synchronicity and reveal to wife 10 years ago--

[ginapoodle]

All,

I have been looking at some of the first pictures from my first professional transformation. They have computer date stamps that got me thinking. Dates were just a few days before a cluster of events as follows.

That same month that I revealed to my wife verbally and visually about Gina, these major events happened: 1) I switched jobs after a 27 year stint, 2) oldest daughter graduated from HS, 3) wife's mother killed in car accident, huge family funeral, 4) same accident caused by her father resulted in wife's father undergoing life saving series of operations, a stroke, recuperation for months, selling of their house, utter disruption of wife's core family, 5) wife's middle brother had an affair, divorced and immediately remarried. Result of all the cascading, focused matrix of high stress and change: my wife swooned into a depression for two years.

We did counseling on the gender issues for several months. It helped, but in reality my wife, and also myself pretty much just coped with all the other changes for a couple years. Result: the light that was illuminated on my gender issues (most difficult talk I ever had with anyone in my life) slowly dimmed and died. And now: pretty much no discussion at all.

Currently my oldest daughter is having major health issues. My wife's surviving father is slowly dying of Alzheimer's, although we did finally get him into a full time memory care unit vastly reducing stress on everyone.

Point is: seems synchronicity and windows for open discussion have been elusive. I have been considering opening up more with my wife on my gender journey. However, I am pretty wary of timing. Yet I do not want to form a series of excuses and delays if indeed this is the time to be more authentic with her, take some risk, and see if there can be some healing.

Anyway, there you go. Timing and synchronicity are important. Onward with faith, I will know the right thing to do, at the right time.

[LaurenDeHart]

Onward with faith, I will know the right thing to do, at the right time.

Gina,

You and your SO have had a lot of life thrown at you. Judging by your last sentence I think you will know when it will be Gina's time to come forward.

All the best

Lauren

[Dana44]

Goodness graces, when it rains it rains. Yeah i went though a very major divorce. Forced retired at fifty eight. Been through hell and back. .Yet, ultimately found a new girl friend and came out to her. She accepts but sometimes don't understands it. But we go out to dinners and events as two gals . So life can get a lot better. I would take it slow and steady.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I usually have some words of wisdom based on my years of crossdressing, marriage and also pulling from my years of counseling family and patients as a hospice nurse. Sadly, I have nothing that I feel confident enough to impart. Your wife's family issues seem biblical and your gender issuesjust seem to add more distress for her. You'll have to be very caring when you pick a time to move forward on that subject.

[Stephanie47]

I do not think your wife needs to have any more serious issues dumped on her right now. Do you want to be the straw that broke the camel's back? I'm sure she has not forgotten your gender issues. She may be secretly dreading the resurrection of the issue. Just what do you want to discuss with her? I really dislike vague phrases that may mask the ultimate result. If I were your wife and I was reading this thread I would be asking "What the heck do you mean by "your" gender journey?" A journey usually usually has a destination.

[Micki_Finn]

This is tough. She seems very involved in all the problems her family is having, which in a way is understandable. It's hard to make a real determination because we're only getting one side of the story. What happened with your councilling? Did it seem to help your relationship or was she just going for your sake? Why did it stop? Did she lose interest, did you, or were there other extenuating circumstances?

If I had to offer a course of action, which I'm not 100% comfortable doing without more info, but if I had to, I would suggest letting your wife know that you're going to be going back into councilling (it sounds like you could use someone to talk to) and offering her the chance to join you. That way you're getting the support you need, as well as bringing the CD issue back up without forcing something else onto her plate. Her reaction will probably tell you a lot about where her mind is on this issue.

[Tina_gm]

My wife has called this the full plate syndrome. I speak little of my life as I am a very private person. So, no detailservice other than life can get very busy, complex and difficult. Life isn't always fair. Some get more put on their plate than others.

So, what happens when you get the full plate syndrome? Add more, and then something gets pushed off. In order to add more without that happening you have to reduce or remove some stuff.

Again life isn't always fair, and more keeps getting dumped on at the same rate you are emptying it.

You may be better off not putting this on her plate. Where she might be able to handle it or deal with it on a plate that has room, it could cause a much bigger issue or problem when it doesn't have room.

At least she does know. You have that going for you. It sounds like life has just been too busy for you guys to deal with it. I will be honest and say your life has given you greater issues to deal with than mine, but I have and am dealing with a busy complex life. The busy I like, the complex I could do without. There are times I know that dealing with the gender stuff is not always a good thing given circumstances and I've found that out the hard way on one occasion.

For my wife it is never easy, but easier when the plate is less full.

[ginapoodle]

Gender mutt and others:

Full plate syndrome, that is exactly my concern. My daughter was in out of the ER twice last week. This morning she had other issues. Father in law with Alzheimer's is an unknown, but major concern for my wife. Stress overload is very possible for my wife, and also myself.

I will keep meditating/praying on the situation and timing. The answer will come. Stepping back it is interesting that I opened my gender box up a bit by sharing with two friends, and here. I am feeling it is time to pack the contents, slide the bolt, and lock the box back up, and bury it in the Sahara once again. Perhaps to be found at the right time? Or not.

Right now I feel the turtle is pulling in her head and going nowhere. Thought for a while that perhaps the parameters might be opening, and I might find some courage and risk some venturing out.

Been dealing with two months of allergies/vicious cold/sinus infection and just now still coming out of the junk. And, I have been mildly depressed these two months. Regular stress busting activities have been very limited. I figure once I can get back to my normal routine, I can stay distracted from gender issues. Anyway, summer is about to hit in Houston. Too hot for any dress up.

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I do not think your wife needs to have any more serious issues dumped on her right now. Do you want to be the straw that broke the camel's back? I'm sure she has not forgotten your gender issues. She may be secretly dreading the resurrection of the issue. Just what do you want to discuss with her? I really dislike vague phrases that may mask the ultimate result. If I were your wife and I was reading this thread I would be asking "What the heck do you mean by "your" gender journey?" A journey usually usually has a destination.

Exactly. Blunt, but to the point. Adieu.

[Maria 60]

It seems like you said the magic words"timing is everything"