I've stayed dressed for nearly three straight days, except going out. The longer I stay dressed the more confident I feel and the urge to be seen en femme grows. I think deep down I want someone to catch me but get nervous at the thought. Any others feel similar?
I don't want to ever get caught, but would enjoy maybe something like DLV or other meeting where CDs convene. If you ever get caught you have to own that for the rest of your life.
I was dress all day yesterday. Just after dusk I was crouched with the slider door open having a smoke and one of my neighbor lady's walked by with her dog. Now I am on the second floor and have chairs/plants ect. on the deck but she and I did make eye contact for a brief moment. I'm not sure what else she may or may not have seen but like I said, I was low in the doorway and it was a quick glance so I doubt she saw much more than my face. I think I know what apartment she is from but I do not know her at all so honestly I don't think I care. I go out on the deck all the time after dark in skirts, I really enjoy it.
Mtempel that is a very common thing around here.
The ones that do feel that way will never admit it tho'.
When a member calls them out on it they make up a lie trying to cover it up.
Some even have a fetish about it.
There's an easy solution to your problem: stay dressed when you go out. So I guess I don't really get it. Are you looking for a way to be "outed" so it's not your responsibility? From the stories on this forum from people who were found out instead of coming out, I think you probably are imagining that's cooler than it is. All the stories make me think you're much better off coming out, where you have control of the situation -- even that can be a little bumpy.Originally Posted by Mtempel
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Found out - questions and the gossiping
Come out - questions and the gossiping.
It's down to you to what you went to do
But my question is, why do you want to be caught?
I would love to know what the draw is to getting caught or why some fantasize about it.
If you get caught you are out.
If you come out you are out. Not much difference IMO.
Last edited by Tracii G; 04-26-2017 at 07:10 PM.
I did have the desire to be caught but then got the nerve to just come out. I think that is what it comes down to really. You want to have poeple know but you are scared to actually tell them so you want to be caught. Yes the end result is the same but you dont have to actually say hey I am a crossdresser. Not much you can so to deny it if your caught dressed and not much doubt for the other person.
I think I understand the motivation. Coming out as an overt act requires a clear intention and action. "Being caught" doesn't imply intent. Of course, its a practice in self deception. And it means that instead of coming out to people who may need to know, your coming out haphazardly.
If you are caught and have an SO, you have eroded trust in your relationship. If you confess to your SO, you are being truthful and seeking trust. Not having the "talk", can lead to problems when you are found out! Just my $.02! Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
It's not a secret anymore...
Do you think you can deny it if you get caught? claim you're ashamed of yourself? Talkdown how significant it is? Relieve yourself of responsibility for yourself?
If you get off on dangerous behaviour, I can dig that but can't really see that you've taken any risk. You sound like you just want to come out.
Not me !! PERIOD !
Caught by who? strangers or people that know you?
I love being caught, Even though it would be really embarrassing and my natural instinct is to "don't do this".
I think one day I will just let myself get caught by my mom and sister just to reach the pinnacle of embarrassment and shock.
Hell-o Mtempel,
I guess I was the same way years ago.
Wanting to be seen, but afraid to be seen at the same time.
I think what helped me with my interest in venturing out
was to stop thinking of it as being caught.
You may inadvertently be seen, but nobody is
setting a trap to catch you.
Much Love,
Kristyn
I smile because you are my friend, and
I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!
I felt the same way, it just seemed like the easiest way to get out. And this is actually what happened for my outing with my fiancée... (full story in the introduce yourself section)
One thing i can say is during talking over the situation she brought up the question " if I hadn't found out when were you planning on telling me about this?" Truth is we've been together 8 1/2 years and as much as I would like to say I would have eventually (which is how I answered) I probably would have never had the nerves to bring it up. Being caught was just easier.
Rather a sad reflection on us CDer's that we hide in the shadows and secretly wish we could be relieved of this burden of secrecy through some exterior agent.
The only ones i would not mind being caught by, are total strangers! I do not want to be purposely deceiving people, and "bearing false witness". However, i always have liked dressing in any costume, as i dressed as a scarecrow, and the Pope, before, with costumes i made. When out at times, I have not fooled very many people, so i am not really deceiving people, just dressing as a very tall woman occasionally. i just enjoy the risk, and excitement, and joy, or presenting as a lady now and then, not meaning any harm. If i get "caught" by a family member, or someone who recognizes me, it will be no fun, not even a little.
Last edited by Alice Torn; 04-26-2017 at 04:39 PM.
Coming out is better than being caught as at the very least you get to do it on your own terms. As Pat said just stay dressed when you go outside. Im not sure what you mean, do mean getting in like some sort of a fantasy situation? or do you really mean someone catching you? tbh when my mum caught me doing it as a kid all i got was a feeling of mega embarrassment, shame and all sorts of negative emotions. Be careful what you wish for.
Wanting to 'get caught' could just be a desire to be loved for who you are. The getting caught part relieves you of the responsibility of making the declaration to those who you want to be 'out' to.
The problem is, when we dream of 'getting caught', it's always with a positive result. Reality is usually the reverse; there aren't a whole lot of crossdressers who 'get caught' that get to tell the world how wonderful that experience was for them. Mostly it ends up in disaster.
So before you go hunting for someone to 'catch you in the act', be aware that the chances of it turning out well are pretty slim.
Unless, of course, you really want to be out, and understand all the potential ramifications of what happens once you're out to the world....because you probably will be. People love to gossip, and the news that someone is a crossdresser is juicy gossip pretty much everywhere. Anyone who's ever suspected you might be gay will be: "SEE! I knew it! He's gay!". Won't matter what you tell them, because they've already made up their mind.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Sadly, Sometimes, Miiss, that is all too true. Human nature can be very cruel.
Common thing about all this is not taking responsibility and thats what is wrong with a lot of people these days.
Things are never their fault its always society or family members causing them issues.
Case it point at pride last year one trans activist type kid pushed a straight guy for being straight at a pride parade.
I tried to separate them but they went at it so I had to take the trans kid down and explain where he was wrong.
Of course he was yelling that the straight guy was a homophobe and "looked at him funny" and thats what started the fight.
The police rolled up so I told them what happened.
The trans kid got taken to jail and the straight guy did too.I hope they both learned a lesson.
We all have to take responsibility for our actions and not blame others for our shortcomings.
Last edited by Tracii G; 04-26-2017 at 07:25 PM.
This is NOT a game.
If u r TS and want/need to come out? Talk with professionals, love ones, friends, and then do what works for u and them.
If u r a CD, like me? If u r seen and do NOT need/want to "come out" u mite find your professional/personal life, and that of your loved ones, damaged beyond repair!
I told an old girlfriend I'd been close to for 35+ years because she was supportive at first. We haven't communicated in over 10 now!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
The only difference between the two kinds of OUT is who is in control of the conversation. Ifor you are caught out and questioned, you are likely caught off guard and may have to answer a lot of questions you didn't plan for and answer them awkwardly. If you have come out on your own and are then met by an acquaintance, most of the questions have been dispensed with an a normal conversation can develop. It's no different from the politician who makes his admission public before the media can spin it into a scandal.
Had a few times that I was "caught" and didn't want to be. In all situations it was unexpected and beyond my control. On the other hand I have gone out dressed to various degrees and accepted that people will notice. If I'm wearing a blouse and someone sees my projection or bra-lines so be it. I don't consider that being caught.
If you get "caught" own it and act like its no big deal.
The more you try to explain the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.
I had this happen last summer with a person I went to high school with.
I was eating dinner with a GG friend and he walked up and said my last name is that you?Are you a woman now?
I just owned it and said Oh you didn't know? Introduced my friend and acted like it was no big deal.
In the end he said good to see you its been a long time and off he went back to his seat.
My point is I never admitted that I had transitioned or had SRS. He was left thinking what he wanted.
Last edited by Tracii G; 04-26-2017 at 11:00 PM.
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