Is it what the public expects ?

[Teresa]

To give some background to this question.

Our social group has changed venues , the old one was a small hotel and conference centre, on the Friday nights we more or less had the run of the place unless there was another function on. Most people wore what they liked unless if it was a theme night where we were encouraged to join in with appropriate or at times inappropriate outfits. The new venue is a much larger hotel, our first meeting there is a ball to celebrate one of the founder member's 60th birthday . I have opted to stay over so I can have a drink or two , my first choice of dress is a strapless gown and I'm in two minds to wear it .

The problem I have is it isn't something a woman of my age would possibly wear , and I will be walking through the hotel to get to the function room . So should I settle the dilemma and wear something more inline with my age or just go with it .

My main question is being slightly over dressed is something the public expects a CDer to do ?

I know from experience most women would tell you to go for it, but that's mainly ones outside the family so they have nothing to lose . I also think there's another aspect to it, women appear to enjoy CDers, partly because we have the confidence to wear something a little risque , they may think twice themselves but to see someone taking the chance and going for it gives them a real buzz and someone to have a little fun with .

Up to now this hasn't bothered me , maybe it's getting over the change of venue that's the problem. I have to say the whole evening is full of unanswered questions, I would like to drive from home dressed casual to check in but my family aren't committing themselves to how much time I will have . I would also like to dress for breakfast and drive home dressed but my wife hasn't decided if she is working or not . I also have to pack my overnight requirements which I can't do with other people about.

You read so many times here of building ourselves up to the chance of an enjoyable time out but sometimes all you can see are a bunch of spanners in the works !! Those not in a DADT situation don't know how lucky you are !!

[SherriePall]

I'll answer the age question.
I feel that age should not matter (maybe that's my advanced age talking).
How you look wearing something is what should mainly matter. After-all, there are some young girls who should not wear something considered age appropriate for them.
If you feel odd walking through the hotel to get to the room, wear a shawl or scarf on your shoulders, covering your upper body somewhat. Many GG's do that, protecting them from a chilly room or a draft over their seat.
And don't worry about GG's enjoying your presence. Let them and enjoy the event yourself!
Hope everything works out well for you and have FUN!

[Teresa]

Sherrie,
Many thanks for your suggestion , I forgot to mention I have a gold shoulder wrap , to go with the bag and shoes, the dress is a teal colour, I know it's going to be a shame not to wear it , maybe I should say it's now or never to heck with it !!

[Laura912]

If you appear to enjoy yourself, then others will enjoy you. My woodworking mentor often tells me to choose between doing something or sitting on the old folks' porch wishing I had done it.

[Lana Mae]

Have not seen the dress so do not know! Is it shorter than the Union Jack dress? If not, go for it! Hugs Lana Mae

[Heather Chasen]

Teresa, you look good in every thing in your pictures, just go for it , you never get a second chance to make a first impression. You looked stuning in that union flag dress and if you can rock that you can wear anything, The family ? well maybe its time for them to learn a little more,( says me hiding in the darkest corner) Your already out there and doing well, enjoy yourself. Your only as old as the woman you feel. Have a great time and dont forget the photos. Heather.

[Teresa]

Heather,
It's very kind of you to make those compliments, to answer you and Lana, the dress is just below the knee with tulle netting to the mid calf.

I had to smile at the comment of being as old as the woman you feel , please excuse my sense of humour but chance would be a fine thing !

Are you in or out the closet Heather ? The reason I ask is we have a social group possibly not that far from you, if at some point in the future you would like to come along, either dressed or in drab you would be welcome. PM me or Carole if you would like more info.

Laura,
That's a great way of putting it, whatever I decide I'm not ready to sit it out on the porch yet !

[AllieSF]

Ask your group for advice. If the dress is appropriate for the evening's event, then wear it. Hotels have meeting rooms and event rooms specifically for all types of events. You won't be dressing for the hotel lobby that you may be walking through, but for the special event in one of the bigger rooms. People in hotels, guest, are used to seeing that with probably some of the women wishing they could get dressed up once in awhile too. Based on your posted pictures you will more than fit in well. Go for it.

What the public expects is that we actually didn't even exist to disrupt their mundane conservative lives.

[Teresa]

Allie,
You know that's preaching to the converted, but yes they are very supportive , and most of the time fun. Yes there is a serious side, deeper conversations happen, some need the group to talk things through .

To return to the question it would be interesting to get other member's views on how the public expects us to dress and behave .

Maybe I'm wrong but age doesn't appear to come into their thinking, somehow CDing makes us ageless, when I've shown my pictures and the GGs have their thoughts I sometimes think I'm old enough to be their father and more and yet it doesn't appear to be a problem.

[Jenny22]

Teresa, you might consider a white, short sleeve bolero shoulder cover. It would be a pretty match with the teal color of your gown.

[Dana44]

I agree that a bolero would be the best option. It is a nice cover for a gown and you won't feel so self confidante. I've seen many women with one on and they looked awesome.

[Carole]

Heehee, I have my tin helmet and flakvest to hand standing by for incoming: We had this conversation yesterday, you say it is inappropriate for someone your age to wear a strapless formal gown, look back at your Hallowe'en costume, the green miniskirt and your dress made from curtains (only joking). The function is a birthday celebration and prom dance, therefore a ballgown is appropriate, if it is strapless then long gloves should be worn (at least elbow length). Age has little to do with what you can wear, unless it is short enough to show your suspenders (garter belt). Walking thru' the hotel is not a problem, folk might not even realise you are cd. I went to a theatre tonight dressed, no-one even looked my way or said anything untoward (at least in my hearing). Bite the bullet Teresa and lets have fun at the ball!!!!!!!!!!

[Teresa]

Carole,
I hope you're not wearing that gear for the ball, knowing you it will be in a shade of pink with some fluffy bits on ! Glad you had a good time in the evening.

You know me when it comes to it I won't chicken out, a large drink might help on the night . It's a great venue , you're right lets go and have some fun !

Now it's one in the morning and I need some beauty sleep !

[Carole]

I'll have a bottle with me then... got the booking email ta. And I have the gloves (black and white) also a satin bolero jacket if you do chicken out lol Oh and I will be in either lavender or formal black, pink doesn't go with my eyes...........

[AllieSF]

I think that the public expects everyone to dress appropriately and to behave themselves. I would think that they expect the same from trans people (umbrella term). When they see us they have no idea if we are a CD, going to a costume party or a trsansexual who may, or who is or who has already transitioned. I live near San Francisco so my guess that most of the general public may think that we are all transsexuals somewhere along the path to womanhood. However, just as with regular people a lot of the general public may enjoy seeing the variety of us out there. The main thing to me is that they do not want issues because of us whether they expect any or not. We probably get extra scrutiny from many as the wait for us to make mistakes or to act inappropriately in their point of view.

Now, that be said, I say that each of us should dress as we want and have fun. If it bothers someone, that becomes their issue and not ours. Yes, sometimes someone may over react, but that is a rarity. Don't let their sensitivities derail our lives. It is not easy for many to take that attitude, but it does work over the long run. I dress and live my life for me, not anyone else.

[Becky Blue]

Teresa, to me it is irrelevant what people may think when they see you outside of the function. The question is how will you feel in that dress all night at the function. If the answer is you will feel good then go for it!!! and remember we all expect to see pics!!!

[docrobbysherry]

Teresa, from my experience I'd say wear it or regret it!
As someone who has ridden in crowded elevators and walked thru vanilla hotels in stripper, 1/2 naked, fem outfits!

Simply wear a long coat or robe to cover up until u get to the venue. That's what I do!

[Teresa]

Becky,
I feel good dressed -period ! I promised pictures for the girls at the bridal shop where I was given the dress so yes I hope there will be some pics.

Sherry,
That's what I've done so far and never regretted it. I will be changing into it in the hotel room but hope to arrive casually dressed to check in , if my family give me the chance .

[jennifer0918]

Just be you look sexy have fun.