Julie don't let anyone tell you that you should transition. You shouldn't - you have too many things in your life that are a much higher priority than being congruous - transitioning at this stage would be a big mistake.Originally Posted by Julie77
Julie don't let anyone tell you that you should transition. You shouldn't - you have too many things in your life that are a much higher priority than being congruous - transitioning at this stage would be a big mistake.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Yes, the first hills on any rollercoaster are always the scariest. If your seat belt is tight and your head screwed on it gets easier.
Far as I know there is no rule book for being trans. Even today I still think of all of us as pioneers, in a sense, trying to work our way through barely explored, constantly changing waters. Advice is worth what you pay for it, and so take it all in then use what works for you. It's your life and no one else's ;-)
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
Wow Samantha, you put it so well. I couldn't agree more.
I am in awe and confused for those today that can do HRT and other changes but never fully transition.
I hate when people will use the "Pioneer, Trailblazer" or other words to describe me. I have a friend that will tell any new TG people that we meet, use those words and others. All because I and my "Wife" transitioned in 1975-77. Hate the "Wife" because we never married.
Last edited by Georgette_USA; 04-07-2017 at 03:25 PM.
Did the awe and confusion begin when you read the title of this thread or after you read the posts which were pretty much in line with the title?
Maybe the awe and confusion started when you checked out my profile page. Hey, join the club. I'm not awed by much but I stay confused. Lol
Last edited by Jeri Ann; 04-07-2017 at 05:17 PM.
I get that, and I understand. I know many transwomen who transitioned long ago who feel the same way. But to me, philosophies have changed in that time. I'm sure you will disagree with me but I'm one of those non binary people. Thirty to forty years is a drop in the bucket in what I see as an eventual march toward a much more fair, non binary world where all are accepted.
I think there is room for all of us on this path.
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
I think I have read your profile in the past, and may have PM you once.
The awe and confusion comes from that some can do all that and not be compelled to "not go the distance", so to speak.
Back in the 70s, had never heard of anyone that didn't go thru it all. As there were no legal rights unless you did.
Since coming back to all these TG/TS discussions, have found many people and their ways of doing whatever relieves ones GID/GD or whatever they call it now.
I sometimes feel like a dinosaur with all these new ideas and ways.
My apologies Georgette if I was too blunt. Each person's life situation is unique. For me, I am compelled to do the right thing, even if right hurts and wrong feels good. For the truly transgendered, you go as far as you can, so can go farther than others.
Jeri
Last edited by Jeri Ann; 04-07-2017 at 06:10 PM.
First off, I feel we all need to figure out where we are going, and I accept that there is not just one way for all.
When I was younger I may have been a little gender non-confirming. A little bit of a rebel and pushed my changes while still keeping within the rules.
At my age hard to make me feel bad about any of this. At 66 I really don't care what others think of me, I can just look back on my last 40 and wonder where my next 20-30 is going.
I prefer when people will just speak openly. I sometimes have to check my non PC talk at times. I am just coming to terms with all this new information.
As for the NB, I am still working that out in my very real Binary brain. Not sure I can hang around for another 30-40 years, maybe for the young ones they may have hope. Can't imagine a fair world where all TG/TS/CD/NB are accepted.
My partner and I always figured that the TS anomalies would be less and less over time, don't know what we were thinking 40 years ago. But it seems to have exploded instead. Don't know what she would have thought about NB people. She wasn't even very accepting of same sex marriage.
I may have been naive in my mid 20s to think family, single no children, and work would just be accepting. I had the best of all outcomes.
Last edited by Georgette_USA; 04-07-2017 at 06:54 PM.
I don't think it's a matter of being impatient or stupid.We all do what we need to do to manage our dysphoria (or incongruity, as you put it). Thing is, each of us has varying degrees of dysphoria, and within that there's both a physical component and a social component. Maybe we can manage the physical dysphoria for a while by avoiding mirrors, or by dressing as a woman sometimes, or by imagining ourselves having a female body in our mind's eye. But when it comes to social dysphoria, there's really no substitute for actually living and interacting with others as a woman. And so I think that the more intense the social dysphoria is, the earlier in life we are compelled to transition. And the less severe the social dysphoria, the more likely we are to wait until later in life to address that incongruity.
The changes are gradual so one gets used to the effects of the HRT.
John
I agree somewhat with what you are saying, but I also think times are changing. When I was younger I didn't have the openness that younger people had now. We didn't have the internet. We thought we were alone or very few of us. I think if I was younger in todays time I would probably transition earlier and with less guilt. Building a life and hiding our true selves is very hard to then change as we get older. It not an excuse but I think that is part of why some don't transition or transition later in life.I don't think it's a matter of being impatient or stupid.
Having grown up in a home with almost no female influence, and all of the neighborhood kids being boys it was almost next to impossible to acknowledge my dysphoria. So much so that the only way to deal with it was to never give in to the feelings inside. There was no internet, no talking with dad, no talking with my brother and as far as I was concerned "I" was the only one on the planet who had this problem, resulting in burying it deeper and deeper. Fast forward to the evolution of the internet and walaa, it is obvious that there are more like me.
My point is that, for me anyway. I buried this deep inside. To survive I HAD to socialize as male. Life circumstances put me into a position of having to provide for others (i.e. my children).
To come out now, as I probably would have if life circumstances were different, would satisfy my inner being but would also destroy many other lives that are the direct result of the person I have presented to be for the last 52 years.
Rianna, No one is telling me to transition. As a lot of posts on this thread say, everyone is different. I do have other "things" in my life that make it harder to keep taking the steps I'm taking. But as I told my councilor the other day. What about me. When can I live my life? It sounds bad and probably selfish when I say that. I've taken care of other most of my life, when is it my turn. Starting down the path transition I couldn't be more happy. But like walking down the yellow brick road, there could be things ahead that I'm not ready for or "too scared" to take on.
The best advice I ever got was not to go any further than you absolutely have to go.
But I also read something a friend wrote that I agree with.
"Those who transition sacrifice those they love. Those who do not transition sacrifice themselves for those that they love."
Plenty of exceptions to this, of course, but also a lot of truth, I think.
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
I believe I will still have their love and support but I also believe that the tie you have between a dad and son (or daughter) will be different. That difference could be good and new. I just think they will never see me the same way again and that could be sad. It is hard to explain and it hasn't happen since I haven't told them, but my feelings is somehow I let them down. I know this is just me and how I think. Change is good but ... I just need to turn off my brain sometimes and just take it one day at a time.
Mira
I like the Social vs Physical dysphoria concept.
I've always struggled a little bit with the "I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the benefit of my loved ones" concept. Ignore the ones where you haven't even told your loved ones, that is just lying and is plain selfish, it is not self sacrificing. Assuming that your loved ones know about your GD then really, they would rather live with an unhappy person than a happy one? Not my idea of unconditional love and trust.
Samantha, I love that quote, thanks for sharing it.
A lot of what is being discussed is my situation as well. My wife and I have been in a very fragile relationship ever since I told her about what was making me so irritable and anxious. That was three years ago and all the facts that came out is what has made the relationship rocky. We came close to splitting, but I knew that neither of us were up for that.
So we both agreed to take small steps to keep things together. After we both got the therapy we needed, I was given a bit of leeway to find myself mentally. For this leeway, I promised her that I would present male in her world. Step by step we reached where we are now. She is still seeking therapy as she dare not discuss this with any of her friends for religious reasons. My activity is severely frowned on by her sect. But I don't mind putting up a facade for her, the last thing I want to do is hurt her by publicly transitioning. She would loose every thing in her world, besides me. So it's reached this point.
I am happy, mentally and physically. I get opportunities to express my feminine side where my wife can't be hurt by judging people. She has seen the changes in me since being on HRT. As have her relatives and friends. They say we both seem happy, and in most ways we are again.
This explains why I personally have not transitioned. Its work either way, transitioning or not, hard work to get to a place where you are happy and make those around you feel that way too. As I have said, if this doesn't work out with her, or should she pass, I have no real reason not to transition. At times I wish I was living full time, but where I am now is not bad. My mantra thru all this is a saying a professor back in college used to show how diverse things can be to obtain a goal: There is more than one road to Chicago from here.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Heidi, I think we are both on that same road to Chicago.You're ahead of me, but we both may end up there in the long run.
Last edited by Julie77; 04-09-2017 at 10:11 PM.
What a fantastic thread! Love you all!! I have been on the fence with HRT, I started spiro a few months ago and have been feeling great but thinking I need more in the way of E. How ever like your quote says I have been sacrificing myself for the ones I love. I love my wife too much to risk losing her and we have a 5 y/o son who adores his daddy. It's a tuff cruel world out there.
I've been on HRT for five months, but my hormones have been in the female only during the last month. I've been growing my hair since I started HRT, but don't intend to socially transition. I have a wife and two teen kids and most of my friends and family are evangelical Christians who would leave me if I decided to socially transition. Quite frankly, the longer hair seems to get more attention from my family and friends, then the subtle changes to my face, it's almost to the bottom of my ears now. My wife has remarked that my face has changed, but no one else has. I and 54 and I felt the same way when I started HRT, my sense of anxiety was gone within days. It wasn't a placebo effect, since I still feel good. I do wish I could transition full-time, but I am OK with things now.
I have been on anti-androgens for about 10 months and hormones for about 8. I would love to live my life as a women full-time, but I have so much to lose professionally and socially. My body and face have certainly changed and I have definitely changed mentally as well, perhaps more than anything. So far, only my wife and I are aware of the changes.
I have really not had a lot of friction with my wife over this development but again, I only dress fully twice a week or so. I think I can hold this pattern at least until my children leave home, at which time, I may go further in my journey. Take away: it is possible but it is difficult...but in the end, better than nothing
Last edited by Miss Mandy; 04-23-2017 at 01:44 PM.
Thanks Michelle and Mandy for your stories. A lot like mine. It helps to know others out there that struggle with these type of decisions also. HRT for almost 3 months so I haven't noticed much yet.
Why no realism about facial changes? Apart from electrolysis or eyebrow shaping, most of the changes are very noticeable because they involve skin! Add oestrogen to your metabolism (or reduce your T-level) and your skin changes, even at an older age. You will look much younger because your skin glows, your face looses all angularity (softer nose and jaw line, fuller ears and cheeks) and pretending that nothing has changed is fooling yourself. So nobody says anything. What would you like them to say?
