Some strange and unusual things happened to me in the last four weeks. I wrote about it in another threat, but I think it’s better to be discussed in this section, as I feel great help and support from this forum to understand it better and to get answers and perhaps different views, also from GG.
This is a very long post, no one has to read it, but it has influenced and confused me a lot in the last weeks.
Let me start where all happened, it actually was in Holland where I spend a lot of time dressed, I feel save around there and no one knows me as a man.
On Friday the 7th of April, I went to a club where I use to go since 6-7 years. That was actually my first Friday night there, usually I go on Saturdays when the attached dance club is open. This night it was the smaller café/bar/lounge with a small dancing floor.
I talked to a few people for about an hour or more when I started dancing. My outfit was exactly the one in the picture, taken at McDonalds. A black dotted chiffon dress with black heels, black hose and the beige blazer jacket.
When dancing, after some time I realized that a younger woman who was sitting at by one of the three tables was looking at me, right into my eyes. That look hit me directly.
I went to her table, where she was sitting with a friend (around 40 + years old) and asked her why she was looking at me, that was about midnight.
She stood up and gave me a chair to sit down and poured real champagne into a glass.
Not long after that she took my hands and went to the dance floor with me and we danced. During that she hugged me, kissed me and touched me almost everywhere.
Anyway, we talked and after an hour I wanted to leave to go to my favourite club in the next city. I said good night and wished her fun that night. She stopped me and asked me to stay another hour or two because she wanted to come with me to that other club which she visited only once before.
Around 4 AM we got into the second club and it just continued, she touched me nice and warmly, gave me friendly kisses, held my hands and looked at me like no other person ever looked at me, probably not even my wonderful wife.
After some time, I took her to the dance floor where she didn’t feel comfortable. There were to younger guys sitting at our table. She started talking to one of them, not long after that she started flirting and kissing that man heavily. At this moment it didn’t bother me at all, I didn’t know her yet and I didn’t feel any attachment to her. I started to talk to some people in the club who I’ve known for some time.
At about 6 AM, she was still kissing with the young man. I went to her table and ask if she wanted to get a lift home or to stay there, because I wanted to leave to go to sleep.
She and the man came with me and we went to my car where she said good buy to the man, who happened to want more from her.
Driving to her house took about 20 minutes and she asked me where I would stay for the night. I told her that I’m used to sleep in my large station wagon, as I usually do that on my business trips. I always have my sleeping bag, pillow and mattress with me - to save money.
She couldn’t really understand why I want to stay in my car and started looking for a cheap hotel and also offered to pay half of it for my room to be in a save place.
I said no, it won’t be a problem because I’ve slept in my car hundreds of times in the past with no issue.
Once we got closer to her house she started crying and I saw her tears and her voice changed.
That went on for at least 10 minutes in front of her house. I knew she had a boyfriend since 17 years, when she was 16 or 17 ears of age. She also said, she will explain to him and doesn’t care about a fight with him.
She actually wanted me to come up and sleep in the guest room, as I was dressed as a woman.
I felt very bad about that and said no, I didn’t want to feel embarrassed when we get up in the morning and her boyfriend would see me as Doreen. That was a totally new situation and I never expected something to happen like that.
My new friend got out of my car, opened my door while crying and ask to get out.
To end this stupid situation, I finally got out and followed her to the house.
She directed me to the guest room, made the bed and came back after a few minutes to say good night. She hugged me for minutes.
The next morning around noon, I did not have a minute of sleep, she came into my room hugged me and touched me again in my face, gave me a kiss. That’s when I started to get confused.
I tried to make it short and left after a quick coffee and breakfast that her boyfriend had prepared for us. He’s actually about 11 years older than her. We wanted to go dancing again that Saturday night.
Later in the afternoon she called me and asked how I felt and that she had a terrible headache and couldn’t come that night.
The week following I got very confused emotionally, my wife and my son realized that I was different and nervous. After a few days I received a few SMS from her saying that she’s been thinking of me very often. She went to a Spanish Island Mallorca for a short trip with her best male friend who is gay.
The day after she got back, she called me at home in the evening, when I was sitting next to my wife. That was unexpected, I told my wife it’s a client and I went to my office. We talked for more than 20 minutes and she was very curious to learn more about me and asked if I was gay, or married, if I had children and all that. She talked about visiting me in Hamburg.
The next day she sent me an e-mail with pictures from her trip with her friend from Mallorca Island and I’ve sent pictures of me as a male, and as Doreen, pictures from different outings in public.
She said in the e-mail that she would like to meet me as a man next time to see my true side as well. I told her that I’m not gay, and that I’m married with kids and all that, also that I love my tolerant wife very much.
After a few more SMS from both sides, I tried to get distance to her and deleted her phone number and my new e-mail address. I had opened that new address to communicate with her. I felt that this friendship was going the wrong way for me and that she was getting to close to me, my life and my heart. I wrote to her saying exactly that.
On Sunday April 30th, 10 days ago, she sent me an SMS and asked if she could call me. I said yes and we talked for about 40 minutes, me sitting in my car in front of my house. That already felt like betraying my wife.
Unfortunately, I told her that I was planning to go to the club again last weekend, May 5th
She asked me to meet and if we could go for dinner to talk about all this. I agreed and we set a time for dinner. After that phone call I didn’t hear from her after having sent two SMS saying that we could meet a little earlier for dinner. In that phone call, she also mentioned that a few strange things happened to her in 2015. She got pregnant and lost the baby seven weeks in pregnancy. She also said that I reminded her much of a person like me, another CD or eventually TS, she didn’t say more to that.
Last week, on Friday May 5th, I was on a business trip not too far from her city. While I was delivering some products to a client she called me up at 6 PM but I couldn’t pick up the call that moment. She left a voice message saying that she felt bad after work, had a headache and would like to meet another time and if I was still planning to come. I kind of knew that this was going to happen. I’ve sent her an SMS saying that I will be there at about 7:15 PM.
The two weeks before, I had some hard time thinking of her and what exactly had happened to me and what kind of feelings I had for what reason. I felt having been manipulated by her emotionally. I felt that she had a strong need for attention, controlling men and perhaps love.
I also thought that she misused me and played with me, such as some people like to do.
I started writing a long letter, analysing the situation and her character and that she played with me and that she was probably only interested for my dressing. I said it was disrespectful to me and more so to her boyfriend when she kissed that man in the club. I took her to that club to have fun together. At the time it didn’t bother me at all, but the weeks following it did.
When I came to her house, I sent her two SMS that I’m in my car near her house and if she is strong enough to talk, I would expect her to come to my car to talk.
After 15 minutes she came, I could swear she wouldn’t come.
She came to me and hugged me intensively. As she asked me in the earlier phone call the Sunday before, I came as the man I am, in jeans and my Timberlands.
We went up to her flat where her boyfriend was sitting on the sofa, he said, ‘you really look different than last time’..
We started talking and he left the house for 15 min. It was the same eye contact and warm feeling for both of us as four weeks before when we she met me as a woman. We hugged and touched each other.
She gave me a glass of white wine and opened a bottle of champagne which we finished until 11 PM. Then we took off to go to the club which is only 5 minutes away from her house.
That night we’ve had a lot of fun dancing and talking together, she asked w few of her female friends to join. We stayed until 4 AM and went back home.
Again, she made my bed and came back to say good night which took a few minutes of hugging. Same the next morning, she came with a glass of juice for me and was sitting very ear me.
After more talking and a breakfast that her boyfriend made, I left for the day (Saturday) may 6th.
I spent the day dressed up as Doreen and went to another city, see picture what I wore that day with sunshine and comfortable weather.
Later in the evening I wanted to go to the club again dressed, see below link to my outfit in the pictures threat section.
I knew that her friends would go there again and that they would see me as a woman.
However, just when I wanted to leave my car at 10:20 PM, I received two SMS from the woman. She had read my letters and said she had difficulties being around me because she can’t accept Doreen and it’s not my fault. She mentioned her weird experiences from 2015 and that she could find herself in a lot of what I wrote in my letter. I must admit I was very open and probably offended her too unfair. She excused for giving me the wrong impression when she played with the man four weeks ago and that she would only get intimate with her boyfriend. She also said that I was blessed having a family with kids and that she respected my wife a lot. It took me some time to respond with another SMS.
I told her that I felt used by her for her own satisfaction and that she probably has an issue with transgender people and TS and that this actually was her interest in me. I also said that her statement was a strange contradiction to hat we experienced together in two nights. I said she has an identity problem, she had mentioned that herself Friday night, and she should try to get clear about herself without playing with other people. She also seems to be attracted to women.We had as much fun during the nights when I was Doreen and that last Friday when I was the man.
I also said that I could never meet her again as Doreen and if she can’t accept me as the complete person that I am, I could not make friendship with her.
In another SMS I said that I will not interfere with her life, going to that club and that I don’t want to visit the club again.
Well, I went to the club and felt completely out of place and very uncomfortable being dressed. It felt like everyone was starring at me and seeing the guy who they’ve seen the night before with her. Everything seemed wrong. I saw her friends and said hello, they didn’t recognise me as the man from the other night. One woman said you look nice, but I couldn’t start a conversation with them, my feelings were so mixed up.
I decided to leave early and not visit the other club in the next city, instead I started driving back home (180 miles). This was not the night for me as Doreen.
The next evening, it was past Sunday, I opened up to my wife and told her everything, including having stayed overnight twice at her house. She was understanding, didn’t cry and was happy that I told her.
In the middle of the night I got an SMS, I forgot to switch off my phone. My wife and I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t look up the SMS. We both thought it was her.
Fortunately it was some idiot who was asking a question on ebay.
The next morning, Monday, my wife was unhappy and unfriendly because she believed I had fallen in love with her and that it was her sending the SMS. I found out who it was later that morning (ebay).
Later Monday morning, I got the last SMS from the woman. She said: “Please leave me alone, I’m mixed up and don’t behave like that. And yes I’ve taken home even TS. She said again that I was blessed with a family that she does not have…”
Now today.
This is where I am today as I write this post.
I still think of her, but now I think I might have been a little too open and unfair to her.
I’m glad this is over, because it touched me too much emotionally. I think it will be difficult to have a GG friend to share crossdressing that way.
I also came to the conclusion that I should not avoid going to the club again not to meet her. It’s my life and it’s important to me to feel good about myself and to regain my strength and comfort to go out as Doreen wherever and whenever I want this to be.
I did learn a lot through this.
I've never been interested in another GG when out as a woman or man. It felt like I've met a soul mate, that perhaps only happened in my mind.
The woman seemed to give what my wonderful relationship seemed to lack, also being accepted fully as a woman for the moment.
Again, I’m sorry for this long post. I hope many people will read it and that some GG will also respond to what I had to say.
I wore that red skirt and the lace black top Saturday.
The link to my post in the picture section:
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...hings-happenedAttachment 276853
Originally Posted by ReineD
