Could you have foreseen what was to come?

[Miss Mandy]

Dear Ladies,

I remember back 30 years to when I was a youngster prowling through my mother and sister's things. I remember all the fumblings and sneaking around, putting on my mother's makeup and my married sister's lingerie, hoping that I wouldn't be caught. I remember first telling my soon-to-be wife and her acceptance. I remember all the moments as a type-a U.S. Army Captain (combat arms) secretly returning to my quarters to dress in frilly things. I remember being in a war zone and drawing combat pay and buying beautiful corsets and all-in-ones to be shipped to my FOB (Forward Operating Base) and wearing them under my camo and nearly being killed by an I.E.D. a few days later...

I couldn't have imagined that all of this time later, with so many life changes, that I would be sitting here with my wife, dressed in full makeup, wig, and beautiful clothes and having taken my daily anti-androgen and estrogen a few hours ago...it is sometimes very surreal indeed...

Hugs,

Mandy

[Dana44]

Indeed Mandy, It does seem surreal sometimes Some of the things we have done. Wow, and who we are now. Incredible.

[Lana Mae]

Yes, sometimes it is surreal! It is just part of the journey! Relax and enjoy! It does not last too long! Usually there when you dwell on things! Hugs Lana Mae

[Mickitv]

Even though many days I question it. I love being who I am especially the dressing part. I never know where it will take me but I know that it made me a better person.

[Leslie Langford]

...I remember being in a war zone and drawing combat pay and buying beautiful corsets and all-in-ones to be shipped to my FOB (Forward Operating Base) and wearing them under my camo and nearly being killed by an I.E.D. a few days later...

Sure beats wearing a Kevlar flak jacket, though!

All kidding aside, Mandy...Yes, life can be full of unexpected twists and turns, but at least you've hit the jackpot by being blessed with not only an accepting and supportive wife, but also one who is willing to accompany you on your journey towards full transition.

[Kandi Robbins]

This is not said enough: thank you for your service! In an ideal world, THAT in and of itself, should give you a full pass by society to be who you are without any judgement. Forgive the expression, but you have bigger balls than most and my ultimate respect.

[CynthiaD]

There have been many times in my life when I've said to myself, "I can't believe I'm doing this!" Most of them had nothing to do with crossdressing, but a few of them did. We can never see the future coming. That's what makes life interesting.

[IleneD]

Life changes, yes.
Mandi,.... God bless you, dear. And thank you my brother (sister) for serving.

I shared your pain and experience. As a career officer, I went in and out of CD; mostly under-dressing. I'd go through the usual Pink Fog spells. Defeat it. Deny it. Suppress it. Urge Start cycle all over again. '
It got so I was wearing female under-things under my uniforms. First, it was the dress uniforms, Then I got comfortable with it and started to fly with panties on under my flight suit.

During GW 1, we were returning from a strike mission and had to in-flight refuel several times for return to the boat. To shorten the story, I had an accident at the KC-10 tanker. The valve broke off spewing my and my aircraft with pounds of raw fuel. It ignited, and I found myself in a fireball, at night, 28,000 above the worst hostile enemy held territory. The fireball caused a compressor stall in my single engine and I fell like a stinking rock out of the sky. The fire outside extinguished. I had no power.
As I plummeted (with a wingman following me and calling out altitude as I descended), and worked the air-start of my engine, all I could think about was PANTIES. I was wearing panties, and I was going to have to eject from my airplane and be captured by the Iraqi Republican Guard, and tortured for wearing panties. And if that didn't happen, I would be rescued only to be discovered by my own Navy wearing panties.
It was ridiculous, and very distracted when trying to perform the EP for Air Start. So odd the things that cross your mind. Oh BTW... the voice ringing in my head was the voice of Ilene; a woman's voice.

[Cheryl T]

Never would I have dreamed that I would be open to my wife, go out dressed with and without her or even just be able to sit in my home being me.
If someone had told me I would say 30 years ago I would have laughed and said they were crazy, yet here I am. I love my life.

[Stacy Darling]

I should have foreseen a situation similar to where I am at the moment, but didn't. I've always known this side of me but lived in a very hard world with not enough time or space to really flourish. If I would of foreseen my current self I also would never have married.
So looking back I should have known what was to come, but unfortunately didn't! it would have been an easier trip if I had.

I'm happy enough though, and do very much love who I am!
Stacy!

[DIANEF]

I sometimes wonder how totally different my life would have been if I had a crystal ball 30 odd years ago.

[jennifer0918]

Thank you for your service, and for providing me with the blanket of freedom I enjoy, to wear what I want to wear.

[stephanie2000]

Miss Mandy, What a powerful story! I though my journey was difficult. I can't even imagine overcoming those challenges. But so inspiring to read your story. I too tried on mothers and sisters things when I was younger and I was also in the military, but was way to scared to try anything. Thank you for sharing your story it gives me hope and inspiration for the future.

Hugs Back
Stephanie

[Stephanie47]

I messed around with my mother's clothing and makeup. That was back in the 1960's. I thought I was a freak. I thought I was gay because society said men who wore women's clothing were gay. As to your war experiences they are totally different than anything I could ever imagine. I have seen the visual of bases in Iraq with fast food shacks, spacious dining halls, air conditioned quarters. Frankly, as an infantry grunt in the Nam nobody had time for anything other than not getting killed or severely wounded. There was no privacy. When pulling palace guard on a LZ you shared a bunker with three or four other guys. You are 80-120 pounds of gear, ammo, food when out of patrol for three to six weeks at a time with a chopper coming in every third day with more food and ammo. Oh, and I did trip an I.E.D., better known as a 'booby trap' which entitled me to a free ride on a medivac and finally a C-141 medivac back home. I would just cringe if for some reason I was wearing panties, etc. Nobody wore underwear because the chaffing of the groin would lead to a severe case of genital jungle rot. And, all your worldly possessions fit in a M-16 empty ammunition can among that 80-120 pounds of crap.

I guess if I was really smart I would have showed up at the induction center in Brooklyn wearing my mother's dress. Guaranteed I would have missed that little Southeast Asian 'vacation.'

[Leslie Langford]

...I guess if I was really smart I would have showed up at the induction center in Brooklyn wearing my mother's dress. Guaranteed I would have missed that little Southeast Asian 'vacation.' ...

I dunno, Stephanie...that tactic didn't seem to work for Cpl. Klinger despite his best efforts...

[Kate Simmons]

I never imagined that I would be where I am today. For myself it's become a total choice of who I am when. I enjoy both parts of myself more than ever.

[Teresa]

Mandy,
How surreal did it feel in a war zone ?

I'm sure you enjoy the reality now of dressing as you choose and being the person you truly believe is right. We must all learn to make the most of what we have now , what went before is history and nothing is going to change that . Finally accepting my dressing has given me a new lease in life, I don't know how long that window is going to be open so even despite my DADT situation I'm going to try enjoy every moment, the surreal part has gone this is for real and Oh boy does it feel good !!

[ash246]

I never thought I'd be in this situation at all, honestly. It's starting to fill in some things for me from the past, though, and it's brought my wife and I closer together, so overall I'd say it's a good thing.

[IleneD]

Stephanie;

God bless you, dear; my brother in arms and wounded warrior. With all my heart, I honor you and the men/women of that (my) generation. What happened to your generation of warriors still breaks my heart.
Peace.

[sometimes_miss]

In my twenties through 30's, there were times when I really believed that I had 'beaten it'. Got married, planned to work hard and get promoted, buy a starter house and start a family too. Then the crap hit the fan, lost my job due to an evil boss, turned my life upside down, and the pink fog bit me in the butt, hard. Kept chewing, too, for years. There's no way I would have predicted that I'd be living alone 20 years post divorce, having lost most of my friends, and family not talking to me. No, I'd never have guessed.

Life is full of surprises. All I can hope, is that there's some good ones coming my way next.

[MonicaGirly]

Life changes, yes.
Mandi,.... God bless you, dear. And thank you my brother (sister) for serving.

I shared your pain and experience. As a career officer, I went in and out of CD; mostly under-dressing. I'd go through the usual Pink Fog spells. Defeat it. Deny it. Suppress it. Urge Start cycle all over again. '
It got so I was wearing female under-things under my uniforms. First, it was the dress uniforms, Then I got comfortable with it and started to fly with panties on under my flight suit.

During GW 1, we were returning from a strike mission and had to in-flight refuel several times for return to the boat. To shorten the story, I had an accident at the KC-10 tanker. The valve broke off spewing my and my aircraft with pounds of raw fuel. It ignited, and I found myself in a fireball, at night, 28,000 above the worst hostile enemy held territory. The fireball caused a compressor stall in my single engine and I fell like a stinking rock out of the sky. The fire outside extinguished. I had no power.
As I plummeted (with a wingman following me and calling out altitude as I descended), and worked the air-start of my engine, all I could think about was PANTIES. I was wearing panties, and I was going to have to eject from my airplane and be captured by the Iraqi Republican Guard, and tortured for wearing panties. And if that didn't happen, I would be rescued only to be discovered by my own Navy wearing panties.
It was ridiculous, and very distracted when trying to perform the EP for Air Start. So odd the things that cross your mind. Oh BTW... the voice ringing in my head was the voice of Ilene; a woman's voice.

This is an incredible story, but you left it with a bit of a cliff-hanger. What happened after the plummet? Where did you land? Did anybody ever find out about your panties? Sorry if that's too many questions, you just really caught my attention