Wow, this forum was a Godsend once upon a time. I was so alone, living with someone else's secret. I needed this place and you were here for me. Thank you. Now, let me tell you what I've learned. First, crossdressing is a sexual fetish....for some people. For most who indulge, it is absolutely not. I don't care one iota what you say, if you want to be perceived as a woman, if you want to be treated, seen, desired as a woman....it is NOT a sexual fetish. It is a form of body dysmorphia. Your brain and your body are in conflict. Your brain is telling you that you are a woman, you are happy when you're dressed as a woman. Don't mess with the people who love you. TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Tell yourself the truth. Accept it. You want to be a girl and you are hopelessly stuck. In a man's body, in a society that doesn't understand you. I get it. To a point, I get it. You do not have the right to hurt other people, I don't care anymore about how hard it is to keep your secret. You are hurting people with your half truths, your lies if you don't FULLY disclose. Body dysmorphia can manifest in various ways, maybe you see yourself as fat when you are not, maybe you see your own leg as belonging to someone else, but not to you....whatever. It's real and it's your struggle, but do not expect other people to know what in the actual hell you're talking about. But do not pretend that you are not struggling with a brain/body conflict. Don't call it a sexual fetish if you want to go shopping, dining out, to work as a woman when your body is obviously male. Don't. It's confusing for everybody.
Second, it hurts loving you if I didn't look for it. It hurts that everything I thought you were is compromised by your secret. You have kept this so private that I didn't even have a chance. You led me to believe you were one person, now you're telling me there's more....and it's more than I could have ever guessed???? And YOU are offended that I'm upset? Well, I am who I told you I was. Who are you, suddenly?
You can't expect this to end well.
Third, wait....third is the same as second. It hurts loving you. Do you love me? You shop for you. Have you forgotten me? You overindulge. You even have a name for it, "the pink cloud," what about me? I'm still here. I would like to be showered with gifts. Don't stroke your stupid, selfish ego. No man goes on a big, extravagant shopping trip for a woman except in weird Victorian novels. Yeah, if you want a real deal girl experience: we BOTH get new clothes, jewelry, make-up.
The final thing I've learned: Anyone who loves you, honestly loves you, doesn't pretend to be someone they're not. No matter what, they want to be real, because their feelings are real. Body dysmorphia can be forgiven, emotional dysmorphia, not so much.....don't lie about who you are. Face it: you would't want to be lied to. Right? Open the floor for all the judgement just cause I don't buy your bull. Seriously, go ahead. Hate me for what I've said, but it IS true. You want to know what it's like to be a girl? It depends. It depends on who we love. Go ahead, bash.