opportunity is really so great that it'll prepare you financially for retirement, why not have the Mrs move with you and let the kids take care of the house? Of sources, if she's locked into a career this may not be possible and I'm sure I'm not telling you anything that you two haven't already considered. For me, if I were really going to undertake something like this,I'd exercise option #1 & float freely between my male and female presentations

[Tama]

I only wanted to wish you the best with this endeavor, it seems to me you have it largely worked out. With all this time and experience behind you, I'm certain you'll get the little things sorted out.
So then brave warrior, go forth and conquer!