Dose Cross-Dressing get us what we want?

[Judy-Somthing]

I love to dress up like a woman and always have since about 5.

Like a lot of us CDers I ask why do I like it so much?

I think at least for me it's that when I see a woman that I'm attracted to I would love to be with her.
And in reality even if your dating or married to a woman what you get is all in her control, not yours.

When your dressed it's all in in your control.

My wife doesn't let me control her at all, no lingerie no dresses. OK it's her life!

What about my life, she can do what she wants but I can't.

Now that I've been open to her and told her everything she hasn't spoken to me in 12 days.

Boy they know how to keep control. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Connie.Marie]

Judy,

12 days without a word !! Ouch!

Hugs, Connie Marie

[Scarlett398]

Hi Judy...I guess I'm really lucky I only got the silent treatment for less than a day. Now I didn't go into huge detail and we didn't have "The Talk". She came home two hours early from work and the only option I had was to meet her at the door leading in from the garage as Scarlett. Before that, about a year ago she found photos of Scarlett on our computer that I thought I had erased long before they were discovered.
Now it didn't lead to discussion of a separation or divorce and we went on our weekly date night the night after and things couldn't have gone better. I do get what I need from her in the bedroom. She or I pick out the long sleeved stretch lace sexy top she'll wear to bed with a matching thong. I wear a pair of black boy shorts that are actually for girls but I wear them everyday and she knows that and has no problem with that at all. And then I'll have a clingy fitting long sleeved soft top to match the boy shorts. I light two Yankee candles and the fireworks happen from there. So things are and have been really good. But Judy, I don't think I will ever be able to share all of the details of my cross dressing but we'll see. I know my limits and stick to them.
But I have been doing it almost as long as you have. I started when I was 9 or 10 years old. Thanks for sharing your details.
Sincerely Scarlett..

[Suzie Petersen]

Judy,

I know your wife feel you brought this on yourself, but what she is doing is actually a form of psychological abuse.
A day or two being upset and not talking is OK, but when it gets into weeks like this, that's really not reasonable.

- Suzie

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Judy,
I don't know you, I don't know your wife...
But I do know that you need to talk to one another.
It sounds like it's going to be on you to start the conversation.
Simply ask her, "why aren't you talking to me?"
You think you know why, but there's probably more she
needs to share with you, and until you coax it out of her mouth,
you're never going to know exactly what she's thinking.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Teresa]

Judy,
So much of this sounds familiar, I admit my wife hasn't kept it up for twelve days but what I hate it getting into a tit for tat situation . She speaks enough to suggest my list of jobs hasn't changed but in those periods of silence I down tools . She knows I dress , she knows I shop, and she now knows it's geared up to go out socially and I'm certainly not giving that up now.
OK it may not be all down to our CDing, on occasions when I've pushed it as Kristyn suggests she'll tell me in no uncertain terms that it's not all about me !

I know I've suggested this before but getting to the stage when you go out socially can make a huge difference , I do believe she is showing some respect and more acceptance now, she didn't think my dressing needs were as deep as they are she has said that I must have some courage to go out dressed and meet others in a hotel. It also gives a genuine reason to have the right clothes , underwear , makeup , wigs and all our accessories to achieve an acceptable appearance .

The paragraph on being attracted to the woman you become sounds like traits of AGP to me, I know I have GD and AGP it explains so much to me, but others don't see it like that. Whatever drives your CDing isn't going away, even if you purge everything, the sooner your wife accepts these basic facts the sooner she will come to terms with it.

This is why I find it an insult to my wife and family to call it a hobby as some do , it causes too much pain and anguish besides hobbies can be taken up and dropped as you please , my Cding started at the age of 8-9 and has been with me 24/7 eversince, no ebb and flow as some describe.

[Shayna]

Depends on what you want

[Tania75]

I know quite a few couples who have married, but are now separated, and the common theme from the ladies is "He is no longer the man that I fell in love with and married".
Of course this can mean many things, including turning into a couch potato just wanting to watch sport on television, continually spending money they don't have, although being unfaithful is not often mentioned, but I just wonder how many men have entered a relationship and told their partner straight up that they like to crossdress, or have entered a relationship with the intention of telling their partner about their crossdressing at a later date and expected their partner to just accept that and move on.
Without taking sides, and I myself am very hetrosexual, but a part time crossdresser, however I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves about what our partner wants in a relationship and respect her wishes if we want to have a harmonious and long lasting relationship.

[Beverley Sims]

I am taking a light hearted stance here.......

Curiosity will get the better of her if you stay quiet as well. :-)

No don't let it degenerate into a spiteful fight though.

[alwayshave]

Judy, my ex-wife was big on the silent treatment. After a couple of days I'd make the passive aggressive comment "The past two days have been the most quiet and peaceful days this house has ever had, without the constant inane babble." Next statement was "I don't babble" and then she'd start to babble. However, your mileage may vary with this approach.

[XemmaX]

Sounds like you two need to have open sit down and talk about this. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship.

[CarlaWestin]

I think at least for me it's that when I see a woman that I'm attracted to I would love to be with her.
And in reality even if you're dating or married to a woman what you get is all in her control, not yours.

In response to the first part of your post, this was the basis for my venturing into becoming the (buxom) girl of my dreams. As far as control, you'd be amazed at the self imposed predicaments Carla has been in.

On to the no-talkie wife thing. Hopefully, there's a resolve and a middle ground. Sounds like she wants to control you to be the man she wants.

Double standard??

[Stacy Darling]

Nasty situation Judy.

This is, as described by Suzie, Psychological Abuse!

I myself am there now and have been advised to try and ride it through this time, and to not lose it as I did last time!

"Shall happily try to do that!"

Good luck with this!

[Vicky_Scot]

Hi Judy

Really pisses me off (sorry to be blunt) when partners/spouses think they can tell you what you can and can not do, but hell mend you if you dare try and tell them what they can do.

you are a grown adult and relationships are about compromise on both sides. Seems it only coming one way in your relationship.

Enjoy the peace and quiet....lol

[deebra]

Judy like a lot of us we are sexually attracted to a curvy attractive female but with CDs we are also attracted to the sexuality she projects with the sexy clothes and image she and the clothes project. We can't turn into her like we would like but wearing her clothes makes us feel sexy and like being her. Make Sence ????

As far as your wife and her giving you the silent treatment that goes on and on, sounds like you are married to my ex wife. I was her third and she is having trouble in her fifth marriage. The longer it went the more she felt she couldn't give in. It was her way to PUNISH and CONTROL me because I did something she didn't like and she had to be the Alfa/Dominate one. During this time she slept so close to her side of the bed it's a wonder she didn't fall out of it. When you look back at the last year and she has done this so much you really don't have much of a marriage, you are both unhappy and then Divorce. People like your wife and my ex are very insecure and use whatever to control the people they come in contact with and usually don't/won't change. It's best to cut your losses and cut them loose and go find a sane individual. Hard but it needs to be done. Next you find someone that's as not screwed up as her, has a normal brain, accepting and you have a happy, mentally healthy relationship.

[ginapoodle]

Judy,

My heart goes out to you, really. My wife is also very controlling. Her method is to use loud anger and sometimes tears. The tears I just cannot take.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

Judy i came out to my wife of then 27 years 6 years ago.
She was devastated and irate(who could blame her?)
She would not come home for at least 2 hours after work and all the conversations we had were small talk and short.
Her original online investigations uncovered CD's showing off their private parts and soliciting sex with other CD's.
It looked like divorce was imminent.
Thankfully she further researched the subject(and thankfully joined this forum) and found that many couples with a
CD spouse stayed together and made the marriage work with some rules and guidelines.
I do hope your wife can become open minded about your crossdressing?
the only downside in our marriage is our sex life is over , we are still best friends but my wife doesn't see me as quite
the man i was before Giselle appeared.
anyways my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[BettyMorgan]

My wife doesn't let me control her at all, no lingerie no dresses. OK it's her life!

What about my life, she can do what she wants but I can't.

...

Boy they know how to keep control. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

When you say "they" I assume you mean some women. Im sorry your wife is controlling, but not all women are like that.

Consider this ... We teach people how to treat us.

I can only speak to my experience- it takes conversions and creating boundaries and limits. My SO let's me wear what I want but asks every now and then to wear drab. I do this for her and I don't feel offended by her request. On the other hand, if I want her to wear a dress and stockings for any reason, she will, even when we go out in our freezing cold Canadian winter. It's not a control thing but a give and take that we've worked on together. I know I'm one of the lucky few.

[NancySue]

So sorry to read of your situation. 12 days of silence, and counting, isn't good. Unreasonable control and blackmail are obstacles that can only be compromised by honest, rational discussion. Fearing this potential situation is why I told my wife, before marriage...best thing I ever did. I, too, started around 6. We did a lot of reading and talking. The only conclusion we came up with was...no conclusion..no answers as to "why". CDing is here and will rarely, if ever, go away. I wish you well and hope you can resolve your issues.

[MarisaRose.]

Judy,
I'm truly sorry to hear about your current situation, it is a difficult time for the both of you. Every relationship is unique, and her response is not at all uncommon, But I also believe that communication is crucial to be able to move forward. Trying to start some type of dialogue maybe what's needed, it doesn't have to be about your dressing, just getting back to a place where your speaking to each other is a good place to start. Counseling is a path to explore together, It takes time, sometimes a lot of time for her to process all that she has just learned about you. You may feel like her punching bag at times, but this is quite a revelation for her. I wish you both all the best moving forward. One day at a time, sometimes 5 minutes may be more like it.

Marisa

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks everyone.
Just about every one on this site said is when she asks tell her the whole truth.
I did answer all her questions. At that point she said I ruined her life.

Well today she left me a note telling me some house chores she wanted me to do and the part I felt good about is that she used my name and not some snide remark.

[Jodi]

Judy, Believe it's time to get yourself a good lawyer. I'm sure that in 12 days she has one.

jodi

[sometimes_miss]

I feel normal when dressed as a girl, and that's all I want, to get rid of this nagging feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes. So yes, I get what I want by crossdressing.

[JeanTG]

I'm in the same boat with respect to my wife, except that she's known since before marriage. It's unfortunate; I try to do what I can to minimize her exposure to this side of me but she still hates it and makes it more than abundantly clear (12 days of silent treatment? Small potatoes! My record is 5 years...)

As for dressing getting me what I want, I'd have to say no. Crossdressing doesn't take away the underlying dysphoria. But it makes it much easier to live with, just as medication can help someone with clinical depression or bipolar disorder. It doesn't cure the disorder, but it makes their condition tolerable. And just like when you cut the medication of people with disorders all heck breaks loose, cutting off my "medicine" of crossdressing does not result in a pretty picture. I can support my level of dysphoria almost indefinitely if I'm allowed a reasonable outlet for my femininity. But without such an outlet, I am simply miserable.

[ClosetED]

You did not ruin her life. You provided love and assistance and financial support. You ruined her fantasy world.
She had this fantasy of a macho man who also magically also happened to have sensitive, caring side and understood her, but did not realize where that came from.
You have control over yourself and she has control over herself. You love her so you let her desires influence you. If you didn't care about her at all, then she has zero control over your actions. A divorce lawyer may have a say over each of your possessions, but that is different.
I got moved into the basement for several months. And she did pay $500 in cash for a lawyer consult. But we are still married and she is more accepting now, so slow and steady worked for me - your mileage may vary
Hugs, Ellen