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Thread: Based on what?

  1. #1
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    Based on what?

    I have read a large number of posts that talk about "feeling feminine" the "feminine experience".

    What do you base the "feminine" aspect of your dressing on?

    Femininity

    If you read the information in the link, this is a state of mind, a mix of social constraints and attributed behaviours. Do you not feel feminine all the time? or are you just basing your "feminity" on the choice of clothing your wear?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    The feminine aspect of my dressing is that it mostly resembles the clothing worn by those society and/or biology have defined as female. The feminine aspect of my self are the behaviors existing in my mind and exihibited in day to day behavior. Any labels are respectfully declined.

  3. #3
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    I'm just doing something that makes me happy and satisfied. Feeling 'feminine' is just a convenient language term that encompasses the most elements to describe that feeling.
    I'm absolutely positive that I'm not actually feeling genetically female. So much for the reality check. Back to feeling feminine.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  4. #4
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I agree with Laura! I have noticed and have discreetly been told that some of my mannerisms are feminine! It is just part of me! There are times when I do not feel feminine but you know what it is alright because it is who I am! Hugs Lana Mae
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  5. #5
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    I've mentioned it before and repeat what I believe: "my dressing seems to be an outward expression of an inner feeling." How strong that feeling is and where it comes from I have no idea, other than it forms part of my being.

    Ineke

  6. #6
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    Hi Nigella, I can understand why you ask the question, many times people will say that certain things make them feel feminine or girly, Pesonaly i've never felt that way , because I am male and I can only feel like me, how could I ever know how it feels to be anyone else, it makes no difference how I'm dressed I am still me . However I do know how dressing makes me feel, and that is a very good feeling, it feels right to be dressed in the clothes that most peope would say are wrong for me to wear, that is where the guilt and shame comes into play and why most of us do not go out dressed. Its as Carla says it makes me happy and satisfied , so why not. The problem is in doing it whithout hurting those that you love and who are never going to accept or understand what we get so much pleasure from. Each one of us is different and can only do this our own way so dont try and overthink it just do what makes you happy and dont worry about yhe rest of the world. Heather

  7. #7
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    The clothes don't make me feel more feminine they are more an outward expression of me on the inside.
    The whole reason I wear womens (my clothes) is to help my mind and body feel in tune with each other.
    If for some reason I have to wear guy clothes it makes me feel off kilter or out of place.
    As far as me having the" feminine experience" I don't think its possible for me because I an not a genetic female and I will never know.
    If CD's claim to have the "feminine experience" it is more like wishful thinking on their part.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 05-30-2017 at 09:23 AM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    The Wiki link is heavy going and contains some debatable points. I'm actually surprised it isn't padlocked, as there are some subjective statements which could be contentious and normally that results in a scrap.

    It seems reasonable to say that a crossdresser's notion of femininity is hardly valid - how could it be? - It's a man's notion of what constitutes femininity.

    When I say I'm feeling feminine today, all it means is I'm fulfilling my version of what I've been taught to associate with the word. However, from what Wiki says, that notion tallies pretty closely with...whoever wrote the Wiki entry. It would be interesting to know if it was written by a man or a woman, or both.

    I've always felt a sneaking suspicion that many crossdressers' notion of femininity is more or less sexist, in that it could be defined as, soft, sensual, kind, caring, considerate, gentle, and of course 'sexy'. All these terms imply docility and a desire to please and appeal to others, especially men, which is hardly compatible with in-yer-face feminism... yet the Wiki entry lists terms like this under the definition.

    As Margaret Thatcher amply showed, it is possible to be both feminine and capable of beating men at their own game. When I see some tarty frockstar in 6" heels and little more than a sequinned thong twerking on stage while singing about female empowerment, all I see is the perpetuation of trad male sexism; the ultimate seeker after daddy's attention.

    Femininity must to a degree be subjective, as there is more than one definition, but when I put on women's clothes and make up, why is it that my left wrist automatically droops?
    I used to have a short attention spa

  9. #9
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    Nigella,
    Whether I dress or not I have a need or gut feeling to satisfy a female trait. I have had this feeling since the start of my CDing at the age of 8-9 years . OK it's possibly the start of my GD and associated AGP , I have to be seen and accepted as a woman . Do I feel more feminine ? I'm not sure , all I know is the mind and body or how it looks come together .

    If I feel more feminine it's because I've satisfied the female side of me , so to me it's based on feeling far less masculine, it's not solely the clothes , they are only part of the equation .
    Last edited by Teresa; 05-30-2017 at 09:48 AM.

  10. #10
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Obviously being a male I can never know truly what it is to be 'feminine', I can only go off my own experiences of females I have known. When I am fully dressed I do feel different, but what label I would put on that I don't know, or even worry about. I do know that I like how I look on the outside, and I like how I feel on the inside.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  11. #11
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    In my case, "n"= 1, I basically assigned the label to any behavior that didn't fit a mental stereotype of masculine. The problems is that "behavior", whether it be how you sit, what books you read, or how you choose to spend your spare time, is not the exclusive province of one gender or another. Once one accepts the possibility of being TG its possible to over analyze and interpret pretty gender neutral behaviors or traits in a way that supports the assumption. I believe its called confirmation bias.

  12. #12
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    When I dress like I am now, I feel a different me, a softer me, more relaxed me, difficult to find the words but at work today I felt good, had a great day, got home got dressed in my female attire and I feel so different

    Is that me feeling feminine? I am not sure, but I love how it makes me feel inside, a different kind of happy a different kind of me

  13. #13
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    While I understand the argument, and agree that often crossdressers are acting out a sterotypical role as they perceive it, I also do believe that there can be an empathetic experience that goes beyond just a delusion.

    It can be analogous to people being accepted into an ethnic or social group not of their birth or early upbringing. Ever see Dances with Wolves? Yes I am still male, but I believe that I have had very strong empathetic epiphany moments.

    It reminds me of when I was in high school. My best friend was African american. We were like brothers, inseparable. One day he was at the pool with me, checking out the chicks, etc. We decided to lay out to catch some sun (remember when tanning was OK?) After a while, he took his watch off to get into the pool. And he had a tan line. "Wow, OH my G.. That's what it feels like to be white?!"

    So back to the point, sure, it's not always about being pretty, or acting like a spoiled princess. My view of women has been greatly informed by my family, with 5 sisters, each strong, each accomplished, each with a wonderful sense of self. So when I have a epiphany, I "believe" it is not just because of some unrealistic fantasy. I believe it can happpen. For me, it's when I feel accepted as feminine.

    P.S.
    Ironically two of the more powerful experiences, I was totally en drab. And yes there have also been a couple where I looked in the mirror, shocked to see a woman looking back at me, with the realization that that could be a real life possibility.
    Last edited by Meghan4now; 05-30-2017 at 11:53 AM.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    I think I define my feeling as the enjoyment of looking pretty especially the makeup and the attire.
    I also enjoy how my undergarments feel against my skin. I wear panties 24/7 and usually wear some type of cami under
    my male shirts and it helps keep me with a bit of that feeling

  15. #15
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    I have a deep affinity for the feminine and the clothes just let me express that "feeling" - if that's what were calling it ...................................Debra

  16. #16
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    Feeling feminine is not the same as feeling female. An M2F CDer can never feel like a female, but can certainly feel feminine at times. 'Feminine' is just a descriptive adjective. So, let it be.

  17. #17
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    I was banging away on a loquacious response, but, alas I was timed out again. Rats! "Femininity" or "feeling feminine" is just a frame of mind. Further, it is 'my" perception of what I believe "feeling feminine" or "femininity" may mean. I really have no way of knowing. Do I? It's a male perception. Wait. Maybe there is something in my DNA/gene pool that does ooze just a smidgen of different feelings than the DNA between my legs normally oozes. Since I really do not know why I do what I do I really don't know squat about it? Or do I? Maye a GG needs to tell me what "feeling feminine" means. Or for her to define "femininity." I think my wife will be home shortly. Maybe, I'll ask her. After all she just got through with one of the most feminine (or is it female) experiences possible; chemotherapy,surgery, radiation therapy for breast cancer.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Masculine and feminine are subjective. I'm likely a more feminine male In the deep South than say Berkeley California. Or to most anyway.

    I consider myself to be a feminine person due to having physical emotional and personality traits more common among females than males. That doesn't make me a female, just like one or relating to one on certain levels.

    Dressing in clothing that is what is mostly considered feminine, marketed for women and put in women's sections is an outward reflection of my femininity. I am one who doesn't get a feeling of femininity from dressing. It's my Femininity that gives me the desire to wear clothing designed for women. I feel the same inside as a person regardless of which section the clothing comes from. I personally don't understand the vast difference often spoken of on here. I don't live and die based on what I'm wearing. It's just an outward expression, and to me not really different than other traits or mannerisms which are more common among women than men.

  19. #19
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I don't know how to feel like anyone but myself. In that sense I guess I feel feminine all the time, since I consider myself female. But there are times when I feel that I'm truly expressing my inner feelings in the way that I'm dressed. It's like I'm shouting out "Look everybody! This is the real me!" And that's a really good feeling.

  20. #20
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    For me it is the pretty lady in the mirror smiling back at me!
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    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I have had this state of mind for years, it bothers me less as each day goes by.

    I talk with my hands, look at fashions in the shops, present as a female when possible, I have permanent bra indentations on my body and maybe one day I will get my ears pierced.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Feminism is the domain of women, However, me as a gender fluid person switches between masculine and feminine. So sometimes I do feel womanly, yet, I never be as womanly as a woman is because of social construct and the fact that they have been mothers. But I do know feminine instincts and I will never be a woman. They have so much more empathy and yielding characteristics, that we don't have as it was pounded into us all of our lives as to be aggressive and on top of things. So that is part of us also. But I do have empathy and some yielding and nurturing characteristics. But like any male, I will stand my ground if it doesn't look right and we have to protect our females.
    Part Time Girl

  23. #23
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    As others have stated, the clothes are just the outward sign for me. I have always felt more feminine than masculine, and in truth, the 'male' me is the front, the persona I struggle to wear for the world. Like Superman, the Clark Kent persona is the fake, & Supes has to constantly try to fit the mold of the 'average joe'.
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  24. #24
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    based on my "self", my core, i cant explain it but folks see it in me......with my relationship with my my wig consultant i have had the opportunity to engage with her in both states of my being, male and female, a few times i have swapped clothes in her studio, when in female dress she states i change, my movements are different and demeanor is softer, it is not a cognizant thought or action on my part, my thoughts are that once dressed i let down my guard and my natural "self" acts, i no longer default to the trained male characteristics i developed to "fit in"

    she states that she is more comfortable with me as a female, she accepts me and i occasionally take her up on her offer to stop by anytime....just to hang out and talk. no purchase necessary.

    i also have befriended a lesbian at my LGBT club, she sees me as a lesbian dressed either way by how i answer her questions....we go pretty deep sometimes, we had some interactions when she would take pictures when i would dress up a little more and she said how natural i was in heels and how natural i was when she would pose me.....i gave her the credit as she made it fun to do it. something i think i would have sought out if i hadnt hid my true "self"

    ive felt it come out in male mode and have had to cover it by acting manly. holding my arm outwardly with the extension cord while using my leaf blower comes to mind as well as when working in stores standing on my tippy toes when working the higher shelves even though im clearly tall enough not to have to. those times i have had to think about what i was doing and cover it up.

    so its something i think some here think they have to say or some just cant explain it and some misinterpret with the sexy part of dressing.

    so i think i possess some form of femininity but i dont feel like im female and never assume what that is like....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  25. #25
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Great topic Nigella. When I dress it is to align my look and external feel to how I feel inside. As a genderfluid type how feminine I feel inside varies from some to very to extremely. I don't need to dress at all to feel feminine but there are times when I need to get the external and internal in alignment. But often it can be something very small such as shaving my underarms that creates that connection to my inner fem.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

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