Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

[docrobbysherry]

In many posts I've read where long married dressers lament the loss of affection and intimacy with their SO's.
Of course, this happens in most marriages over time. But:

Some T's blame it on their dressing. Thinking they have become too self centered and self absorbed. Causing the drift away from their partners.

Yet, others feel it was the loss of affection and intimacy first that pushed them to become more involved with their female persona. In some cases, sexually evolved. More so as their romantic activity with their SO's flagged or disappeared.

So, which was it for u do u think?

(For those of u who have married magical unicorns? Congrats! Rub our noses in it in another thread. Thank u!)

[Teresa]

Sherry,
My dressing started with a bang at the age of 8-9 years from that point on the male/female confusion became linked to clothes and was neatly bound up with my sexual needs . I have a need to share my dressing with women but also have AGP it has remained like that because of my high T levels. Before I married I had GFs who were OK with my CDing so when I married naively I thought all women were OK with it. I now know that my wife didn't have the same interest in the sexual side but I only found out twenty years into my marriage that she not interested in sharing my CDing in fact I'm in a DADTsituation. I guess the menopause was the final nail in the coffin she lost all interest in intimate contact , that was over ten years ago , those feeling were irrespective of my Cding because it never entered the bedroom.

Because of the way my CDing is centered around wanting to share with a woman I did go through a bad patch, both my male side and my female side were being rejected and I did get to the point of almost ending my life .

To answer your question there is a combination of problems that have resulted in my current situation , Cding is only part of the equation .

CDing with the right partner might have given me a lifetime of happiness , with my wife it is possibly causing more of a rift , without her being open and honest as I would like to be with her I feel anything we had left is being gradually closed down .

[Laura912]

Uh, sorry. Out herding unicorns.

[Lana Mae]

None of the above! Wife passed away before I realized what was going on! Yes, naive! Hugs Lana Mae

[Judy-Somthing]

I hadn't dressed in about fifteen years which my wife didn't know about one way or another.

But when menopause hit the intimacy went down to about once every six to eight weeks.

It took me about eight years before I didn't care anymore.
The one good thing about it is she can't use her femininity to control me like she did for years.

[JeanTG]

I think it was the change of life. In my case, my wife lost much of her libido and I lost much of my erectile function (and I am not keen on getting it back either). Since then I've been dressing much more but in DADT mode.

[anna kate]

Hey Sherry,
When I first told my wife (after 25 years of wedded bliss) I ended up in "dry dock" for three months. We talked things out and things smoothed out. Now that ED has struck, things have slowed a bit. At 77 yo, I can't complain, life is still active and good. Aside from thee three month deal, dressing has had nothing to do with it...
Anna Kate

[DIANEF]

My wife and I have had no intimate contact for a very long time, but as she knows nothing of Diane I can't really blame it on that. We did once have a fairly normal sex life, and at that time I was just as much involved in my CD activity as I am now. Fact is, and I know this is going to sound awful, I do love her, but I just don't find her physically desirable any more (she has put on a lot of weight). And now she is at that stage of life (early 50s) where the chances of any change are zero.
There are other issues which I can't discuss here.

[Fiona123]

My crossdressing came long before the loss of intimacy, etc. you describe. For me there is no causal relationship between the two. I finally came out to my wife hoping to regain some measure of intimacy. Sigh...no joy yet.

[Confucius]

Loss of intimacy has nothing to do with my crossdressing. I can't remember a time when I wasn't crossdressing. I know I was crossdressing by at least age 3 or 4.

[Beverley Sims]

For me maybe he ravages of time will tell.....

Not happened to me yet.

[Alice B]

There has been no loss of love for either of us and my dressing has never been an issue. But age has led to a loss of intimacy. More so for my wife, but we still cuddle,kiss and remind each that we love them. So for me it is self staisfaction ocasionaly

[Georgette_USA]

Not a CD.

The loss of sexual intimacy can occur in all kinds of relationships.

My partner and I, both Post MtF, after SRS our hormone levels were like Post-Menopausal females. She was about 15 years older, and in our last 20 years or so we had none. We also slept in separate beds because of my shift work and I am a night person and she was a morning person.
We still had all the simple loving like kissing and cuddles. The very low levels of T may have had something to do with it also.

After her death my libido has made a resurgence. Talked to a Sexologist familiar with Trans. She said that all that suppression may have had something to do with it. I had an occurrence of what I could only relate to the teen years of a wet dream. She said that shows it is coming back. At 66 not easy to find compatible partners.

Not sure this helps with any male/female relationship.