A sign of hope from SO

[Judy-Somthing]

I've been in the closet since I got married 35 years ago. Four months ago my SO found my sz. 13 pumps, I didn't tell her the whole story.
She seemed to be over the shock in less than a month. Then last month I left a hair brush and hair clip out and she freaked out and wanted the whole story.

After I told just about every detail she said she would have never married me, that I was a freak, we would never be intimate again, etc.
then silent treatment for over a week.

Well since then I've been worried since I love her and want to stay married.
Well little by little she seems to be getting over the anger.

Today I was giving her all the sales slips I had for household stuff and I handed her one and said "here's the receipt for the pumps I bought"
She looked at me like (what the heck) and I said "No, the water pumps for the heating system" then we both cracked up laughing.

Wow life of a CDer?

[Tracii G]

I hope she is easing up on you some.

[CD Rachel]

Judy, I had heard almost the same words from my wife. I gave up dressing for some 20 years so I could keep her. I must say that even tho I am dressing again she was worth it. I hope that this works out for you. 35 years of marriage I am sure you love each other very much.

[ColleenCD]

Hi Judy,

IMHO, Marriage can seem to fly by until moments like this occur, then time stands still waiting for the next uncertain reaction. The old adage that time heals all wounds is true but (sorry if this hurts) right now she needs to know you're more like the man she married than the other woman. As my memory serves you should probably expect angry questions followed by some uncomfortable long discussions including limits. The real key to marriage saving victory is integrity restoration. You have to out yourself out there and be transparent with her in every situation to restore her trust in you. I wish you the best.

Colleen

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Judy,

That's really encouraging! My wife found out about my dressing late last year in a similar manner and we are slowly working through it so I can certainly empathize.

If you can both find some humor in your crossdressing it helps. A couple of days ago my wife and I were watching TV and I got up for a moment and when I did I nearly tripped over a laptop power cord. I commented that I had "tucked it to the side so it would be out of the way" and my wife instantly replied "well you should be really good at that by now" which got us both laughing hard. We've had a number of these moments and we both find them to be helpful as we work things out.

Good luck to you,
Beth

[kimdl93]

Tough beginning, but perhaps her shock and fear are being replaced by the knowledge that there are lots of different styles of pumps!

[Teresa]

Judy,
It may not be much but when humour returns it has to be a step in the right direction, it's not good to continually walk on eggshells.

Please keep us posted, these little steps forward bring some encouragement to others in the same situation .

Wow life of a CDer ! You love it too much like most of us here !

[alwayshave]

Judy, I'm glad to see that there is a shimmer of hope.

[Salina]

Any little bit of progress is great. My wife is up and down with my CDing, but overall things are slowly moving in a positive direction. I hope things get better for you!

[Paige Dehart]

Judy, the return of her sense of humor is a good thing. Just be aware that she may flip flop between good and bad moments. Continue showing her that you are the same person she has known and loved all these years.

Best wishes,
Paige

[ClosetED]

That is a good sign - humor is a great icebreaker. Love the new avatar!
Hugs, Ellen

[NancySue]

Good luck as you move forward.
I, from experience, agree, any indication of a sense of humor is a giant positive step forward. I told my wife before we wed. Her initial reaction was, at best, neutral. After the questions, reading, discussions she began teasing me. I told her my # 1 was stockings and all my bras were underwires....she hates both, commenting, "you can't wait to put on...what I can't wait to take off". When she does wear hose, which is rarely...I smile telling her how "lucky she is". She just smiles. She's totally supportive. Our shopping deal is...two for her, one for me. Works for me.

[Jamie390]

Judy,
I had a similar experience when I came out to my wife of 10 years. She was uncomfortable with my dressing for a long time. I had a similar "sign of hope" when at the end of one day, I was already in bed watching t.v. She was getting undressed. She took off her bra and let out a big sigh of relief. She said, "Ahhhhh, you have no idea how good it feels to take my bra off after a long day." Then she paused and said, "Well actually, you probably do know". We both laughed. Some time after that, she was wearing one of my old t-shirts. I jokingly said, "hey... nice shirt." She replied with a grin, "what?... you wear my clothes."

[giuseppina]

A good water pump is as much as high-end shoes. The last one I bought was about C$800, and that was just the pump. For those not in the know, the stuff found in big box stores often doesn't work very well or doesn't last in a tough water situation. Mine is iron, sulphur and manganese all at once. Eats everything.

Good to hear there may be a bit of thawing in your relationship.

[Krea]

Hi Judy,
I have seen several of your recent posts and am really sorry to read about how unpleasant the situation has been since you came out to your wife.
Hopefully this little moment is a sign that things are starting to improve for you.
It will be a slow process, but i hope eventually things improve to a point where you can look back and know that you did the right thing by being open and telling her everything.
Best wishes for further progress soon,
Nic

[Stephanie47]

Judy, sometimes you crack me up! When a couple cannot laugh together anymore they may as well chuck it all. Maybe you should ask her if you and she can participate together in the "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes" event in your area. That may break the ice more.

www.walkamileinhershoes.org