Being a girl or being a guy dressed in girls clothes

[Mollyanne]

I don't have facial hair so that is not the problem for me. My wife has seen me "dressed" from the neck down and as most wives go, she is NOT happy about it. When I am dressed, I see myself as being a woman and to be honest I LIKE WHAT I SEE AND FEEL!!!!!!! I don't want to be seen as a man in drag so I guess you can call me a "stay at home dragster". I do go out at night for a drive and that fulfills a very basic need but I need to do more and at one point I guess I will. If you feel satisfied and fulfilled in your situation then accept it and be happy.

Mollyanne

[Ceera]

When I was first getting into wearing women's clothes, it was after over 30 years of trying to play it straight in a normal, hetro marriage to a wonderful GG lady. From the first years when we started dating, I spent most of my life fully bearded. She really disliked it on the few rare occasions when I shaved off my beard, in part because she was older than me, and when I was beardless, I dropped even more apparent age and she thought everyone would think she was 'robbing the cradle'. I pretty much liked the freedom from daily shaving, as well as how I looked with a beard, so I just kept it neatly trimmed and stayed bearded.

When I started to give in to my feminine urges, my first thoughts were that 'of course, I would never end up actually going out and pretending to be a girl, because how could I, with a full beard?' How could I begin to justify shaving it off, just to make that 'fantasy' easier? Well, it didn't matter anyway, since all I was doing was underdressing with panties under my male clothes, and that with my wife's consent. I did have a small gym bag that contained a full female outfit and a wig and a padded bra, but I only played with that while alone at home... I wasn't going to risk damaging my marriage by going further.

After my wife died, I got bolder. Well, a little bolder... I decided I could get away with dressing as a female in public when in a costume that hid my entire head - like attending a 'furry' or Anime convention and occasionally dressing in a female fox mascot costume. I tried it, and loved it, though it forced me to at least try to also come up with a female voice, so I could communicate with others. Not too hard, at that stage, as the full head fox mask already muffed and distorted my voice a bit.

But eventually I realized I really wanted to at least try to go out and really pass for a girl. So I shaved the beard, worked on makeup skills and voice, and gave it a go. For me, even though I still was so poor at makeup and had such a bad wig that I didn't pass well, I really enjoyed it! It was a turning point for me when I soon tried a better wig, a professional makeover, and my best attempt at a girl voice, and actually passed as a real female in a mall and at a restaurant. That made it clear to me that I really wanted to go out a lot more and be accepted as a female. I never would have reached that point if I hadn't tried to go all out femme.

But at the same time, if it hadn't worked out, I could easily have grown the beard back, and set aside the fantasy of going out as nothing more than that, and contented myself with just dressing a bit at home. At least I would have known I tried, and that it really was nothing more than a fantasy. Or maybe I would have come to the conclusion that being accepted as a girl didn't matter after all, but it was cool to be 'a guy in a dress', and I didn't care what others thought when they saw me and I wasn't 'passing'. Again, I would know more than I had before.

My advice would be to try going full-femme with a proper wig, breast forms, makeover and no beard, even if it's 'just this once'. Try for the beauty photo shoot you mentioned, and maybe a nice dinner out as a girl after you're all dolled up, preferably with your wife. See how it feels. You might love it, or you might hate it. You might pass, or you might not. But you'll learn more about what matters to your happiness, no matter how it goes. And if being a guy in a dress - in public or just in private - is your decision, then by all means, enjoy it! Makeup can be washed off, and beards grow back. It isn't a one-way street, so explore it, and learn more about what makes you happy.

[Melanie Sykes]

I had a beard for 10 years prior to this February - not a full-on hipster beard, but more of a long stubbly one. As my work used to take me around the country, and sometimes the world, I used to dress after work whenever I was safely far away enough from people who might know me. I've been shaving my legs for a long time now so I can wear dresses, skirts and tights: my legs look fabulous in them (though I am biased)! I always kept the beard though because I liked how it made me look as a man, but mostly because my wife liked it. Obviously with a beard you can't wear makeup and/or a wig, breast forms, shapewear - and even a feminine necklace looks ridiculous.

After having the beard for about 5 years, I felt the need to experiment with makeup and a wig, so one particular trip away, I shaved it off. I had fun buying and learning to use the makeup. I wasn't passable and it was not a good wig but, as I was on a different continent, I was unlikely to run into anyone who knew me. When I got home my wife instinctively knew why I'd shaved the beard (we have a DADT relationship about the CDing) and told me she didn't want to be married to me any more. We somehow got through that, I grew the beard back and continued going out occasionally as a man in womens' clothing when I was away.

About another 5 years later I got the urge to try it again - partly because I'd enjoyed the experience last time, and partly because I was increasingly feeling that I needed to "complete" myself. There would also be the additional benefit that at least I wouldn't be instantly recognisable if I somehow appeared on social media or walked around a corner into a live news broadcast. Cameras are everywhere now. Also, I was irritated by the sense that I couldn't even control the status of my own facial hair.

So I shaved the beard off again. I simply came down from the bathroom one night clean-shaven. I had casually mentioned shaving it off a couple of times to gauge the reaction, and it was indifferent really. My wife doesn't like me clean-shaven (ironically we'd been married over 10 years before I ever grew it in the first place!) but at least she hasn't threatened to leave me this time.

I bought more makeup and a better wig, and went away on my own to a hotel for a few days. I went away clean-shaven with a full complement of makeup, wig, jewellery, shapewear - everything that could possibly make me passable. A real problem is that I'm well over 6 feet tall, with huge hands, so no-one at any point was fooled, but people were slightly more courteous than when I was overtly a cross-dressing man.

On the final day of my trip away, I dispensed with the wig. I decided that it was more comical looking than effective for my needs, and I concentrated on trying to achieve a natural look with makeup and my own hair. Luckily my hair hasn't receded and I have plenty of it. It's also quite "fluffy" so can appear quite feminine. My attitude was that I would just simply "be myself" and not try so hard to blend in, as you mentioned, Alissa. This was not entirely successful - people seemed distinctly more uncomfortable around me than they had been with the wig, and I guessed this was because I was now not just a man wearing womens' clothes, but also a man wearing makeup. The makeup was quite subtle I felt, softening my face and features but with very light blush tones in the right places. Still, it was not a roaring success, and I think that I also would like to spend some time with a pro and see what can be achieved with my masculine architecture.

After nearly 2 months without a beard, I am now used to my own face again and I like it. It's much easier to just shave my whole face in the shower than it was to try and maintain a defined beard shape. I can apply makeup whenever I please - and I find this a soothing process - as long as there's no trace left by the time I see someone I know.

What I have gained from shaving is a lot of enjoyment from putting on makeup and jewellery. I haven't gained passability, which is a slight disappointment, but something I never really expected anyway. I've also gained the possibility of being less recognisable when out and about with makeup and a wig. When so dressed I can also wear forms and shapewear, and clothes fit so much better when you wear breast forms. I also feel more in control of my own look now, whereas before I felt sort of imprisoned in the beard.

On the negative side, I do feel slightly less attractive as a man, and my wife keeps hinting at my growing the beard back. I also feel in the changing rooms at the gym that my clean-shaven legs and face positively scream "cross dresser!", although that initial paranoia is subsiding now: most people don't even seem to notice. I also get comments from my daughter about how much I look like my father now my beard has gone. But that's not such a bad thing.

My own dilemma is that I'd like to grow the beard back but then remove it whenever I want to use makeup. It takes about two weeks to grow back fully. But my wife won't like that - as another poster has said, men don't change their hair that frequently. Plus, my wife would know why I was doing it, and that would re-open old wounds. So I'm enjoying being shaven for now, because when the beard comes back I'll likely be stuck with it for some time.

[CateNatalia]

Alissa, I completely understand where you're coming from - but I think the answer lies in working out what feels best and comfortable for you. When I went through a period of not dressing at all, I grew facial hair and liked it - but now that I'm dressing again, I'm clean shaven again, because it's important to me to look as feminine as I can when dressed. But that's just one way of going about it.

If you're more comfortable being a man in a dress, then why not? It's about your feelings and that's what's important. If you go for a professional makeover and it changes your mind somewhat, then that's fine too. I would say go with the flow and just see where it leads you. Most of us are experimenting in many ways and this is just one area of constant experimentation.

[Traci H]

I find the guy in a dress scenario very non-appealing. I have no issue for those that wish to pursue this path, its just not for me. It is a little bit of a conundrum however in that I like to pull women's clothing into my daily wear. Underdressing, jeans, maybe a top and I am thinking of adding a bracelet. I know, not all that far over the edge, depending on the presentation. Regarding facial hair, I have a small strip of it under my nose and am thinking of shaving it off. My one fear is that my wife will see that as a concession I am making to dress more like a woman, and lash out. She is non-supporting and makes comments about my dressing and how she might have to due something about it. Then life goes on. Right now, no matter what I do, it (mustache) kind of shows that I will not present in public like a women. One of these says however, it is going to be gone, lest I be a man in a dress.

[SometimesKairi]

For me,
I am a man.
I like to wear women's clothes in private as they make me feel attractive.

I don't feel, act or think like a girl.

Some people will feel the opposite.

So if you feel happier as a man in a dress, then do that, if you feel happier as a woman in a man's body then do that.

Pretty simple.
Do what makes YOU happy

[Bobbi46]

"Being a girl or being a man". Very thought provoking I don't feel one or the other sure I like to feel feminine and to dress in a feminine way, that's we all do. But feeling more one than the other then I must say that I more on the girl side and at times I actually loath wearing drab but sometimes demand on occasions so be it but if life were just a bit different and acceptance more widespread then "being a girl" would suit me down to the ground.
What also comes to mind in this is being gender fluid.

[Scarlett398]

Same here, Bec. Straight as an arrow and very happily married and I have absolutely no sexual attraction to guys at all. I guess I do dress to impress women and mainly dress to totally be seen as a cute, sexy girl who's really nice and has a lot of class and really good taste in style and clothing.

When I am dressed as a guy, I'm mainly dressed to impress guys and girls but still have no sexual attraction to guys, I just love out dressing them in guy mode. I am I guess one of the few who like to dress up in an up to date slick looking slim cut suit with expensive shirts, ties, and shoes. And after church going to a restaurant or even to Walmart to pick up some groceries with that sexy redhead of mine looking like a fashion model herself.

Ever since I was a little boy, I have always had to have fashionable and well fitting and good looking clothes and the same thing happened when I started to cross dress. It's got to be fashionable, well fitting, classy, good looking clothing and footwear. To answer the what I think the question, I do feel extremely feminine while dressed as Scarlett. And by looking at my photos in my posts, you can understand why I feel so feminine when all dolled up getting my girl on as Scarlett!
Just my 2 cents worth!

[Periwinkle]

I'm almost entirely attracted to men, but I certainly don't dress up to attract them. I'm with a man who sees me as a man, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

When I dress up, I'm doing it for me alone. I don't feel like a girl when I'm crossdressing, but I definitely feel feminine and pretty. I also feel very asexual and aromantic. If some guy started coming on to me while I was dressed up, I would feel extremely uncomfortable.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Lisa season ends for me when it gets warmer here. Perhaps you could shave your goatee in the winter and grow it again in the spring/summer? That way both of you get a part of what you want.

[Brandy Mathews]

Alissa,
I understand the way that you are thinking but being clean shaven and just dolled up to the hilt is an amazing feeling. Being able to feel and see your feminine side is an amazing feeling, I think. And the make over and photo shoot will make you feel so good too. I think that you should do it. If not, you will never know how good it feels.
Hugs,
Bree

[Mark B]

I have no interest in passing as a female. Thus, I have been going out regularly wearing skirts, dresses, hose, and 3 or 4" heels and not caring at all what others think.

I have no facial hair as I shave regularly. But I don't shave to wear make-up. I also shave my head, as it was getting so thin anyway. I have been shaving my legs and body now for a few decades. I will occasional wear make-up, mascara and lipstick only, with a wig when I go out with the wife as that is her preference. To me, it really depends on how you want to see yourself. I personally don't like it as much when I look in the mirror and see myself with a wig and make-up. I do however love seeing myself wearing women's clothing mixed with some man stuff.

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

[Devi SM]

Allisa, we usually care a lot about how other sees us. All of us look for acceptance and more when dressrd as a woman.
World is really open today but not enough for a common man in drag. For me is a guy dressed in women attire, more for a show, but when we are able to fully dress, you can read tons of experiences here, it changes your life.
Your family is used to see you with beard and at the beginning without beard they will comment. But very soon they will accostume, even your wife, just push it a little.
It's different for our family, especially our SO, but even she should be able to understand that we change, we have the right to change, women do all the time and we usually don't complain.
I don't know how old you are, for your comment you must be over the 50s, but let me tell you that with no beard you will look 10 years younger, that's one thing that may be your wife would like , if not tell her to give you a chance to try and get she acquainted with that, after some weeks she will be fine, then try to find out your opportunity to fully dress. !you're going to love it! .
Paraphrasing my signature, every day is precious, it goes and never comes back, what ever you did, did it, but if you loose your chance to do it the remorse could be big.
Go for it!...and of course post some pics.
I know this is not the but not versus girl pics threaf but for the first time in a public website I'll post together who I'm with brars(6 years ago) and who Vanessa is now.
How could that beautiful woman express herself with a beard?

[gina shiney]

The beard debate continues
From reading on this site there are many views on with or without , acceptance of one's look is a personal thing. I really can feel for those who for one reason or another can't shave when desperately needing wanting to achieve the look. For myself that is the case, the thirty plus years of identity is hard to erase for our SO family friends and employment. The latter doesn't apply in my case but does for others.
Ok I don't feel male or female, circumstances are others see me as male and yes I have a beard (now not my preferred choice) these same others have influence on my life as I have influence on theirs. Wife children parents etc. To help ME achieve some form of balance I shave every where else ie fingers arms legs and so on, my wife occasionally helps out with the back, I use perfumes that are light and fruity underdress always and have been doing so fulltime for a few years. Sleepwear has crept into my being of recent times and really does complete more of ME. (Children now knock on bedroom door and wait before entering,massive difference in SO & my life's) I cannot use mirrors while having a beard and whilst my wife accepts my mental condition (neither male nor female in my thinking) cannot accept the state of me not presenting male to most of her world. She is a t shirt and jeans girl so clothing is just that, but not so for me. I am not female just like to be feminine and would like to present as one. I do not dress or think of dressing to be attractive to males as any male especially alpha are threatening to me.
What you can be comfortable with is always going to be a compromise , for those of us on this site more so.
gina shiney

[Sandin Meknickers]

I have facial hair sometimes in my daily life. The SO prefers shaved but this part of me has been mentally inaccessible for many years so i've been a lazy brute. When i lost a lot of my hair around 30 it crushed me and it took a long time to come to terms with that on any level haha. So every week or 10 days I clipper my head and face so I often stun clients i only see on a monthly basis. I'm 38 and cursed with only a single chest hair. I don't necassarily want to feel a woman in some aspects - couldn't do with the hairy legs.

You are never going to get the dame reaction from a group of people. In any daily life at any point you are a darling, a stoic, a prick and so on because subjective truth is that.

[TracyT]

As mentioned in my previous thread ("Full Time"), I go out all the time as "a guy in girl's clothes." Being 6'2" , broad-shouldered, and deep-voiced, I would need to invest a lot of time, effort, and expense to be able to pass as a woman, and I just don't have it. I also think that in a way, CDers who wear wigs and heavy makeup and frilly dresses to try to pass are just reinforcing gender dualism--no offense to anyone here, I think that's great if you want to and can do it. It's just not my thing. I think that men, like women, should be able to wear whatever they want and who cares if that makes me a guy in a skirt? It's all about freedom of expression, amIright?

[Beverley Sims]

I aspire to look like a woman, going half way just doesn't gel with me.

[Ally 2112]

Over the years i have had beards goatees and a mustache .About 5 years ago i decided to be fully cleaned shaved and have kept it this way .I am also on the do not like to look like a man in a dress side .In the end do what makes you happy life is to damn short and crazy anymore have fun !

[njcddresser]

A very interesting thread...

For me... I'm more than just a guy who likes wearing women's clothes. As time has gone on I've accepted that a big part of me is very feminine. So while most of the time I'm dressed as a man, the person on the inside is very feminine.

Most importantly I've accepted this and am very happy with who I am.

[Aly Cat]

I guess I shouldn't really be responding to this, but for me, the more I dressed, the more right it felt and the more wrong it felt not to be dressed as a woman. I eventually came out as trans and have been on hormones for 3 years. I lost my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, my home, and my job. Needless​ to say, I started over. But it was worth it for me. I legally changed my name, I now live with my boyfriend, and I made all new friends. I went through the fire, but came out as pure gold. I wouldn't change a thing. Everyone is different and identifies in different ways. That's what makes us special. Just be yourself.

[Petra-CD]

This is something I struggle with and talk about in therapy a lot. Choices to make that will not just effect me but my loved ones, my career and more and they are choices I just am not sure about yet. I've always felt like I wanted to be a girl, I look in the mirror and crave seeing a sexy female instead of my current reflection, but there's times I just want to fit in with the guys but I think those time might be better en femme but fear prevents me from doing it.