Hypothetical question as I am far away from doing anything other than dress just yet (despite my deep desire too, I don't want to rush into something)
I guess everyone has different stopping points on the transgender journey and whilst I don't know where mine is, I do not see it being casually dressing at home of for attention.
I don't really know what I am getting at other than, when do you take a next step on the journey?
As is so often the case, the most accurate answer is a maddeningly equivocal "it depends". I know that's not much help, Kairi, but the truth is that it's different for everyone. Some are handed an express ticket to the furthest points on "the journey". Many more stop somewhere along the way, in a place they're comfortable with. Some of us shuttle back and forth between those points.
So when is it time to "get on the bus"? I'd say when you feel like exploring the next stop, or maybe even if the place you're in doesn't quite offer enough. No one can tell you when that is, so just listen to your heart.
Hugs,
Kelly Marie
Kelly has pretty much summed it up and quite eloquently, I might add. For many your comfort zone changes over time. Some may go forward quickly or slowly and some go backwards for awhile. Everybody is different in this regard. But when the time comes for some changes you will know because you feel it deeply. So much depends on circumstances and the particulars of your life both personally and socially. It is not really predictable, although there are some generalized patterns that can be seen in the population. That said, what is generally true in a population is not necessarily true of the individual. You are unique. As Kelly said, follow your heart. It is not necessarily reliable in all respects, but it is the best guide. It think a lot of it is a matter of experimentation. You try something different because you wonder what that is like. Sometimes you discover it really works; other times you have to wonder what you were thinking. Most of all though, have fun in this journey of self discovery, be kind to others, be considerate and compassionate of other's feelings and most of the time you will enjoy the results.
For me, the journey has been a series of fits and starts. One thing I did when I was ready was to do daily something I felt uncomfortable doing. The purpose was to discover that what I feared doing was being blown out of proportion in my mind only.
For example, I might decide to wear a pair of female jeans for the day, or a piece of jewelry. It made me uncomfortable at first, but I soon got over my fear as I discovered most people are indifferent because they are involved in their own lives.
Kairi, you are the only person who will ever be able to answer that question. When you need the next step, you will know.
Here today, gone tomorrow....
Diane, that's why I am trying to pull myself back in a bit.
I have to be boy Paul for a week now and I'm quite distraught by that thought.
I want to take my makeup box to work and put it on every day with the wig (and sexy work boots, hard hat and vis vest haha)
I want to find a waxing kit right now and get rid of the pesky hair.
That's my mind right now. That's telling me DO IT! Be Kairi all the while because you want to.
BUT is it what I really want? Am I just floating around in the pink fog and deep down its only a passing phase?
It's hard to hold back these feelings but on the other hand I don't want to rush anything.
It's all so confusing
THAT we will definately need a picture of! The pink fog can be powerful, I've felt its effect many times, as have many others. You are still very young and have plenty of time to make decisions about your future. Look at your work situation, any existing or future relationships, the place you live, and see how your dressing fits in with all that. For now enjoy your Kairi time and don't rush into anything. I'm no expert and I'm sure you will get better responses than mine.Originally Posted by SometimesKairi
Last edited by DIANEF; 04-24-2017 at 10:19 AM.
Here today, gone tomorrow....
Kairi, IMHO It’s no different than anything else in life, when what you are doing no longer fulfills you and makes you happy the way it used to it is time to change or move on to the next step.
Where the journey ends is, indeed, different for everyone, and each individual has to choose what the next step may be.
You are right there is no need to rush into anything. Small steps is the best way to go.
Best wish for a happy and fulfilled life,
Paige
There is a stimulation/extinction effect. After a time you need more stimulation to feel the same effect. When wearing a bra is old hat--and starts to feel normal--then you need more to feel the same effect. Maybe you are ready for a new real hair wig. Maybe a formal cocktail dress. Maybe a professional makeover and photo session. Long red nails. Maybe its time for a road trip as your girl-self. Perhaps time for Diva Las Vegas. A four-day weekend as your true self.
Though my professional career, I had to be that boy. yep though the entire career. But as I got older I had to dress at nigh and on weekends. But in semi retirement. All bets are off. I am girly whenever I want to.
Part Time Girl
My impression of Kiari; was too jump in head first!
Just test the depth and for sharks! Babe!
Stacy!
STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
Stop breathing imagine none of this is real
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"
My question is, what do you think you want to do next? speaking hypothetically of course.. Even if you decide to never go there, what is your next desire?
When you're up for it I guess!
STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
Stop breathing imagine none of this is real
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"
She does but her and I are both very private, quite introverted people so we don't want to cause a scene.
Hope the sharks stay away, they can smell blood you know lol
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answer - no idea yet.
The next major step is going out as female
There's further steps along the way to a possible destination.
I hate to think 'what if' for the past tense but I am thinking 'what if' for a future tense.
For reasons I won't go into, if I decided to live as a female then I would have to quit my job (can't explain too much) and I cant do that for another two years either (can't explain, I'm not a spy lol)
So that gives me two years to see how comfortable I am as Kairi and where to go from there.
You will know in your heart when the time is right.
Just take one step at a time, it can take years to evolve.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I always turn to Nike when this question comes up babe.
I have a tendancy to start a journey on a whim, abandon boring journeys and even change vehicle if I really want to get somewhere. Made a few boobs. Never take boring people on a journey they don't help. If it's a long journey, consider the entertainment value of your passengers. Look for a journey buddy who can take the wheel when you're just flat out sick of staring at the road ahead.
I hope that helps. One more thing. Buckle up butter cup! X
It's one of those maddeningly zen "you'll know it's time for the next step when you know it's time for the next step" answers. More to the point - you probably don't know what "the next step" is until it's time to take it. I've surprised myself a few times and I'm still steppin'.
Generally speaking, you won't have a problem with your head coming up with reasons not to do whatever it is. So, to some extent you know it's time for the next step when your sense of self tells your inner monologue to be quiet. But that usually happens AS you're taking that step.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Only you can make the decision on what is next.
You must consider what your comfort level is and how open do you want to be. I have to be work for a living as a male so I don't shave my arms, when I dress I wear long sleeves or a light sweater. Legs and chest I keep smooth now.
When you feel ready stretch your boundaries. You never know until you try.
Kairi,
Just to get the background correct , you have an accepting partner but are you married and I assume there are no children to consider ?
So basically apart from job commitments you're a free agent . Just to get things in perspective at your age I had two young children a house mortgage and my own photography business to run, so my life was fairly full and not really a free agent. I wouldn't change any of that but if it's also what you also want out of life a total commitment to CDing may have to be thought hard about. If you have GD and transition is a possibility then the whole question has a different meaning. If you're just dressing at home and having some fun with your partner that's fine, stick with it and enjoy it .
Sometimes the forum can offer beneficial help, but it's also possible to be caught up with other people's lives and think it relates to yours, I had to step back from the forum for that reason, I wanted what everybody else had but it couldn't happen because all our circumstances are different .
I know I keep saying this but finding a group you can join socially may bring you some ideas where you want to be and achieve it in a balanced way. Most groups will welcome you in drab and some offer changing facilities. You may have to shop around a little because the age group can vary . I admit my group is on the mature side, we do get some younger visitors using the situation to get a foot out the door, it's possibly enough to give them confidence to move onto a younger club scene, it may not be a help group but it still does serve that purpose.
Hi Teresa.
No I am single (split up a few months ago totally unrelated to dressing) ((EDIT, split up a few months ago but it was over really a year ago)) and have no children and live on my own.
So the situation at home is do whatever I want.
I don't really find the dressing particularly fun (but picking out pretty clothes and seeing how they look is) more like something I need to do.
At least currently.
As for the club scene, ewww no thanks. Much rather have a cinema club or something.
Clubbing has never been an interest to me.
Thanks
Alien Covenant May 12th.
Cos of work, couldn't tell you till May 11th lol
Kairi,
Our group isn't a clubbing one, we meet at a hotel, we chat and have BBQs many partners do come along , if you're looking for help then all we can do is offer suggestions .
Maybe you don't find dressing fun because you're too much alone with it. I guess you really have to sit down and think where you want to go with it. I get the comment about the clothes, that's par for the course.
DianeF is totally correct. You will know. It was for me. As much as I, sometimes, tried to ignore the urges, I was never successful. Years ago, I decided to "go with the flow". I reached the 100% level long ago. No more hurdles. It's fantastic! I enjoy all dressing levels...nothing, underneath, partial, and complete. Works for me.
Its not something you have to decide all at one time. My suggestion would be to find a period of time to gain some real life experience...spend a week if you can find the time, and commit to 24/7 Kairi time. Maybe you'll find that's enough, or maybe it will whet your appetite for more. There are many opportunities to expand or adjust your level of commitment before anything becomes remotely permanent.
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