Telling Male Friends vs Female Friends

[Lana Mae]

I am only out to my son, my daughter and my sister in law. Recently have resumed contact with my best friend from my past! (found each other on Facebook) He wants to come visit in the fall! I am not out to him and he has no idea! Still debating coming out to him as we were macho men, also he is bringing his wife along! I am not sure about how she is or anything about her! I could not tell but will have to have everything hidden while they are visiting and hope I leave nothing out that they could discover. The good thing is I have until fall to make up my mind! Hugs Lana Mae

[Brandy Mathews]

Women definitely take it a lot better then almost all men, I think. But I do have to think that there are some men that are probably doing the same thing that we do but don't want to be found out so of course they have to put us down or make stupid jokes about it.
Bree

[Rogina B]

I have many male friends, while there are many who would be accepting..... However, I'm generally a private person, so no need to tell.

I am an "out " person. I agree with Traci in that gender is never a guarantee. To kick it up a notch, join in a GNO and "compete" for the "attention" of a guy that happens to be in the venue.. Everything is cool,till it isn't !

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Hi Eva.
Male friends might be more accepting if they see gg friends to be accepting . In a way its possible to let your girlfriends do some of the talking and introducing of the idea of crossdressing to the men who dont get it.

For some of us,"It isn't crossdressing"..We are TG and need the freedom to live live as we see fit...

[TrishaTX]

I have only told a few women and no men. I doubt I will extend it much further...to stressful and why would I? men are threatened , if someone finds out then they are "gay" or "bi" as well. Just the way it is I think, so why bother....

[Meghan4now]

While I tend to think that maybe women are more accepting, I've heard just as many negative comments about CDS and TGS from women when the room was unaware of the presence of one.

Maybe women are just better liars then men? Or maybe when confronted with reality, they give people more room to move, thus avoiding conflict?

[VioletDoll]

I can think of plenty women I would tell if I really had to.. men, I can think of one.. maybe two.. and they're gay, and maybe the only reason I might tell them is so they'd stop booty texting me..
(In theory)

[Rogina B]

Since the Caitlyn Jenner revelation, it's become common knowledge that even the most successful males might be not entirely straight, which has caused a lot of men to question their own sexuality, whether they will admit it to anyone else, or not.

Gender and sexuality are TWO different things and I thnk you know better than to mix them up! Especially in the case of CJ !She is a perfect example of being conflicted..in many ways. lol

[Amanda Monica]

While I tend to think that maybe women are more accepting, I've heard just as many negative comments about CDS and TGS from women when the room was unaware of the presence of one.

Maybe women are just better liars then men? Or maybe when confronted with reality, they give people more room to move, thus avoiding conflict?

I hadn't thought about the last part of your post, but it makes sense. Better to let it go, nod and smile, and not enter into conflict about it. At least for some.

[Ressie]

I don't tell men friends that I CD. But this thread just got me thinking... I've told a couple of women that I got into serious relationships with. What I'm thinking is that they told others - including some of my male friends. I have my reasons for coming to this conclusion.

I also think that women aren't more accepting than men are. Maybe they're just more likely to not reveal how they really feel about it. There's very little chance of a woman getting into a physical fight over the matter which is why (subconsciously) it's easier to tell them IMO.

After writing this^ I just saw Meghan's post!

[SHINY-J]

I've only opened up about my dressing to 3 women... and the outcome wasn't good with any of them.. and I want asking to transform into a woman or even go out in public places as a woman... I explained that my dressing was strictly for sexual pleasure and I just wanted to share it with them and nobody else and keep it as our secret - something innocuous a that could possibly bring us closer together by being more open and honest... I only wanted to dress at home while having sex and nothing more... I wasn't asking to lounge around the house in girl clothes... spend entire weekends fully dressed... etc.. just in the bedroom... Not a single one of them accepted it, understood it, or gave it a chance... the very moment after I told them, it was like some unseen Line had been crossed. And things would never be the same again...

So I may be one of the few that has a contrary view on male reaction vs female reaction...

First off,... I definitely think that opening up to women that you aren't dating about dressing will go over SIGNIFICANTLY better than vs male friends... but if it's a wife, or g/f maybe not so much... in my few experiences, they are just fine and dandy with guy, tg, cd, tv, etc... until their man says he's into it... for the women I was with, it was completely UNACCEPTABLE... but anytime I had seen their reaction to a trans person whether on tv, or in person, they always seemed supportive. - for lack of a better word... two of them when we saw a trans person actually said that they wished they had a "gay friend" as they put it but I knew what they meant... they thought it would be fun to have a guy to,do,all,of the gurly things with... but sadly... it's almost like they wanted to use them as a type of toy. .. more of something to amuse them, as opposed to actually being their friend... still, none of that love, kindness, excitement, or support was evident when I told them about my dressing...


Now guys, on the other hand.., While they might be shocked and taken aback, I don't necessarily think they would flip out and start throwing punches.., at least not the guys I know... then again, I'm 6'3" and 230lbs.... I'm not really fight-pickable,,, lol... I think the worst case scenario would be that they just sorta drift away..... which is what I could see many of my guy acquaintances and, sadly, a few of my guy friends doing... if I wanted to go public with my dressing.

Luckily, I don't really feel the need to open up about it because my dressing is strictly a fetish. If it were a lifestyle choice determining my sexuality, gender, etc... then it would be different.., I wouldn't want to live a lie for the rest of my life hiding how I truly felt and who I wanted to be... that's why will normally be on board with people going public if they want to come out as trans... whether it be cd, tg, tv, ts, or whatever people call it or don't call it... hiding for the sake of others just robs you of life experiences that you deserve...

For example... not to get people riled up over politics, but If I'm a democrat and I grew up surrounded by republicans who I just didn't talk politics with and kept my liberal feelings and beliefs secret... why would I spend the rest of my life pretending to be a republican, secretly voting democrat, and trying to hide it? It's not illegal to be a democrat ... why should I contain my beliefs and my values that I'm entitled to? Even if they ousted me, I know there are other democrats out there who I can get along with and make new friendships and experiences...

I truly feel for those on here who struggle with that because I know it's easier said than done.... and I know that because mymdressing is a fetish and not a "way of life", it's completely different... I don't open up,about my dressing because it's a fetish only... I wouldn't tell anyone if I was secretly fascinated with an adult baby fetish... or if I secretly obsessed over feet.... so mymdresing is strictly for sexual pleasure.,, why would I tell them about that either?

I guess it also,depends on where you live and the family and friends you grew up with..,

As far as the OP, I'm not sure why some of your male friends seemed to grow cold after you told them... it's hard for me to guess because I don't really run in those circles... and I don't mean that in a derogatory way.., I simply don't have any trans people that I work with or close friends that I know... there are acquaintances from Facebook and people that I've met before.. and I've always been accepting of them. But I'm not sure what the reaction was that they got from others...

It's easy for me to,say that I would be open to it because I secretly dress too.. if a friend opened up to me about it, I would immediately rush to the closet and get changed into a girly outfit for them!

But in all seriousness, I would try opening up to guys pretty cautiously... I have my profile and pics on a few different online sites and I can't even begin to count how many men have reached out to me over the years... and I'm sure many have been married... many had girlfriends or significant others... many claimed to be straight... etc... there were even several contacts from guys that I knew of- not close friends- but I had met them before in "guy" mode... and they I know two of them were married and a couple of others had girlfriends... but they were cruising for sex and they think a "tranny is an easy lay"... so they see my pics with my outrageous boobs, heels, boots, outfits, etc.. and "I'm everything they love about women , but everything they understand about men"... or,so they think anyways... I'm willing to bet that if you anonymously sent pics and a message, out to your guy friends on FB, twitter, email, tinder, etc... of you dressed up looking hat and posing sexy, that you'd get more responses back than you think... honestly... I'm curious.... how many responses do you think you'd get?

I guess if they thought you were hot and you made out with them, that they'd accept you! Lol... but I think many guys are afraid that you'll show up to watch the football,game on Sunday in a sundress and heels... that you'll go to the bars with them and tpeveryine willl think you're dating... etc... But secretly, I think many of them - deep down inside, would feel for you and accept you.., but they may not feel like they can dpshiw it without fear of losing their place/status in "their little world"... it's sad.. but at least society has seemed to consistently become more accepting and tolerant... one day, we We will all get there... it may not be in our lifetime, but one day people will look,back on this thinking it was as silly and ignorant to not accept trans people, as we look back and are amazed how everyone in the 1930s and 40s though smoking cigarettes was good for your health...

[mechamoose]

I also find that women are far more accepting of the desire to express feminine traits. If you think about it, it makes some sense. You are an XY stepping out of the traditional mold and stepping closer to THEM. The opposite is true for your XY friends. You are stepping away from what they know into an area they don't understand. Not only don't they understand it, they can't imagine why you would want to do it.

I have an awesome set of male friends, and they *still* had a minor wig-out when I showed up to game night in a skirt. On another occasion on a rather warm day I showed up in a very conservative brown cami. They were like 'it's women's clothing!'. To which I said 1) its comfortable, and 2) it isn't women's clothing, it's my clothing. I bought it.

(I think I owe Eddie Izzard a Nickel for every time I say that, but I'm not sure.)

<3

- MM

[Sandin Meknickers]

MM. Executive transvestite?

[Tama]

They were like 'it's women's clothing!'. To which I said 1) its comfortable, and 2) it isn't women's clothing, it's my clothing. I bought it.

Thanks MM, your my hero!

[mechamoose]

Sand: Yep, that would be the one.

Interesting thought.. there is no TV forum here. Members of our world but not quite.

My wife has been asking me about the differences between CD/TS/TG of late, probably due to the fact that I have talked with her about considering hormones. It has me thinking about it as well. Funny that TV isn't part of the discussions.

[barbara gordon]

Hi Rogina- thank you for the alert on "crossdressing" term. I do consider myself to be TG as well. We all have our own licences with these terms.
My point was to suggest that genetic females who are accepting of any presentation of mtf can help to explain the ok-ness of male to female presentation to males who are not so accepting of any mtf identified people.

[Rogina B]

Barbara Gordon,Surrounding yourself with people that get it is always the best way to teach acceptance to others. Sometimes,you have to settle for one or two good companions.. I enjoy these teaching moments.

[Gendersoul16]

Hi Its Erin

Yes, my female friends are accepting and supportive for the most part. My male friends, particularly the long time friends from my childhood and young adulthood, are very much NOT into me presenting as a female. My female friends are great! Particularly those whom I've been intimate with! They go out with me dressed. They know I have a female energy and nature. My male friends seem threatened. It might be the thought of sex......homosexual vs heterosexual. Most friends are straight men. I do see that my few bi and gay friends are more open, but not as much as the women. Its the weaving of sexuality, orientation and gender I presume. Society's rules. Also, maybe, how a lot of heterosexual men view women as sex objects, as they are influenced by the media. So when they think of me as a sex object, its very confusing! That's my take on it but I'd like to know more........