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Thread: "The Talk" happened this morning

  1. #1
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    "The Talk" happened this morning

    After many many years my wife found an article of clothing that I could not explain away, she calmly called me upstairs and thus began the talk.

    There was no yelling, and the only tears came from me, explaining to her my fear of not disclosing this to her before.

    The only questions from her was am I having an affair, and was I sexually attracted now to men, this was not an issue because the only person that I was and ever in love with was the person I was having this discussion with. After explaining to her that this had nothing to no with sexuality, but more with a change of identity
    After asking of what she needed from me, she had no restrictions


    Staying true to my vows is not even work, she is the best thing that even entered my life, and the fear of losing her was the only reason that I have told her earlier.

    i am sure there will be other questions, the least I can do is to answer them with the utmost honesty

    I love her so much !
    Last edited by GretchenJ; 04-19-2017 at 02:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Alls well that ends well now just make sure you don't go into that pink fog and start ramming your CDing down her throat at every turn and things may even turn out to be fine and non issue after awhile. You both may enjoy shopping together a lot more also.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  3. #3
    Junior Member Lacey86's Avatar
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    Wow! Sounds like you got something out in the open and she was receptive. I imagine hiding this would cause a lot of anxiety and other issues so congrats on taking a step forward to being closer to your spouse!

  4. #4
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Gretchen, that's awsome! Congratulations.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Joanne~ View Post
    Alls well that ends well now just make sure you don't go into that pink fog and start ramming your CDing down her throat at every turn and things may even turn out to be fine and non issue after awhile. You both may enjoy shopping together a lot more also.
    Thanks Joanne,

    She said that she would want to be engaged as much or not at all, depending on how I wanted. I love my life with her so much, I will continue to keep this part of me distinct and separate, I don't need to have my wife involved in this, in return I will not do anything to mistrust me and to be onboard and honest going forward

    it all so uplifting, I am still crying about it.
    Last edited by GretchenJ; 04-19-2017 at 02:36 PM.

  6. #6
    GG Gabriella111's Avatar
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    That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you, Gretchen!
    "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” -- Jack Kerouac

  7. #7
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Congratulations about the wonderful response from your wife. That is definitely not an easy situation to be in. Now, as regard to her participation or not, please don't rule her involvement out. You now have a strong though novice ally and my recommendation is to respect and honor that. Just because you may be more comfortable now by keeping Gretchen out of site and in a way out of mind to her, she indicated that she may be interested in being more involved with that side of you. In time talk, to her about that and understand what that means and the why behind her statement. As we all know here, many SO's get mad when not informed about something this important in their lives. I am not saying jump in completely, but give her and yourself a chance to be whole together with this very important side of you, which involves so much more than just dressing up in women's clothes. Thanks for sharing and good luck.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Congrats, Gretchen! Glad everything worked out so well! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    OMG, I am so happy for you. That would be a dream come true. You are truly blessed and it sounds like you have a wonderful spouse and you will make sure she is fully appreciated. I still pray for something even partially like that.

  10. #10
    Genderblur Francene Lola Dupree's Avatar
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    Wow Gretchen, glad your wife took it so well,

    How long have you been dreading "the talk?", did you imagine she'd react how she did?

  11. #11
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    That's wonderful Gretchen! I am so glad your wife took it well and hope things continue that way with her!

  12. #12
    Just being true to myself Jolene Robertson's Avatar
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    Hi Gretchen,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us, It's nice to hear when things go well. I'm so happy for you and your great wife. Sounds like you now have a load off your shoulders.

    Hugs
    Jolene

  13. #13
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    You are in a wonderful place just now. Enjoy the time and where you go from here.

  14. #14
    Member Tama's Avatar
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    Always welcome news...

  15. #15
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    A good start but realize you've been dealing with this for months or years, while she's been dealing for hours or days. She's still processing. She may be fine with it now but could change her tune at any time for a number of reasons. Also BE ATTENTIVE to her and read her behaviors. She could end up suppressing her own feelings of dissatisfaction because she wants you to be happy.

    It's a process that never really ends. Keep communicating and growing together.

  16. #16
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    Gretchen, I truly wonder if your wife did not already have an inkling of your activities. I went back and check your prior threads which I always try to do before commenting. You have had a lot of outside the home activities. Transformations! Attending functions! I wonder if she "finding" the article of clothing wasn't her opening for raising the issue, and, just seeing how you would respond. From your postings she seemed to be somewhat mellow. If you have been married so long do you truly believe she has not notice or discovered your wardrobe. Perhaps she had already contemplated your possible responses. This site is really not too difficult to find. I think you have a gem of a wife.

  17. #17
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Also BE ATTENTIVE to her and read her behaviors. She could end up suppressing her own feelings of dissatisfaction because she wants you to be happy.

    It's a process that never really ends. Keep communicating and growing together.
    Thanks Micki, and I totally agree - I know that this is just the start, not the end. I know that at this point it is paramount to keep communication lines totally open, and to ensure they every concern that may arise I can put her mind at some sort of ease, while keeping honest.

  18. #18
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    Count yourself very lucky, Gretchen! I am amazed that you could attend an event like Keystone with out your wife already in the loop. I was not so lucky and my marriage is in constant tension since telling my wife. I advise you to answer all of her questions fully and truthfully. Constantly remind her that you are the same person she married, she just happened upon something that you thought would hurt too much to tell her. Some women see this as mistrust as you didn't share all. Others, like your wife appearently, can understand why this was held from her. Keep your attention on her now and her needs and nothing else. Things will work themselves out as time goes on. Good luck my friend!
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  19. #19
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    Gretchen,
    It is good news to here that the discovery was the start of things and not a drastic end.
    It may sound cynical but you say the door opened and everything went back to normal, I feel it's slightly naive to think that , things never go back to the way they were, you are now a different person to her, not quite the one she thought she'd married.
    Also DADT is destructive in the long run, respecting each others privacy means certain things not being said, eventually you could find you're living a double life like me. I would like to be totally honest and open with my wife, put all the cards on the table and explain it all, she chooses not to hear it, but I know long term it's not doing either of us any favours.

  20. #20
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    I am so glad that this story didn't have the more common ending. Listen to the advice given above, especially from Heidi (I know that you can't believe I'm saying this, I can't either....). Good fortune to you!!!!
    Please call me Lisa!

  21. #21
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Always nice to hear some good news where these matters are concerned.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  22. #22
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by S. Lisa Smith View Post
    I am so glad that this story didn't have the more common ending. Listen to the advice given above, especially from Heidi (I know that you can't believe I'm saying this, I can't either....). Good fortune to you!!!!
    i am listening to the advice from all, especially Heidi and yourself Lisa, and Teresa. I want to ensure that the next steps forward are slow, patient, and attentive. There are no questions that are off-limits, the cat is out of the bag, and I want to make sure that we can make this work out without any problems if possible.

  23. #23
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    hi gretchen,

    seems your marriage has just had a re-boot
    from what you have shared you are not really in a DADT situation and i would advise against that.

    when and if you want to bring up a need or a want talk with her about it, one of mine was keystone.....and i will agree with heidi, how you could pull off an event like keystone without her knowledge amazes me my wife offered to wash my dirty clothes when i got home, the only thing male was the tee shirt, jeans, socks and undies i wore on the trip out there, everything else was girlier than what she typically wears. i was tempted but did not want to ruffle any feathers.

    so i hope all remains calm and in sync for you both and if either you or both would like to come down for coffee id be honored to brew a cup or two

    being a curious being WHAT the heck did she find
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  24. #24
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Always good to hear of a positive outcome from The Talk.

  25. #25
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    Another congrats, and another warning to be aware her feelings about it will likely fluctuate over time.

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