Why go out?

[Ceera]

For me, its to get out of the house and enjoy life as myself.

I do find it personally validating and emotionally satisfying when I go out as a woman and I am accepted at face value, and treated as if the people I am dealing with either can't tell that I wasn't born female, or as if they at least fully accept that regardless of how I was born and raised, what I am now, at that moment, is a person who should be accepted as a valid female.

A while back I went to an LGBTQ nightclub for a dance. As I often do, I was on my own, with no particular plans to meet up with anyone else. While waiting for the dance to begin, I was called over to join a group of four other girls who all knew me, seated at a sidewalk table in front of the club. Three of them were GG lesbians. The fourth was an MtF trans-woman, who is far enough along on her own journey that it's seriously hard to imagine that she was ever perceived as male. From the first time I had met her, several months earlier, if she hadn't stated she was trans, I wouldn't have suspected at all that she wasn't a GG. Anyway, we were having a pretty open and frank discussion on several topics, and she happened to choose to show us a picture on her phone of what she had looked like prior to her transition. It was quite a change, and we all complemented her on how far she had come. I was not at all in the habit of letting any of Ceera's friends see anything about my male side, but in the spirit of the open conversation, I also shared my 'before' picture - though in my case, the pic was only a month or so old, just without any makeup or breast forms or my wig, and dressed fully male. They all asked how many years I had been on hormones, and they could hardly believe that I wasn't on hormones at all, and that I had accomplished my gender transformation entirely by cosmetics and voice training.

But then one of the GG's asked me a question that sort of stumped me. "What is it you like about being female?"

She got the same silent pause that most GG's would respond with if asked that question, or that a male would respond with if asked, "What do you like about being male?" After a moment I said, "It isn't so much 'what I like', as it is that I enjoy simply being free to be 'myself', and to enjoy all life has to offer. For most of my life I repressed my feminine side. It's been like 'she' was shut up in a small room and never got to go out and make friends or enjoy herself. Now, that side of me is as free as my male aspect, and can make friends and enjoy life like anyone else."

That sort of sums it up. My 'girl side' wants to enjoy life as much as my male side has been allowed to do. She has some catching up to do, and she's enjoying every chance she gets to do so. It doesn't matter if its social nightclubbing or taking the car in for a lube and oil. Just getting out and experiencing life 'first hand' is a pleasure in itself.

[Tracii G]

My first time out was to conquer fear.
Second time was to see if the first time was a fluke.
Its just a extension of who I am

[XemmaX]

staying in maybe safer but it's BORING.

[Rachael Leigh]

To be able to express a part of myself and not to hide it. It's a part of me why not express myself in public.
Not to mention it's boring just dressing and staying home

[Jeri Ann]

Why go out?

I go out to just do life. Today it was to meet Kelly Marie in Houston so we could get pedicures, do lunch and go shopping. She'll have the details in another post.

[Salina]

I just recently went out for the first time and it was wonderful. I went to a mall about 40 miles from home, had a makeover at Sephora then tried on clothes for 3 hours at Nordstrom's. I was probably overly cautious but called both places ahead of time to let them know a CD was coming ( I received very positive and welcoming responses) and went a few days ahead in guy mode to scout the best place to park. I wore women's jeans and a top but no wig to Sephora then put my wig on for Nordstrom's. The SA's at both places were so nice, encouraging, and complimentary.

Like Ceera, I had repressed and kept Salina locked up and now she has been let out and wants to enjoy life the same as my male side has been able to. Salina will definitely be making return visits to both places and other outings as well. My why is because she is a big part of who I am and needs to be expressed. Dressing in private is not enough anymore. Salina wants to do life as Jeri Ann said.

[Tracii G]

I would think if dressing is part of your personality (TG) going out is a natural progression.
I couldn't imagine not going out in girl mode.
If CDing is more of a hobby then going out is not necessary because validation isn't a factor.

[Cheryl T]

Well said Tracii.
And this is most certainly a huge part of my personality.

[Paula2]

I have to go out now.. Its all about taking chances and new experiences for me.. You never know until you try..

[mechamoose]

I was having thoughts about explaining to someone, even on this forum, why some of us choose to go out and about.

While I'm not suggesting we go out as a way of competing, there is perhaps the desire to belong at least socially to the tennis club.

Why go out? As you say, "the desire to belong". You just have to decide what it is you want to belong to.

"There's safety in numbers
When you learn to divide
How can we be in
If there is no outside?" - Peter Gabriel

The very idea that we need to think about this, and ask ourselves if it is 'safe', means we are different. It is (sadly) a natural human instinct to shun the different. That does not mean that you should hide. Use caution? Yes. But hide? No.

- MM

[Teresa]

Helen,
To me there isn't a single answer, if you put it all together it was the inevitable conclusion it had to happen .Living hidden in the closet had to change, it wasn't dealing with all my needs. Maybe in a DADT situation some of us do it to prove a point, our Cding is deeper than our partners realise . I feel now my wife has more respect for me, possibly she hoped I wouldn't need to go out so she could still control it , underneath I'm sure she believes she will have to let go and allow whatever is going to happen do so .

I'm not sure if I see it as a competition, some choose to go it alone but belonging to a group or club has so many benefits , many of the things I share with the group can't be shared with my wife, I definitely need that outlet.

[daenna]

I also feel "why get dressed with no where to go?" Going out and doing life are reason enough!

[Jenny22]

Others have said 'why' so nicely and fittingly for me that I can't really add more. Since I realized I was really TG, I knew I had to express my inner femininity as a validation of my true me, and not just in my car. I was scared to death at the thought until I found a forum sister to guide me and show me the way. Since those beginnings, my outings have been care free and just so enjoyable. As the song goes, "I gotta be me ,,, "

[Shelly Preston]

Going out was just part of my evolution. A natural progression in some ways.

I had to get out much like a beautiful butterfly when it emerges it has to fly. This was not a quick process but now there is no turning back.

Now for me being out is just normal part of daily living.

[Amelie]

Going out was just part of my evolution. A natural progression in some ways.

I had to get out much like a beautiful butterfly when it emerges it has to fly. This was not a quick process but now there is no turning back.

Now for me being out is just normal part of daily living.

Exactly. Going out is just part of the normal daily/nightly routine. That's why my first response was "to get food", something done for daily living.

[Jenn A116]

Why not go out? As Stana says in her Femulate blog, staying in the house is just trading a closet for a slightly larger closet.

[Crissy Kay]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

[Becky Blue]

Why go out? Good question. For me it was obvious it was just the next natural step in Becky's progression, it was just something I had to do. I think my reasons are complicated and are a combination of factors. One big one was the affirmation that I get being seen by people outside of our community. Its not relevant to me whether I pass or not but more that people are seeing me for who I am at that time. Other factors are its a huge thrill, a lot of fun and deeply meaningful.

Whether I am dressed to go partying with the girls or to blend at a shopping centre, the feeling of going out is the same and more than anything its expressing my 'girl' side in the most real way possible.

[Ceera]

And that's perfectly fine too, Crissy Kay! If dressing only in the privacy of your home fulfills your personal needs, then that's great! We all have different needs and different levels that we get into cross dressing or gender changing. It's certainly not a one-size-fits-all situation, nor should it ever be! For some of us, all we need is to enjoy the experience of wearing the clothes and seeing ourselves in the mirror. Others need to dress up and go out into the world, even though they may make no attempt at passing (have a beard, no wig or makeup, male voice, whatever). Still others, like me, do their best to appear and sound feminine, and love to go out and about and be accepted as female, but are unlikely to ever medically change their birth gender. And finally, some need to 'go all the way', and do everything possible to attain the gender identity that their mind says is right for them, including surgical changes. No one of those is "The only right way". And no one should be faulted for 'not going far enough'. Only you can decide what aspects of this spectrum of behavior are right for you.

[DIANEF]

Just to add to what Ceera has said Crissy, I am a closet dresser (as in my wife knowing, but I do go out) but I don't think anyone on the Forum has ever put me down over it, in fact I have had some private messages of support over my situation.

[Genny B]

My dysphoria isn't about dressing, it's about being fem and to settle that means being fem and enjoying life. Those short excursions into the world as the real me means so much to me. They never last long enough and the hardest part is always going home and putting myself away.

Genny B

[S. Lisa Smith]

It's better to try on clothes before you buy them!!!! I just love being out as the female me!!!

[barbara gordon]

why go out?

there are a bunch of reasons , like the tennis analogy from Helen Highwater, the point of using all of the fun items and equipment is definitely a good reason .
Its also more fun to interact with live people for sure. And its great to put all of the pretty things to good practical use .

One thing that has occurred to me lately in going out is the privilege of being able to see the world from the eyes of presenting as a female .
dressing up and interacting with people is very different if I am presenting in female mode vs male mode . people treat me very differently depending how I am dressed. I am fascinated with this difference . It feels like an exclusive view of the world for me when I go out dressed enfemme .

[mechamoose]

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

Crissy, I'm sorry you feel that way. Nobody should feel marginalized here :/

For people who fit the term 'closet dressers', you kind of already know where you fit in your world and in your life. You have identified the limits you face, and have worked out what you can work out to give yourself what you need. I'm an advocate of 'letting it all hang out' in the safest way possible. (Sometimes to the extreme) While that is fine for me in my living situation and up here in libruul Massachusetts, it does not work the same for everyone.

Perhaps you don't have some of the gender identity issues that some members express. Great. However, I can't just sit idle and NOT respond to people wanting something more. I don't think you would want me to do that either.

Having said that, a lot of people here are trying to work out how they can get a bigger acceptance level into their lives. Advocating for 'courage' to those people should in no way demean you or any other member who has achieved a stable situation. This isn't an eyelash measuring contest. I can see where you could feel like it is. You and others like you have every right to be here, and should not feel shamed for doing so.

I would wager good money that every single one of us who dares to wear cross-gendered clothing started out doing it privately, in a safe and quiet place when nobody else was around. There is *nothing* wrong with that. There is NO expectation for anyone to 'progress', whatever that means. We each want peace and stability, and if you can get that, then you are where you need to be.

<3

- MM

[Teresa]

Crissy,
I asked the question a while ago, and the percentage who were out or wanted to be was about 65%, of the total only six said they prefered to be in the closet.
At the time I said it was an individual choice what ever you're happy with. I personally called it solitary confinement, I desperately needed to share it with people,I wanted to be seen and and accepted as a woman, which couldn't happen in the closet. The important point is most of us need the closet to learn how to dress and do makeup before venturing out if that's what you need . I admit if I still wore my maid dress it would be at home, it would have to be a special social event to venture out in it.
As long as you're happy what does it matter.