Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 32

Thread: By not wearing

  1. #1
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Virginia Beach, Va.
    Posts
    1,657

    By not wearing

    By not wearing women's clothes in public aren't you hurting and stifling male to female cross dressing? By just wearing the minimum such as women's jeans instead of male, sandals, women's tee shirt, a little makeup, ear rings, etc., isn't this educating the public and getting them use to our style of dressing. Then it becomes "just normal". Won't this expedite the way for CD's to dress in more feminine clothing all the way to dressing all out as a woman?

    Shouldn't you start doing this like now? And of course always fem undies 24/7. And it would be nice to see more men (CD's) shopping and trying on fem clothes in stores.

    Me???? That's how I dressed yesterday, today and will tomorrow. Hope to see you out shopping in your girl jeans and you see me in mine.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    7,444
    Deebra there are so many of us that are at many different levels of the CD journey. So many have reasons they can't be out and about in girls jeans. Small town USA where every body knows every body is still not an accepting place. I do think it's becoming more of a common thing in some of the bigger cities. I don't think the clothing manufactures want us to all start wearing one type clothing, as they make too much off of designing the many different types of clothing. Namely male n female. If we all blend together one of those gender specific clothing business will be hurt. Money and what sells is what drives the clothing market.
    I say yes though to the acceptance and people finally getting use to seeing males and females wearing the same clothes. Taking the labels off as to male or female departments and having two separate areas in a store might help in every one buying more of what they really want to wear. I'm still nervous in a shoe store where the sign says women's heels. I usually walk thru there in male mode looking but acting like I'm just walking thru while waiting on my wife, taking side glances very quickly at the different heels.

  3. #3
    Junior Member AlissaMurray's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    82
    I've been working on that. A little bit at time. Small steps

  4. #4
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Northern New England
    Posts
    2,231
    I understand your point but if one were to extrapolate this further wouldn't clothing then eventually become homogeneous? And then where would we be as crossdressers?

  5. #5
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    Why not, Deebra? Because for many of us CD's that's NOT crossdressing!

    The androgynous look may be fine for u but I won't dress that way!

    And, I don't dress to further any "trans cause". I dress just for ME!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,443
    I wear women's jeans all the time. Sometimes with a woman's t-shirt and I do have my ears pierced and wear studs all the time.
    As for a little makeup, a little jewelry, a little this...no thanks.
    I wear the jeans because I like the style but if I'm wearing makeup and such I want to be seen as female, not something in between. I don't dress to educate the public. I do it to be me and enjoy my feminine side to it's fullest.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  7. #7
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    TEHRAN
    Posts
    2,274
    When I dress I go all out to look like a woman, so dress or skirt , heels, full make up, accessories, never ever wear jeans or trousers (yes I know a lot of women do wear them) . And if you under dress, who is going to know? As some have already said, I do this thing for me.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  8. #8
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    I've seen many posts over the years attempting to pull others out of their closet "for the good of the community". Even an occasional "you're welcome" from someone who chooses to be out and about, suggesting that I owe them thanks for what they do for me. Hogwash. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
    I agree with Doc: androgynous dressing is not my style, and dressing up is for my personal enjoyment. Sorry, but it's not my mission to advance acceptance of crossdressing.
    If it's yours, go for it.

  9. #9
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,377
    Quote Originally Posted by deebra View Post
    Shouldn't you start doing this like now? And of course always fem undies 24/7. And it would be nice to see more men (CD's) shopping and trying on fem clothes in stores.
    Deebra, even if all the crossdressers in the world (for whom dressing is more than getting a kick out of wearing women's panties) were out in the open shopping and trying on clothes in women's stores, there still wouldn't be enough to make a difference, or rather, make it mainstream.
    Reine

  10. #10
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    348
    Genuine fear is one.
    Fear of not being socially accepted or abused (physically or mentally)
    If we all flocked together they'd call it a staged event, on our own we are sissy boys or trannys.
    It's a scary old world out there and whilst I can only speak for myself, I am very sensitive and cry easily and to be abused like that would be so hard to cope with.

    That said the tg community is creeping up in acceptance. Mainly amongst the younger generation, but that's a good thing

  11. #11
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    Quote Originally Posted by deebra View Post
    By not wearing women's clothes in public aren't you hurting and stifling male to female cross dressing?
    No. And I find the question toxic. Nobody has any duties or responsibilities to "cross dressing." (And I say this even though I present female full-time.) You have no right to try and burden people who only have responsibilities to themselves. They know their situation. They make their own choices. Just as you do and just as I do.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    1,679
    Debra,

    Your post raises several important questions. By hiding in the "closet" do we perpetuate a misunderstanding among the public? I don't know the answer but my observation is that the CD community is one that seems to prefer the shadows, especially compared with the gay community that is very public now. If more of our community were to get out in public would it help or would it make people dislike what we are?

    By doing small things, as you suggest, such as looking more feminine or wearing ear piercings, are we shifting the boundaries of what is considered "normal" and acceptable, and thereby helping the "cause" a little at a time?

    I get my nails done at a local salon including my toenails. When I first requested painted nails I got some laughter and comments but now they just get on with it.

    Caitlyn Jenner currently seems to be the most public face of the CD/TG community and perhaps her new biography will help the wider public understand what we are and what we struggle with.

  13. #13
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Vallejo California
    Posts
    269
    When it comes to the our community - CD, GNC, Trans, Andro, whatever; we are all at different points in our journey and we are all a different points of how comfortable we are when it comes to being "out" in public. There is no right or wrong way as it is a very personal journey. You may be comfortable with the level in which you dress out in public; and you might encourage others to have the confidence to do the same. But as some have said there are those that may only want to dress in the comfort of their home; there are those that can't dress because of their environment - family, religion, work, etc.

    Also one must note that when it comes to clothes, it is pretty subjective...what really makes a pair of pants womxns or mens? What makes a t-shit a womxn or mens? What makes sandals womxn or mens? What makes a pair of underwear for womxn or men? What makes ear rings womxn or mens? Sure, clothes may be cut, styled, designed differently for each gender - men or womxn. But in reality, those things won't determine if a particular clothing is made for a man or womxn. They only determining factor is who is putting on the clothes in the first place; did uyou know that pants were originally made only for men and it was unheard of or looked down upon for womxn to wear a pair of pants. But as more womxn opt to wear pants instead of a dress it became the norm. So maybe, if more people wear a certain item that was made for one gender over the other, then it will become the norm over time.
    "I just want to go on more adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow"
    “This is who I am, right here, right now, all right? All that counts is here and now, and this is me!”

  14. #14
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Just another "stir the pot" thread.
    Deebra you seem to assume things to be a certain way when they just aren't.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 04-26-2017 at 01:00 PM.

  15. #15
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    How about this? Do you, Deebra, go out all the time dressed as a female with wig, finger nails painted and lipstick and makeup, jewelry and a purse. If not, why not?

  16. #16
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    UK North West
    Posts
    216
    Erm, with many cross dressers in the media reaching audiences of millions, I'm not sure this is relevant?

  17. #17
    Member Tama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    218
    I share most of Kairis feelings here, with one exception. I too can be overtly sensitive but, when pressed hard, I tend to revert to my old self and strike out at my attacker. When I was young, I would ball up and cry. The only problem with that was my mental/physical assailants would only attack harder if you did.I was once rendered unconscious by a group of these young thugs. After a few bad senseless beatings I learned to fight back, and also learned I could actually fight well! Now, as I get older I wish to revert back to becoming passive. It is sooo hard to do this however. I really must do it however, as violence only serves to make me feel very sick afterwards, and under arrest as well...Fun to be me!

  18. #18
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,212
    Quote Originally Posted by SometimesKairi View Post
    Genuine fear is one. Fear of not being socially accepted or abused (physically or mentally). If we all flocked together they'd call it a staged event, on our own we are sissy boys or trannys. It's a scary old world out there and whilst I can only speak for myself, I am very sensitive and cry easily and to be abused like that would be so hard to cope with.
    ^this. Not all of you have experienced what it's like to be an outcast. I have. I grew up with an ugly birthmark on my face, nobody wanted anything to do with me, they treated me like I was a leper. I got blamed as being bad luck to people around me, got picked on and bullied all through my school years. Sporting teams, when they chose sides, no one wanted me on their team. No one....they'd rather be shorthanded than have me on their team. I have no desire to repeat that experience just to 'further the cause'.

    You be the martyr, deebra. I'll pass.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pat (aka Jennie) View Post
    No. And I find the question toxic. Nobody has any duties or responsibilities to "cross dressing." You have no right to try and burden people who only have responsibilities to themselves. They know their situation. They make their own choices. Just as you do and just as I do.
    Well put.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  19. #19
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,357
    CDing is a very deep personal thing with me. Like Doc, i dress only for me. Going on 63 yo, not many people in my age range think this "thing" is OK. I myself, am even conflicted about the whole "thing."
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 04-26-2017 at 06:52 PM.

  20. #20
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
    260
    the non acceptance of cding is abit deeper than people not being used seeing them about then otherwise there would be no more homophobia at least in big cities. As for me not interested in doing the inbetweenie thing either or. but change comes from being politically active.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    No. Not dressing doesn't affect the general populace in any way. Do you see men on the street and say "oh that cross dresser is in the closet and hiding, therefore cross dressing must be bad"? No you see a guy in guy clothes and move on. This is like saying that gay people hurt their cause by not constantly making out with the same sex.

    In fact, I'd argue that by all being different we are HELPING the cause by making people realize that crossdressers come in all shapes, sizes, and styles and that we are not a monolith.

  22. #22
    If only dreams came true. susancheerleader's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Maine USA
    Posts
    655
    In my opinion, this shouldn't be an issue.
    But it is one. I am still sorta in the closet. Why? Because I am very sensitive of people seeing me.
    If I felt I could pass, no big deal.
    But, at least currently. I can not pass. I don't even come close to a feminine figure.

  23. #23
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,155
    There will always be a segment of the population who does what we do (coupled with our supporters).

    Just as there will always be a segment of the population who thinks what we do is gross, perverted, wrong, etc.

    And in the middle, probably lies a pretty big chunk of people who are like, "Eh, whatever... Not my cup of tea. Whatever floats your boat? Little weird, but as long as you don't 'get up all in my business' about it, I'll leave you alone, too."


    Yes, the percentages & intensity of these groups will shift back & forth over time. But as long as we humans keep making new males & females, what we do will never become completely "normalized," for a lack of a better word, IMO.



    Anyway, I get what deebra is saying. And on some levels, and at least on paper, it does make sense. But given the above, it's just not going to happen the way you want things to be.


    As for her "call-to-action," please don't take it so personally. How I present today, is quite different than how I presented 5 years ago, which was different from a decade ago, and likewise, 2 decades ago... People do change sometimes, ya know.


    Little story on this: Years ago I was good friends with a drag queen -- who *only* got all dolled-up for competitions (she did do a lot of them, though, LOL). She thought it was completely bizarre that I'd dress up like a "normal" chick & hang out & do normal things... Whether it was a clubbing outfit for bar-hopping, or business-casual like I was a GG after a professional day at the office, or even dressy casual (nice jeans & a top), or whatever. To her, it was either total drag queen for her competitions -- or bust. She just didn't "get it"!

    Or at least at first.

    Fast forward, to the next Halloween. "Wait- you want to do *what*? Dress up like a chick who is dressing up for Halloween??"

    The thought of that had never even occurred to her -- let alone simply getting all-dolled up to go "as a woman."

    So the Friday night of that Halloween weekend, a few of us went out, some costumed, some not. She went as her guy self, while I went as a chick who dressed up for Halloween. She saw how I did it, and how much fun I was having. The next night, she & I & some others went out again... But this time, for the first time in her fairly long life, she actually went out all dolled-up for Halloween! (Sure, it took a bit of coaxing, and sure, she went with her usual drag queen look, but that's besides the point. )

    But even an old dog can learn new tricks. The seed had been planted well before that Halloween weekend, with me presenting the way I oftentimes presented in front of her. In her mind, she was like, "Hey, this is a different way of going about all this. Quite different than what I've been doing all along, but I can start to see another spin to it all. So, let's finally give it a whirl!"

    And you know what? She had a freakin' blast, that first dolled-up Halloween of hers.


    Bottom line: People should be exposed to the idea of doing different things, perhaps even occasionally stepping out of their comfort zone & giving it a try once. Still not exactly for you? Fine, at least you gave it a go & saw what it was all about, firsthand. Maybe in 6 months, or a year, or 5 years from now, you'll look back, and say, "You know what? That was kinda cool, in a way. I want to finally try that again..."



    P.S. My town has a population of like around 12,000 -- is that considered a "small town"? Regardless, I hit the local post office today in guy-mode sporting some work-out leggings with a pretty darn "loud" & femmy-looking print. And I survived to tell you this tale!

    There are nice people & not-so-nice people everywhere.

    And hopefully, while not my intention in doing so, what I wore today may possibly inspire someone who saw me, to gain the "courage" to do something similar someday -- or perhaps simply helped a non-CD'er to understand that I'm just a normal human being doing normal human-being things, who happened to have some cute fabric wrapped around their nice-looking legs...

  24. #24
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    I'm sorry, but must chime in again. Some here have complained that I give the "community a bad name"!

    Well, that's total BS. Because I have never at any time claimed to represent anyone except me.

    What it is, is double speak for, "I don't like how u look dressed". Deebra and others, please just SAY THAT THEN! Leave our "community" out of it. Unless you're Jenny Lyn Boyle or someone that actually works hard to represent us!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  25. #25
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,155
    For the record, I feel what you do is absolutely fabulous, sherry!


    And variety is certainly the spice of life...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State