Hrt????

[Teresa]

Megan,
I have read your advice and to answer that I've already been to gender counselling and during those sessions we nearly separated , we decided to accept a compromise for the sake of the family so I guess this a price I'm paying for that . When I look at it like that she may be more accepting of medication, we don't have intimate contact anymore ( her choice through the menopause , not mine and nothing to do with my CDing .) so she's not losing that part of me she lost interest over ten years ago .

As for taking hormones through the authorised channels, my GP would possibly want to see fresh counselling anyway but I know I'm on my own with them , she doesn't want to know, I'm not sure if she could live with another round of sessions , she knows what the outcome will be , so at some point she would probably want to call it a day anyway , this time round I would probably go along with it .

I totally agree I need to go full time to discover the unanswered questions for that to happen it would have to mean separation .

Megan , I am listening , all this goes through my mind most days , like I said I'm trying to sit on the fence and do right for everyone . I know life for me now is always going to be a compromise either side of that fence .

Natasha ,
Thanks for that , it would be great to hear a little more .

[Sara Olivia]

Teresa,
You asked if I was married. Yes I am married and yes I have been upfront with my wife about this issue for many years. If you start hormones, your wife will surely notice both the physical and psychological changes in you. So my advice on that front is to make sure you have her on your side before starting HRT. How did I get my wife onside? Well I am very lucky in that I have a very kind hearted caring, warm woman for a wife. Even so, it took her time, and by that I am talking several years, to really come onside with me. She did a lot of research on the issue and we also spend about a year in counselling toghether trying to help her understand what exactly I was going through, also expressing and working through her concerns regarding this issue and mine. Since starting hormones the fighting in our relationship has gone from regular to almost non-existent. She confided in me once that if our relationship had ended in divorce it would not have been because of my gender identity and looming transition but rather that as I was getting more and more unhappy in my life I was also becoming much more difficult to live with and creating discord in my family. These days harmony is much more the order of the day and my family is much happier and we are all much closer as a result of this. I hope that this information in some way helps you with your difficult future decisions.

[Teresa]

Sara,
Many thanks for your reply.
I came out to my about twenty years ago, but it's only in the last 3-4 years I've wanted to be more open with my CDing in an attempt to find out what my true needs and feelings are. I have had two separate sessions of counselling, the first to make sure I had no more tendencies to end my life ( that was an incident just after I came out to her .) The second was gender related which sadly was cut short through budget cuts in the NHS . I don't want to upset any apple carts but AGP appeared to make sense to me by digging deeper away from the forum and receiving some very useful information . My history was read by a couple of doctors in this field and concluded that I'm a classic example again sadly my wife knows nothing of this and she makes it clear she doesn't want to know . Maybe you can see why I related to your comments and why hormones might help me level the situation out, as I replied to Megan my GP possibly won't prescribe them without counselling. You have your wife on board now, I just can't see that happening for me.

It's so good to read that your situation improved , it's very good of you to reply and give me some encouragement not to give up , I know it looks like a 50-50 situation so it can go either way.

[Sara Olivia]

Teresa,
You're very welcome and I know how difficult this issue and this decision must be for you. I still lie awake many nights wondering if I was right to begin the process of transition. I worry that my wife will change her mind one day when faced with a permanently female spouse. That my kids will want nothing to do with me as they grow more independent every day. As I said in my earlier post, we all fight much less now and seem much closer as a family. But I think its human nature to second guess ourselves. Where I am trying to go with this is to say that there is never total certainty in the outcome of any situation. Perhaps you will find a way to change your wifes mind on this issue. I had many family and friends tell me how selfish I am to do this to my family. They all think it was a choice on my part whereas to me it was the only way that I could see myself have a future. Perhaps you can see a future for yourself without hormones and without transitioning. Perhaps not. Only you really know the answer to that question. Be aware though that if you do start hormones there is a very high likelihood that you will experience noticable physical changes. After about eight months on hormones there was no way that I could go to a public swimming pool in male mode. I agree with all the other ladies who comment that you should talk to your wife before starting the hormones if that is what you choose to do. It will most likely be impossible to keep it a secret in the long term. Whatever you choose to do I wish you the very best of luck and that ultimately you find the happiness that you deserve.