Feeling bad🙁

[cpt2669]

My wife found a bag with some of my clothing in it. Mostly my swimsuits. She has found stuff before and has shown a big hate for it. She has said something about divorce. I love my wife very much even though she doesn't think so. She has asked me to not buy anything more. She also has not ask me to get rid of what I have now. I don't know what to do now. She asked me why I do it ando I truly don't know why. Don't know if I am looking for advice or what but will take what ever.

Thanks for listening.
Christina T.

[Rachael Leigh]

Christina there really is no easy answer, this is something that is very difficult for women to understand, it's got this stigma
attached to it that if we wear women's clothes we are gay or if the wife fears if she likes you in those clothes then she is gay
because you look like a women wearing them.
My wife really has no strong desire to see me dressed and while she has and even helped at times it's not anything what she hopped for when she married me. So it might be a good idea to have a sit down talk with her and help with her fears

[jennifer0918]

Please,don't feel bad,assure your wife of your love for her.Invite her to visit the forum explain that this is a part of who we are and that it's not like we can turn it off and on like a light switch. Wish you the best.

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm pretty much on the same boat as you.
My wife found my 4" pumps in the bedroom, she threw them out at work so I couldn't save them.
I was surprised she wasn't to angry which made me think maybe she's starting to except me for who I am.

Until three weeks later when I left a hair brush out. Now a week later she's hardly talking to me.
Well anyhow I hope things work out for you.

[Lana Mae]

Christina, talk to her and be honest! Show her how much you love her! Do not know your situation for any thing further! Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, Christina. The only way this gets better is if you two start communicating. You may end up in a situation that neither of you is completely happy with, but without communication you won't get even that far. And there is the potential that things will go from bad to worse.

[Shely]

I am hoping for the best for you, but can't add more that already said. Communications and love should prevail, but it iwll take time and talk.

[Shayna]

Only advice I can think of is to assure her that you love her. Promising to not do it again is probably lying, but you can do your best to make it so she doesn't have to deal with it.

[Teresa]

Christina,
It's very hard to tell our wife/partner that we don't know why we do it , we have to find some answers to help ourselves come to terms with it and hopefully explain it to others.
I sat down and wrote it all down , how is started and how it progressed and what you may want in the future. Most of us were born like it and now I've joined the forum realise it's for life, we have to know some answers knowing these facts, it's not going away and it's not something we will grow out of . The other point is don't put yourself in the position of promising something you can't keep up. Wives may think they can dictate all the terms to us and expect us to stop, they truly don't understand what is inside our heads , we have to sit down and talk it through with them otherwise you are going to give yourself worse problems the longer it goes on .

I would say you will progress on from the swimsuits and want more to the point of doing full makeup and wearing a wig and finally wanting to go out into the World, it may sound scary but given time and the right way of dealing with it , it can happen. I never believed it could for me and it has, despite being in a DADT situation I go out and shop and drive to a hotel to meet others socially. My wife knows all this but still chooses not to see me, but she knows I can't stop , I'm dealing with an inner need.

[docrobbysherry]

Another vote for what Kelly Marie said.

Everyone is different. U 2 will have to come a compromise that works for u! Remember there r no rules. Except those u 2 make!

[Danitgirl1]

Yes, communicate communicate and communicate some more.
When in doubt communicate more.
The proviso is that this needs to be open, honest and two way... You need to listen to her as much as she needs to listen to you.
You both need to find solutions. Preferably not compromises. Those seldom work. Real solution where you BOTH get something. Without necessarily losing anything.
If you can't make progress make use of a balanced sympathetic and enlightened counselor who can help you to both work through this.
I think more often than not much of the angst is driven by fear and ignorance. Once you start talking honestly and openly things can change for the better.
As a starting point you will need to accept responsibility for your actions and accept her feelings around them. This is hard, but once done opens up new areas for growth.
Wishing you all the best

[Maria 60]

When my friends have marriage problems, knowing them I could relate from them as individuals or past history. I could give you some advice or tell you what helped for me, but it's not worth much because I don't know you, I don't know if your marriage is strong or if it was a troubled marriage already.
I found with my wife she had a lot of questions and I tried my hardest to answer them instead of, "I don't know why I do it" or "I don't know where's it's going".
When I told my wife I told her everything from the first time I put on my sisters pantyhose when I was 8 years old to that same morning that I put on hers and why I enjoyed it and that I was fine keeping it in the closet. The hardest part of all was telling her that I can't control it and it's who I am and if she can't find anyway or form to except it maybe it's better we don't take the next step. All I could tell you is to be honest and don't answer her questions with" I don't Know" and I know us men we are not the best with communication or truly opening up but you have to try. For me it's over thirty years ago I told her and she has told me that she respected me that it must have been hard and embarrassing for me to tell her.

[CateNatalia]

I can only speak for my own situation, but being as communicative as possible has really helped me avoid any bad situations with my dressing. Making sure my wife knows that I love her has always helped. The situation is different for everyone, of course, but really communication is key, as so many people have said.

[Beverley Sims]

Education is the best solution, like many others many wives do not know about cross dressing and even alternative lifestyles.

Read other threads posted here about broaching the subject with your wife.

[cpt2669]

Thanks for all the words of advice. The day after finding cloths she is talking to me like it never happened. Don't know what to think.

Christina T.

[Micki_Finn]

I would say don't just leave it at "She dropped it" because unless you plan on quitting completely, it's just going to make he next time she makes a "discovery" it will be that much worse. Talk to her about it and if she still can't come to terms then you might want to suggest therapy. It's usually good for BOTH partners and the relationship.