Sorry to here that Judy, However, don't purge all of your stuff. If she is trying to get even with you, watch out. Perhaps take her to a therapist. It seems that she is a controlling woman. Life is so hard sometimes. Yet if she really loves you, it should get a little better. And I might ask what is she getting even for? Your talk? Kinda crazy, don't you think.
Part Time Girl
What a spiteful little bitch!! Sorry its the gay part in me.
If she has this kind of attitude maybe its not that everyone else is two faced and its her that nobody wants to be friends with.
Says she loves you??? Yeah right if she did she wouldn't be treating you that way.
You are an open person to a point I guess and maybe not totally open I get that.
If it were me I would tell her go ahead and get even just to see what happens. If she outs you deny it and tell people she is crazy and needs therapy.
If she starts dressing like a man tell everyone she is transgender and going to get a sex change.
I feel bad you are going thru this but she is not a nice person.
Judy,
Don't let her get into a tit for tat situation it's not a good road to be on, where does it end? Who will know when to call a truce ?
For goodness sake go and get some professional input , you have to find yourself and prove to your wife it's not something that can be cured .
You have purged your clothes , your personal belongings not hers, to satisfy her .I said before it won't end there she will not give up until she thinks you have stopped and she has won. She is not going to get the same person back no matter what you promise , it will come to a head eventually . You don't have to prove it to us you have to prove it to yourself . Dressing is part of your life, somehow it has to exist in hers otherwise your lives are going to end up going their separate ways .
At the moment you're kidding yourself you can stop , because you've done it before but it came back even stronger so that pattern is going to repeat itself eventually.
I'm sorry it's not like me to be so harsh but I feel deeply for your situation, having been there, I know all the game ploys, it won't stop until you prove it's for real .
Last edited by Teresa; 04-30-2017 at 01:59 PM.
Don't take it the wrong way, but when people say to be open and honest, they're talking about BEFORE being discovered. There are lots of threads on here about people who were discovered and they're generally pretty grim. And the damage almost always is caused by years of concealment and the breaking of trust, not really so much about the crossdressing. Coming out after discovery is "confessing" not being honest.Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing
It probably doesn't sound it, but I honestly have great sympathy for all the closeted among us. I know how hard it is. I know the fear. But what you describe is the expected outcome of discovery by a spouse. Those few cases where it turned to acceptance are the exception. My sense from reading is that if you'd like to be among the exceptions, you're going to have to open the lines of communication with your wife and take the burden of keeping them open. If you try to be passive about it, the BEST you can hope for is DADT mixed with hearing about this during every argument for the rest of your married life. i'm hoping it will be better for you.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
My response probably won't sound as sympathetic as most, although I truly do sympathize with the struggles you have within you.
That being said-
What do you expect after more than two decades of not dressing? What do you expect when you haven't beenand still are not honest? 98% honest.... let's see how that roles when she finds what you kept, when you said you purged all.... sorry, but that is not 98% honest, that's 100% lie, throwing out 98% when you said it was 100%
Now you have stopped dressing again, for now. You do have the ability to stop, although you don't have the ability for the desires to stop.
She won't ever understand or accept it when you show such a contradiction and you are not honest.
I'm not telling you to dress, or telling you not to. But, when you stop for long periods of time, then start, then stop, in her eyes, which there is a physical truth to, you don't have to dress.
I truly do understand how hard and frustrating things are for you. I guess my advice would be to tell all, and tell her you need to dress to be happy. Or, just ditch the other 2% realize you won't ever lose the desires, but learn to live with it and move on. You should pick a side on this, dress or don't. The stopping and starting and lying is what is causing the problems.
It's probably better for you to continue to dress, so it would be wise to try to come to an arrangement where she isn't a part of it. At least for the foreseeable future.
I'm a believer that not everyone under the TG umbrella necessarily has to dress, or go out, do whatever. For some of us, even though frustrating and painful, that ship may have sailed. It all depends on what is truly more important to you. Many of us made these mistakes (myself included) of repression, lying, quitting or just never doing for many many years. Building a life without it. Sadly for us who have done this it often comes down to some hard choices and none without difficulty and sacrifice one way or another.
I don't believe she may be spiteful. People react in different ways when the try and cope with new situations. It could just be a defense mechanism!!! She feels hurt and betrayed.. That makes some people lash out in ways they usually never would.. I cannot blame her. Just think if you just found out your wife of many years has been keeping secrets from you!! Been there. Done that. It takes time to cope with.. Some times alot of time!! Have patience .. I hope things work out for you!!
Best Wishes, Paula
I guarantee she is thinking up some retaliation to hurt you, women are devious and plan things in great detail.
I know I have been married twice.
Whatever her actions are act like it doesn't phase you one bit and you could care less.
If she starts a fight just walk away from her and go take a walk or a drive.
Judy I am truly sorry to read that the home situation hasn't improved, I had hoped with the unblurring of your pic that an understanding had been reached. Sadly it has not. Though there are many of us on this site you are the only one that knows your wife. You mentioned that she said everyone was two faced, has she had other stresses recently. Other factors maybe driving this behavior or is this kind of revenge suffering punishment is this a common reaction to unexpected/unwanted revelations. (Work, family, friends life in general)
In regards to councilors/counciling suggest that you make it about you (wear some of her angst, You need the help) marriage/relationship could work with a reluctant partner if/when they attend (I had 7/8 years on my own before my wife attended now we have shared and single session's)
It is my(current) believe that your situation has some other underlying issues that need to be identified(hers)
If is just a intolerance to all the other lifestyles it could be a big hill to climb, both of you have had 35years invested in your marriage, children, friends and family, it would be a shame not to fight for the continuation of that but be aware she would want that too , probably without the CDing. Very few people would like this surprise after that amount of time. And yes life will never be the same as it was before the big reveal. If it all goes to hell please protect yourself from loss,
gina shiney
Tracii;
It's easy to be upset at a members spouse, but least we forget , we only know one side of the story. Yes sometimes our understanding of anothers situation is one sided. What a member here says is generally taken at face value. How do we know what the spouse is truly thinking ? In this case both parties need time, education and understanding. We always need to remember that there are two lives at stake, two futures. Gina put it in perspective when she said "Very few people would like this surprise after that amount of time."
Sorry to hear your situation is not improving Judy. None of us here can really offer you any solid advice as we don't know much about your relationship with your wife. the best advice seems to be counselling from a professional. Best of luck!
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
I was just voicing an alternate opinion on possibilities.
We know there are 2 sides to each story and it seems there was fault on both sides from what I have garnered from her posts.
you are right Tracii, you also offered the best advice when you wrote "If she starts a fight just walk away from her and go take a walk or a drive."
Usually honesty is the best policy but sometimes telling everything is not warranted.
Mollyanne
"To thine own self be true"
I really don't think you should presume to judge other people or their relationships without actually knowing the person and the relationship.
You have no idea about my relationship with my spouse and frankly it is none of your business.
If you did not mean to make this personal you should not have used my name and the words ' you' and ' your'.
If you for mean to make it personal both my spouse and I are insulted by your incorrect assumptions.
That is all
Last edited by Danitgirl1; 05-01-2017 at 07:11 AM.
Sandin
"love my wife, she makes me happy - a few positive words followed up by a regular diatribe to the contrary in various other posts about having your true self held hostage by these poor women you've decieved."
You are really missing the point of most of the threads involving relationships on this forum. These threads are not about intentionally deceiving anyone for the purpose of hurting a spouse. It's about finding a way to communicate and have a full life without fear of backlash and persecution for something that most CD/TG have a hard time understanding for themselves.
I have a friend, I've known since collage who has severe OCD . Anyone who knows someone with OCD, knows how hard it is for them to function around "Normal" people. His OCD manifests by his hand will at the most random and usually inappropriate time shooting down the front of his pants to grab his junk. You can imagine the embarrassment, looks and stares he gets from people in public places. Is he a pervert ? No, Is he a criminal ? No. Is it awkward at times ? Absolutely. For years he had trouble with relationships because of this. One day we were in a social gathering and he was sitting on a couch next to two of the prettiest girls at the party and about 8 other people sitting around in chairs talking, and his OCD manifested (it can go on for hours). One of the girls ran away yelling and screaming, everyone else started laughing while my friend was turning 20 shades of red, and you know what ? The other pretty girl calmly reached over and took his hand, and gently lifted it from his pants and placed it on the couch between them. While we sat and talked she repeated this kind gesture over and over. And you know what ? 2 years later they were married and they still are today.
If being a CD/TG were an issue solved by and operation/pill or treatment some might opt for it to save a family relationship. Most i suspect would prefer to be open and just have people understand that its about identity.
Madness. Lol. Do I come across as thinking you all have intentionally put yourselves in these postions? Not at all. Do I think it matters? Even less. Live how you want to live, I'm just reporting from the outside looking in.
There is definitely something wrong with your wife. This is way past anything I would endure. You told her many many years ago that you had worn women's clothing. It is obvious she is NOT accepting of cross dressing. Would she participate in your cross dressing? Would she sit down at dinner with out attired as Judy? Would she buy you something feminine for your birthday? I'd say no. So why the BFD when she finally realizes what you told her decades ago is still in your DNA? I'm in a DADT marriage which is fine with us. But, my wife should not get upset if she finds my stash, which is "hidden" in plain sight, when I drop dead one day. If she does not want to know, so be it.
Judy, if she is going to hen peck you forever, and, at age sixty retirement is approaching, consider coming clean with her. Take some of your stash of dresses and hang them in the closet. Line up some heels at the foot of the bed. Put it out in the open. Tell her the truth which seems to be you hid your inner self from her because you feared exactly what her reaction has been. Don't cower in the corner.
She "plans on getting even with" you? What does that means? That's a real strange thing to say when she professes she "loves" you. Strange, really strange!
Getting even is vindictive behavior women are like that,cross one and find out.
Sounds like to me she only will love him if he bows to all her whims and wishes he is only there to be a provider.(money).
Women at least from my studies about them have two basic needs.
1. They need a provider which is a husband with a job for security and help raise her kids.Yes they are her kids first the guy just sort of helps.
2. They need a lover and it might be the husband because they feel somewhat obligated to him but there is a good chance she has several on the side that fulfill her desires.
If you cower to her whims she will just use you because you are telling her she can.
Stand up and say no sometimes and tell her your feelings matter too.
Ladies,
What you are all forgetting is that Judy (like most women) wasn't looking for a solution. Read her initial post and point to the call for help.
She's just venting. She's had plenty of advice the past few months, more than she knows what to do with or even consider. She was just getting something off her breast forms.
That's all. : )
They/Them
I love dressing as a woman.
Thanks everyone, life is interesting interacting with others.
She cave me a hug this morning but no kiss.
Last night my daughter put on her two new dresses to show us but I was afraid to comment. I hope my daughter didn't notice.
I miss dressing up and the intimacy with the wife, I'll just say "what ever".
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
Judy,
Good days, bad days, going half mad days!!!! Give it some time.
M...
I really hope things get better for you.
Do you think it would have been better to tell her,rather then having to find out by accident? I'm kinda stuck in between telling her and keeping my secret for one I know I can't stop,second how will she feel? Yes it is tough.
You may want to use that teachable moment when you said "Last night my daughter put on her two new dresses to show us but I was afraid to comment. I hope my daughter didn't notice." to talk to your wife about why you felt unable to comment on your daughters happiness.
It may be hard for her to understand, but there will be more of these moments where you will feel marginalized unless you gently speak up.
Sorry to hear this news Sami you must be going through hell hun I hope things look up for you soon.
Angie
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