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Thread: HRT without social transitioning - nervous

  1. #1
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    HRT without social transitioning - nervous

    I took the steps and I'm on HRT now a little over 2 months. I haven't been happier. My mind is clearer and the bad thought I was having have gone away. I 55 and I don't want to transition until I retire in hopefully <10 years but that is still not total clear because I'm married and love my wife and I'm not sure I can do it without her blessing. Anyway, the part I'm nervous on is the changes that HRT will do on my face. I think I'm OK with the other things and can hide them in male mode, but if my face starts changing and everyone starts noticing, I'm not sure how to handle it. Is anyone else out there on HRT but not doing the full transition yet.

  2. #2
    Member natasha's Avatar
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    Hi Julie, I still have to pay the mortgage and present as male in public at least for the time being. I have been on HRT for a few years now and things seem to be working out ok. Im 52 by the way.

  3. #3
    Member Tommie.'s Avatar
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    Things change very slowly if at all Julie. Relax and be sure you are talking with your counselor about all of your feelings and fears. Safeguard your marriage and I understand completely. I am in the same situation and dearly love my spouse.... so far so good.... and blessings on you and yours..... tommie
    Enjoy our new life and seek peace Give love and kindness to others Live patience, self control, humility each day

  4. #4
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Natasha,

    Thanks for the reply. HRT for 2 years. Do you see changes, like if you look back at old photos. It seems silly since not much is happening yet. I think I'm on a low dose now but don't know if the Dr ups the dosage that things will change faster.

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    Thanks Tommie, It's been only 2 months and I don't see much but I'm so glad I went on HRT. Skin is a lot drier and my breasts hurt a little when touched. Just thinking ahead I guess and should just take one day at a time. I think my Dr. might up my dosage in about a month and I wasn't sure if things start going a little faster. I'm happy were I'm at now.

  5. #5
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    Julie
    Be careful you don't fall into the trap I've seen quite few do. Doctors are there to ADVISE you, they can't make you do anything. They aren't some sort of evil mastermind turning men into women. Own it. If you don't want your HRT doses changed, don't. If the doctor advises you that to get more feminization then you should then you take control and decide to do it, don't try and foist that responsibility into the doctor.
    Does your wife know your on HRT?

  6. #6
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Kate,

    That is probably what I was going to do at my next visit. Tell the Dr. that I'm doing well at this dose now and don't want to increase it yet. I;m just a wimp. I want to be more feminized, but I don't want to go public yet. I want my cake and eat it too. I just want to see what others were experiencing. I don't even know if my Dr will up my dose, but I want to see what others who have been on HRT longer felt.

    Yes, I'm up front the HRT. My wife knows and isn't thrilled that I'm on it, but knows that it is something I want and it is helping me.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
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    Julie,

    I am also on HRT, and I cannot imagine a doctor upping the dose without telling you. In fact the first time I asked my doctor to up the dose, she said not until I had lab tests 2 months later. Recently I asked her to up the dose and she did. Personally I am transitioning so I want the changes to happen faster, and I began HRT On November 1, 2016. I am doing it by injection every 2 weeks.

    Grace

  8. #8
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    I'll be on HRT 5 years in August. There is no hiding the changes any more. I get maam'd, stares, sometimes dirty looks, sometimes puzzled ones. I do intend to transition, however, and don't make overt efforts to hide, either. I've completed 90% of my electrolysis, which also makes a difference.

    If you can avoid transition, by all means do so. But don't count on HRT changes being hideable. Decisions, decisions!
    Lea

  9. #9
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    The timeline for physical changes from MtF HRT can vary wildly from person to person. Some people can go for many years and still easily present as male. For me, I was consistently getting weird looks from guys in the men's restroom after just 4 months on HRT. I ended up going full time one month later.

    But I'm in my 30's, and you're in your 50's, so for you, the feminizing effects of HRT will likely take longer. But 10 years is probably hoping for too much? I don't think you'll be able to last 10 years on HRT without looking feminine.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Grace, I didn't mean to imply that the Dr. would up my dose without talking with me. I will talk with the Dr and councilor about my questions and concerns. I just wasn't sure if I'm a lower dose would that really slow down the process, which for me might help me decide where to go on my journey.

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    Thanks Lea. I love that last words you gave me. "Decisions, Decisions" Yes I have to decide where I'm going. I have done a lot of electrolysis also. I do love not having to shave.

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    Mirya, thanks for the reply and your opinion. I also think 10 years would be to long, but I just was hoping that my face and look wouldn't change too much in the next couple of years,

  11. #11
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    Hi Julie, I'm 61 and have been on HRT for two years now. My blood levels now match those of a normal female. The only real difference in my journey is my breasts are now an A cup. But at even at this point, I can go shirtless and still not be seen as a man with boobs on the beach. Now as others have said, your reaction could be different. I'm not at a full dose of E either. My doctor is on board with my plan and has been nothing but supportive. I do not want to transition yet because my wife has asked me not to for us to stay together. Love makes you do odd things. As a result I present male 95% of the time. I am happy at the level I am now and you probably could be happy too with out increasing dosage to the max. Talk this over with your doctor and see if you can find a plateau where you don't develop fast and still are happy mentally.
    Good luck.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  12. #12
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Hey Julie,

    As others here have stated, changes vary from one person to the next. I am older than you and my face has definitely changed and I can never go shirtless again. Just wearing a t-shirt is problematic and I normally wear a compression tank underneath. HRT is a crap shoot. Chances are I will not transition completely. It is way too complicated to discuss here. Good luck. Be careful.

    Jeri

  13. #13
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Heidi,

    Thanks for the replay. I think we do have a very similar situation. I love my wife and it would be very hard on her if I transition. The HRT has been so good for me and I know I don't want to go off it, but I don't know if I want to increase the dose. Well, I do want to increase the dose but... https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...lies/happy.gif

    Job wise it would be also very hard to transition in a very conservative company. I'm hoping I can make it a few more years and once I leave that company I could then expand. I think I can hide body changes but I just don't want to face those questions if my face starts changing to much in male mode. I have a lot of my facial hair removed and nobody has said any about that. I have my 3 month check in May and I see my councilor this week where I was going to talk with her about it. Its just nice to hear from others going through this process.

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    Jeri,

    Do you get question about why your face is changing? I think that is what I'm nervous about. I was thinking about compression shirts when I start showing more. I do like to swim and the wife pointed that out to me, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I know I will never have bottom surgery and how much I transition I can't say right now. Time will tell. Thanks for the reply.

  14. #14
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Hey Julie,

    Changes occur over a period of time and, while someone may perceive something is different, nothing has ever been said. I do get mammed some when I have to be undercover in guy mode. I am looking forward to some outings in the near future where I can wear a bikini. I have recently purchased three new ones along with coverups and accessories.

  15. #15
    A Brave Freestyler JohnH's Avatar
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    As shown with my signature I have been on M2F HRT for over 5 years and I still live my life as a man. I wear DD bras with my natural breasts. I also have hair down to my shoulder blades. And for business and church I wear lipstick and eye makeup. In the church choir I am the only true bass singer.

    I do get strange looks from time to time when I go to the men's restroom.

    The HRT has done wonders to eliminate my suicidal tendencies, and I have cut down on my alcohol consumption drastically.

    You can also see in the signature block I go by my legal name of John. I was thinking of transitioning but now I have decided to remain socially a man. However I will continue on the HRT regimen.
    John (Legal name)

    Preferred pronouns: he, his, him

  16. #16
    Junior Member tammigurl's Avatar
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    Hi - it's perfectly natural to be nervous and unsure appropos transitioning. My story and hope it helps....being patient is very difficult when committed to transitioning both socially and physically. It's a long and arduous path of physical and emotional highs and lows. But please, please be decisive...its hugely difficult to reverse. For example, I have been on the same low dose M2F HRT for over 8 years (I'm now 55) and I still sometimes present at work as a man (even though everyone knows I'm transitioning and I share my progress with everyone). During that time I only had one 'booster' shot to accelerate the process. At work I wear my long blonde hair as a man bun and wear compression underwear for my breasts (my developed breasts are noww DD). I resisted breast implants (opted for trachial shave instead) but fortunately, despite the breast pain, it only took 3 years to develop these breasts. I finished my facial electrolysis (found it very painful and obvious) at the end of year 2 and noticed facial changes from HRT after 4 years. It took nearly 5 years for my figure to change and I now have issues wearing male clothing (pants in particular). But thats OK because I'm decisively committed to transitioning. Out of work obviously I'm a woman but as I have been working for over 20 years (and am one of the senior account managers) for a progressive, inclusive investment company, I am allowed to present as a woman and power dress (usually in skirt suits) with full but appropriate makeup. Humorously, when I give in to temptation and wear low-cut tops, many of the girls at work are envious of my 'natural' breasts. This duality can be problematic at times because most of the corporate and international clients I manage have known me as a man (albeit a rapidly feminising one!!) and of course bathroom choice is an issue. I now have company imprimatur to present as a woman for new clients...crazy huh?!! It can be quite confusing but it's becoming increasingly more difficult to 'man present' as I have been undergoing voice training and with this and HRT my voice is also becoming more feminine. I also do a reasonable amount of international travel and for transexuals this is where it gets really ridiculous....I love to travel as the sophisticated woman that I'm becoming but obviously I now don't look like my passport (years younger and a woman)....quite often the customs/security are confused re my gender and in the case of body searches whether it should be a man or woman....all fun and games but it can cause issues with flight scheduling (I'm over getting embarassed!!). Be patient and hugs

  17. #17
    A Brave Freestyler JohnH's Avatar
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    Tammigurl,

    I strongly urge you to stop using compression garments to hide your breasts since that is likely to be harmful to your breasts. I have never received any comments (except my dear wife) about the obvious projection of my boom-booms.

    John

  18. #18
    Junior Member tammigurl's Avatar
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    Wise counsel Johanna....I actually had the 'conversation' with my CFO today. He suggested that it was time to go full time at work and advised that he would have to either explain to my existing corporate clients or allocate me to new ones as Tammi. His reasoning is that I look like some effeminate dandy gay boy (nothing wrong with that!!) and prefers the sophisticated power dressing woman. He is right because of my HRT development, I now have a woman's hips and butt, and have to wear women's slacks anyway otherwise my men's suit pants swim on my waist and now look ridiculous. He also said that my voice is now so feminine that that was the only issue with my fully passing as an 'attractive' woman employee!! Bless him!! So from next Monday week (after I come back from my last 'as a man' business trip to Japan) I will be henceforth Ms Tammi, senior analyst and no more compression garments for me...my girls will be on full display (demurely of course!) along with my stockinged legs...hugs

  19. #19
    A Brave Freestyler JohnH's Avatar
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    I pass as a woman even when I have no makeup and wearing men's clothing (plaid shirt, jeans, and men's shoes). However it's mighty difficult for me as a basso profundo to adopt a feminine voice, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my bass singing voice.

    John

  20. #20
    Member natasha's Avatar
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    It is so nice to not hear someone say that you cant be on HRT and not be publically transitioning. I am in the same boat as many. For many reasons I can't transition but I do continue with my HRT regime as prescribed, but am seriously considering asking the DR to up the dosage (I don't really know if im currently on low/mid/high dose), but I do give myself a shot once a week.

    That said I have been on HRT for 8 years (give or take) starting with gel then patches now a weekly shot. I must say that the dysphoria is controlled by the HRT but it does come back with a vengence at times.

    I do have to wear a sports bra with almost anything I wear today, I think that is more because of self awareness in public rather than because of formal breast growth (bummer really). I do not believe my face has changed much, but my skin has become significantly softer. I bruise far more easily than before. I still wear the same drab pants daily that I have always worn (i.e. no change in hips or butt). Lastly, I don't think my "strength" has been reduced much, not that I was muscular before. At work I returned to my original job (31 years of service), of being a mechanic (hell on the nails!!) and still have to figure out how to get that 200 ft/lb torqued, rusted bolt off! Forgot to add, as my picture shows, my hair is now past my shoulders to which it is put into a ponytail daily at work. Yes, I get teased about it but at 52 years old I dont really give a %$$# what they say. I played by the guy hair rule for way to long.

    I still have yet to decide about formally transitioning. That is something I will address when I retire (2 years 2 months and 3 weeks but who's counting). I have a very supportive wife who knows about Natasha and has told me more than once that the estrogen has changed my demeanor so much that even it weren't for my gender issues I should continue.

    I do not get to present as Natasha very often, and when I do it is so much more comfortable than when I have to present as the gender I was assigned at birth.

    Wow, this is the most I think I have ever written. Hope it provides some insight, at least from my perspective.
    Last edited by natasha; 04-06-2017 at 09:45 AM.

  21. #21
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    Hi Julie… I would not worry too much… As others have said physical changes come slowly, and with a little judicious planning and care you should not have any trouble hiding them. A lot of girls think they change more than they actually do. But it's different for everyone.
    I started a HRT 3 1/2 years before I told anyone that I was trans and it was another 2 1/2 years before I went full-time.
    The only thing that you should prepare yourself for is that HRT can produce a second puberty and along with that all of the emotional turmoil and drama that a girl in middle school goes through.... Bad enough for girls in middle school… But exceptionally trying for girls our age ( I started HRT in2010 and I'm 64 now)
    But I don't say that to worry you.... it can be a beautiful experience… I hope you have a wonderful ride.
    Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
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    It's your life. Make it count.

  22. #22
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    I'm actually slightly fascinated by the responses here.

    I'm sort of in the same boat as Mirya (though a little bit older at mid 40's ) in that within 6 months of starting HRT I was basically getting odd looks from guys as I came out of the mens toilet and even had a couple of guys go back and check the sign on the door to make sure they were in the right room! I would dress androgynously but I wouldn't have said particularly feminine per say, cargo shorts and T shirt though a little more fitted than tradition mens T shirts. My partner and I already had a tentative timeline (which would have seen me go full time at about 9 months after starting HRT) however it was at a point where rumours were starting to circulate so we just took control and transitioned earlier at about 6 months after starting HRT.

    As it was I was starting to go a little bit stir crazy with the incongruity anyway. So what is fascinating to me is how do you people cope with that incongruity. It was sending me mental! Is it an age thing, i.e. I am just young and impatient (or stupid!). I'm genuinely curious, I really had no idea there were so many members on HRT and not socially transitioned. For me social transition was just as / if not more important than HRT (and HRT was REALLY important to me).

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    I am 54, 10 months on HRT and still part time. I started to have breast development, and butt development (!) after only three weeks on hormones. I am a little girl (5'7", 150#) so my 38A's are visible to the point that my days of going shirtless are over. This summer I will be wearing bikinis for swimming. My face has changed visibly (I am also undergoing laser facial hair removal). After about the six month mark guys started staring at me in the men's rooms. Now I get stared at even when I am wearing a men's power suit and tie.

    So, although I am still presenting male at work, my days of doing that are numbered. But beyond that, dressing male and going to work that way gives me panic attacks. So no matter what happens, going full time is in my future.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  24. #24
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Samantha... thanks for the reply and the reassuring words. I agree that I probably over thinking this to much. Take it one day at a time. As this thread has shown, everyone is different. Some it sounds like the changes happened fast, with others it was slower. I think we all know ourselves and what we what and in a perfect world we would probably have what we want. But it isn't a perfect world. My male life I don't care much about but the life with my wife and children is something I love and I'm scared and nervous for the future. As I've mentioned in a previous post I love love love the HRT ride so far, but where do I go now. It can be a wonderful ride but that those first couple of hills and scare the life out of you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kate T View Post
    I'm actually slightly fascinated by the responses here.
    I'm genuinely curious, I really had no idea there were so many members on HRT and not socially transitioned. For me social transition was just as / if not more important than HRT (and HRT was REALLY important to me).
    I can't talk for others but I not in a big hurry to fully social transition. I have a lot of reason and some excuses. I love my wife and it is and would be really hard on her if I fully transitioned. I'm older and have a good job and if I was to leave that job there is no way I could get a position like that. I'm close to retiring and then I can take another step. My kids would be shocked, but I think they can deal with it. I also don't want to lose the dad son relationship. I would if and when I fully transition and that makes me sad. The HRT for now (2 months) is working and I haven't been this happy and content in a long long time. As I kinda said in another post. In a perfect world I would transition in a heart beat. I'm not in a perfect world.

  25. #25
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julie77 View Post
    I also don't want to lose the dad son relationship. I would if and when I fully transition and that makes me sad.
    You know your circumstance better than I can but I'd just like to offer some reassurance that this is not a necessary outcome. I have a full-on Dad relationship with my sons. My girlfriend has maintained her Dad relationship with her daughter. We all celebrate Father's Day. We might be non-traditional Dads, but that's not a problem. When I came out the first thing I told my kids is that there is no event that can change the fact that I am and always will be their Dad. They agreed.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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