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Thread: Loosening up and feeling natural?

  1. #1
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    Loosening up and feeling natural?

    Hello everybody
    So my decision to transition is pretty recent. While I enjoy the community feeling I have here I think sometimes I forget how very different if it all transgendered people are. I read a lot of stories and watch a lot of video blogs and I think what I have come across the most are trans women Who never really fit in the male role and took to being themselves very easily and very quickly. I don't exactly fit there. I have spent so much of my life fitting into the role that I was told to us a young child and expected to ever since then. The same way a young boy learns to be a man Young girls need to learn to be women. It goes so much further than doing your make up (which I'm very good at lol) end it certainly has start in the mind before the body. I am beginning to notice and become much more aware of how masculine my body is but all of my mannerisms, my posture and the way I speak. It's even made me calling to question how convincing I have been going out in public crossdressed. Now passing is not everything. But before I begin altering my body I need to make sure that my mind is adequately prepared to accept physical changes. So I have made an effort to try expressing a feminine mindset while at home while cross-dressing alone and with my wife. I'm sure it just takes time and practice but it still feels very forced and unnatural. I've noticed the only time that it seems to flow organically is when I lay in bed both just before falling asleep and right when I wake up. The feeling of stretching and curling back up under the sheets laying there with my eyes closed And the way I envision myself seems the most clear in these moments. I don't feel tense or the need to exert control on the world around me and there is no reflex or guardedness preventing me from just enjoying that feeling. I've also struggled practicing my voice. I naturally have a low voice. I'm told sometimes that I sound like Jack Nicholson which is kind of cool but that leaves me a very long way to go to developing a female speaking voice. I think physically I understand how to work at it. I just keep feeling this knee-jerk reaction of repression and avoidance. I still think I am distinctly afraid to make myself vulnerable. Of course counseling is going to be greatest key to curing this, but at the moment I can't afford to be getting that and my health coverage doesn't begin for another 90 days so I would appreciate any of your shared experiences

  2. #2
    You always have to fight
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    Hello ashleymasters It looks like we have some of same problem except the thing Im FtM. I was forced to take the girl role which I dont like and keep pretending to make everyone happy. So I think I know how you feel. I feel kind of lost if I ll fit to male role the way I want. What helps me is reminding me that I just have to act like myself. Inside I know Im just not a girl and all this things I which my mind keep remembering is just a forced habbit which I made to fit in society. Im trying to turn it of and imagine how would I feel if I lived my whole life the way I really wanted. Also if Im in certain situations or places I imagine I have boy body and wait how it will make me feel. For example simply when Im in the bus or just going home. It helps me a lot and thanks to it I know Im making a right choice because I feel good and happy when I imagine it. Maybe you could try something similar? If you feel forced about something, dont push yourself. go slowly and give it time. Crossdress only if you feel like you want to and then the feeling should become more and more often.

    As for your voice, I red singing really helps with improving it. And I actually(and accidentaly ) found very nice site how to improve your voice to sound more feminine. http://www.looking-glass.greenend.org.uk/voice.htm

    Hope it helped you. And Im sure you will find a good solutions for your problems

  3. #3
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashleymasters View Post
    I've noticed the only time that it seems to flow organically is when I lay in bed both just before falling asleep and right when I wake up. The feeling of stretching and curling back up under the sheets laying there with my eyes closed And the way I envision myself seems the most clear in these moments. I don't feel tense or the need to exert control on the world around me and there is no reflex or guardedness preventing me from just enjoying that feeling.
    Perhaps the best course is not to try and perfect your ability to conform to your concept of what you "ought" to be and pursue behavior that takes you to this state of feeling good. Maybe you're not the kind of woman you're trying to force yourself to be. Or maybe you're not a woman at all and are one of the non-binary. I can't tell you what you feel, but I can tell you when you're on the right track it doesn't feel forced. (Or it hasn't for me.)
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  4. #4
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pat (aka Jennie) View Post
    I can't tell you what you feel, but I can tell you when you're on the right track it doesn't feel forced. (Or it hasn't for me.)
    I agree with this completely, and it has been my experience as well.

    As for your questions regarding voice, you may find this voice thread helpful (from a few months ago):
    https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...e-feminization

  5. #5
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    Seish,
    It does sound like we have a bit in common. Thank you for the comments. I'll try to incorporate that.

    Pat,

    I fully agree I can't look At this transitiOn as a swap of blue for pink. I will absolutely be a fairly masculine woman. As a man I'm pretty rigid even for male standards. What I meant by trying to force it is making myself relax. Whatever I try to explore is met with these conditioned reactions to tighten up and toughen up. They are distinctly connected to feelings that I can't let any vulnerability show I'm trying to defeat those triggers. I think what's a little unique about mtf verse ftm is that even though women definitely have societal pressure to be a certain way I think at least here in America a masculine woman is a little more easily accepted than a feminine man.(that's a generalization on my part and I may just be speaking from my own limited experience.) And I think because of that everything I do or say now is compulsively forced to be super macho.

    And I will look at that link for voice training.

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