I often give thoughts and advice on here that isn't laden with much sympathy. Not that I don't feel it, or feel many of the same desires and frustrations, believe me, I do.
When I make these sometimes harsh posts, I do so, and almost always when it entails relationship/marital issues.
Although perhaps I come across as flippant, or just cold, it is not my intention to do so. At the same time, I'm not looking to be a shoulder to cry on. I can be that too, I do fully understand the frustrations, difficulties, complexity of it all. I live it.
1st I just want to say that in the cd section, I'm going off the premise that who I give thoughts or advice to is a male identified cder. Not that any of us should just shut down or give up. It all just depends on what ultimately is important to YOU.
I never feel it is wrong to further oneself gender wise even though others in a person's life won't be comfortable with it. It's a matter of how, how much, when, and perhaps why.
We who are in this spectrum are often faced with difficulties most others are not. I recognize this and accept this. It's simply not fair, and definitely not always easy just being who we are. Lack of acceptance, lack of any knowledge or understanding and sometimes even downright hatred are the norm of many of our lives. It's a hurdle we must continue to jump over time and again.
For those of us whose identity goes deeper than a male cder, those people do have to really consider how much of their lives need to be altered. My thoughts and advice rarely go out to them. It is for those who want the wife, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence.
It is especially for those who built this life, without the gender issues present, but now wish to include them in this life. It has and can be done. But, it won't be easy, it won't be completely what we want or desire, most likely.
Expectations of others to just fly with this change are often not realistic. Ultimately it doesn't matter individually that society has chosen us to be the blacksheep of society and poisoned the opinions and thoughts of others on us. It doesn't matter how much is nature vs nurture individually either. Both exist. Both play a part. Collectively it makes all kinds of difference. Each one of us though still has to clear the hurdles, and each one of us has to decide how high and how many.
Some of us are given less hurdles and not very high ones. Others are given a far tougher task. The choices become how much is it it worth it. For some, it is totally worth it. For others, too much time and effort.
It doesn't matter what one forum member accomplishes, or what one forum member thinks you should accomplish. They may be quite short sided, not understanding how easy they have it and not understand why it is more of a struggle for others. They may think because it is worth all to clear the highest hurdles that you should too.
I try hard to give the view from the other side. Not that it is one I agree with always or even often. Just so that it is understood why we have some of these hurdles in the 1st place, and maybe why others don't.
I give the opinion that sometimes it's ok to wave the white flag. It's not always going to go our way, given of course being a male identified cder.
Waving that flag doesn't mean entirely giving up on who you are. But depending on your own unique circumstances, waving the flag on specific issues. Going out, being dressed in front of our partners, even having them be any part of it at all perhaps. Sometimes, it's better to pull back and wait for a better time.
Some view this as giving in to society. And to a point, maybe so. There again are the choices. Can we have our cake and eat it too? Yes, sometimes, but maybe not the entire cake.
Lastly, I don't ever really feel there is a right or wrong. I only know what is right or wrong for me. I'll never say anyone should or shouldn't do anything. I truly wish everyone the best possible outcome for their situation.
Originally Posted by Sandin Meknickers
