Curious how DADT works in a relationship? How did your relationship turn out? Better or worse? Just trying to see how I can improve my relationship and keep dressing for myself. I have to keep doing it because I find it to be a good stress relief even if for just an half an hour to an hour.
Thanks
Christina T.
From what I've seen, I think DADT is more a stop-gap than a solution. In a typical DADT usually no one gets what they really want. It's a compromise to make life livable. Where does your relationship stand now that you want to move to a DADT situation?
There are a lot of threads on this site to do with DADT. You should use the search function to locate and read them. Many who started out in a DADT situation have had different experience as no two relationships are identical.
My most traumatic reveal almost 5 years ago evolved into a DADT and both of us could coexist comfortably and lovingly. More recently we have a 'I don't want to see you dressed' relationship so there has been terrific progress. It has taken considerable patience, mutual understanding and lots of love to get where we are. It will continue to be work-in-progress.
Relationships evolve; sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse.
Last edited by Michelle (Oz); 03-27-2017 at 07:39 PM.
Is your inquiry related to your last thread indicating your wife found some of your feminine clothing? Each marriage is unique, but, I will say there are a limited number of outcome when it comes to a reveal, whether by design or accident. My wife and I dabbled with lingerie as "bedroom play" when we were first married. It was more of a "kink" with benefits for her rather than cross dressing. When my interests became more, she was turned off. We slipped into "DADT."
If it truly "DADT" then the husband should not be displaying any vestiges of his cross dressing which in my opinion includes no body modifications. If when you were married you were a hairy guy, then you should not be shaving off all your body hair. And, a wife should not be making hurtful comments which would include comments about television shows showing cross dressing.
My wife and I get along fine. She does not know of my expanding wardrobe. She does not acknowledge my interests. It works fine.
Hi Christina, There is no magic formula it depends on the woman ,
For me it woks great I know my boundaries and stay with in them...
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Christina,
We all know it means don't ask don't tell, but it's not all the same to many of us . To my wife she just doesn't want to see it, but we do talk occasionally about it , she knows I shop and I go out, she also knows where my things are . DADT sometimes means being hurt when they can't deal with it , I really do wish she would be more open and honest with me but it's what it is now it just means I live a double life .
DADT is a "minefield" for some and a safe haven for others. My relationship w/my wife was "I know you do it and I don't like it". I have tried NOT to dress when she is awake or around but sometimes this approuch does not work. We even have talked about it and we are now see a therapist for this and other marriage issues. I told my therapist about my dressing and how far it goes. I also explained to my wife that this won't go away but I will try to modify my dressing when she is sleeping so she will NOT see me. On occasion she has gotten up early and has seen me dressed from the neck down. I cherish my time dressed and look forward to the next time. She is trying and I am trying also to arrive at an understanding at why I do what I do.
Mollyanne
"To thine own self be true"
This is about my last post. She is asking questions and I am trying to answer the best I can. She is more afraid of what others may say behind her back or be laughing at her. She feels they would ask "why is she still with someone like me". She still says she loves me very much as I still love her just as much. She has one rule/request and that is to not buy anything more. I guess I am just asking questions to try and sort this all out in my head.
Thanks
Christina T.
Christina,
I've found they can either laugh at you or laugh with you, to me the more people that know and allow you to be open the more they laugh with you. That's the message I'm trying to get over to my wife.
Sometime ago I posted a picture of one of my paintings where I'm actually in it dressed, most of my painting group know this so now when I'm doing something they often joke it needs a lady in it somewhere, I'm sure she'll have something nice to wear.
My wife's greatest fear was our son finding out, during my counselling sessions I told him and he's fine about it, the important issue my counsellor tried to resolve was living with assumptions going round in my head, I had to break that cycle and find ways to talk about the issues, I tried to impress that on my wife. I also told her her I had no problems with who she discussed it with if it helped her, I don't ask her , at some point she will tell me. A funny little thing happened the other day, a work friend of my wife's dropped in and she said to me , " Hello gorgeous !" I have a feeling she knows, I've never been called that before as a man !
I ha having some issues with DADT. It is at best a stand off and doesn't cure anything. we have been at it for about 10 years and i keep hoping we will be more open at some point. We do discuss it but shortly and seldom. But right now it is the best i can hope for. there are many feelings that go un-shared with this mode of marriage. We share everything, but this and it hurts that I can't share it with her in some way. Oh well
https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovethatdress/
Marriage is compromise. DADT obviously has negative things about it, but since she found out it helps her deal with it. The marriage isn't all about either of us alone. Right now it's a compromise we both can live with.
Shely, if you could be more specific about what you want to share you may have your own answer.
Unfortunately, the cder's assumption that women talk about clothes, makeup, panty colours and nail polish is totally false. Women together are there for each others' support. How my girlfriend is dressed has nothing to do with our conversation.
So I ask again, what do you want to share? How do you think your wife would benefit from this? That is what sharing is.
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