Two shopping trips two different reactions

[Michelle_CD]

So I don't go out dressed very often but this week my wife and child were out of town. So I thought I would get dressed and try my hand at shopping enfemme. She does know BTW and knows that I don't get to do this very often.
Monday I dressed and did my makeup and headed to an outdoor mall about 20 minutes away. It was a nice night and I was wearing a loose short sleeve top with a long sleeve cardigan that doesn't button. Jeans and some 2 inch heels. I went in many stores and barely got a second look. Even used the women's bathroom in Nordstrom rack. Didn't have too many interactions with sales people or shoppers. Did get kind of a knowing look from a lady in Victoria secret but she just smiled. It really felt great but I didn't buy a damn thing.
So the next night I thought I would go again. This time to an outlet mall again about 20 minutes away. This time jeans boots and a tight sweater that maybe showed my bigger shoulders and arms. First store I hit was dress barn. The sales lady probably knew but was very nice during our short interaction. Then Ann Taylor sales girl was nice but as I started to peruse the sale rack a man walked out of the dressing room to talk to his wife. I overheard him say something and her head whipped around to look straight at me. Nothing further was said but I made my way out of there. Did notice that I got some looks as I passed the store window.
The rest of the stores that I went into the sales people were nice but they definitely knew.
I guess it is just something that I have to get used to. And maybe wear looser tops that don't show off my man arms.

[Michelle (Oz)]

My suggestion Michelle is to accept that you'll always be recognised as a man in a dress. Most that do will be too polite to comment or simply not care. Others observing the unexpected may comment to their companion. The more you are out dressed, the more comfortable you will be with such attention, and the more it will empower you to interact with the community.

[Lana Mae]

The more we go out the easier it becomes! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[kimdl93]

Nah, I think you're entitled to the arms you have.

[Caroline Varg]

I'm actually doing most of my shopping for female clothes in full male mode, although with my dress tech silicone hip pads and sometimes a corset to get the figure right. I tell the sales assistants that I need some clothes for me, and I always get full support. Yes, I am a man and a have the right to shop for whatever clothes I like. This is my life, and life is too short for being anxious for how others view me.

[Salina]

I'm new at going out dressed but one thing I've found that works is if people stare or gawk is to look them directly in the eye and smile at them. Not in a confrontational way but a friendly smile. Everyone I've done this with pretty much looks away and/or walks away.

[docrobbysherry]

If it bothers u? Do what I do. I go shopping disguised in men's clothing!

You'll get SO BORED with no one noticing u or giving u a second look!

[suzanne]

Salina, that is stellar advice.

[lingerieLiz]

You said a man came out of the dressing room at Ann Taylor and talked to his wife. I would have assumed that he was shopping for women's clothes also. I've had a couple times where guys have looked at me, but I don't try to pass. For the most part I wear women's jeans and tops. I try on clothes and seldom have any issues. Although now I can tell pretty much if the item will fit me. My wife has pointed out to me that it is easier to see if you like something if you take it home and take your time.

[Nastasha]

I don't dress when I am shopping - but when I go I am just up front with the sales ladies and tell them its for me.
I've only had one that gave me any bad reaction. She was like, no, no I won't help you with that and walked away. The other sales lady was more then happy to help.

[TrishaTX]

this is not going to go away fro sure, most of us have some tell. Just be comfortable being you and who cares what they think!

[Gabriella111]

Hopefully it's something you get used to. My bf gets stares and comments but he just lets them roll off, more concerned about how it affects me. A couple weeks or so ago, an employee at Taco Bell saw his painted fingernails and asked if he'd lost a bet. He just smiled and told him, "No, I'm just cool," or something like that.

The few times I've been out with him in a skirt in public (aside from walking through his neighborhood), no one seems to notice or care. Which is interesting considering he's definitely just a guy in a skirt. No chance of being mistaken for a woman, except *maybe* from behind. And with his haircut, he'd be mistaken for a lesbian, which would probably delight him to know!

But he doesn't really shop for clothes in person so much. Usually online. I'd love to go dress shopping with him, though, and try on things together.

[Eva Bella]

Great that you got out two times!

I've been shopping quite a bit, and it was certainly nerve racking at first. But the other girls are right: there really is no "passing" for the majority of us. People will always know. What matters is your attitude and confidence. If you're friendly and polite and enjoying yourself.. then most will tend to treat you well. I've never had a really negative experience doing it.

That said, you're going to get stares and comments. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but let's face it.. we're not typical and we're going to attract some attention simply for being different. If you wore a crazy punk-rock getup than you'd get attention too. Just comes with the territory. It's always great to get out and express who we really are.

[TheHiddenMe]

I just assume people will think I'm a guy. I haven't had an issue.

I also have big shoulders. I thought I should avoid dresses like the one in the picture. Two different SA's of differing ages (one probably late 20's, the other mid 50's) at two different Nordstroms said it was a must buy (one did say I needed to lose the watch). So I bought it, and I wore this dress to my last trip out last week (it was my best choice for a summer-like day).

I will repeat something I wrote in one of my threads. I went into the ladies room at Nordstrom to have a personal comfort break. Going in, no one, no problem. Coming out, two women at the mirror. Ok, wash hands, walk out, no problem.

Except the woman next to me says "that's a beautiful dress" (it is; I love it). Last thing I was expecting to hear. So I said thanks (in my guy voice).

Short story, some people will have issues (I have still yet to find one, however). Most of the others will be accepting, fine, or in some cases, enthusiastic (the last nail tech who did my tails was absolutely giddy).

So if we worry about those who may think negatively, we miss meeting all of the possible people who may be warm and accepting. The reaction from the warm and accepting FAR outweighs the negative, as I am finding out when I am out.