That's interesting. How does one test ones testosterone?
I imagine mine is average levels, I don't have male pattern baldness, and I have a higher male voice and I have hairy legs, arms, back, chest and a monobrow haha
I'm probably about average
That's interesting. How does one test ones testosterone?
I imagine mine is average levels, I don't have male pattern baldness, and I have a higher male voice and I have hairy legs, arms, back, chest and a monobrow haha
I'm probably about average
Your doctor can sort out a t test for you. Lots of roid heads go through issues in therpay post cycle. The worst (for them) is gyno - developing breast tissue.
I think maybe in my younger years, say 13-25 if I could have taken a pill to make this all go away I likely would have. As many of you remember that was before the internet and the social outlets that we have now. Back in those days I was alone, completely alone. Except for my wife knowing I liked to buy her lingerie and I would some times wear her things (as we were about the same size.) She never gave it much thought because it never left the bedroom. It was difficult for me back in those days, I did not understand anything and truly thought I was alone. I thought I was a weirdo so how in the world could I ever expect anyone else to understand or accept me? I know I am not the only one who felt that way back in those days. It was all very confusing and I was completely closeted so I carried the burden by myself.
But now that I am 52 and my children are grown and out plus I have a wife who loves me and will go with just about anything I can dream up I would "NOT" take that pill. I love feeling pretty, love it, love it, love it. I don't do it to attract my wife because to put it bluntly "She don't give two shits one way or the other". And I certainly have no interest in attracting a man. I do it for myself. I do it for ME. I enjoy the Alissa side of me I truly do. I can honestly say I would rather wear a bra than not wear one during the day, panties all most all the time. I have some silky and really soft cotton tops that I will wear under my "man shirt" while at work. In fact I have nylon/silky/soft stuff next to my skin most of the time, why wouldn't I? It's comfortable and I feel even a bit sexy so why the hell not.
For those who have read me in the past, my stash and goatee are gone. I've been clean shaven for a week now and I love it. My wife made the comment that she "noticed" but other than that she hasn't said much this time. I got my first wig recently and I told her flat out it just don't work with facial hair, I'm a dude in a skirt and that is not what I'm going for. Little by little Alissa will continue to bloom and I wouldn't trade her for the world at this point. I am having fun with this part of my life, I enjoy it more than anything else. I will never give Alissa or her stuff up again.
Roid heads ?
What in the world is that?
Traci, I think that is a reference to those that take steroids to enhance their body strength like many professional athletes do.
I definitely would not take the blue pill at this point in my life. After years of inner turmoil and struggle, I have reached a point of acceptance of who I really am. I want to dress more often!
yes roid heads I assume means users of steroids. a famous fighter named jon jones in the UFC was banned for use of a prohibited substance... later came out it was an estrogen inhibitor. If you use steroids and then come off of them athletes will use the estrogen inhibitors to minimize the side effects of losing the steroid effects.
Kairi,
Even without an official test you know when it' s high . I know when it kicked in when I was 8-9 , it peaked early and hasn't decided to give up yet . What will happen when it finally fades away is something that does concern me, I feel my female side will totally take over when the conflict is finally over.
This is something that is in me - maybe in my DNA. From my experience, it is not a learned behaviour. No one taught me to be feminine, no one taught me to wear dresses; in fact quite the opposite. My first experience was when I was five and the guilt and self-loathing were strong with this one. Despite the guilt, the hiding and purging, I still wouldn't change my transness. I have accepted who I am, I just wish society could do the same.
They/Them
I love dressing as a woman.
Never! I love my pink fog that at times becomes a bright, neon pink flood!
"I hate to say this but I love this side of me, the whole things of putting together outfits, learning the art of makeup, choosing the right wig and then assembling it all to be part of you that has been hidden, buried and denied for so long. When you no longer have the guilt and shame society imposes on you , it just feels good to be comfortable dressed as the female that you were partly born as. I know going out socially has made me feel more this way, but it doesn't feel a lie."
I wonder why you "hate to say this but I love this side of me". It sounds as if you really enjoy the whole experience (as do I).
Hugs, Carole
I don't believe you have to worry about being called out as a fraud for something you didn't know about. There is little to no research into the 'real' cause of our shared proclivity that I am aware of. From this forum and other sources, it seems to me that the main belief is that we are born this way and while I may dye my hair, what's left of it will really always be brown, for a few more years anyway.(we will be whom we are)
Even if it is curable, that is not the case now nor has it been the case before now so how could you have done anything about it?
<"When you no longer have the guilt and shame society imposes on you , it just feels good to be comfortable dressed as the female that you were partly born as.">
This has been key for me. I did it through several years of therapy. I am now at a place where I really like who I am and don't feel I need society's approval. My urge/need/desire to dress is where I am comfortable with it. I no longer really even see it as crossdressing; it is more of me wearing what makes me comfortable.
FWIW, I under-dress in panties and bra every day, wear camisoles as T- shirts and wear women's jeans. I wear my forms and skirts around my house when I want to and sleep in an assortment of nightgowns - I found what works for me.
Hang in there...
Take joy in doing what you love and don't worry about how it will change over time.
I am Me and Me is OK!
Shelby
There are other things going on, as well. There are fewer things that could help us stop. I've had long stretches where I didn't crossdress for many years; those were when I was in stable relationships. As we get older, it's progressively harder to link up with a mate. For those who have it linked to sexual desire, it's also harder to find a partner, and as other health problems interfere (blood pressure as well as the medicines taken for it can both adversely effect the ability to get an erection), the frustration level escalates, and with no other outlet, the desire to crossdress is harder and harder to suppress. Also, at some point a lot probably just get tired of trying to stop, because all hope is lost for any chance at a normal life, and we reluctantly accept that it's not going away, ever. Some proverb about changing the things we can, and accepting those which we cannot.Originally Posted by ronda
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I have my days I would like to quit dressing, but deep down inside I know that I probably never quit dressing. It is a part of me and since I have an accepting wife I don't ever expect to stop.
Great question Teresa, my answer is a definitive NO, I most definitely do not want to stop dressing ever. When the need to dress left me for 3 years, I actually hoped it would return one day and of course it did!!
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Carole,
I guess I used that phrase as if my wife was reading it, almost a final confession . I have actually told my wife this during a lengthy conversation, it was one of those small gaps when she allowed me to be truthful and open with but her she didn't say much .
Shelby,
Tracii queried that comment , I used it in he context of hormones possibly reducing my T level and with it most of the need to dress, I've told her that I really can't help how I feel but to her I might appear a fraud because those feelings could have been taken away . As I also pointed out they could have the totally opposite effect and induce a more feminine appearance , which is something she won't be happy about.
Lexi,
At the moment I don't have any of those health problems, I'm still a fully functioning male , the point you are correct about is not having a partner to share it with. As I've said before my wife knows my CDng ( and AGP ) are a substitute for her, I don't know she deals with that but I know I'm not happy having to admit and accept it, but that's how it is .
Becky,
As you know I've never encountered a break from 8-9 when it started , but I will admit sometimes in the past I have shaken my head in desperation and asked , "Why me ?". I know that's from a time before the internet when you feel you're the only one , that's when I began to use the term solitary confinement for being in the closet, I couldn't return to that situation . That's why I feel DADT is so destructive, because to me it's like a prison sentence in a solitary cell.
Last edited by Teresa; 04-17-2017 at 05:59 PM.
I started at such a young age I don't remember exactly when. I like that I wear feminine clothes occassionally. No pill for me! Just leave me alone. Susan
Who knows, my feelings may also just reflect the rain outside! I guess I fit in the "sometimes" category. I know that things would be easier, financially and from a time standpoint, but emotionally there would be a loss. I have not reached the point of walking away from it . . . and may never reach that point. But, I suspect that I may be coming to a crossroads, where a decision gets made and then I just move forward -- whichever way the road leads. Maybe I will just "cross-dress vicariously" through the Internet and my friendships with all of you.
I know that the desire to dress has been with me for as long as I can remember, it will always a part of me, regardless of how I feel about it at any given time.
Whilst this is a part of me that I know is a part of me, it is a part of me that I don't want and although getting rid of it may leave me not actually being me as I am it will leave me being how I imagine I want to be.
If there was a magic pill that removed not only the desire to dress but also the interest in all the other things that we do which 'feed' the desire to dress so that it was a permanently altered state that wouldn't be reversed or allow old habits to return then I'd have to take it.
The short term joy or even elation that I've had from dressing has possibly moved past the guilt it once was and now turned into sadness and regret as I get older.
Sadness as to why I need to do it, sadness at the joy it brings whilst I do it and sadness when the time to end the dressing comes.
Regret that I need to do it, that I still need to do it, regret that it makes me sad, regret that I could have spent the countless thousands of hours I've been dressed doing something else, regret that I could have spent the countless hours of thinking about dressing or even resisting dressing doing something else.
Sadness and regret that I still feel this way about my feelings.
At times it becomes overwhelming, suffocating or even incapacitating.
Sick of feeling sad.
Sick of regret.
I'm not a girl, I don't look like a girl although I could once upon a time with time and effort and I enjoyed that even though the pretty face that looked back from the mirror seemed sad.
I like girls but I like girls things too. I feel sad about that.
I own girls things. I feel sad about that too.
A magic pill to take all this away, change me to the me that I imagine I want to be, prayed to be even though I don't know any different?
Lose the sadness and regret.
Yes, I'd take it.
A magic pill to make it all seem normal, make me feel normal being me who and what I am; lose the sadness and regret as I don't know any different. Be happy being the me I am free from the guilt, the sadness, the regret.
Yes I'd take it.
My Testosterone level have been dropping as I've aged. Doctor has brought it up a couple of times. He's asked if I want shots. He also asks if I can get it up. Yes I can thank you. I think it might be because I have special motivation and maybe powers (the kind Muggles don't have). I've said it before, I don't need Viagra, I need Victoria's Secret.
I'm not sure how the T levels affect my desire to dress. Lately I have been pushing hard to take it to the next level. So far it has only been from the neck down, now I'm working on the neck up (makeup and wig). Maybe the dropping T levels have encouraged this. Who knows.
This question tears me up. Crossdressing has taken a toll on me and my wife and some days the ability to put it behind me and be "normal" might be tempting. I have however come to accept myself and what the Good Lord has given me. I just need to try to keep a balance, again for my wife and family.
Crossdressing has also brought me great satisfaction. I consider myself to be a creative person. I despise the limitations of the male wardrobe. As I stand at my panty drawer each morning making a selection of color, texture, and shape, I think, yes, this is the way it should be for me. I am not a white on white person. I enjoy the world, and life is way too short.
I'll make my decision when someone brings the plate with the pill on it.
This issue has and will get chased around for as long as the sun still comes up in the east.
I tend to look at it like this. A wagon goes down a trail and the trail starts to get ruts. In the beginning it can be easy to get out of the ruts, but the more rutted the trial gets, the deeper the ruts get. It is not easy getting out of those deep ruts. One only need ask themselves, how many times have I purged? Then one falls back into the rut. After time it gets easier just staying in the rut. I am talking about me here, some may feel the same way, but others not.
For me, dressing is so intermixed with sex and sensuality I honestly don't think I could separate them any more. If I could untangle all of this, then maybe I could look at everything in a different light. There is a sexual side, a sensual side, a stress reducing side, and a just plain fun side. The threads (sides) are very closely woven together, 50 plus years worth. It is easier to accept and move on, than to attempt to unravel all of this.
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
No way! I just love cute, sexy, classy Scarlett too much. It's so much fun getting the outfits together the makeup on and the hair just right. Putting the accessories and props together is a blast as well. The photo sessions, which I have been doing for at least two years now are so much fun as well!
I have given it up and purged completely before. Last time led me to put about $5,000 worth of clothing, accessories, footwear, makeup, etc. in the bottom of a landfill. I miss all of that stuff and wore everything in that wardrobe. I still miss a lot of the mini skirts, tops of all kinds, and boots, booties, wedges, and heels! There was some really nice stuff in that purge.
No more purges again ever! Scarlett is so much a part of me and I love to express the feminine side of me and that desire has been there since I was a young boy and won't ever go away! And purges cost so much money!
That's it for now. Love all you girls out there! XOXOXO Scarlett
I made myself a promise years ago that I would never stop, and I am not going to break it.
the more i dress, the more i want to dress and stay dressed.
i don't think i could ever stop even if i wanted to.
i'm pretty sure that paula is here to stay and becomes a bigger
part of me each and every day.
paula
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