I know i am going to cop some heat for this one, but Becky is one tough girl so here goes.
Of course some of the hottest topics on this forum are related to SO's whether it be telling or not telling, DADT, acceptance, non-acceptance etc. etc. Many people here have their own experiences to relate, some have been really great others are awful and full of pain.
The general consensus seems to be that if we tell our SO's as soon as possible that there is a decent chance that our SO will accept something and that a compromise can be reached. What I feel from reading so many threads is that there is a general lack of awareness that our SO's just like us are all different.
Each relationship is unique and there are so many dynamics that come into play beyond the basic I am a CD/TG/TS/NB or whatever. Some SO's care a huge amount about what others think, others don't care at all. Some SO's feel their femininity is under attack, others don't. Some find the idea of their husband as a woman repelling, others maybe attracted. I could give 100 examples, my point is its not as simple as sharing and expecting acceptance or outright rejection.
I wonder how many SO's after being told, wish that they did not know and would have preferred that their husband had kept his little secret to himself? Is it possible that she accepts the situation as really what choice does she have bar ending the marriage? In some cases would the SO's world not be a happier place if she did not know? Do all of you share ALL your thoughts and feelings with your SO's no matter what? Not just your T-ones?
I am not advocating NOT telling or telling ones SO as I believe that each set of circumstances and each relationship is different.